2.22.2008

Yeah...He's Totally Into Me

I have no doubt I have convinced you all that the loves of your life are totally into you despite the “signs” culture is telling you to beware of. Pish-Posh! But there are a few more signs the book talks about that my roommates and I wanted to be sure we helped you excuse. On to part two!

He’s just not that into you IF…

He doesn't want to marry you:
Well…one of the things I love most about him is the fact that he doesn’t want to conform to social norms. Besides, he is pretty old and set in his ways. It is hard when you’ve been selfish and living on your own for so long. And it would be hard for him to give up those bunk beds. He just really values MY independence and wants to save me from the pain of potential divorce – have you SEEN the divorce rates in our country. Better safe than sorry, right?

He’s just not that into you IF…

He's breaking up with you:
Well…he’s just confused. I’m moving and he just needs some time to think things through. He’s exploring his personal identity and just not ready for such a big (exciting!) commitment. He likes me TOO much that he is overwhelmed by it. I’m not worried…he’ll be back – she’s not that pretty.

He’s just not that into you IF…

He's disappeared on you:
Well…maybe aliens abducted him, how am I supposed to know. And I don’t think he ever really told me what his job was, maybe he works for the government as a side job and he can't tell me. You know – “I could tell you where I am but then I’d have to kill you.” Or maybe he's in the hospital and didn't have any identifying information on him so they couldn’t call me. Besides, he sells jewelry at horse shows.

He’s just not that into you IF…

He's married:
Well…she had to get her green card. Besides, they had to get married because he knocked her up at an early age – there was a lot of pressure. Their divorce papers are just being finalized. His wife is such a bitch…and I am pretty sure it only lasted this long cause of the kids.

He’s just not that into you IF…

He's a selfish jerk, bully, or really big freak:
Well…he was an only child and comes from wealth. And he tells me lots of stories of how he was bullied as a child – I think the cycle is just continuing, or this is him finally getting his revenge. Besides, it is all just a matter of perception – I think he is just misunderstood. Most drummers I know are like that. Or as Brittany says, “That's not true – a lot of really big freaks have liked me – I'm a freak magnet"

4 comments:

Eric said...

Oh dear...funny and a little scary all at the same time. :) My favorite part was definitely "he’ll be back – she’s not that pretty." Fantastic!

Lindsey said...

I love all the shout outs to our friends. Nice!

lizzo said...

i agree. it is pretty hard to part with bunk beds. lol, love it!

B-W said...

I wish my sister could see some of this stuff!