Highway Man

I work with some amazing people. Really. That is part of the reason I love my job so much. Among these amazing people I work with are some really fun single girls I love to study, go to coffee shops, salsa dance, and just chat with. THIS is a priceless story from the beautiful and wonderful Danielle that I just could not pass up sharing. I’m thinking beginnings of a screenplay…

Today I learned that there are benefits to the insane traffic in Los Angeles after all. While sitting in grid lock frustration, traveling at a speed of about three miles and hour (literally) I started looking around at the people in the cars around me. I realized that at that particular time in the existence of our lives we all had something in common. We were all tired (it was close to 1 a.m.), frustrated, and unaware of what was causing the backup. When that sort of thing happens you can't help but get the urge to form an alliance or fellowship of some kind. It's like you almost want to start up random conversations with people who are next to you picking their noses. At first I had my music on really loud and tried to dance my way through the traffic torture. Then I decided to turn it down to see what others around me were listening to. I was actually trying to see if anyone around me was listening to music I'd like, because maybe they would be people I like.

As I was trying to listen, an attractive man pulls up next to me and there was a woman who I presume was either his wife or girlfriend sleeping in the passenger seat. The man began giving me the "eye." Not the evil eye, but the "I want to get in your pants" eye. I in turn gave him the "you're a disgusting pig, I would never give your old, disrespecting ass the time of day" eye and kept driving.

I then resorted back to my music for comfort. A little Lily Allen, then some Wyclef, then back to Lily Allen again. The music was good but I really wanted to call someone on the phone and complain about L.A. traffic. The only person I thought who might be up was my brother (and he's on the east coast!) so I called him. While I was trying to explain the depth of traffic on the 101 to my brother who seemed more interested in his chicken salad with raspberry dressing, another guy pulls up on my right in a little white sporty number and out of the corner of my eye I see and feel him looking at me. I look over to test my peripheral vision, and this dude is blowing kisses at me. WTF? Who does that? He wasn't my type and the whole scenario kind of made me laugh so I just kept driving and shared with my brother what was going on. He insisted that I have some fun with it and suggested I traffic kiss him back. I wasn't into the idea so much.

After hanging up with my brother, I went back to the music. This time it was Alicia Keys. The music was pumpin’, I was getting my dance on at the steering wheel, and before you know it, along comes this hot black car, with this hot black man in the drivers seat. He pulled up next to me as far as he could and smiled. I couldn't totally see him because he was kind of behind my car so I was trying to look back to get a better view. Then he got a chance to pull up closer and we played this little cat and mouse game; looking, smiling, catching up to each other as the traffic moved at different speeds in each lane. So cute. Then at one point I got a good look into the car I realized there was a woman asleep in his car too!!! WWWWTTTTFFFF? I mean really guys. Is it not even safe for women to sleep anymore? Is that how determined you are to mow the grass in other pastures? Anyway, sorry to say that the guy was a little too cute for me to care, especially when he mouthed "WHAT IS YOUR PHONE NUMBER?” To which I replied, using my fingers, 412-818.... As I "signed" my phone number he typed it into his phone while his date continued to sleep like a log in the passenger seat. Part of me justified it by considering that both of them were dressed like they just went out or were about to go out, and she was fast asleep. That's kind of rude, don't you think? After I gave the guy my phone number he mouthed, "I AM GOING TO CALL YOU." I just waved and smiled and as his lane started moving I watched him drive off into the sea of red tale lights wondering if he'd ever actually call, or if it was just a fun little party action among commuters.

About 45 minutes later I get a call on my cell from a 310 area code. I knew it was him. I was so tempted to play that "I am not going to answer the phone” game...followed by the "I am going to see if he leaves a message” game, but I didn't. I picked up the phone and our conversation went a little something like this:

Me: "Hello"

Him: "Um, hi, uh, this is the guy you gave your phone number to in the black infinity on the 101."

Me: "Hello guy I gave my phone number to in the black infinity on the 101, how are you?" (I am so witty)

Him: "So where are you?"

Me: "I am at home."

Him: "Can I come over and properly introduce myself?"

Me: "Are you crazy?"

Him: "No why?"

Me: "It's 2 o'clock in the morning, and you're a stranger who asked for my number while you had a chick in your car. 

Him: "Oh she is a long story, and I don't normally do this!"

Me: "If I had a nickel for every time I heard THAT!"

Him: "hahaha. Well, what should I do, can I meet you sometime?"

Me: "Sure"

Him: "When"

Me: "How about tomorrow?"

Him: "Sounds great. I'll come out your way. You're worth it. Oh wait, what's your name?"

yada yada yada. 

So thanks to traffic on the 101, I have a brunch date tomorrow.


The "We"

When should a guy [or I guess a girl for that matter] need to mention the fact that he is a "we"?

On the one hand you don't want a guy to mention it too soon, there is no need for that. You know, the "easy fella, I was just asking if that seat next to you was free."

But on the other hand you don't want to spend a whole afternoon with him on that not-really-a-date-but-a-date sort of thing and then at the end of it hear the "yeah, my girlfriend and I blah blah blah" or something to that effect. Seriously? You could have mentioned that a little earlier. I realize it was only a couple hours – but I was investing. I don’t just turn it on for fun…

And it is even worse when this is over a series of interactions whether in class or hang outs or bump ins or what-have-yous. Then you get hit with the girlfriend line at about the 26th interaction and you start doubting your "flirt radar" – how could I have misinterpreted things so greatly?

I realize the “we” doesn’t define you [at least I hope so] but if it’s going to get you in trouble or prevent you from making out with me it might be worth mentioning.


The Tattoo

WHY do people get tattooed with the name of a significant other? What would ever drive someone into thinking this is a good idea? Even if you are married I don’t see the logic. When does this ever really look good? Because most people put it in frilly cursive lettering followed by the word “forever” or under some poem you wrote for them or, God forbid, in a lame ass heart with an arrow through it.

And let’s be honestly. As I was discussing this phenomenon with a friend of mine we realized this is really the killer of relationships. How many people who have tattooed a name on their skin are still with those people? Tattooing a name = impending doom. The break-up is soon to follow. Take Johnny Depp for example: you just look lame having to schedule a painful surgery later to change a tattoo you thought you could keep forever [and then you inadvertently declare your love for wine...]

If you care about your relationships you’ll show it in some other way – less permanent. And if you want to get a tattoo that represents your love, just don’t put their NAME on it. A symbol is so much easier to deny later…


THIS is What Love Looks Like

I posed a question several days ago asking what love looks like...well, I figured it out. Ads all over the internet, TV, and....the WORLD have helped me to understand. Look and learn.

This form of love only exists on the coasts. You intertwine your ligaments and sit in the sand.

Take shirt off. Get hand tangled in hair. Kiss head. Look bored.

If you ever get a massage - you should be with your "other half" starring at each other -- and you can't stop holding hands or it won't count, will start to hurt, and your head will fall off.

And if you are ever in love as soon as it rains you will immediately grab an umbrella, run down the middle of a street and kiss with one leg kicked up behind you.

Or...if you are like me - this is just a much better image. What're you gunna do ;-)


Head Nod

Let me share another pearl of wisdom from Guy 2. It was shared that same night I learned size matters.

Apparently there was a girl he went out with who had violated the rules of male/female communication. This, apparently, is another understood rule that I was missing out on. He went out with a girl that would share [apparently long] stories or thoughts with him and then ask him his opinion on what she had shared. "Seriously, what three specific things stood out to you?" [OK, I will give the guy the obnoxiousness of her asking for specifics...what is that? But that does not make up for what followed]

This is the pearl of wisdom he shared:
You can talk as much as you want, seriously, all night. Just as long as I can nod my head and not listen. It is an understood FACT that men should only be expected to nod their head and offer up an occasional "mmmm hmm" but not actually have to listen to what you are saying.


...does this go the same way for girls if we are out with Mr. Won't-Shut-up?


Let us Pray, Let us Pray

I have this friend, Olivia, from Chicago. She is great – you should know her. I don’t actually know her that well, we are fairly new friends. But she cracks me up and I like her stories and perspective on life.

One of the great things about this blog for me is that it is very therapeutic. Writing about my awful experiences, thoughts and perspectives. It helps me hash them out [and helps even more when all of you validate me with “mmmmm, yes” comments].

The other bonus is when some of you email me with your own stories because mine remind you of some of your own experiences and thoughts. So here, for your enjoyment, is one of Olivia’s. And it is a doozey. So feel free to validate her in how awkward this was with a comment or two [and don’t worry, she knows I am doing this and gave me permission].

So I joined eharmony a couple of years ago just to see what I could find. (I had already done match, with no success...and I must be a masochist cause I signed up for match again this past fall and spent two months dating a guy who I thought was cool until I found out he likes to do coke from time to time.) ANYHOO...eharm....

I agreed to meet up with one guy from that website because all of the other ones were obvious "you have got to be kidding me" types. But this one guy seemed normal, nice, blah blah blah. So I emailed him and said, "let's meet at Danny's", a funky little pub in Wicker Park. He agreed and our first date was set. He met me there and we immediately ordered 2 pints. He started the conversation by saying that he had called his mom before the date and they prayed together about the date...prayed that God would be present and would guide our hearts together…Well, that's just fantastic.

So not only was I on a date with this guy, I was also now on a date with God. (And WHO brings up their Mom on the first date?!?!)

Then, as I brought the tasty Alagash White beer up to my mouth, eager for that first sip, he quickly waved his hands and asked if we could say a quick prayer together, over our beers. I just stopped for a second, the creamy beer just millimeters from my lips, and blinked my eyes a couple of times. Finally I mustered up a reply: "oookkkaaayyy," and then I let him say a prayer.
And then downed the pint in like 2 minutes. (I figured I was going to need to numb myself a bit in order to get through the rest of the date).

So we order a second round. He talks about church. And I sorta smile and nod and check my watch and down my second beer.

Then I ask for the tab. He looks surprised and asks if I want to go someplace else. I say 'yes, home...I have to get up early tomorrow'. The bill is laid down at our table and the waitress reminds us that it's cash only and he looks at me and says he has no cash on him. So I end up paying for the date!

So that is my one experience with eharm. Those guys are intense! Geesh!


The Size of the Ring

I was out with a group of friends the other night and we just started chatting about dates and potential gone wrong. I believe the conversation went something like this:

Guy 1: "Man, I really messed that one up."
Guy 2: "You think you really messed it up that bad? Like you lost your chance?"
Guy 1: "Yeah dude, she’s engaged now. And the ring is huge.

Let me stop us there.

Did you catch that? AND THE RING IS HUGE.

Apparently this is something I had not yet heard before but is a rule that is understood (?)
Seriously. The conversation went on for quite a while after this. And it included Guy 1 commenting on how he has put away a huge chunk of money so he can buy whatever girl he marries a huge diamond so guys know to stay away from her. So...
The size of the ring has to do with how serious the guy is about the girl
This also means the size of the ring has to do with how “off-limits” a girl is once she is engaged.

Interesting [disturbing]

This I did not know. And what an awful philosophy. I mean, I guess I have been the girl who HAS posted that girlfriends are just “speed bumps” or “proceed with caution signs.” But engagement is a whole different game.

…and am I in trouble since I don’t want an engagement ring?


Church Dating

Church dating. Apparently there is debate about this topic. Can/should you do it?

Opinion 1: You can't ask someone out at church, that's just wrong. It makes it seem like you are going to church just to find someone to date or someone to marry. It makes you look creepy and like you have wrong (unholy/sinful) motives. And when it doesn't work out your ish is all over that congregation.

Opinion 2: Um…hello?!?! That should be the perfect place to meet people. You know you are like-minded – at least in the one foundational aspect of your life. And you don't have to be going to church to specifically LOOK for it but if you happen to find it then
go for it – what is the harm in that?

So, what do you think? Can you date someone at church? Can you ask someone out at church?

**This has nothing to do with my previous Church Guy post. I've long since let that one go.



So, a couple of my [single] girlfriends actually requested I write this blog. That means this is not just me. Take heed. We are going to let you single men readers of this blog in on a little secret. Do you want to know what is attractive? What is more likely to get you a date?

Be a straight-shooter.

Half of the girls I talk to can't remember the last time a guy wasn't completely vague with them. [Refer to my post on the ambiguous date]. And I realize it is hard - the thought of....[should I even say it?] rejection!! But honesty is the place to start.

So I am going to help you out. Here are two scripts. One if you want to be a bit more laid back - and one if you are really into the girl and just want to make it happen:

#1 Laid Back: Hey, I would really love to take you out some time. Would you be interested in going out with me? [*notice: none of this "hang out" crap - that's vague.]

#2 Make it Happen: I really like you and would love to get to know you more. Could I take you out sometime?

Seriously. Do it. The confidence is irresistible.


What Does Love Look Like?

There is a song that, for some strange reason, has always been what I picture love to look like. Pretty cheezy, I know. But it is the song, "Longing Love" by George Winston [you don't get the full song here, but this is a taste - the full thing is a little over 8 minutes in length and can be found here].

You are always told about 1 Corinthians
You are always told “you will just know”
But then you see all this shit on TV – all these broken relationships – all these purely physical relationships and something inside of you tells you that you need to connect somehow deeper than that. [but the sex is important too!]
You see the brokenness around you. The relationships of those you love. People you went to college with that are no longer together. Parents of friends growing up who always looked like they had it together but you never got to see them behind closed doors and now, years later, the truth comes out – cause we’re all grown up now and can handle it.
And what about the horror stories you hear? They thought they knew each other but when push came to shove personalities changed – attitudes were tested – integrity could not stand – and the relationship changed. How can you REALLY know someone? I am SHOCKED that so many people in our society are married. What a big decisions – how can so many rush into it? Or even slow motion into it? This is such a huge commitment I don’t know how so many decide to make it.
Love, or maybe not even love, maybe just relationships that feel like love – are like a dance. You go through the motions and sometimes you hit that point in the song that is so lyrically and melodically perfect that emotions run high and you feel connected. But then the song ends, or there is a dissonant chord and you feel the tension – do you stand there and continue dancing or maybe you just change up the dance a bit or do you just leave the floor altogether?
I have a friend J.J who once told me [as I expressed to him my disbelief in love] that yes, most of the time it can be really rotten and doesn’t work out – but when it’s the good shit – man, it’s good. So…I guess I am just holding out for the good shit. If it is really out there like people keep trying to convince me it is.


Someone Like Me

I was hanging out with a friend a couple weeks ago, talking about relationships, and she said:

"Don't you find sometimes that when you talk about things you like that you just want to marry yourself? Cause you list these things you really like and you are all of them."

Truer words have never been spoken.


The Humor Factor

"Who cares what the face looks like as long as it makes you laugh?" -me

OK…but seriously. I love to laugh. Not many people can handle me I find. I tend to intimidate and offend [yes, yes….admitting it is the first step – but for me it is the only step. Deal.] If a guy can keep up with my witty banter and sarcasm – winner! I can get over or forget about a lot of things if you can make me laugh.

I had a friend ask me the other day “what are the top three things you are looking for in a guy?”
[We already had the understanding that I would want someone that loves God]
So I didn’t really hesitate before answering:
Someone who loves to travel: the WORLD is going to be a part of my life. I grew up traveling and that is something I want to continue doing
Someone who wants to live the unsettled life: money is not a big deal to me, sure, I worry about it sometimes [a lot], but I have never cared to have a whole lot of it
Someone who is passionate about social justice

But then I realized I had forgotten to list I think the very top thing. LAUGHTER. They have to make me laugh!!!!!! [yes, I just put six (6) exclamation points]

Well, maybe it would be nice if they had a beard.

…so what are your top three [or four]?



I don't know about most of you...but I wear jeans pretty regularly. Weekly I would say. Perhaps even daily. I don't know what the deal is with advertising these days, but I don't really think they are depicting reality [at least not mine]

First of all...I don't quite have that glow to my skin when I wear jeans [or the handsome man laying below me waiting to kiss me]

And I don't get to hang off things [shirtless] with a good looking man.

And I don't think I've ever [at least rarely] gotten to lay on some train tracks [apparently rehearsing for the death scene in a play or something] once I put on a pair of jeans.

And I think it's really sexy when a guy tries to rip off my suspenders...but, again, that doesn't typically happen.

Unfortunately, THIS just might be a more accurate ad when it comes to my history of wearing jeans.


Narrowing it Down

So, I have figured out another way to narrow down my potential interest in guys:

First, a guy obviously knows I am a woman [if we don’t have this basic understanding down we should not be out in the first place]

Now, casually mention that I am in seminary, you know, studying theology.

Observe facial expressions
Perhaps an awkward pause
Lack of ability to respond [at least in a nice way] to such “heresy” [I think I hear them murmuring something about 1 Timothy under their breath...]

And now I know I’m not interested.

…And then there are the guys who don’t skip a beat. And so we walk on.


Latin Lover

Erika (my roommate), Khara and I met a guy salsa dancing.
He told us he was a musician and we should come enjoy one of his shows sometime.
He qualified his music as Spanish or Latin Rock or Pop…we were intrigued.
Even now I sit listening to his sweet lullabies on Myspace even though I have no idea what he is singing about because it is in Spanish
[I was going to put a link here and decided that was mean]

His next concert happened to be in Pasadena.
Khara and I decided to go.

1. It was not great.
2. Had we not been there – no one would have.
3. He has two friends with him and one of them sang along [passionately] to every song. Weird.
3. Afterwards he kept asking us what we thought [It is really hard to keep coming up with nice lies]
“that song ‘Los Angeles’ is super catchy – I think I still have it in my head” was one of mine.

Afterward he came and sat with us for a bit.
I had on my sweater that is notorious for shedding.
It is bright blue.
He had on black.
You see what’s happening.

Yeti “I am so sorry. My sweater just shed all over you”
Musician “That’s ok. I would sacrifice my whole wardrobe if it meant rubbing up against you.”
Yeti “Hmm…”
Musician “Except my jeans…don’t touch my jeans.” [I wish I could tell you he was making a joke.]

The evening ended with him asking if I had his number.

Musician “Do you have my number?”
Yeti “No, I don’t. You just gave it to Erika.”
Musician “You should get my number.”
Yeti “Actually, you should probably get my number if you ever want to hang out. Because, to be honest, I would never call.”

I don’t think the rest of the conversation really matters. He didn’t want my number after that. I should learn not to be so honest…


Randy's Baaaaaack

Remember Randy? How could you not? I bet you miss him. Never fear – he’s back. If you missed the previous posts you can read about him here and here.

Unfortunately I do not run into Randy as often as I would like anymore – the guys have had to move from their hang out location at the booths outside of the abandoned Amy’s Fine Dining. But I still run into them from time to time around the streets of Pasadena.

Two stories today:

A couple weeks ago I got a call from my friend Matt letting me know Randy had given him something for me. [I later found out Randy just assumed he knew me – bless Randy’s heart for approaching strangers on Fuller’s campus and thinking I am just so popular here that everyone would just know me.] So I meet up with Matt and it turns out he has $20 for me. Hmm…the homeless man is giving ME money.

Just the other day when I ran into Randy he told me that he has decided he will adopt me. I remind him of his daughter and he would like to be sure he can take care of me. Apparently the way to do this is be sure he becomes my legal guardian. I am not sure how this will work since I already have parents and he is homeless…but he said he would smooth things over with my mother.

And…for you enjoyment – Randy:


Cute Like a Little Baby Turtle

It is inevitable. There are boys that you want to like – you really do – they are amazing. You have great conversation, you enjoy their company, they make you laugh - but there is just no spark or heat. A good friend of mine once said, "Well, you could rub your bodies together and try to create some heat!" Unfortunately, it is not that easy [at least I don't think so – I haven't actually tried…yet]
My roommates and I call these types of guys the cute-like-a-baby-turtle guys. There are different types of cute. And these are the ones that really do have a good-lookin' face, there's just no real attraction there [you know, the I just couldn’t picture myself kissing that face, face].
So what’s a girl to do?
Settle? Maybe the spark and heat isn’t really all they hype it up to be [er….]
Give it more time and hope God makes them more attractive or gives you new eyes?
If only you could give them a little Edward Norton juice to drink….


Gorgeous Eyes

I was trying to be a good little disciplined girl on Saturday and study hard. I went to one of my favorite café’s in Pasadena to read and write for a while. [And I was quite productive if I do say so myself…*pat on the back*]

On my way out of the café I ran into a guy on the street selling candy bars. My best guess is that it was for his high school? I don’t know – I am probably the worst judge of age ever. That’s why I go for guys with receding hair lines – then I know I am not accidentally going for a 17 year old. 17 is the new 25…you can’t tell anymore. Or is it 30 is the new 17 cause that is how old they act? I digress.

Anyway, he asked if I would buy one. I probably should have. They're like, what, $2? But I decided to stick to my guns and hold firm to “NO” despite his persistence. And then he proceeded to tell me what gorgeous eyes I have. What is it with African-American men/boys telling me I have gorgeous eyes? What do they think I am some sort of sucker?? [I am.] I was not going to fall for that one again like I did with Sweet P. He was a guy I met a few weeks ago on Hollywood Blvd. while he was selling CD's.

Here he is while he signs the CD he just sweet-talked me into buying. All cause he liked my eyes. I don't EVER listen to that CD. I am already out $10 for a CD…I didn’t want to be out for chocolate too [although…I probably would have eaten that]


From Minnesota to California

There was a boy that I went to the same college with but never knew in the three years I was there [yes, you read that right, three…I am a child genius]. We met for the first time out here in California at the party of a mutual friend. We figured out we had both gone to Bethel,graduated the same year and were even the same major. Funny. We chatted for a while and got along really well. He was funny – well cultured – intelligent – and fun to be with. He ended up getting my number at the end of the evening and called me up not too long after that. [Didn’t even wait three days]

We planned a time to hang out the following weekend. He said he would drive out to me and we would hang out for the evening. Well, not only is he all those things I mentioned above – he is also a really good LISTENER apparently. Because he suggested that we go to the Tibet Nepal House for dinner. Dude knows the quickest way to my heart…Nepali food. On a side note: I think the owners are now catching on that I use them to screen guys – they give me their
opinions on different guys I bring in ☺ I think it’s a good idea because they know whether they would fit in in Nepali culture or not.

Anyway, we had a lovely dinner and then decided to go and visit my roommate because she was working at 21 Choices in Old Town at the time. During our walk we passed a Belgian chocolate shop. He is a missionary kid and had grown up in Belgium. When he saw this shop you should have seen his face light up – he got really excited to have me try some of his favorites. So we stopped in a bought several [ridiculously overpriced] treats. Then on to 21 choices to buy some frozen yogurt. Then back to my place to watch "Waking Ned Divine." I had never seen it – he was shocked – thus took it upon himself to educate me on movies…this is where we started. It was a great evening. He broke out his Scottish accent for me during our walk through old town – spot on. So good. Loved it. It was really fun. Hands down, the best date I have been on here in California.

The very next day I got a text from him asking if I had ever been to the Getty Museum before. He then proceeded to ask if I wanted to go the next day. He then proceeded to send me several more messages that day and each day that followed. Now…here is where I reveal to all of you lovely friends and complete strangers a little something about myself. The best way to get me – pretend you don't like me at all. Hard to get. The moment I find out you like me…I RUN. Truth. I know it's weird – I'm flawed, what can I say? The guy came on too strong. I got freaked. He drove to Pasadena the next week and we grabbed coffee. He knew my demeanor had changed and brought up the subject.

Bethel: “I feel like we got started on the wrong foot, can we start over. What are your feelings? What’s going on?
Yeti: “I guess I just need to know what your intentions are. Like, are you just interested in hanging out cause you want to be my friend or were you looking for something more then friends?
Bethel: “What do you mean by more then friends? Talk about that a bit.” [P.S…never make the girl start…come on!]

Anyway, I laid it out there. I'm not interested in anything more then friendship [only, truth be told…I was, I just got freaked. He came on too strong and I didn't know what to do]. He said:

“Oh yeah, no that’s totally fine, me either. I just thought we had a lot in common and you were really easy to talk to and fun to hang out with. But I was just looking to be friends.”

Sweet! And I believed him. Then why did I NEVER hear from him again? Even when I tried to call him a couple of times – nothing. Won't ever write to me. Won't respond to me. Liar! Man up already. I realize rejection is difficult – but at least own up to it. We girls aren’t stupid.

And to make matters worse…we got matched on eHarmony 4 months after this. I randomly got a facebook message from him and all it said was “meh, funny” I thought this was strange and didn’t understand until I check my eHarmony account. AWKWARD! And I couldn’t close him – that would be like rejecting him twice! Luckily he closed me.

I shot this one down too soon, I'll admit it. But he handled me all wrong – I scare easy. I'm just sad he was so quick to back out for good….


An Open Letter to David Cook

My Dearest David,
First let me say how proud I am of you. Top 8? Who would have thought [other than me, obviously, because I have always believed in you] I am proud as Paula as I watch you up there each week. And even though they have yet to show me on any cameras [apparently they only keep them in the studio and don’t actually bring them to townhouses] I am still loyally cheering my heart out.

But let’s talk about your song choice. While they all sound good and the judges affirm them…they worry me sometimes. Billie Jean? Hooking up with a girl then claiming she is not your lover and the kid isn’t yours either? Little Sparrow? Urging women not to trust men because they’ll just break your heart. I just don’t know if you are trying to hint something with these songs or build your bad-boy rocker image. I just don’t know why you can’t sing a song like Shania Twain’s “You're Still the One” or Bryan McKnight’s “Back At One” OR you could have sang “Julia” for The Beatles week…just something to think about.

And, I was a little upset that I had to find out about your little trip to the hospital with high blood pressure along with the rest of America. I just think this is a sign that you have been working yourself too hard, and maybe even more so a sign that you are not spending enough time with ME. I don’t think you understand how much it calms and rejuvenates you to be in my presence.

Now the point of this letter: I have to be honest; I don’t really know where this relationship is going. Love has to be a two-way street. I feel like all I do is listen and clap and cheer and then….nothing. It’s like a great distance separates us – a big sheet of glass or some satellite waves or something. I don’t really feel like you hear or see me. When is the last time you sat down and spent time with me? Or asked me to be one of your background vocalists? All we do anymore is hear about YOU and your songs or musical arrangements or family or what you did that week. And I don't even get the questions I really want answered taken care of because Ryan never picks mine...I mean it’s ALL very interesting, don’t get me wrong – but we can’t build a lasting relationship on that…

I guess what I am really trying to get at is…we should meet sometime. I just think if you MET me you would feel that Speck Spark. We're really meant to be. Your last name is Cook...I like to cook. You lack organization...I am good at nagging people into organization. You're on American Idol...I watch American Idol. You record songs that are put on iTunes...I buy them off iTunes. Coincidence? I think not...It must be real!


PS…look me up on facebook!


Thank God For Dating


It’s true. My last post was a joke. I have not turned a new leaf. Well…I have turned a new leaf and that is why I DON’T think those things anymore. Have you ever seen the movie “Saved”? That was the high school I went to. I won’t tell you what part I played in that movie – I’ll only tell you I may or may not have ACTUALLY had a journal and pre love letters…don’t worry, they are all gone now. I don’t think people who think like my previous post are wrong, I have just found that doesn’t work so well for me. I’ve been there – tried that – and I think that’s why I’ve never had a boyfriend before and never really dated much until moving to California.

Christian society puts too much pressure on perfect love, on finding “THE One,” on not taking an active role in your own life and waiting for lightening to strike you until you ever do anything for God or yourself. I’m not advocating you go crazy – date everyone you see – have promiscuous sex – and marry a couple of wrong guys to find the right one. You know, “Flirt to Convert.” I’m just saying that dating around isn’t such a bad thing. If I’ve learned anything from all my online experiences and the random conversations with guys in bars and the various coffee dates it’s little bits of what I simply could never handle in a potential marriage partner someday. The traits my husband could not have or I would go crazy. And on the flip end I learn little bits of what I love in these various guys that I will be sure exist in any man I might pursue something serious with one day. And it’s this learning that helps me grow and, perhaps most importantly, learn about myself and how I engage with others.

I think my friend Aaron puts it well when he talks about his experience with dating and meeting his wife Megan:
"I know I'll never be asked to write a book on dating. I'm cool with that. But I do know one thing about dating and that's this: some people already know exactly what they are looking for in a mate and some don't. I didn't. I thought I did, but I didn't. Sure, if I could go back I'd do some things differently. I'd approach dating much more casually and I would have been much more mindful of the feelings of others. But all in all, dating was a good move for me. I ended up finding Megan, my wife. She is perfect for me in so many ways. Had I not dated anyone I probably would have ended up marrying someone like the sex Ed. girl or the drama queen. And life would have probably been a lot like wearing a jock strap for the rest of my days. I'd survive to be sure, but no amount of adjusting would ever make it a comfortable or enjoyable experience. Thank God for dating."


Turning a New Leaf

Friends…I think I have gotten it all wrong. I think I’ve been approaching this whole dating thing with the wrong attitude – the wrong eyes. I haven’t been trusting God. I’ve been trying to take matters into my own hands. Trying to make things happen for myself by going onto all these dating sites or trying to initiate conversations with all these boys. This is not how it is supposed to happen. I have the privilege of being pursued, right? I don't have to search for the yeti - the yeti will find me. I think Joshua Harris had it right…I’m kissing dating goodbye. I’m going to be a lady in waiting. After all, it does say THREE TIMES in the Song of Songs (2:7, 3:5, 8:4) “Daughters of Jerusalem, I charge you by the gazelles and by the does of the field: Do not arouse or awaken love until it so desires.” So that tells me that God has it all worked out – love has a proper time and I should not try to force it. I need to focus my energies on being faithful to my future husband (whoever he might be) starting NOW. I can’t just be giving away pieces of my heart to random guys – how would “The One” feel about that? I can’t be dating a guy until I know he’s the man I am supposed to spend the rest of my life with. And we all know from conversations with other happily married couples, "we’ll just know." Maybe in the time being, while I wait, I can write him future love letters or start a journal to him. Yep, I’m not worried cause God has it all under control. I can’t thwart his plan. He’ll bring us together in his perfect timing and it will be all dancing and roses and cuddling and spooning and romantic walks on the beach and bible studies. OK, I have to go pray for him. See you all tomorrow.