The "We"

When should a guy [or I guess a girl for that matter] need to mention the fact that he is a "we"?

On the one hand you don't want a guy to mention it too soon, there is no need for that. You know, the "easy fella, I was just asking if that seat next to you was free."

But on the other hand you don't want to spend a whole afternoon with him on that not-really-a-date-but-a-date sort of thing and then at the end of it hear the "yeah, my girlfriend and I blah blah blah" or something to that effect. Seriously? You could have mentioned that a little earlier. I realize it was only a couple hours – but I was investing. I don’t just turn it on for fun…

And it is even worse when this is over a series of interactions whether in class or hang outs or bump ins or what-have-yous. Then you get hit with the girlfriend line at about the 26th interaction and you start doubting your "flirt radar" – how could I have misinterpreted things so greatly?

I realize the “we” doesn’t define you [at least I hope so] but if it’s going to get you in trouble or prevent you from making out with me it might be worth mentioning.


Michi said...

Hmm, haha...this is tricky. I think sometimes guys can misinterpret my friendliness as flirting, so I slip in the fact that I have a boyfriend. Not obviously, but subtly. It is important to do this fairly early on. But yeah, I get scared that if I bring it up too early, I may come across as full of myself. You know?

Olivia McCain said...

or...what do you do when you know it's a "we" and yet the guy won't EVER admit it. i'm all trying to be friends with this guy and yet not once does he mention the girlfriend of 4 years. the time he came to my party, no sign of the girlfriend. the times he's invited me out to shows, no girlfriend.

i KNOW he's a "we"...why is that such a secret?

so i've taken it upon myself to start talking in "we"; i.e. - "We went to a film festival this weekend".
i want to be his friend, so someone's got to establish a "we", i guess it's going to be me.

(and p.s., boy would i be mad if my boyfriend of 4 years was hanging out with a girl a lot and never mentioned the "we"...)

Yanela and Mark said...

there's an easier way. ask the dude who's we-deficient if he plays the wii, and if yes, then no. if no, he's probably a we, b/c the lack of video game-age perpetrated upon the average coupled dude has become an epidemic...

Olivia McCain said...

you could also ask him to fill in the blank:

"This little piggy went to the market.
This little piggy went home.
This little piggy had roast beef.
This little piggy had none.
This little piggy went ------ all the way home."


john page said...

Flirt radar....I think you just invented a new term.
Perhaps this could be one of your poll questions:
When do you flirt?
- only when I know it might go somewhere
- I flirt because I can
- Because I want to feel good about myself
- just to see how good I am at it
- some other twisted reason

Great post. "we" should be brought up soon in a conversation.

Olivia McCain said...

another possible reason to flirt:
- i want to see how far i can take it before crossing a line.

that should be in the Flirt Radar poll

B-W said...

I actually try to mention my wife in conversations with women fairly often. Granted, Michelle's pretty amazing, so she makes it easy.