Compulsive Liar

I was talking with a friend today about my blog, particularly the post with all the free dating sites, and she says to me: "Is there a site for people who hate compulsive liars?"
Um….I am pretty sure you shouldn't be trying online dating if that's what you're looking for.
And these were the hits I got when you type that search into google

Apparently there IS no site you can go to – and one of the links even confirms that EVERYONE is a liar. Sorry.


The Writer

I have a good friend I was matched with on eHarmony – and although I did not mean for it to get back to him, he found out that I said his profile sucked. We later talked about it and in a LOVING way I told him he really didn’t put his best foot forward. I just felt there was so much more about himself he wasn’t sharing – and everything he did share sounded so bland (to which he replied “it’s not my fault, they wouldn’t let me use crayon” – nice!).
So, this is not his profile, this is merely another example of a guy that I hope has a girl in his life that is going to lovingly tell him that his profile sucks. This comes from plentyoffish.com.

I think it's a very nice website to know people through.

I am just a deep hearted man, looking for an emotional heart and meeting a woman who has angel's eyes, and child's heart. [not quite sure what this means, but it DOES make me slightly uncomfortable – although, Christ did say in the Bible we need to come to him with the heart of a child so…maybe it is Biblical?]

I am stable, responsible, hard worker, moral, have a lot of plans for a happy and good future for me and my woman together. [pick a tense!]
I am honest but funny,( have my way to make you laugh), quite and talkative. [does that make anyone else nervous? What is this “way” he has to make you laugh? What are you going to do to me? And is that Quite talkative or quiet and talkative? I can’t tell if he has bad grammar or just contradicts himself.]
I can give my woman the pleasure of moment cause I know what she is worthy for. [A whole MOMENT of pleasure?!?! *sigh]
A good partner in the long talk(Listen to every thing my love wants me to hear) [I don’t do anything about it, but I nod and smile]

Any thing else??
I am a talented writer, [yes, we can see that already from the profile you have put together!] and some big directors and stations gave positive opinions for my scripts. [were they blind or lying?]
I have a creative mind, have BA in philosophy, and master in Education and teaching.
I was one of the best in my university. [no comment]

I hate to make games with people, so I hate they do too with me.

I respect woman, and believe my future woman will make me perfect(or better). [good luck with that! We love it when guys think that]
I am looking for a serious friendship with an open mind, smart, spirtual woman, who loves people, and believes in the importance of friendship between the couple. [I think he is maybe talking about foursomes here??]


Public Transportation Guy

I met a guy on the metro once. I don't ride it very often I am sad to report. But my friends and I were going down to Hollywood to prescreen the "Blades of Glory" movie. On our way back the train was pretty full so I ended up sitting apart from my group. I was next to this guy who tried to strike up a conversation with me.

He had just moved up to L.A from San Diego with his cousin to try and start a business or something [he could have told me he was selling drugs to little kids after school on the playground and I probably wouldn't have remembered that either – I wasn't really into the conversation]

He took an interest in my life why I was in his part of town, if I came here often, what I do…essentially leading to "can we meet up half way sometime?" [P.S…LOVE the chivalry of guys these days. What ever happened to picking the girl up? Or going to meet her? Now we've gotta meet half way or she has to come to you cause you hate the traffic on the 210? Well…guess what…so do I. And you aren't even that good-looking]

I told him I was not really interested and didn't want to give him my number so he decided he wanted to bless me with his number [HOW he still thought I might call him is beyond me – props for confidence] So as we reach his stop he starts to get up:

Metro: "You have something to write with?"
Yeti: "um…no."
Metro: "Well, find something. I've gotta give you my number so we can meet up for coffee."
Yeti: "oh, ok…" [Yeti reluctantly grabs a bank statement out of her purse and finds a pen laying on the floor]
Metro: "alright, you ready? [walking out the door] it's 323.807 [doors are starting to close, on top of him] no, wait, sorry 323.867.5309 [I actually just made up that number (it's from the song Jenny) because he yelled the rest of his number at me while the doors were close and the train had started moving]

I humor him by pretending I am writing it down [you know, giving the 'ol smile and head nod]. I wonder if he actually though I would ever call…


Get Out There

No need to lie – I know there are many of you seeking out stories just like mine. You can wait to get out there and meet mr. self-deprecating or mr. other or, perhaps even, mr. right?!?!
I wanted to be sure I resourced you with the many ways out there you could do that. Most of you probably didn't even realize this many (FREE) dating sites were out there!
[Note: I am NOT on all of these sites...probably not even half. OK, seriously though, I have probably only tried four. But if you find any of these helpful or hilarious please do share]

Let's start with some generic ones – for those of you who just want to get out there are meet a variety of people:
eHarmony.com (wait….this one is NOT free)
match.com (neither is this one…well, it is free to look)
plentyoffish.com (that's right….Goooooooo fishing!)
Hellodarling.com (I THINK this had about 4 people on it…)
4ppl.com (for dating AND friends!!)
connectingsingles.com (you can "flower" people here)
lets101.com (making sure you get a date and the date is right for YOU!)
sugardaddyforme.com (wanna date rich men?)

OR maybe you are looking for something specific – someone with that specific quirk you also share:
welovetoo.com (for the disabled)
agelesscupid.com (wealthy)
nerdpassions.com (are you a nerd or geek?)
lefthand.date.com (for people that are left-handed)
smokingpassions.com (love smoking?)
gothicmatch.com (you goth?)
been-dumped.com (divorced and dumped members)
gifishing.com (military)
uniformedcupid.com (military)
redheadpassions.com (for red-heads)
datemypet.com (date me…AND my pet!)
ethicalsingles.com (care about humans, animals, the earth, etc.)
transpassions.com (transsexuals)
zingdating.com (alcoholics/addiction)
justmaclovers.com (prefer MACs over PCs?)
brewmate.com (for home brewers)
singlescorral.com (for country singles)
bikerkiss.com (biker babes and biker boys)
trekpassions.com (love star wars?)
positivesings.com (herpes/HIV)
pozitiveliving.com (HIV/AIDS)
agematch.com (inter-age dating)
romanticatheart.com (senior)
deafs.com (deaf people)
bicupid.com (bi-curious or bi-sexual)
veggiefishing.com (for vegetarians)
rockabillydate.com (are you a rockabilly)
tattoopassions.com (do you have or like tattoos?)

Or maybe you prefer being with specific ethnicities:
interracialsingleslove.com (or just mix it all together)

Maybe you just want to focus on people in your area. Be sure you'll get someone right down the street – or that guy you run into at the coffee shop…well, we've got sites for you too.
And…just for my own enjoyment, I found one in Nepal ☺

And for you conservative (pray-without-ceasing) types, maybe you are interested in going down the Christian road. Only want to find that special someone who has also been dipped in the blood – redeemed by the lamb? You are in LUCK!!

AND NOW! Additions - which have been YOUR suggestions. Other sites you have found and added to my list. What a great (and ridiculous) resource this has become. Keep checking back for more!!
fitness-singles.com (the couple that lifts weights together, stays together)
okcupid.com/interests?i=knitting (Find other singles interested in knitting - apparently okcupid can accommodate many different types of interest so don't stop at just knitting!)
growyourgame.com (OK, not technically a dating site - but a little help for guys not quite ready to meet your online match, a few tips to add to your repertoire of macking skills)
http://www.mdfriendly.com (For Medical and Nursing professionals)
http://www.sugardaddie.com/ (Where the classy, attractive, and affluent meet)


open communication

And while we are on the topic of eHarmony – let’s talk about this GEM (literally…he collects rocks or something). I went all the way to open communication with this one and then THIS is what he hits me with:

"Hey there, finally open communication, haha. This will just be a random spilling of my heart on what I view a good relationship to be. I believe it starts off with having a personally strong relationship with God, followed by developing a friendship with someone who you can also build strong relationship on God. Without Him it is pointless. I look forward to finding that woman that I can pray with and study God's word with. Someone who god will use to bring out areas of myself that I never knew about. I see it like this. Until I knew god I didn't know who I was. But, as soon as I found Him He showed me who I was. Now, I believe I am complete with just God, but since I know God has a woman for me I know that there is a part of my life that isn't complete. I don’t need her to complete me and God, but I do want her because I know it is something God will use to change who I am. I can fear change, but I know in the end the right person will turn me into who God wants me to be. So far I look at my life and see the impact that everyone who has known me has had. Now, just imagine how much of an impact that perfect one for me will have. It blows my mind!!!! Now, I do understand having alone time and down time with friends and God. I am the type of guy that struggles with downtime. I would rather be with friends, but when I do have that downtime with just God I come away refreshed spiritually. I would never deny that time for someone I love. All my relationships in the past have been long distance, so there was just a natural balance of time alone. I am little interested to see how it will all play out in my future, but I know if it is someone God has for me I will desire to be with her a lot, haha. As God says, two will become one. It is interesting though how that will also play out. I believe we all have different things that make us who we are and that if I truly love someone those things will stay a part of them. I love my time with my guys and I would need it. But, at the drop of a dime I would give it up if my significant other needed me. I am not out to change someone, only to help them fall in love with God and to just be in a relationship of love, understanding, forgiveness, and taking this world by storm for God. Missions are something I am going to do. I don’t care where I go as long as God can use me I am willing. Nepal, China, Japan, India, my backyard. Wherever it is I want people to have a better view of God because of meeting me. Ok, enough of my randomness. I can write for hours, haha."

[They should really warn you they are this weird right off the bat…]



Remember Rocker?
Apparently he has continued to ask Shooter when we can all hang out again. So I decide to get to the bottom of this ridiculous "other-ness". So, via facebook (I really do love facebook) we engage in a rather ridiculous conversation. Please…buckle up.

Yeti “So, you want to tell me what “other” meant?” [yes, I realize I am mean and beating a dead horse – but…that’s me!]

Rocker: “haha...wow, did you really just ask that??!! Thats really funny..."other" obviously meant "Im pretty sure God is gonna have a better way for us to meet in the future"...i hate eharm!! So are we gonna hang out again or what?

a. Definitely
b. Probably
c. Definitely not
d. Other :)”

[I am sad to report I did not change anything about this response. There really was a multiple choice and he really did blame it on God. ‘nuff said]

Yeti [not feeling like I could be very mean yet – I was partially afraid the God part was serious, this was my reply]
“i DID just ask that...i went there...and my answer is......
e. give me a real answer and we'll see.
To my roommates and I "other" meant - you're ugly - unless you were in the middle of talking to someone. There HAD to have been a reason you closed me other than "God will make us meet some other time" (ESPECIALLY since you didn't even remember me!)- I am sorry but I am just not going to let you get away with the "Christianize" answer :) fess up...what was it.”

Rocker: “Sorry about the christianize...its just so hard to not talk about God in all my conversation because I pray without ceasing. But I can see how a normal, mediocre christian wouldnt get that. haha
Dude, I close every match with "other." I think eharm is retarded. But to be honest I probably closed you cause you go to Fuller. I used to not think too highly of people who go there cause I had some bad experiences, and odds are I didnt even give you chance from the beginning just cause of that. Is it fair? Nope, but hey, you wanted honesty!”
[can’t say I blame him…. ☺]

Yeti “you caught me! most Fuller females are mediocre and lukewarm - i am no exception. it was good you closed me down before more of that truth came out.
WHY did you do eharmony if you hate it so much? you paid for it - you mind as well get the most out of it...no?
and i don't think your reason was bad - i closed every Fuller person i got matched with. i just refused to do the Fuller connection. not because of a bad experience...just cause i figured they should be able to ask me out after class, or get my email from our directory, or ask my roommate for my number...you know, some way less clinical.
well...glad that's settled. and please, stop closing girls with "other" - that is the worst response...”

[So, there you have it. Haven’t heard from him again. Maybe it’s over? Maybe he’s crafting a really good response? Only time will tell. The heathen seminary strikes again!]



Around Fuller there are many bulletin boards. Students can put flyers on them to advertise for whatever they want. Here’s an interesting one I saw:

“Clean, quiet, male – wanted” [it was, apparently, for a roommate]

To which my classmates and I reply: “Helloooooo….join the club”

A good friend of mine, "Saturday", point out I should have put a sign up next to it that said: “if this ad works, tell me.”

…Maybe it IS just that easy


Yeah...He's Totally Into Me

I have no doubt I have convinced you all that the loves of your life are totally into you despite the “signs” culture is telling you to beware of. Pish-Posh! But there are a few more signs the book talks about that my roommates and I wanted to be sure we helped you excuse. On to part two!

He’s just not that into you IF…

He doesn't want to marry you:
Well…one of the things I love most about him is the fact that he doesn’t want to conform to social norms. Besides, he is pretty old and set in his ways. It is hard when you’ve been selfish and living on your own for so long. And it would be hard for him to give up those bunk beds. He just really values MY independence and wants to save me from the pain of potential divorce – have you SEEN the divorce rates in our country. Better safe than sorry, right?

He’s just not that into you IF…

He's breaking up with you:
Well…he’s just confused. I’m moving and he just needs some time to think things through. He’s exploring his personal identity and just not ready for such a big (exciting!) commitment. He likes me TOO much that he is overwhelmed by it. I’m not worried…he’ll be back – she’s not that pretty.

He’s just not that into you IF…

He's disappeared on you:
Well…maybe aliens abducted him, how am I supposed to know. And I don’t think he ever really told me what his job was, maybe he works for the government as a side job and he can't tell me. You know – “I could tell you where I am but then I’d have to kill you.” Or maybe he's in the hospital and didn't have any identifying information on him so they couldn’t call me. Besides, he sells jewelry at horse shows.

He’s just not that into you IF…

He's married:
Well…she had to get her green card. Besides, they had to get married because he knocked her up at an early age – there was a lot of pressure. Their divorce papers are just being finalized. His wife is such a bitch…and I am pretty sure it only lasted this long cause of the kids.

He’s just not that into you IF…

He's a selfish jerk, bully, or really big freak:
Well…he was an only child and comes from wealth. And he tells me lots of stories of how he was bullied as a child – I think the cycle is just continuing, or this is him finally getting his revenge. Besides, it is all just a matter of perception – I think he is just misunderstood. Most drummers I know are like that. Or as Brittany says, “That's not true – a lot of really big freaks have liked me – I'm a freak magnet"


He's Just Not That Into Me??

There is a book that has been around for a while now “He’s Just Not That Into You”. It was written by two of the writers for “Sex And The City”. I inherited this book after my year in college as an RA. One of the girls left it on the floor so as I was cleaning it out I kept it – now it is a great conversation-starter-coffee-table-book. I generally don’t think the book is that great – although girls do need to hear some of the things in there. We are so good at disillusioning ourselves and rationalizing everything. For example…some of my girlfriends and I sat down last night and cracked out the book. We thought of some "good excuses" as to WHY a guy might be into us despite what the authors were saying. So now, in a two-part series for your enjoyment…

He’s just not that into you IF…

He's not asking you out:
Well…I intimidate him. It takes a lot of courage to come up a talk to me. I am pretty opinionated, independent and outgoing. Sometimes guys are afraid of being shot down. He’s nervous about ruining our friendship because it means so much to him. Besides, he DOES go to Fuller – those boys don’t ask out anyone. He just gets nervous. And, now that I think about it, I am pretty sure he kissed dating goodbye. He’s just really spiritual like that – totally focused on God. He’s just waiting for the Lord’s perfect timing – you know, a clear sign that I am the one he should ask out. He’s still seeking wisdom and godly council (which actually means he sits around with his roommates and says, “guys, she’s really hot”)

He’s just not that into you IF…

He's not calling you:
Well…he doesn’t have a cell phone and he ran out of calling cards. (*cough* Phil *cough*). Or maybe he did get a cell phone but he’s just really low on minutes – he has the family plan and his dad travels a lot so he uses most of their minutes. And I think I remember him telling me he lost his phone the other day – or was it my phone number he lost? Yeah – that’s right, he put it in his pants pocket and then washed those pants forgetting that “precious piece of paper” was in there – those were his actual words. And that other guy went to the taping of American Gladiators and they confiscated his phone. Or was it that he dropped it in the ocean while he was surfing so all the numbers got wiped out? I am sure I just missed his text message. Come on. Why does he even need to call when we have class together!

He’s just not that into you IF…

He's not having sex with you:
Well…he's celibate – and as Andy would say, "there's no such thing as celibate light – half the sex with none of the guilt." And believe me, he wants to but I am the one that said no. He’s just being respectful of me.

He’s just not that into you IF…

He's having sex with someone else:
Well…he's just practicing so he can be really good for me someday. And it is just an outlet for his sexual tension while protecting my purity. What a great guy! He doesn't want to objectify ME so he sleeps with some other girl – because I am the one that is truly special. And I am pretty sure I remember him mentioning something about being a surrogate father.

He’s just not that into you IF…

He's always drunk when he hangs out with you:
Well…he has this social phobia. That’s the great thing about us – I just really get it. Besides, he goes to Fuller, he can't think of witty things to say when he's sober – he gets nervous. He's just a really funny party guy. I don’t think it really has anything to do with that 12-step meeting I went to with him.


Where to meet men...

I was having dinner with a good friend last night. I mentioned my blog, which began our conversation about how difficult it is to meet people, go on good dates, find love, blah blah blah. And within the context of our conversations she mentions a comment a friend of hers made:

“I get dates all the time! I just go to a gay bar and it is so easy to meet people.”

…Apparently I’m batting for the wrong team ☺


My Valentine

Let’s share another Randy story shall we?

This last Friday I walked past my boys and Randy stopped me:

Randy: “Wait a minute. You, come here!”
Yeti: “Oh No! Whatever it is, I didn’t do it!”
[Randy walks over to where he usually hides his booze. At first I thought maybe he was going to give me some, or share with me, really I didn’t know what he was doing but it had to be good if it was hidden back there]
Randy: “Now, I didn’t know I was going to see you so early in the day yesterday so I wasn’t prepared.” [yesterday being Valentines Day]
[Randy then proceeds to pull this fake red rose out from hiding and give it to me.]
Yeti: “Randy! Thank you! This is so nice.”
Randy: “And….it’ll never die!” [insert little wink]

CLASSY!!! A-stinkin-mazing! Best Valentine Ever!


What Happens When You Drink?

I go salsa dancing every weekend - I think I've told you that. I was at the Rumba Room one weekend and met these two guys at the bar while taking a break from dancing. One of the guys C* asked if he could buy me a drink. Sure. Malibu and Coke was the choice of the evening. I enjoyed the drink and perhaps even enjoyed his company as we stood and chatted by the bar counter. He was witty and funny.

C*: “Can I buy you another Malibu and Coke?”
Yeti: “No, I have to drive tonight and I am a light-weight.”
C*: “So...when I drink too much I tend to take off all my clothes and get naked. Do you happen to have that problem?”
Yeti: “No.”
C* “No? Really? Oh, yeah...no...that's cool.”

So, let me admit that with this one – I thought it was kind of funny. Had I not been chatting with him for a while before the comment – I might have thrown what little beverage I had left in my hand into his face. But I had to give the guy credit for his perverted attempt. We chatted for not much longer after that and then I made my quiet escape, on the wings of my friend Elizabeth who was (reluctantly) giving her number to his friend, before C* could even ask me for mine.


Is There No Mystery Anymore?

You know what the problem is with dating in LA? At least with women (and I am sure it is similar with guys) you see someone in a bar or dance club or coffee shop or on television or at the gas station [what? I’m not picky!] that you’re mildly attracted to. You spend some time observing them – perhaps over a series of weeks (say if you….oh…go to church or something with them) and you like what you are seeing. But then the problem comes when you actually meet/get to know them.
You see, a person has no faults when you observe them from afar. My roommate used to make fun of me for saying “I don’t want to meet you, you’ll only disappoint me” but it’s so TRUE! I have this idea built up in my head of the perfect being that you are and meeting you only disproves everything I have worked so hard to disillusion myself into believing.
Why do we have this ideal built up in our minds of a perfect specimen that might be out there for us? Have any of you ever met them? Please do tell. Because, even among the “happily” married couples I know – I don’t believe they would say that. We have such unrealistic expectations – and really, all we love is the mystery [and then, maybe, the chase…hehe]. What might be and what could have been.
Take The Bouncer for example – he was perfect – until I gave him my number and we went out and I became a second-hand weed smoker. Maybe some things (or people) are better left to mystery…


Homeless Guy

So, this one is not so much a pick-up line as it is a pick-up action. There are a bunch of homeless guys by Fuller that have become my good buddies. Seriously, I love these guys. They are a hoot and I have a lot of fun hanging out and chatting with them.
And although from a very young age my parents taught me not to have favorites – I do. Randy is my favorite. I love this guy. One day I saw him while a co-worker Macall and I were on our routine walk to the coffee shop, we chatted a bit and then went on our merry way.
On our way back to the office we pass by the guys again. When Randy saw us coming from a distance he runs down from the booth he is sitting in (they have taken over the outdoor seating of an abandoned fast food restaurant) and lays sprawled out across the sidewalk pretending he has passed out.

Yeti: "Oh No!! What's happened to Randy?!?!"
Randy: "*cough* *cough* I think….i need….mouth-to-mouth *cough*." [and then he fake passes out again]
Yeti: "Riiiiiiiiiiiight. Nice try Randy."
Randy: "OK…you can't blame me for trying Princess."

Gotta love that guy. I wish this post could do justice to the hilarity of that scene. It just made my day. And Macall and I got a good laugh out of it.


Valentines Day

So, it’s Valentines Day. Why do people hate this day? Married, Engaged, Dating, Singles – everyone I talked to (except Lindsey) hates this day. Or at least the hype and expectation that comes with this day. I think we loose the focus – we think it’s all about the Eros. A celebration of romantic love – of that time cupid hit you in the ass with his dart and you were looking at someone else who was hit at the same time. You couldn’t sit for a couple of days but the warm fuzzies you had tingling from your head to your toes right down to the marrow of your bones was well worth it! Oh – if only you could go back to those days you couldn’t eat or sleep…or go to class (thank God!!).
But we loose sight of all the other relationships in our lives (well, I don’t cause that’s all I have are other relationships…you know…you’ve been reading). It’s all love we are celebrating. The love I share with my roommates – the love Kristin and Kimberly showed me last night by having me into their home and cooking me dinner – the love of my family – the love of the most wonderful Specca and the love she passes on to the children of Libres por Amor – and the love I shared with them in the week I got to spend there – the love I share with Nepal – the list can go on and on (maybe even the love-or lack there of-we find on the internet?? ...er ....nevermind). It’s like the movie “Love Actually” – love actually IS all around us – and it’s not just Eros – it’s a whole lot of agape. And that should be celebrated on this day too.

…now, I’m gunna go out find me some good ‘ol Eros lovin’. Maybe nub is available on such short notice!?!? ;-)


Shake it Up

Yeti is once again walking along Walnut (I really need to find a new street to walk on) back to work after her lunch break. She passes a young man holding a piece of paper in his hands looking (acting) lost...

Man: “Excuse me, do you know where xxx Walnut Ave is?”
Yeti: “I believe it should be just a little ways down there – if you just follow the numbers. I don’t know what exact building that would be though.”
Man: “Thanks. Alright. I’ve gotta be honest. I just thought you were real cute and wanted to chat with you.”
Yeti: “Oh, ok.”
Man: “Come on, what do you say you and me shake it up!” [now, this is where a blog is insufficient. I wish I could show you his body motions. Please stand, face the person closest to you and shimmy into their shoulder – this, hopefully, if you do it right, is the motion that was done to me several times]
Yeti: [fighting back laughter] “what???”
Man: “Yeah, we could shake it up” [do the shimmy move again while saying shake it up]
Yeti: “ok, I have to go.”
Man: “It could be real nice to Shake it up” [you know the drill]
Yeti: “ok, seriously, you need to never do that again.” [Yeti begins walking away]
Man: “But it could be fun to shake it up.” [yep…one more time]


No Thanks, Dad

So I recently joined salon.com. I know…the online thing isn’t exactly working for me so why would I join another site you ask? Because I love to entertain YOU! I get such great stories from the weirdo’s I meet – I can’t resist. Anyway, this is a site that is ran, apparently, through “The Onion” – and everyone loves that little publication. How could I resist?

I just started so I don’t have any real exciting stories for you just an observation:
WHEN is it ever ok for a 51 year old to wink (virtually) at a 24 year old? Seriously. Ew. The difference between our ages is GREATER than my current age. That is not ok. You could be my dad.

And this is all I’m getting here so far folks. One of my roommates also made a profile at the same time and she’s getting (in my humble opinion) some pretty good winks, emails, or “hotlisted” (that, apparently, just means they think you are hot???) by some potential fellers – and I get winks from dad’s in Venice Beach. *Sigh


My First California Date

This is an account of my very first date in L.A. And even though I may come across as hard on him in this post....he was actually really fun, not bad to look at at all and really kept me laughing. Just a little rough around the edges.

When I first moved out to L.A in June of 2005 I didn't really know many people. I did have one friend though, (other than my Uncle that I was living with) Michael, and he invited me to a bonfire on the beach with some of his film school friends. It was a good time (my first bonfire on the beach!) and the ocean was even glowing different colors. That's right. I don't know how to really explain that to you – or the scientific-ness of it all – all I know is I as one giddy Midwesterner caught up in the wonder of it all. But, apparently my Midwesterness did not turn Ferris (no, this is not his real name) off from asking me for my number at the end of the night.

Now – before I go into the rest of our story let me pause here and give you a hint as to whether I should have give him my number or not. After the bonfire we all went to a local bar that was in the beach town. We had a good time. Ferris was driving home so he was "taming" his intake of alcohol (apparently). As we drove out of Huntington Beach we had Queen's Greatest Hits in (who DOESN'T love Queen…please) and were all singing along. Ferris asked us all to keep it calm as we were driving out of town because "I don't want to get pulled over. I am good enough to drive but I am not good enough to blow into one of those tubey things." Awesome. I feel safe.

So, we get back to where I am being dropped off and Ferris asks me for my number. No excuse comes to my mine. No fake number. Nothing. And so almost like an out of body experience I hear myself giving him my ACTUAL number – what?!?! At least he is cute.

He ends up calling me about a week later. Wants to know if I would like to go to a comedy show at the Improv in Irvine. Actually sounds like a fun time to me. So I agree. I plan to meet him at his house in Riverside, CA. and we will drive together from there.

The evening was….interesting to say the least. Let me save you all the suspense and let you know that we never ended up going out again. And I bet I can give you a couple ideas why.

He kept me laughing the whole night. HILARIOUS guy – really. He was in film school to be a writer. I can see why. The guy was stinking creative. (This is not really one of the ideas we never went out again - just a side note).

He loved to smoke weed (emphases on loved...LOVED). It did not take long to realize this. More of this will come into play later in the evening as I take you through it – but at one point waiting in line to go into the show he points at one of the really large potted plants outside the mall area and says "just bear with me for a second, how much pot do you think you could fit into one of those things?" don't know Ferris, never really pondered those deeper questions of life before…

He asked me if I was 21 right before going in…I kind of think he was hoping I was going to say no.

When we got in the waitress came to our table to take our drink order. Now…I was the one student at Bethel University that actually lived by the Lifestyle Statement/Covenant thing. I figured since I was in leadership I should obey those things. So I never had any alcohol before coming to CA. This was actually going to be my first experience ORDERING myself an alcoholic beverage – I had no idea what I was doing.

I stared at the menu.

What the hell is sex on the beach? Orgasm? Am I really ordering a DRINK here??? What's going on?

So he orders his gin and tonic and I say I need a few more minutes to decide. I then lean over to him and proceed to tell him that I have never before ordered an alcoholic beverage. Now – this is shocking to him because he loves his alcoholic beverages. We're talking about the guy who would date older women when he was in high school so they could buy him beer (yeah, he told me this).
"I had a cape cod once"
"Then just order that"
And so I did. And I bet his favorite part of the evening was when I cut him off at two drinks because he was driving home (I think our incident from the other evening made me nervous). I didn't understand at that time that other people have a higher tolerance for alcohol – especially someone who has been building it up since they were 12.

After the show (which was HILARIOUS by the way – Frank Caliendo) we went back to his place. I didn't really want to hang out longer so I don't know why I agreed – but I did. I am new to this. He suggested that we watch this old sitcom he had on DVD (don't remember what it was - but it was bad). When I agreed he took it back and said he didn't want to:
"I actually told myself I would never watch that again unless I was really drunk or high."
"Then why did you suggest that we watch it?"
"I guess I was hoping you would suggest we get drunk or high"

Hmmmm…..I left shortly after that.


Where's Lake Avenue?

Yeti and two of her friends (one female and one male) are walking down Walnut back home after a great evening of live jazz music at the Holly Street Bar and Grill. As they are walking and approach the intersection of Walnut and Los Robles a random car driving along pulls a U-turn (completely illegal) then stops right next to them.
Man: “Excuse me, could you tell me where Lake Ave. is?”
Guy with Yeti: “It is like 4 blocks that way.” [pointing]
Man: “So, which of you are single and which of you are taken?” [referring to Yeti and her girlfriend]
Yeti: “We are both taken…bummer huh!Man: “You for real? Come on!” [cheezy and somewhat creepy smile]
Man: “Alright, I can’t lie, I just thought you were real cute so I wanted to pull over and chat with you.” [looking at Yeti]
Yeti: “Oh, ok, thanks.”
Man: “I mean, you’re ok too.” [looking at Yeti's girlfriend]

…yes, men, that is the way to win a woman’s heart. Cut down her friend. Then she’ll reeeeally want you.


It All Comes Full Circle

eHarmony creates weird circles. It shows you show small your world is. Seriously. It is kind of ridiculous. I have a couple of matches that have turned out (or are turning out) to be quite a story:

First, I got matched with this guy – we'll call him Shooter – and he was my favorite match I had the whole time I was on eHarm. Amazing profile, seemed like a real quality guy. He never ended up getting back to me when we were connected as compatible matches – but as I said before…my world is small and everything came back full circle. I joined eHarmony in May right before summer classes had began and shortly thereafter one of my roommates began telling me about a new guy in one of her classes that seemed pretty cool. She went out with him a couple of times and when I finally got to see a picture of him it turned out to be Shooter! What are the odds!?!? We are actually really good friends now.

Next we have Rocker. I got matched on eHarmony with him pretty early on. One of my roommates really liked him for me so we started going through the process. We got to the third stage where we exchange the longer questions – it was right after I answered these questions that he closes me down. This is the message I get:

One of the hardest things about any new relationship is deciding when or if you should continue forward in a relationship.

On June 04, 2007, 03:02PM PDT Rocker chose to permanently close communication with you for the following reason(s):
• Other

WHAT?!?!?! Other? What does that even mean? The nerve of that mother other. OK...whatever. I let it go.

Jump ahead 7 months when I am looking at Shooter's facebook (remember, we're friends now) and I notice a recent picture he has been tagged in with a vaguely familiar face. Turns out it is Rocker. I ask Shooter how he knows him - turns out they are like BFF. Grrrrrrreat.

Fast-forward again a couple weeks the filming of my friend's thesis film...we'll call him Jefferson. I meet Rocker (I told Shooter I didn't want to meet him but I knew this night it was inevitable). I really thought he was staring at me the entire night (a friend of mine can confirm they thought this as well - that or he was spacing out in my general direction). Anyway, I figure either he finds me really hot or he was trying to put it all together (probably both :-))
Turns out after talking to Shooter the next day he has no idea - doesn't remember me at all. What kind of match whore doesn't remember me?? Seriously. Come on!

So now fast forward to this last week. I end up going over to Rocker's house with Shooter and Jefferson. Anyway, we go over to play rock band after class. I was a little hesitant to go but figured if I was with the guys (and Rocker doesn't remember me at all anyway) what is the harm? Right? So we go over there, play, it is a pretty good time. When we leave Shooter makes some comments - vibes - he's Shooter, I ignore them.

The following morning I get a text from him saying that Rocker talked to him and is "digging my sauce" and "wants to get in there"! WHAT?!?!?!?! How hilarious and ironic is that. He still has no clue. I told Shooter I should just print out a copy of my answers from eHarmony (the ones that made him close me) to give to him and save us all a lot of time. He clearly closed me for some reason. Shooter said he wants us all to hang out some more and I should give him a chance....not so sure. But I would like to find out what "other" means....

So - that's my story. What a small world. How weird is it that things come full circle?
...and guys, don't shut a girl down if you're just going to think she's hot and want to date her 7 months later :)


A Text Conversation

I think I have mentioned before that texting (especially if you were introduced to them on match.com and have never actually met them before) is probably not the best idea.
But they can give you funny stories...

[7:10p] d*: "Seriously though...this weekend we should hang out catch a flick and go to canters or something."

[7:14p] Yeti: "Yes!! I am totally up for anything - and if I knew what canters was I think I would be even more excited. I am free all weekend :-)"

[7:19p] Yeti: "Got it - the roommate knew. Please tell me that is what we are actually going to do :-)"

[7:22p] d*: "What did your roommate say canters was? And yes. :)"

[7:23p] Yeti: "Some jewish service with a singer that accompanies the rabbi"

[7:56p] d*: "Yes...that is a canter, but i'm talking about the deli on fairfax"

HOW do you even respond to that???? I am so awesome! It is actually perfect that it turned out to be a deli - that makes me happy :)

AND...by the way...if you type canters into a google search it is the FIRST hit

And it is apparently a HISTORIC landmark in LA....oops

Ah well...can't win 'em all.

(And, yes, this is the same d* I got stood up by and then ended up going out with later on that pretty awful date.)


Potential Gone Wrong

I go back to Vive – I have to continue my unfolding story. W* is there - still lookin' fine (hasn't turned ugly in the past week!). We gave each other little eyes on the way in, and he once again escorted me by the small of my back...(and not in a I’m-helping-my-elderly-grandmother-across-the-street sort of way)

As I was getting ready to leave for the evening I battled with myself of whether to give him my number or not...the truth is, I really wanted him to have it but I also really wished he would ask me for it! One of my girlfriends Katie with me was really pushing me (YOU ARE A STRONG CONFIDENT WOMAN!) so I decided to do it...

My plan was to time my exit with the crosswalk signal so I could just hand him the number as I walked quickly by. But as I walked out he struck up a conversation by giving me a compliment and we chatted a bit. He asked if I had gotten my hair cut - said it was cute - we talked about football and other stupid things. Erika and Katie left while I was talking to him and I think he noticed they were leaving and I didn't walk with them - so he knew something was up. But I CHICKENED out...

Right after leaving I met up with the girls at King Taco and they were not happy I had chickened out ----- so Katie once again gave me a pep talk and said we were going to do a drive by.

So we get in the car and pull over just past the entrance…I get out walk up to W* [I am probably still standing about 2 feet away from him and stretching to hand him the napkin with my scribbled number] and say "You forgot this" ----now, let me clarify that I MEANT to say I forgot to give you this - but apparently my subconscious wanted to make a point that he should have ASKED me for it :) He bowed his head a little and just smiled and said "thanks."

So I get back in the car SHAKING and EXCITED and not really knowing what to say. I swear about 29834983 times because I could not believe I had just done that...

**BEEP: Suddenly a voice mail comes through - my phone had not even rung...

I listen to it and it is W* calling:
"Hey Yeti, this is W* from Vive. I just wanted to say that was a very bold move and I loved it. I don't know what your plans are for tonight but I get out of here around 11 or 11:30 and would love to go grab a drink or two. So give me a call and let me know if that would work out for you. Or even if it doesn't give me a call just so I know you got my number and got my message. Have a good night hun."

So...I am pretty much freaking out. (Aren't they supposed to wait three days or something??)

So I call him back and we decide he will call me when he gets off work and we will connect then to go out.

I start trying to beautify myself...the phone rings at 11.05p [let me point out this was AWFULLY close to 11.00p – and the last time I stayed until around 11.30p he hadn't left work again….SOMETHING fishy going on surrounding ME!!!...I'm not even going to be humble about it]

He asks if I would be up for going to aiulaxqler - I did not understand what he said - that is what that weird word is supposed to represent. So I agree after asking him to repeat it twice. He gives me directions and I set off to meet him.

Turns out I had agreed to go to his house to hang out!! Eek! Oh well. All ended up just fine. I got there around 11.30p and stayed till 2.00a. We just sat and chatted about anything and everything - what we do, our families, ambitions, spirituality and religion, etc.

However, when I got to his house the first question out of his mouth when I walked in the door was, "do you smoke weed?"
"Really? Don't take this wrong. But I totally had to pegged as a weed smoker. You just have this really cool ex-hippie vibe going on."

Wow…ok….so, I still don't (technically) smoke weed but I have become a second-hand weed smoker ☺

Finally at 2a I said that I should probably be heading home. He walks me to my car, gives me a kiss on the cheek and then a big hug - "you call me anytime, really, anytime. And if for some reason we don't connect this week I will see you Sunday at Vive, right?"

And that is how we left it. The next day he sent me a text message saying: "Good mornin'. I just wanted to say hi and tell you I really enjoyed your company. Hope you have a great day." And one later that afternoon that said "So when we hanging' out again?"

…and now I can only assume he fell off the face of the earth. Why ELSE would he never call me again. Come on – I'm a stinkin' good catch…probably TOO good. Only he didn't fall off the face of the earth – I still see him at Vive – and unfortunately his face hasn't been eaten by rabid pit bulls to make him less attractive. We still enjoy pleasant conversations but its another one chalked up to "he's just not that into you."



Some of you may know I go salsa dancing (most) every Sunday night in Pasadena at a place called Vive (when Erika won't let us go to Rumba Room). Well, currently there is a real cute bouncer (there have been about 5 in the past year I have been going, W* has had the job for about five months).

A couple months ago I was leaving the club with my roommate Erika and he stopped me:
W*: "You look real familiar - are you from around here?"
Yeti: "Yeah, I live here in Pasadena."
W*: "Where did you go to school?"
Yeti: "Oh, well, I am going to school here right now. But I went to undergrad at a really small school in Minnesota."
W*: "Where?"
Yeti: "Bethel University."
W*: "That's in the same conference as Macalester isn't it?"
Yeti: "Yes!"
W*: "Yeah, I went to a small school in Iowa. We played them in football. I love the Midwest. I really miss it."

[Then the conversation went on for a while about all the things we love and miss about the Midwest. Particularly how people aren't afraid to say hello to one another - look one another in the eye - and when said things happen someone isn't looking for a fight]

W: "Well, I just thought you looked familiar."
Yeti: "Maybe it is just cause I am from the Midwest so I like to smile at people."
W: "Well, it sure caught my attention [wink - dimple smile]."

[Yeti giggles like a little school girl and skips away]

Erika and I go back to Vive again in two weeks - he is there. When I first arrive and he is swiping my ID he makes some subtle flirty comment that, of course, makes me freeze up, loose all witty sass I possess and I pretty much just walk inside.

But come later in the evening (around 10:00p when they stop charging cover) he has come in from his post outside and sat his handsome self down in a chair. I decide...what the heck, what do I have to loose? So I go and grab a seat next to him and start to "chop it up." We chat until around 11:15p when Erika finally comes up and says she is ready to leave. He was TOO cute. We were pretty flirty – you know – the close talking and pretend secrets. And let's be honest, I was kind of surprised he didn't ask me for my number - but was quite confident that would come the next week or soon thereafter. My best point of the evening was when I asked him what time he got off work and he said "why, you got plans for me?" and in my most smooth fashion I replied: "no [insert giggle], I have to work at 8!" (but, seriously, I am NOT that smooth)

A couple other gems throughout the night:
He asked me if I grew up on a farm. This guy was not kidding when he said he loves the Midwest. I think he was actually pretty disappointed when I told him no. But he felt better when I told him I did live within walking distance of corn...hmmmm.
At one point he tried to convince me to come to Vive on a Saturday night cause that is when they have hip-hop - that is what he likes to dance. (The best part is he CAN dance salsa!!) I said obviously he has been deceived into thinking I can dance by watching me salsa. I proceeded to prove myself by doing the sprinkler in front of him [for those who think I am joking – I wish I were. I actually put my right hand behind my head – my left hand straight out and moved them back and forth].
So when I left he shook my hand (you know, the one where they lay their other hand on top of your hand, like a little hand hug) and said, you come back next Sunday ok? But not Saturday - don't come Saturday! (*wink*) haah! He's probably (absolutely) right :)


A Little Swagger in Your Step

Yep...another pickup line. We'll call this one the walking man.

Yeti is once again on Walnut walking back to work after her lunch break. As a general rule - she will ignore any and all yells, whistles, honks, hoots, hollars, etc. she hears – please people, we are not animals. When you honk your horn at a girl she doesn't think to herself "gee, if only he had been going slow enough for me to give him my phone number!"

Man: "Hey!"
Yeti: […ignoring, not thinking man is talking to her (or really, just being hopeful)]
Man: "Hey!"
Yeti: […still ignoring.]
Man: "Hey!"
Yeti: […finally (reluctantly) turns around]
Man: "Where did you get that walk?"
Yeti: "Excuse me?"
Man: "Where did you get that walk?"
Yeti: "Um….I was born with it?"
Man: "Well, it's real cute."
Yeti: "Gee, thanks. I'll try real hard not to screw it up."


Church Guy

There once was a young girl named Yeti. She had been in California for about two years when she finally found a church that she loved. She knew she had found a great place when she walked through the doors for the first time. The pastor was funny, the coffee was good, the worship was catchy, they cared deeply about social justice, and there was a sea of attractive boys...this was in the month of March.

Come June the church organized an all-church retreat for the members to bond, get away, refresh, and get to know one another more. It was on this retreat that Yeti met (we’ll call him) red. She had, of course, seen him before - but before this time they had not spoken. She learned of his ambitions, passions and desires. These coupled with his irresistible smile and sense of style had her smitten. They chatted over a bonfire and Yeti knew she had met someone special.

Unfortunately, sometimes this outgoing Yeti gets shy and nervous around attractive boys. Introduce her to a boy she has no attraction to whatsoever and she will flirt like crazy - but show her a boy with potential and she avoids him like the plague. This would not do. But, alas, this was the story of their relationship for the next few months.

They didn't speak very much, but there was some serious eye-flirting that would go on every Sunday they were within proximity of each other [at least Yeti was eye-flirting...maybe red just had a twitch?]. Yeti found it especially difficult to concentrate on the Lord the weeks red played drums for worship - she thought the Lord would probably forgive her for singing "Your face is enough, your face is enough, your face is enough for me" rather than grace while starring at red, she couldn't help it. Those tattooed arms banging in perfect rhythm...

Yeti received an invitation to play broomball with some people at church. On this evite she saw the name "red" - and this name contained a last name. If it was her fair drummer - she did not know - but she had to find out. And so she went into stalking mode. She asked a couple of people. They were no help at all. And then, alas, she thought of the best networking tool she had at her fingertips...FACEBOOK!

And so she typed in the name...and alas - who was the FIRST person to appear? Cha-Ching!

She clicked....she read...she enjoyed.

And in a moment of bold courage she clicked on the link "Add red as a friend"

It was not but a couple hours later that that invitation was accepted. But then there was nothing - not even a confirmation consoling her he actually remembered who she was.

And so...in an effort to keep the courage train rolling she sent him a message:

What's up? Haven't talked to you in a while…or really at all, since the church retreat :) Enjoyed getting to know you a bit there. Hope things are going well with j** and the music producing. We'll have to be sure we catch up again one of these weeks at church through the sea of people.
Hope you're well,

And so she waited. For how long she would have to wait - she was not sure. Would he remember her? Was he really eye-flirting back or was she making that up? And then her [somewhat-enough-to-over-analyze] answer came...

[5.10pm - same day]
Definitely!! It's good to hear from you. [first of all....TWO exclamation points - that's a little excessive. a period, I feel obligated to write back. one, I remember you. two, I-want-you-I-need-you-oh-baby-oh-baby]

The producing is going... we actually start recording his EP tomorrow, crazy timing huh? [a.k.a. you are SO SWEET to remember] Should be cool, i'm really excited about it all.

I don't know if you were already invited or not but one of the guys from church is throwing a big Super Bowl party, if you are around and don't have plans you should come.

If you are planned out already for the Super bowl... well, I'll probably see you Sunday anyways.

And so she rejoiced...with much rejoicing, and accepted the invitation.

They met after church, enjoyed some local Hollywood cuisine (*cough* Sharkey’s!), and headed over to the party.

But what happened next? you ask....well, you’ll (we'll) just have to wait and see. I’m not going to say it was anti-climactic, I’m just going to say I don’t have the rest of the story for you yet. You know those times you really can’t feel people out – you don’t know whether they are enjoying your company or “tagging” you along like a good Christian does to church events? It was kind of like that…I guess maybe I’ll have to chalk this one up to “he’s just not that into you.”


Tell Me Something I Don't Know

It is time for another great L.A. pickup line. This time it is stutter boy.

Yeti is walking down Walnut Street again, this time she is just beginning her lunch break so she is headed to her house from the office. She passes a young man (probably early 20's but looks like he's 12) and gives a courtesy smile (I realize this gesture can be misleading in CA - not many people do this here - but I am from the Midwest people, we smile at people - it's just what you do)

Boy: “Yo…yo…yo…you’re go…go….Gorgeous!”
Yeti: “um….thanks?” [continue walking]
Boy: “Wanna go out or get coffee or eat or something sometime?”
Yeti: "I don't think so." [continue walking]

I will say though - this one did boost my confidence a bit for the day :) What a sweet boy!


Take Two

So I bet you all thought the story ended there – I was stood up, that should have been the end. But, no. Instead of heeding God’s divine intervention I decided out of the goodness of my heart I would give d* a second chance. He offered to drive to Pasadena so we grabbed coffee. Let me see if I can review some of the highlighted phrases.

"I have no desire to ever go to Nepal. I am not a free spirit like you. I need to have my American food and coffee shops…and they don’t even have paved roads there do they?"
"I never want to have kids. If I do they'll be a mistake and I'll be sure to tell them that every time they irritate me."
"The more I hear about you, your family and friends the more I realize I have no purpose in my life"
“I’m really sorry about how I look, I usually clean up better than this.”

And at the end of the date he felt like telling me he was going to court the next day because a few months ago he hit a school bus and drove off. Misdemeanor – hit and run.

But my favorite, which we must end on, I tried to make him feel better about standing me up the night before and that just ended up biting me in the ass…
Yeti: Don’t worry about it. I bet that is just your screening process. You don’t show up on the first date to make sure a girl is nice enough to give you a second chance.
d*: yep, that’s how I weed ‘em out. Only the real desperate ones come back for more.
WOW! That’s when I said it was time to go. And thankfully (surprisingly) he hasn’t called back…



[Interior: Yeti's apartment]
Two of the roommates are helping Yeti excitedly getting ready and select the outfit she will wear while she showers and freshens up for her match.com date with d*.

Emily: “What do you feel most comfortable in? Cause that is what you should wear.”
Yeti: “Sweatpants.” (I was being totally and completely serious here - I love sweatpants!)
Emily: “OK...maybe not THAT comfortable.”
Erika: “You should wear that grey long sleeved shirt you have - I love that one.”

Yeti agrees and the girls continue to get ready until 7:00p when Yeti must hurriedly leave the house to arrive at “The Grove” in time to meet d*.

[Interior: Yeti's car]
Yeti drives for about 30 minutes to reach “The Grove” and just as she is arriving gets a text from d*
[7.25p] d*: I am running late
[7.27p] Yeti: How late? Like a couple minutes or I should have brought a book?
Yeti doesn't get a response so she calls d around 7.40p. He does not answer his phone but she leaves a message.
“Hey d*, it's Yeti. Could you give me a call whenever you get this? Thanks!”

Now....we don't have a change of scene here for quite awhile. Yeti sits in her car. And then keeps sitting. And the sits some more. Finally she calls her friend Karla and asks how long she has to wait for this boy until she can leave. They decide 8.15p....she has 10 minutes to go.

***ring, ring, ring***
d*: Hey!
Yeti: Um...Hi.
d*: What's up.
Yeti: You tell me.
d*: Where are you?
Yeti: At the Grove!!!
d*: I am real sorry I am still stuck at the office. But I should be done in 20-30 minutes and then I will beat it over there as fast as I can.
Yeti: Yeah...I think I am going to take off.
d*: Really? Why?
Yeti: Because you said you would be here at 7.30p so I got here then and have now been sitting in my car for 45 minutes.
d*: Really? Cause I thought you sent me a text that said you were going to come at 9 [side note: Yeti did mention showing up at 9:00p in a text - it was a sarcastic comment - d* sent back a “Hahaha” reply as well as a suggestion of an 8.15p movie....but apparently that didn't mean he got it and Yeti has now learned that she cannot use sarcasm in texting…please also learn this lesson from her mistake]

To make a long story even longer.... I was stood up.