7.31.2008

Thanks, Capital One

I would like to thank my credit card for having faith that I can one day find love - and even believeving that I might have it right now. [I would also like to NOT thank them for reminding me that I do not in fact have it and, therefore, have absolutely no need for this letter...which is actually now the fourth copy I have received]






















Come back to me in another few years...

7.30.2008

Creepy Party Guy

I went to a party a while ago where I knew no one other then the birthday girl. She is a good friend of mine and I love her to death so I really wanted to make an appearance even though I don’t generally love these kinds of situations. The party was going great until I met "The Hunter.” He was awkward and tried to make jokes and sweat a lot and would not take a hint and leave me alone. No matter where I went in the various rooms he would follow me around. I can’t say I blame him, I was looking pretty HOT! But I ended up leaving the party around 9:00p because I could not take him anymore. I had dodged giving him my number three times (!) and had him trying to go salsa dancing with me the next evening. Get a clue dude.
It is always sad when you put all this effort into getting dressed up to enjoy a party and have to leave by 9:00p because some guy won’t stop following you. Luckily Ipp met me for drinks and the whole evening did not go to waste.
Since this time I have been invited to several parties/gatherings that I notice this gentleman has also been invited to. And I just think it is a shame that every time he RSVP’s yes to a party I am pretty sure I will no longer be interested in going. I just don't think the party of a mutual friend is the place to come on so strongly. Feel it out, sure - but when she starts running away from you and making excuses like "they probably don't have any pens here" when you ask her for her number, GIVE UP!

7.29.2008

An Open Letter to Mark Kanemura

My Dearest Mark,

First let me say that you have done a phenomenal job on So You Think You Can Dance. Top 6!! Amazing. [And I think you owe that to me, I vote for you A LOT last week – and I am pretty sure my friends are still mad at me. Will was pretty amazing. I digress.] I have enjoyed watching all [ok, most] of your dances. Each week I scream for joy like Mary as I put you on my hot tamale train [it also help me block out the harsh comments from the judges.] And you make one hot cowboy.




















I don’t think all of the criticism that has come upon you has been fair. You have a lot of spirit and character when you dance and I just don’t think America was ready for your pizzazz.
I don’t know if you recognize me from my profile picture but I was actually at the Thursday taping on July 17th. Right there in the second row behind a bunch of 13 year olds. I cheered really loud. I was the girl that yelled “Mark, take off your shirt” at one point. Anyway, I was really sad when you were in the bottom two but REALLY glad when you didn’t get cut. That’s why I voted so hard this last week to keep you out of the bottom two.

So, my point is I don’t know if you like women or not, but if you do, I hope you’ll give us a chance. I think you are amazing. I just think we have a lot in common. You make really good facial expressions…I have a lot of facial expressions. You dance in weird and contorted ways…I can’t dance so that’s kind of how I end up looking. You’ve danced a Mia Michaels routine…I am obsessed with Mia Michaels. In your car you are a professional singer…my Toyota is a pretty big fan of me. It must be real.

So, Myspace me sometime. I know I can’t dance but I still think we could do it up real nice. In the words of Mia Michaels "you're so gorgeous I could stab you."

And let’s talk about the fact that I hate men in V-necks and I still love you, that has to say something…

Lovingly,
Yeti

7.28.2008

Ew

I saw this on Michi's blog and it is..............................................................





















This is why I am opposed to name/people related tattoos

7.25.2008

7.24.2008

Myspace

I don't like myspace. I realize there are issues with facebook, but I really think there are less creeps on facebook then there are on myspace. For example:

Random Message:


















Random Friend Request:




















Um...no thank you. I don't really think myspace is the best place to hit on someone. And WHAT is a bunsss?

7.23.2008

Who can ask who out?

There seems to be mixed opinions about whether girls should ask guys out. Granted a majority of you said YES (63%), but that still leaves 36% of you that said no. When you ask a guy about whether they like to be asked out or not you will get mixed answers. I had a guy friend...we'll call him Ankle...get asked out a while ago rather abruptly by a female friend. He did not see it coming at all - but apparently she had been rather interested in him for quite some time. She did it in a rather non-threatening way "so, when are you and I going to go out?" That's probably how I would do it. But it caught him so off guard he didn't really know what to do. He basically said some off-handed comment to change the subject. She then used humor to cover the fact that she had just been denied. He didn't know how to handle the fact that he had just been asked out. Maybe he is just “old-fashioned” or maybe he just doesn’t like to be put in that position? At any rate it is worth a conversation.

Should girls ask guys out? Why not? I guess it helps them understand what guys have to go through - and I guess guys then understand what girls have to go through when they are put on the spot having just been asked out - that pit in their stomach desperately wanting to say yes because they appreciate being asked but reeeeeeeeeally not wanting to go out with that person. Then right after or the next day you get the I was only kidding.....riiiiiight. But it’s OK, girls try to save face too.

I just think that all this talk about guys wanting girls to be more aggressive or forward and ask guys out is a bunch of bull. It is only true when THE girl they want to ask them out does. It is the same for us girls. We love being asked out…IF it is a guy we like is the one doing the asking. I don’t think guys would really like it if more girls started asking guys out – cause then they would be put in a lot more awkward situations. Guys just want the girls they are into to make it a little easier on them.

7.22.2008

You won’t ever be lonely

Here’s another pick-up line for you. It’s been a while. This one is really pretty bad.

I went salsa dancing the other night [are you picking up that these guys are real winners?] I danced with this one not-awful-looking-but-really-short man about three times [His friend was suuuuuuuuuper gorgeous]. Later in the evening, after he had had a couple of drinks I am quite confident, he came up to ask me if I would be coming back to Vive next weekend.

Lonely: So, you’re going to come next week, right?
Yeti I am not sure.
Lonely: Why are you not sure? You have to come!
Yeti Well, my friend Erika is going to be out of town and I usually like to come with someone so we’ll see if I can find another friend to go with me. I don’t want to come alone
Lonely then slips his arm around Yeti's waist in an I’m-a-really-creepy-guy sort of way
Lonely: You might come alone but you won’t BE alone [wink]

Wow…if that doesn’t make me show up next week I don’t know what will.

7.21.2008

Would you dance with me…forever

Two girls are out for a night on the town.
The activity of choice? Salsa.
Destination? The Granada.

Girls enter club and maneuver their way to the other side of the dance floor. Squints immediately spots the girls and makes his way over to their standing area. The girls dance several dances with strange older men when Squints finally gets up the nerve to ask one of them to dance.

The following conversation takes place while dancing:
Squints: So, are you here alone tonight?
Friend: No, I’m here with my friend Yeti. [she later realizes he was probably referring to a date/boy/fiancĂ©e/husband type of alone…nevertheless, we move on]
Squints: Are you single?
Friend: Yes, but…er…um…[I am working on teaching her how to lie better in these situations – although her extreme discomfort should have been a real clue to him]
Squints: What do you think the chances are of a guy like me hooking up with a girl like you?
Friend: Um….that’s a really hard question. Uh….er….

The two continue dancing as my friend fumbles over her words a bit and contemplates how to best handle the awkwardness that are these questions. Squints spins her around and then into himself.

Squints: You know, you can dance closer to me.
Friend: Uh….er…I’ve only had one dance class.

After this rather awkward dance our poor Squints tries to dance with her several more times. She eventually has to tell him she needs to sit out a few dances and rest in order to get rid of him. Gotta give it to him for putting it out there and going for what he wants. Bold Moves!

7.18.2008

Cooking

So what if you don't wear a wonderbra and you can't cook??

7.17.2008

Why Men Withdraw...the real post

I have a statcounter on this blog, that’s what the program is called. It tells me how many people come visit my blog, where they are from (like what state) and if someone uses a google search or something of that nature what keywords they used to hit my blog. All of this is VERY fascinating to me. Especially when I look at the recent trends of what people have been searching on google and hitting my blog….take a look:

[click to enlarge]













If you do not immediately see the pattern let me help you…MEN WITHDRAW. Apparently. Unfortunately the post I did on this was pitiful – not even worth being hit by all of these wondering and questioning women and life partners. [If you want to read it it is here]. But I wanted to address this topic in more then just a throwaway post because it seems the world wants to know.

Now here is my only problem, I have no clue. I haven’t had, what do you call it, a serious relationship. I haven’t even given a guy the chance to withdraw from me. But here is what I glean from my conversations with others. [And I also offer this as an open forum for you ideas and comments].

What does it mean when men want to withdraw? Why does this happen? It could happen at any time: during a fight, in the middle of what seems to be a pretty healthy relationship, or simply in general while eating McDonalds or watching PTI [OK, that could just be because you are trying to talk while PTI is on…]

The trouble is every guy is different and there could be a million different reasons. All of you women searching for THE reason your guy is withdrawing – you aren’t going to find it here on the internet. Perhaps he is afraid of intimacy or the needed risk he must take to keep the relationship growing. Or perhaps he is afraid of losing you and would rather sabotage things (read as withdraw) and feel in control of the situation then end up getting hurt. Perhaps he has attachment issues.

Or maybe we are giving them all just too much credit. Maybe if they withdraw they just aren’t that into you…perhaps this is their way of slowly and subtly cutting it off hoping you’ll do it first?

At any rate…men, withdrawing isn’t working. The strong silent type attracted us, we liked that you were so mysterious, but now we need more.

7.16.2008

Sometimes it is OK to not say anything

I realize when we are in a relationship we like to show how committed we are. We like to prove to the person that no matter what, despite what imperfections there may be about you (or you THINK there may be about you) I choose you. But sometimes it is OK not to get too specific about that. Here are a few examples from girlfriends of mine:

“I like you for your imperfections.”
“Like what?” [you are in trouble when she asks this question…then again you never should have said she had imperfections you were aware of]
“Like your fuzzy face”

“I like that one little yellow front tooth you have”

“I like how your upper lip sweats” [she didn’t even KNOW that it did that until those “sweet” boyfriend of hers so lovingly pointed it out]

"I like when your mouth gets all sort of deformed to the left side when you try to talk about serious things."

"I like those two crater scares on your forehead."

It’s like Rachel says in FRIENDS…how would you feel if all the worst things you ever thought about yourself you just found out the one person you trusted more then anyone else in the world was thinking those same things? We don’t really need to hear you acknowledge our fuzzy face, yellow teeth and sweaty lips…

7.15.2008

Marketing Position Open??

I just can't help but think Baja Fresh needs to get a new web designer or marketing campaign manager, cause this web page is not good. It doesn't really sound like they are selling food. But keep reading if you want to know How to Get Fresh...

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[click to enlarge]

7.14.2008

Wedgies

I love holidays. Getting a day off work is wonderful. I am a big fan of sleeping in and running my own schedule (which typically won’t involve answering a phone or sitting in front of a computer). This most recent holiday, the celebration of our countries birthday, was wonderful. I was lazy all day long, which is just how vacations are supposed to be.

My roommates and I decided to take a walk to Starbucks for a little afternoon treat. On our way back home there was a car with a couple of guys in it stopped at a light watching us as we used the crosswalk. Now, we are three good-looking girls. We were walking, laughing, and having a pretty good time. I think the guys were enjoying watching us….until…

“Damn, why’d you have to do that???” I hear one of them yell out of the car window in a seemingly frustrating tone.

We all ignored him and just kept walking, but I asked my roommates if I had just heard what I thought I had…they concurred. Apparently guys don’t know that girls get wedgies and have to pick them. Sorry to ruin whatever illusion you were enjoying strange man. I should be smoother about picking them on street corners next time.

7.11.2008

Vodka Anyone?

I just thought more guys would buy this if they knew it came with a hot woman...





































































































































7.10.2008

Dating your best friends sibling

My older brother is quite the looker. His wife is a lucky gal (he’s lucky too). But when we were in middle school and even into high school I would have friends of mine want to come over and hang out at my house just so they could see my brother – they all had crushes on him. It used to get so annoying when all they wanted to do was sit and watch him play video games. Really? This is how you wanted to spend some quality time with me over the weekend?

I had a poll asking you if it was ok to date your best friends brother or sister. Most of you said yes. That is interesting to me. You must have had really good relationships with your siblings [or really bad ones] and really good relationships with your best friends [of whom never crossed you or actually tried to date your sibling]. I don’t think it is impossible, I think you could be very happy with your best friend’s sibling – but I do think there has to be a lot of intentionality and conversation that goes into a move like that. You are essentially choosing their sibling over them – saying this sibling of theirs will now become one of the most significant people in your life. It is hard to be “replaced” like that, especially when it is with a family member of yours.

I am interested to hear why most of you chose “yes”? Do you actually have an experience that makes you say yes? Do you just want to date one of you best friend’s siblings?

7.09.2008

Random Advice

I was walking down Colorado Blvd. the other day, by myself enjoying the beautiful day, when I ran into the strangest woman. She introduced herself to me and then proceeded to walk about three blocks with me. I got some of the most depressing advice I’ve ever received in my life from her:

It’s all about money. Seriously, make all the money you can. Get on all those internet site money-making things and just work hard and invest. Cause unless you own a home and have money for things you like you’re just at the mercy of others. Oh – and another thing – once you hit about 35, unless you’re a real powerhouse rich and successful business woman the cutes wear off and you won’t be good for anything but living next door to some Puerto Ricans, all 35 stuffed in a house burglarizing you whatever chance they get. I’m serious. I’m 56 – I know. That’s not what you want to hear but it’s true.

And then she ended this random meet and greet/advice giving session with a “God Bless.”

7.08.2008

Fashion Foopa

Uuuuuuuugly....
I realize I am not a big fan of men in Speedos [I think I have only actually given the OK to one guy] but this...this just might have topped that. Jim Carey, what are you thinking? Give Jenny back her swimsuit.





































Have I mentioned how much I love "Go Fug Yourself" blog? If you have never checked it out you should...the link is here or always the the right hand side of my blog under "For Your Reading Pleasure"

7.07.2008

Disclaimer

It has come to my attention that I need to do a little disclaimer blog. Just to cover a couple of things:

1. I am not talking about YOU. That is right. Unless I mention your name (directly or via a super creative and cleverly disguised nickname) the post you are reading is not about you. If you think it is…then that is just coincidence and you are human by nature and have a tendency to fall into the same actions most of us do.

2. I am fine. Apparently not all of my posts are funny – and that makes some of you worry. Well, relationships aren’t always happy or funny and if I want to touch on all sorts of things I can’t always be positive. If it brings you any comfort at all, I do get a lot of my material from conversations I have and overhear with other women in my life. But when I write them, I tell them in first person to make them easier for you to read and relate to. All that to say, I might not be the one dealing with certain issues I address on the blog. [Don't worry, all the stories are true] And I am working on it but I don’t exactly have enough of those funny pickup lines stored up….gotta get some more guys to hit on me first ;-)

3. I am not so good at advice. I realize I write this blog about guys and girls and communication…but I really have no idea what I am talking about. Feel free to keep asking me, just know that I am making up whatever I tell you when you come to me for advice [and if you are a boy I like my advice will always be “you should probably ask me out.”]

4. Please send me stories. I have shared a few stories of the funny happenings of my friends, which I think have been fun for all of you to read. So if you have funny stories send them to me. I’ll be happy to keep you anonymous if you would like. Also, if you have a topic that could be covered send that to me as well and I’d be happy to do a post on it, like the side hug. Wait, done that one…ok, you think of something. Send it to Wanderingellimac@gmail.com

Whew! OK, I feel so much better. I am really glad we had that D.T.R.

7.03.2008

Be Your Own Best Friend

Brilliant. This is brilliant. My friend Danielle did a post a little over a month ago that I just had to share. I can't think of a single thing to add to this post to make it better or more clear. And so, dear readers, I simply copy and paste for your enjoyment. Read, think, and then comment. Feel free to leave your comments here - or at Danielle's blog.
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Two days ago I sought the help of a trusted friend as I struggled with a decision to contact my ex. I had a seemingly legitimate reason I swear! Earlier that day I received a stupid chain text message on my phone from a number I didn't recognize. I sent a reply text and asked who it was. Turns out it was my ex's daughter. Great. Not only did the the text inform me that it was national "make out" week, it also warned me that if I did not send it to everyone in my contacts list that I would remain single for four years. I REALLY did not need to receive this message from my ex boyfriend's tween-age daughter. After I realized it was her I froze with uncertainty, not having a clue how to respond. What the heck? Should I text her back? Ignore her? What??? I ended up sending her a message that said "oh hey, didn't recognize the number, hope you are well!" To which she replied, "Ya." I left it at that. Afterwards, I contemplated letting my ex know that the whole exchange took place. I worried that somewhere down the road he'd hear that I texted her, and I really didn't want him to think that I was a crazy stalker trying to get to him through his daughter. As I began drafting the email, I made the call to my friend to get a second opinion about my plans. She emphatically insisted that I not send the email. She reminded me that I did not owe him an explanation and challenged me to think about why I was really contacting him. Her advice was very helpful and right on the money, so I ended up deleting the email, confidently knowing that whatever happens on my ex's end is of no concern to me.

Two days later, that same friend called to tell me that not only had she contacted her lowlife, scum of the earth, loser, two timing, sexist, manipulative, ex lover who she dated while he had a girlfriend, she also went out to lunch with him. This piece of crap literally asked her if she would be okay being the "other woman" again because he missed having her in his life yet did not want to hurt the current girlfriend who he plans on marrying. -Again, pig. My friend, despite being beautiful, kind, thoughtful, funny, and just plain wonderful, sincerely struggles to cut this guy off, because lets face it, being single in this oft cruel world is hard. It is so easy to fall back into the most destructive relationships because the are familiar, and they feel good in some (albeit sick and dysfunctional) ways.

After she told me, I made sure not to judge her because I have been in that boat. We usually judge ourselves harshly enough when we do stupid shit like that. I knew she was sharing her actions with me because she was unhappy about them. She didn't need me telling her how stupid she was being. She was beating herself up enough. I tried my best to encourage her to stay strong and to not get side tracked by this slight digression. But most importantly, I reminded her of the valuable advice she gave me two measely days before!

We both kind of chuckled over the whole thing because in my weak moments of stupidity I too have simultaneously given friends kick ass advice that for some reason or another I could not follow myself. WHY IS THAT? Why do we know what others should do, hell we even know what we should do, yet we can never take our own advice? I know that saying, "It's easier said than done" but that explanation doesn't cut it for me. There has to be something far deeper that is to blame for this phenomenon.

Is it possible that we can't follow our own advice because if we could we would be less inclined to depend on one another (in a good way?) Imagine if everyone followed their own advice all the time. Can you imagine how many cell phone bills would drastically go down, how many "Dear Abby" columns would cease, and how many relationship experts would be out of jobs? It would be mayhem! I think it is possible that our dependence on supportive networks, friends, family, etc is a necessary component of a healthy life, BUT where is the balance? I wonder sometimes what it would take to achieve a healthy balance between knowing when to take the advice of others, when to take our own advice, and realizing we are sabotaging ourselves when we choose "none of the above."

Through this tough love, heart to heart conversation with my friend we realized that in addition to sharing great advice with one another, we have come to understand that we really need to learn how to listen to ourselves more. I asked her last night to tell herself what to do as if she was talking to me. In other words, I told her to think of herself as her own best friend. You wouldn't make excuses for your best friend, you wouldn't overlook or minimize your best friends ignoramus of an ex, so why would you when it comes to yourself? If I could be my own BFF I would probably take much better care of myself, and I'd probably make much wiser decisions especially in regards to relationships. Just a thought.

7.02.2008

A Guys Apartment

Let’s admit it, it is kind of scary to go to a guy’s apartment for the first time. I mean, this tells you a lot about a guy. Is he the bachelor’s bachelor? You know, the stereotypical kind. Or does he have several gay friends, girlfriends, and a domineering mother that have all helped him make this a cozy habitat? Will you be able to breath? [You should bring febreez just in case] Are you going to find creatures? What kinds of “ex” remains will you find there? Does he sleep on the floor? Does he decorate with empty vodka bottles? [classy] Oh my gosh, what if he has a cat?!?
And then, perhaps we can get over the appearance of the actual apartment – but what happens when we catch a glimpse of his refrigerator or kitchen cabinets? [Only with his permission of course] Will there be more then just protein shakes, powders and bars in there? How old is that milk? What if he’s a vegetarian?
And I'm not even going to touch on how scary it is even thinking about having to go to the bathroom at his place for the first time. Oh Lord...just help him to have cleaned in the last three months...please...just let there be toilet paper...
All I’m saying, it can be scary. Maybe he should just come to my place.
…but I DO still sleep in bunk beds. Hmm…

7.01.2008

The Greatest Joy in Life















I don't get it.
There is no greater joy in life then...
eHarmony?
Guess we all better join.