8.21.2008

Should a guy say I love you first?

So, our last poll was pretty split. Should a guy be the first one to say I love you? Do you think it freaks them out if the girl says it first? Maybe it is a sense of “power” – no one wants to be the first one to say it because they want to make sure that the other one is in it as much as they are. They don’t want to seem too needy or vulnerable.
But all of this seems to come from such a selfish view of love, one that is threatened by the relationship and looking for what they can TAKE from it rather than what they can give TO it.
I don’t think it should matter. I guess my last two options were essentially saying the same thing [although I think what I was getting at is it actually DOESN’T matter as opposed to it SHOULDN’T matter…get it? Anyway.] I think it comes out of the heart that is saying I love you. Why are you saying it? Is it expressing something deep within you? Is it for the sake of the other? Does it benefit the two of you? Then why hold back? I don’t think the guy has to be the first to say it. The girl is just as much a part of that relationship as the man is and HE has just as much of a need to feel loved, validated and needed as the woman does.
But I am interested to hear from the 33% of you that said the man should say it first. I think I voted that way on one of my computers [Cat’s out of the bag…I vote twice on my own polls. Is that pathetic?] Where does this viewpoint stem from? Why do you think it needs to be the man that says I love you first?

7 comments:

The Gigglepuss said...

I voted solely on the fact that in general, guys seem to get scared off a lot easier than the ladies. USUALLY in my general observations, a guy says it when he feels it and the girl has already been feeling that way and just hadn't said it yet. :)

Eric J said...

I think "I love you" feels, in some ways, like saying "good morning": when someone says it back to you, the auto response is to say it back and NOT saying it can seem awkward/weird/rude. I think because a good deal of men seem to process emotions a bit more slowly (though by no means is this a rule), it's tough to hear the girl say it first because you feel you have to respond in kind.

Now, that said, I told Christy I loved her a few months before she said it to me. I kept plugging along with telling her how I felt, but she had to wait until she was ready to say it. But she's pretty stubborn and wasn't going to do something she didn't want to do, come hell or high water. :)

Olivia McCain said...

i also voted that the guy should say it first because in my personal experience it freaks guys out. and the best way to have the guy not freak out is to have him say it first.

and if i love a guy, the least i could do is give him the time to realize that he loves me. and not say it before he is ready to hear it.

i told my boyfriend about this theory and he had NO IDEA guys were supposed to say it first. He held off saying it because he realized I wasn't saying it. haha :)

Searching for the Yeti said...

olivia...that's funny! but do you think that's part of the problem we're talking about here? neither of you wanting to say it cause the other one isn't instead of just going with your heart?? Or do you think that kind of caution is ultimately good for the relationship?

Olivia McCain said...

from personal experience, caution is the better option. :)

clj said...

I voted for the duds because I would have been skittish. I don't think that it is a general rule, I'm learning that dudes have strong emotions, culture though doesn't normally accept a quick feeling guy. I wasn't voting for the world but for myself.

Anonymous said...

Well, I think the GIRL should say it first, I didnt vote but i think so bcuz a guy saying it first freaks out the GUY more than the GIRL. because if wither one freaks out its weird for the first few day or a long time for an answer