I can’t be trusted alone

It’s true when left to my own devices I am, quite frankly, a loser. The last date I had was a rotic [romantic without the man, get it? Not roMANtic, but rotic? I digress].

It was a Friday night and I had no plans so I decided to stay in. I had a steak in the fridge and thought it might be a good time to grill it up. I don’t have a grill so that part of the plan fell threw, but I decided to cook it up anyway. I threw together a creative [disgusting] concoction and threw it all in the oven.

While I waited for that to cook I popped open a bottle of wine (it was white) and threw in a romantic comedy, I believe the winner of the night was “You’ve Got Mail!”

I was enjoying my evening home alone. Delicious steak, bottle of wine, good movie…and even some chocolate chip cookies my roommate’s boyfriend had made and dropped off when they stopped in for a quick minute.

The fault of my evening came at TWO points.

Point ONE: I decided it would be a REALLY good idea to have a cigarette. I had only ever had one in my life and tonight seemed like a GREAT time to have my second one. We happened to have some in the house because of a party we had had the weekend before so I grabbed one and headed out to the patio. After a miserable 10 minutes of choking and coughing I came in satisfied [ah, yes, that is why I don’t smoke].

Point TWO: I actually finished the entire bottle of wine…BY MYSELF. That’s what you do on a date, right? Drink a nice bottle of wine? Only this bottle of wine was two-buck Chuck and I was on a date with myself.

Needless to say I crawled to bed not feeling so good. The mixture of ingredients I had put on my steak tasted weird, I drank a whole bottle of wine myself and the cigarette had just muddled them all together in a sickening way.

[2:00am Yeti's immediate roommate comes home from whatever evening activity she has been apart of. She silently enters room and begins quietly navigating around. Suddenly, Yeti's sits up in bed, moans slightly, and then vomits profusely all over the carpet next to her bed.]

Liz: Holy Crap!! Are you ok?

Now, I will confess, I do not remember much about the evening from this point on. I remember sitting in front of the toilet for a while to puke a couple more times while my ever so loving and gracious roommate cleaned up my vomit from the carpet. Apparently Liz and I had a whole conversation; she tells me I asked about her evening, told her some fun facts about Will Smith and then crawled myself back into bed.

And that, my friends, is what happens when I am left alone on a Friday night.
Please…someone find me a boyfriend.


Olivia McCain said...

here's what you should do next time: go to the grocery store on friday night to buy the steak. hang out in the meat section for awhile. then head over to the wine section (and you should drink Red Wine with red meat...) and then head over to the produce section, etc.

you'll meet your date while shopping for your night in. :)

Searching for the Yeti said...

yes, that is indeed a much better idea. and although red wine IS what goes with red meat...i am glad it was white wine i was drinking - easier on the head when you get a bit out of hand :)

Anonymous said...

"told her some fun facts about Will Smith" That's usually what I do when I'm drunk. Nice.

Danielle Graham said...

Doesn't everyone do this on Friday nights?

I am confused.

Olivia McCain said...

white wine makes it so the puke doesn't stain the carpet as much too.

you're always thinking... :)

john said...

Thanks for allowing us to laugh, a lot, at your own puky Friday night. A big chunk of red meat, nicotine, and a whole lot of vino...yep, kinda not a good recipe.
I'm just spitballing here, you understand, but if your roomie had taken a picture of you while hugging the throne, then made a flyer to pass out or post:
"Please date this woman, otherwise, this is what happens."

Or not.

Lindsey said...

I am laughing out loud at my desk. That is too funny. Liz is so sweet to take care of you.

karla said...

I'm pretty sure you were so ill because of Will Smith. Or rather, because I had a chance to meet Will Smith and you did not. I'm pretty sure that is what drove you to drink and smoke and led to such a lousy evening. It's okay, we can't all be BFF with Will. You'll get over this soon enough.

Dodi said...

you had a party last weekend? you little hussy!

p.s. and i am with Danielle- what about this is abnormal? i guess maybe i do have some stories for you...

clj said...

Your roommate's boyfriend brought you cookies? He sounds like quite a catch.

lizzo said...

he has huge hands, apparently. :)

though it was probably a very unpleasant evening for you, i have to say that it makes a great story. I LOVE MY ROOMMATE!!!

Anonymous said...

There is nothing abnormal about your night. We've all been there. Just remember to avoid the cigarette (or clove, or cigar) next time! Never a good combo. but a bottle of wine and a good movie all to yourself...sometimes that is just heaven!