3.31.2009

The power girls hold over guys

Let's talk about how girls can make money off of guys. I have talked about her before but I will talk about her again. My friend Olivia is A-stinking-mazing!! Her stories inspire me in ungodly ways :)

Here is one such story:

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Once, my girlfriend Laine wanted to fly to Chicago to visit me (she lives in Houston). But the plane ticket was over $300. I told her to book the ticket and I'll think of a way to raise the money to help pay for it. When she arrived in Chicago I told her we're throwing me a bachelorette party! I was completely single at the time. But the guys didn't know that! So for one night, I put on a cheap vail ($12) a cheap tiara ($10) and I wore my old engagement ring ($??)

We drank for free at every bar. We got herded to the front of the line at every bar. The cover charges were waived for us at every bar. And Laine and I carried around a bag of Blow Pop suckers which we sold to drunk guys. We made enough money to pay 100% for her plane ticket and we bought ourselves Cubs tickets for the next day. Woot!
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I don't think I have to say anything to this other than.....brilliant!

3.30.2009

March madness impeeds judgement

This conversation overheard recently. Sadly, I am not sure whether they were actually talking about teams or boys, a dangerous thing to blend...

He's no Big Red, of course, but I still have an affinity for giant, shaggy, shapeless blobs (which, incidentally, gives me great taste in mascots, but a questionable dating history). And their primary mascot is a fellow named D'Artagnan, and he has a mustache.

3.26.2009

Marry for citizenship























The last poll question was about marrying someone to secure them citizenship. I have a friend that did this for one of her best friends and so far it has worked out. But there are certainly ramifications. I will say that I believe I have heard more NEGATIVE stories than positive ones when it comes to marrying for citizenship.

I got this question from a reader in Nepal. Nepal does not allow duel citizenship, but they do allow what is called “marriage visas” which is for those married to a Nepali citizen and wanting to stay in Nepal for as long as they like without getting a Nepali passport and giving up their country of birth passport, a non-tourist marriage visa is the best way. Changing from a tourist visa to a non-tourist visa can sometimes be a lengthy process and a lot of waiting around before they get to your file. But without one of these you typically have to leave the country every three to six months for a period of time.

I guess I don’t think marrying someone to get citizenship or a visa is a good idea, but if you have a standing relationship with them I can understand why you would consider it.

3.25.2009

Some advice from the wee ones

HOW DO YOU DECIDE WHOM TO MARRY? (Written by kids)

You got to find somebody who likes the same stuff. Like, if you like sports, she should like it that you like sports, and she should keep the chips and dip coming.
-- Alan, age 10

No person really decides before they grow up who they're going to marry. God decides it all way before, and you get to find out later who you're stuck with.
-- Kristen, age 10

WHAT IS THE RIGHT AGE TO GET MARRIED?

Twenty-three is the best age because you know the person FOREVER by then.
-- Camille, age 10

HOW CAN A STRANGER TELL IF TWO PEOPLE ARE MARRIED?

You might have to guess, based on whether they seem to be yelling at the same kids.
-- Derrick, age 8

WHAT DO YOU THINK YOUR MOM AND DAD HAVE IN COMMON?

Both don't want any more kids.
-- Lori, age 8

WHAT DO MOST PEOPLE DO ON A DATE?

Dates are for having fun, and people should use them to get to know each other. Even boys have something to say if you listen long enough.
-- Lynnette, age 8 (isn't she a treasure)

On the first date, they just tell each other lies and that usually gets them interested enough to go for a second date.
-- Martin, age 10


WHAT WOULD YOU DO ON A FIRST DATE THAT WAS TURNING SOUR?

I'd run home and play dead. The next day I would call all the newspapers and make sure they wrote about me in all the dead columns. -- Craig, age 9

WHEN IS IT OKAY TO KISS SOMEONE?

When they're rich.
-- Pam, age 7


The law says you have to be eighteen, so I wouldn't want to mess with that.
- - Curt, age 7

The rule goes like this: If you kiss someone, then you should marry them and have kids with them. It's the right thing to do.
-- Howard, age 8

IS IT BETTER TO BE SINGLE OR MARRIED?

It's better for girls to be single but not for boys. Boys need someone to clean up after them.
-- Anita, age 9 (bless you child)

HOW WOULD THE WORLD BE DIFFERENT IF PEOPLE DIDN'T GET MARRIED?

There sure would be a lot of kids to explain, wouldn't there?
-- Kelvin, age 8

And the #1 Favorite is........

HOW WOULD YOU MAKE A MARRIAGE WORK?

Tell your wife that she looks pretty, even if she looks like a truck.
-- Ricky, age 10

3.24.2009

How to love a black man

"Most women, generally, don’t have much trouble attracting men. A woman doesn’t need to work harder to please a man because every woman has what it takes to get the love of any man... And there is nothing else better than a BLACK MAN AND WOMAN IN LOVE. The problem lies in how to love him, keep him and understand him.

The role of a woman who is connected to a man of destiny is to condition and prepare him for his opportunity. Be sensitive to his dreams, and help him shine without minimizing him even though you make more money. Invest in making him look good.

When a Black Man captures the heart of a lover, he longs for pleasure not pressure. He was never conditioned for chaos, conflict or confrontation. Dr. Bryant delivers effective relationship advice with wit on how to pamper, feed, and love your man. Discover how you can condition your man and freely check him; assist him without him feeling disrespected and demeaned.

Every woman has near limitless power to give and get the very best spiritually, physically, mentally, and emotionally in a relationship with a Black Man."

This, my friends, is a SERMON. Not kidding. You can find it here.

3.18.2009

How do you know you are in love?

I found this on the internet the other day and thought it was intriguing...thoughts?

How to Know if You're Really in Love

(original post...which is also a lot longer...found HERE)

There is no easy way to find the truth behind your feelings or the feelings of another person but there are some tell-tale signs that love is blooming (or growing deeper). If you agree with 7 of the following 9 statements you are probably in love.

  1. You know, because you have been told by your significant other, that your deep feelings are returned in kind.
  2. The object of your affections makes you feel special and good about yourself.
  3. If/when you feel jealous it is always fleeting; you trust your partner not to betray you or hurt your relationship.
  4. Nothing makes you feel as serene as when you and your partner are together.
  5. When you fight with your partner you usually make up within a few hours and you always agree that nothing is more important than you both being able to express your true feelings (even if they sometimes cause conflict).
  6. Your partner never asks you to choose between him/her and your loyalties to your family and friends - if you do choose him/her over them you always have a good reason and it is always YOUR decision, and your decision alone.
  7. Neither you or your partner feel the need to test the other's loyalties or feelings.
  8. You are more yourself when with your partner than you are with anybody else.
  9. If sex is part of your relationship it is by mutual desire and agreement without the slightest hint of commitment testing or persuasion.

3.16.2009

An ode to cam

There is a guy that I have admired from afar salsa dancing for a while now. All three years I've been dancing to be honest. His name is Cam and he is a stunning black man that salsa dances beautifully.

Only one problem. He'll never dance with me. All of my admiring really has been from afar. He asked my roommate to dance maybe once when we first laid eyes on him but from then on he just dropped us. It was like we never existed. We were all regulars at the same place, saw each other EVERY week - but we were forced to just drool from a distance as we watched this unattainable beauty dance with all the other girls.

All of that changed last night. Cam asked me to dance.

I don't know if there was a lack of other girls or my combination of my shimmery silver top and messy bun wrung him in...either way, the dance I had long since dreamed about was going to take place. I was finally face to face and hand in hand with my salsa crush.

...and that's when the dream began to crumble.

First, he was wearing a v-neck and had irregular amounts of chest hair [granted this might not freak out many of you, but I have an irrational fear of hairy chests]. You don't notice these things when you admire from a distance.

Second, we just didn't mesh well, no chemistry, no heat! This perfect dance I KNEW we would have if only he'd ask me was only a myth in my head. He was the hardest lead to follow and I found myself continually saying "sorry, oops, so sorry." [And none of the mistakes even led to accidental ass grabs or boob grazes] And then I thought, "you're so good looking, and I've waited so long, this should be hot!"

Third, well, there is no third. He is still just a stunning black man.

He seems like a nice enough guy, just painfully shy and I never should have ever danced with him. It is the age old phrase I always say: "I don't want to meet you cause you'll only disappoint me"

Some boys are better left at a distance. Cause now after three long years I need a new salsa crush.

3.11.2009

Nine words women use

This was a forward passed on to me...

(1) Fine: This is the word women use to end an argument when they are right and you need to shut up.

(2) Five Minutes: If she is getting dressed, this means a half an hour. Five minutes is only five minutes if you have just been given five more minutes to watch the game before helping around the house.

(3) Nothing: This is the calm before the storm. This means something, and you should be on your toes. Arguments that begin with nothing usually end in fine.

(4) Go Ahead: This is a dare, not permission. Don't Do It!

(5) Loud Sigh: This is actually a word, but is a non-verbal statement often misunderstood by men. A loud sigh means she thinks you are an idiot and wonders why she is wasting her time standing here and arguing with you about nothing. (Refer back to # 3 for the meaning of nothing.)

(6) That's Okay: This is one of the most dangerous statements a women can make to a man. That's okay means she wants to think long and hard before deciding how and when you will pay for your mistake.

(7) Thanks: A woman is thanking you, do not question, or faint. Just say you're welcome. (I want to add in a clause here - This is true, unless she says 'Thanks a lot' - that is PURE sarcasm and she is not thanking you at all. DO NOT say 'you're welcome' . That will bring on a 'whatever').

(8) Whatever: Is a woman's way of saying F-- YOU!

(9) Don't worry about it, I got it: Another dangerous statement, meaning this is something that a woman has told a man to do several times, but is now doing it herself. This will later result in a man asking 'What's wrong?' For the woman's response refer to # 3.


3.09.2009

Mustache March



Mustache March is upon us again…and I am moved to write something about it. This “holiday” was something I never saw observed until moving to California. And even now I see that fewer and fewer participants join in – but something even more unnerving is happening – PEOPLE ARE ACTUALLY ADDING MUSTACHES TO THEIR FACES ALL YEAR ROUND! And they are doing this on purpose. I don’t get this.



To help any of you men (hopefully) out there thinking about giving your girl a flip for a hairy upper lip…let me give you some feedback about a non-random sample I took on the feelings girls have about mustaches:

Yeti: "I think my great opposition to the mustache comes from my great LOVE for the beard, WHY would anyone cut off all of that other BEAUTIFUL hair leaving only the gross part? The upper lip is nothing without the rest of it."

Girl 1:
“March 1st marks the day when cute boys with full beards become... dirty pornstars."

Girl 2:
“This is the time of year when my guy friends turn into that creepy guy in the panel van the after-school specials told me to avoid. Yes; Tom Selleck can pull off the 'stache. You, my friend, are not Tom Selleck.”



Girl 3:
“I physically recoil when I think back to last March when my then boyfriend tried to grow a mustache. He was so proud of the rather scraggily thing growing on his upper lip that I didn't have the heart to tell him how much I didn't like it. I think he got the idea though when I became less and less enthusiastic about kissing him. He shaved it off by the middle of March.”

Girl 4:
My boyfriend didn’t participate in mustache march this year and I was like Yessssssss!



Girls 5&6:
#5: Have you seen your boyfriend today?
#6: Are you talking about mustache march? Yeah, I have.
#5: OH, GROSS... I had completely forgotten about that. Are people still doing that?
#6: He's pretty much a lone ranger. A lot of those guys work with children now... so the mustache just isn't appropriate.
#5: [laughs] mmm, yes. Probably a little too porny.

Girl 7:
“My boyfriend participated in Mustache March last year and when he shaved it off it was like the best day ever!”


And, since I felt I had to be FAIR…those trying to justify it did get a few good (slash mediocre) reviews:

“I love it! Mustache March is a fun tradition that the boys do and I like that they have fun with it. Besides, I often encourage facial hair. I probably like it more than I should, because I am single and therefore not dating anyone with a mustache. Which means I am not kissing them.”

“I'm such a proponent of facial hair on men that I cannot eschew it in any form, even in the questionable 'stache. I'm also a huge proponent of men who make me laugh. If they choose to do it by growing interesting things on their faces, so be it! I will laugh and love them anyway.”


So what do YOU think of the mustache??

3.05.2009

When did my dad become hotter than me?

It is a sad thing when your dad gets hit on more than you when you’re out one evening.

My dad came to visit me a while ago and we went out to dinner at the illustrious California Pizza Kitchen. We had a very nice waiter that took quite a liking to my dad. All throughout dinner he would refer to my father as “sweetheart,” “honey,” or “darling.” Whenever MY requests were taken a simple “what? Oh, ok, sure” was all I could get out of him.

And all evening long he would quite affectionately put his hand on my father’s shoulder all the while laughing at his [stupid] jokes. I could barely get him to look me in the eye. I should have been the one he liked…I didn’t send my iced tea back 7 times!

It was just very strange when I am the one with the blog writing about bad pick-up lines, dates gone bad and various blunders that occur in my run-ins with the opposite sex - and this guy wouldn’t give me the time of day. I guess I now know where I got it ;-) Thanks, dad!

3.03.2009

We women are hard on each other

Confession: we women are hard on each other – even if we don’t really know one another. When we first meet a guy the obvious first thing we have to do is find out whether he is taken or not [hand check]. And there is this strange thing that happens when women find out a man they think is pretty fantastic is taken. Whether this man is dating someone, engaged or married – the expectation is the same.

One of two things will happen…

We will be disappointed, but can’t really be upset because the girl he IS with is stinking amazing and they are really cute together. Somehow the fact that we can’t be with the guy becomes OK if he has chosen wisely in the girl he has decided to be with [I mean, if it can’t be us, it should be someone AS CLOSE to as amazing as us.]

Or we will just be annoyed because we didn’t meet him earlier. OBVIOUSLY he chose to settle because we were not in his life. We are simply annoyed that this man is not with someone fitting to his standard of awesome-ness. And, in some cases, we feel we must do something about it [I, of course, never feel this way].

All of life is a competition – and we women are watching each other WAY more than we are watching you guys.

3.02.2009

Should you live with someone before getting married?

OK, I waited a really long time to write about this one…so long that the poll question has been moved down to the bottom of the page. I don’t really know as though I have much to say on this topic – but I did ask the poll question so I guess I have to chime in here a bit.

There are positives and negatives to this (Evangelical beliefs laid aside)

I will say that I am quite surprised with how NOT close the poll was.
66% of you said no
26% of you said yes
And the rest of you said it doesn’t really matter.

Today it seems somewhat culturally bound…and I think there are benefits – it helps you really get to know someone (people are DIFFERENT when you live with them). There are lots of habits we can hide for a while that just creep out when you spend more time with someone.

Then again…with it being so culturally bound, there are times I think when you are not held accountable to the level of commitment you would be if you were living with someone in marriage. If you live with someone before you get married there are certain pressures that are not necessarily met by commitment…I mean, I guess you ARE committed to one another to a certain extent if you have taken the step to move in together – but, it is different.

I guess I think this one tends to be a case-by-case type of situation. What do you think?