5.28.2009

Attractive man slipped through my fingers

I saw one of the most attractive men I have ever seen in my life this last Sunday. While I was eating a burger (in a really dainty way) he walked by outside the restaurant window. I caught his eye and didn’t let it go cause I was trying to make a point “yeah, that’s right, I think you’re hot, you can come in here and talk to me.”

He didn’t really come in, but he DID walk by again 6 more times.

Had I been more witty in the moment I would have gotten up, gone outside and said: "Excuse me, you either find me very attractive or you are really lost – I can help you with either of those things."

But instead I let him just walk away…next time.

5.26.2009

An Open Letter to Simon

Dear Simon,

Jillian is stupid. Date me.

Warmly,
Yeti

--------------------------
Confession: I watch the Bachelorette.

Fact #1: I heart Simon Ambrose.

Fact #2: Jillian is dumb for cutting him last night.

Fact #3: I MAY have found him on facebook and added him as a friend.

Is that creepy? I mean, apparently he is single and looking (he let America know that when he joined the show). It would be unfair of me to hold back when I know that what he's looking for is ME. Plus he has an English accent. It would be unfair to myself if I didn't try to date him so I could hear it more often.

And while we're at it: I might be falling in love with Jake, Tanner P is creepy, Wes is annoying and Juan is an a-hole.

5.22.2009

Drinks? Yes, please!

If a guy's not asking me out for drinks...there's no point.























Thank you, Josh, for finding this for me!

5.21.2009

gChat

Here is a conversation I had with a friend last night. Let me know if you wanna set him up on a blind date with yourself...

9:12 PM Yeti: at the rate cougars fall in love with you, you’ll be FINE. Just find a cougar to be your sugar mama.

9:14 PM Mouse: cougars are terrified of commitment

9:15 PM Yeti: aren’t we all, I thought that was normal?

9:16 PM Mouse: I'm totally comfortable with it. provided that "it" is with a smokin hot english cellist between the ages of 18 and 25 who likes introspective literature, jazz, loves Jesus and has a propensity for understanding sarcasm.

9:17 PM Yeti: i could learn the cello....

9:18 PM Mouse: and it would be cool if she was moderately skilled at a variety of winter sports.

5.20.2009

Twice rejected

One of the things I really loved about eHarmony was the ability to be rejected twice by certain boys. Think about it – if you put your setting as wanting to be matched with “Christian” or anything else rather specific then you are really narrowing down the pool eHarmony is going to match you with. (and even if you don’t I am convinced that there really aren’t that many people on there so they just match you with the other 20 people in your zipcode). This, for me, meant that I got matched with many many boys both at my school and church.

While it allowed me to know that I was probably not getting matched with some psychos it also afforded me the opportunity to get rejected TWICE by these guys. They would close me down on eHarmony (probably using a vague explanation like “other”) and then when I saw them in real life I’d get rejected again: the awkward avoidance, the “we should hang out in groups”, the look that I can only assume means you-don’t-really-look-like-your-picture.

It’s okay though, because I make myself better by convincing myself that they are sad pathetic boys that are afraid to talk to or ask girls out in real life. I just shoot them back a glare that says “I know your secret too, buddy! And you’re right, I don’t look like my picture, I’m hotter. And now that you closed me down you don’t stand a chance. And every girl here is going to know that you like playing cops and robbers or scrabble on the weekends. And by the way, you spelled scrabble wrong in your profile, it has TWO b’s…I can tell you are probably really good at it!”

5.18.2009

Accents

What is it about accents? Seriously. I would marry a Scottish accent right now.

5.15.2009

Keep on treading

A new way to get around and flirt


























Found HERE, click on the link for many other great and innovative ideas!

5.11.2009

Country music...speak to me

You know you're in trouble when you listen to country music and start thinking to yourself "radio, you REALLY understand me. You're probably the only one who truly understand what I go through and how I feel."


5.07.2009

Stoplight

This is a great pick-up story submitted by one of my readers...enjoy! And send along one of your own!

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So I was on my way to meet my friend for a movie and coffee on a Friday night. I was at a red light doing the usual waiting-at-a-red-light stuff, when I caught motion out of the corner of my eye. I look to my right out the passenger window, and the guy in the truck next to me is gesturing pretty definitely in my direction. In the midst of a dear-lord-whose-pet-is-dragging-from-my-bumper moment, I roll down my window only to hear, "HI! ARE YOU SINGLE?" Of course, priding myself on my witty repartee, I replied, "HUH?" He then proceeds to shout at me through my passenger window that his name is Eddie, he "doesn't normally do this" but he looked over and thought I was "really attractive" and wanted to know if I was single. It was dark, cold and I didn't feel I looked particularly enchanting in my chunky turtleneck and my hair in a ponytail, but apparently I have achieved the level of cuteness necessary in Bakersfield for a drive-by-pickup! Still proud of my legendary wit, I reply, "THANKS!" At this point the light changes color, and he yells at me to meet him at the cafe. As there are no cafes on the street and I'm still a little freaked out by the fact that he's pacing my car, I respond with "I have plans!" At this point, I'm thinking to myself that the low point in my social life was New Year's Eve, when I joined EHarmony and then went to bed at 10:30. So, the guy who thinks I'm cute at the stoplight and who drives a nice car ranks higher than that, and I shout my number out to him through the window.

Not 30 seconds later, my phone rings, and it's a number I don't recognize. I answer, and the first thing I hear is, "I'm not calling you calling you. I'm just making sure I have the right number." I laugh at him and, as my shock has ebbed and allowed the witty brain to take over from the dumbass blonde that was in control, I ask him to repeat his name for me. "It was Eddie, right? Not wierd stoplight stalker car guy?" I hear a strained sort of chuckle forced out (you know, the kind when the other person doesn't really get the joke but is laughing because he thinks he's supposed to...) and then fumblingly I hear, "And your name was Melissa, right? Not wierd stoplight stalker car girl?" Ouch, Eddie! You can't repeat the joke straight back to the person who just said it, you have to roll with it! 50 points for unique approach, -40 for lack of wit... so I give him one more chance. Short girls NEVER understand what the big deal is about height or why it sucks so much when they take the tall men and leave the scrawny ones for us giantesses... I really am 5'10" in my bare feet and I like cute shoes and tall men. Short men don't do anything for me at all, and believe me I've given it the old college try. So you can see what's coming... "Got a question for ya, Eddie. How tall are you?" Now, guys under 6'4" tend to add at least an inch to their height (same way girls over 120 drop 20 pounds every time), so when I hear 5'9", this is over for me, seriously. Unfortunately, Eddie thinks we've made a connection and is still fighting his cause. He wants to know do I dance, because he likes to take his women dancing, and sometimes we have to just not get everything on our wish list wah wah wah, wah wah... hello Charlie Brown's teacher! Seriously. I'm beginning to believe in matchmaking, because if this is what's left out there, I need a few more cats!

The nail in the coffin for poor Eddie, though, was when he called Tuesday morning and sounded genuinely surprised that I was working. To his credit, though, after I blew off calling him back that night he really did get the hint and hasn't called since... and while Eddie will never get the chance to be Mr. Yearbook Girl, he definitely so far gets the award for most creative pickup to date!

5.06.2009

Cherish each day

What is more distracting:
A. lyrics
B. v-neck
C. pitch
D. background vocals



Thank you for posting this, Pastor The Reverend Karl.

5.05.2009

Medical conditions

So a guy I know through a friend decided to join a Christian dating site [gotta be safe ya know, weed out the crazies], and a few days into it he got a message from a woman (no picture included on her profile), which said:
"We have a lot in common, you seem like a great guy, we should get together and do drinks sometime. I do have to warn you though, due to a medical condition we could never be anything more than friends."
At the risk of sounding like a complete jerk, I just HAVE to wonder what that means. The mind just runs wild. And...does he accept just to find out?

5.04.2009

Sick days

How did I manage sick days before Netflix?