10.31.2008

Just a little naughty

A new beverage...and some last minute costume ideas.













































10.30.2008

Office Dating

A while ago we talked about Church Dating. There was some good discussion, and out of that discussion we got on the topic of Office Dating. I am torn about office dating, but mostly I think it is a bad idea:

1. You have to see this person EVERY DAY, if it does not work out - awkward.
2. You get to see this person EVERY DAY, if it works out - awesome.





















I guess if you are interested in someone at work it can be miserable being around them all the time without at least giving it a shot...but beware the repercussions.

I don't know, it worked for Jim and Pam [who aren't real] but I think they're the exception.

**P.S..did you see I moved to a dot com? Make sure you update your bookmarks and post feeds!

10.29.2008

A bit of poetry

I have a favorite poet, and I think more of you need to know about her. LaDonna Witmer. I read as much of her as I can get. Her writing make me feel like her and I would be best friends and share great conversations over a cup of coffee, while at the same time pretty much convince me I would never be cool enough to hold a conversation with her...I am caught somewhere in the middle. She is brilliant. Buy her books of poetry, look through her website and watch her Cin├ępoems. Here is a recent blog post she did that I thought was beautiful so I share it with you:
----------------------------------
And Then

They say life's a bitch and then you die, and they may not be all wrong on that point.

But in between the bitch and the death there's a whole lot of living going on. And not all of the stuff that makes living worthwhile is headline-worthy.

I used to build my life around all the And Then's:
go to school And Then summer break. graduate And Then college. graduate again And Then find a job. write a poem And Then get published. meet a boy And Then go steady. recover from breakup And Then find new boy. read great book And Then buy the sequel. go on vacation And Then plan the next trip.

You get the gist.

Always something new, something more, something better just around the corner, And Then the next corner, And Then the one just past that.

Perhaps it's age or a small measure of experience or some bit of unwarranted wisdom, but somewhere along the way from one corner to the other, I've discovered that the really good bits of living, the moments that keep you afloat when the floods come, are the ones that come just before and between the And Then's.

Not just looking forward to reading a good book, but really enjoying the one you're reading right now. Not just getting published, but actually writing, the minute decisions you make as you set the words down on the page, cross them out, and starting again. Not just going on vacation, but all the small delicious bits of planning that come before -- buying the guidebook, exploring a map, learning new Italian phrases.

Life happens in the moments in between. In the waiting. In the details. In the insignificant moments. During breakfast. At bedtime. Or when you open your eyes two minutes before your alarm goes off.

And Then isn't the point. It's a distraction. When you're always peering around the corner, looking through the next doorway, you're too impatient to appreciate the small things unfolding all around you.

So that's my platitude for today. Maybe I'll think about it a bit longer And Then I can write about it a bit more eloquently.

*wink*

-Lo, who has no idea what's coming next.

10.27.2008

A good profile...the writing

The actual profile is another difficult area (OK, I guess the only other area, really). So let’s see if we can give a couple tips on this one.

Do NOT say you can’t live without sex…it makes us think you aren’t serious about a relationship or are going to jump us on the first date.

If there is a question regarding what is most important to you/what you can’t live without, don’t say “friends, family, God” blah blah blah, those are kind of givens – all you are telling us is that you are the same as every other guy we’ve been matched with. What makes you stand out? Be unique. What do your friends mock you relentlessly for because you can’t live without it?

We want something that shows your personality – what makes you distinctive – why would we choose you out of the THOUSANDS of men eHarmony things we are compatible with on 29 dimensions? Like, what you’re most passionate about, how you spend your leisure time or “additional information” are great areas you can let your personality show.

We do actually care about grammar. Take the time to read through your profile and make sure everything is spelled correctly. And please do not write stream of thought.

Make sure you fill out enough sections. While the strong silent type is a draw for many of us – you’ve got to give us SOMETHING to go off of. If you only have three answers filled out, we’re not likely to bite the bait (unless you have a REEEEEEEALLY pretty face).

Bottom line: it is hard to meet people online. You’ve only got a small space to show a bit about yourself. You don’t have to be so serious right away, make it fun and show your personality.

…or just email it to me and I’ll proof it for you – that might just be easier ☺

**P.S..did you see I moved to a dot com? Make sure you update your bookmarks and post feeds!

10.24.2008

Espresso...a first class experience

You shouldn't have to settle for less than the best when it comes to espresso. And I should know, I am an addict.

10.23.2008

The only way to bring an end to the divisive politics in washington

I saw this on my friend Michi's blog...























I am really hopeful this could be a pairing for next season's "Dancing with the Stars"

**P.S..did you see I moved to a dot com? Make sure you update your bookmarks and post feeds!

10.22.2008

Dot Com

I'm finally a dot com.
I feel like such a grown up.
Now I just have to work on new formatting...
all in due time.

Until then, find me at http://www.searchingfortheyeti.com

Marry to live a healthier life

First of all, I would like to thank whatever anonymous person started sending me Prevention Magazine. I have no idea WHY I am now receiving this magazine, or why anyone thought of me when considering this publication...but now you, my readers, will reap the benefits.

I've found a couple interesting articles lately:

#1: New research shows how marriage affects your health in the long run

(July 4, 2006) -- Married folks have longer, healthier lives than singles, research finds--and a new British report sheds light on why. Men cut down on fat, salt, and sugar when they move in with a partner.

Getting hitched is good for women, too--eventually. "At first, women eat more unhealthy foods and put on weight," says lead researcher Amelia Lake, RD, of the University of Newcastle upon Tyne's Human Nutrition Research Centre, who reviewed 15 studies on couples. Women gain 3 pounds on average within 3 months of saying "I do"--and 19 pounds by their 10th anniversary.

But as the years go by, couples tend to adopt each other's better habits. A University of Pittsburgh study of 3,075 men and women ages 70 to 79 finds that married couples are more active than solos, and highly active men are three times more likely to have a vigorous wife.

#2: The heart benefits from a great relationship

Give your honey a big kiss. New research shows that love guards against heart disease, women's number one killer.

The catch: Only women in happy twosomes get this better-than-a-pill protection, says San Diego State University psychologist Linda C. Gallo, PhD, who tracked the health and happiness of 493 women for 13 years. Using blood tests, Gallo found that women with the luck, skill, or emotional fortitude to have created highly satisfying marriages were simply in better health.

They exercised more, smoked less, and felt less frazzled. As a result, their cholesterol, blood pressure, blood sugar, and body weight--the big heart attack risk factors--were lower. They also felt less depressed, anxious, and stressed.

Top happy-marriage factors: time together, communication, good sex, and financial compatibility, plus shared lifestyle, personality type, and interests.

"It's clearly worth nurturing your marriage--in ways that make you feel happy--for the sake of your own health," Gallo says.

#3: Why a strong relationship equals a strong heart

As wiser men than I have observed, it's never possible to truly know the nature of another person's marriage--but as a cardiologist, that doesn't stop me from trying. Don't get me wrong. I'm not interested in gathering titillating details or conducting a field study on the laws of attraction. My radar is sensitive to the status of my patients' relationships for one reason: Marriage affects your risk of having a heart attack.

For many of us, that influence is positive. We now have a lot of evidence that intimate relationships (and to a lesser degree, friendships) buffer you against heart disease. On the whole, long-term statistics show that married people live longer than singles, suggesting that it's always better to tie the knot than to go it alone.

But is it? Some recent research showed that the marital effect is more complicated than that. (When it comes to marriage, is anything uncomplicated?) A recent study in the Annals of Behavioral Medicine found that a troubled relationship is worse for you than remaining single. Spouses who reported a lot of negative encounters with their partner had blood pressure that was on average 5 points higher than that of single people. The emotional stress of a difficult marriage typically causes adrenaline levels in the blood to spike, raising blood pressure; it can also cause blood vessels to spasm. Worse, women who keep their feelings to themselves during arguments with their husband have a four times greater risk of dying than women who do not, according to findings reported in the journal Psychosomatic Medicine.

So obviously, the quality of your marriage is a key factor in determining whether your heart will benefit from it.

In my practice, I can get a pretty good idea about how a couple is getting along if they come in together. Sometimes a little squabbling is a good sign. Typically, the wife has urged her husband, who'd rather be at work or playing golf, to make an appointment. I'll ask him if he's eating right, exercising, no longer smoking. He'll say yes, while behind him, his wife will be shaking her head no. Although they appear to be in conflict, I don't worry about them: They obviously care about each other or they wouldn't be here.

Other patients simply confide in me, or my staff, that their marriage is going poorly. I advise them to spend more time exercising, which is the best anxiety reducer I know. But the most important thing I tell them is that they should seek more social support--concentrate on seeing more of their friends and kids so they acquire the heart-protective benefits of good relationships outside their marriage.

The lesson for you? When you bolster your marriage, you invest in your heart health. And if your relationship hits an extended rough patch, tell your doctors. They may not be much good at marriage counseling, but they will help prevent your heart from breaking, literally, even more.

Arthur Agatston, MD, a preventive cardiologist and an associate professor of medicine at the University of Miami Miller School of Medicine, conducted several groundbreaking studies on heart disease and is the author of The South Beach Diet Supercharged: Faster Weight Loss and Better Health for Life. He maintains a cardiology practice and research foundation in Miami Beach, FL.

-----------------------------------

So, basically, being single can be detrimental to your health. Maybe the NCMO doesn't sound like such a bad idea now...

10.21.2008

I'm scared

This really has nothing to do with the content of my blog but I thought it was hilarious. Some "how-to" books should never be written...















I found this photo HERE.

10.20.2008

Oops

I am playing with the layout of by blog and in doing so completely wiped it out and had to rebuild it. Luckily I didn't lose everything (meaning my posts) but I lost all that fancy stuff on the side...oops.
Guess I need some help from someone who knows a bit more about technology :) Sorry for the hiccup (and the ones yet to come) - we'll be back on track here soon enough.

The NCMO

My friend Ipp did an amazing post on the NCMO. I have copied and pasted it here for you convenience, but you can also CLICK HERE and read his original post. Go ahead, chime in - what do YOU think about the NCMO?
--------------------------------

Pronunciation: \ nic-mo\ or \ non committal make out\
Function: verb
Etymology: English slang, deriving from Christian youth subculture.
Date: Late 1990s
1. The act of engaging in kissing or make out type actions with no expectation or hope for a future relationship.

At one time or another we have all entertained the thought of the NCMO. Some of us joke more candidly about the idea, and still there are even a select few that have utilized the NCMO. Nevertheless, there are still many questions surrounding the event. Is a NCMO truly possible?

Sure, we all have our animalistic urges for physical affection. We often pawn off the idea, but everyone needs a good hug to keep his or her sanity. When the well runs dry, to what lengths are we allowed to seek other means of quenching our thirst?

On paper the NCMO works perfectly for this occasion. However, what are the true expectations of the involved parties? Common sense will tell you that at least one of the parties [if not both] anticipates more than a one-time rendezvous. With false expectations curtailing from at least one member, awkward encounters are the least of concerns.

What about those individuals who base an entire relationship off the NCMO? They continue to engage in the non-committal make out, time and time again. The investment of feelings and emotions are bound to enter the equation at some point.

You can’t have your cake and eat it too.

There are two sides of the coin any way you flip it. Regardless of the intentions, the consequences seem to be cloudier than a smog heavy day in Los Angeles.

What are your thoughts on the NCMO?

10.16.2008

10 things i love about you

For my man friends in relationships...a little advice from Rhett and Link

10.15.2008

Why don’t you have a boyfriend?

You know what question I really hate answering? “So, why don't you have a boyfriend?” How am I supposed to answer that? This is not some conscious decision I am making [even though Joshua Harris tried REALLY hard when I was in jr. high to convince me it should be]. I have not had 15 great offers in the past month that I have turned down because I really want the last spot in that convent. I just don't know what people expect you to say when they ask you this.
“Why don’t YOU?” (said with a sassy attitude)
“Cause I’m in love with you.”
“I do…how did you not know that?”
“I’m dating Jesus.”
“I’m pretty sure eHarmony will find me one any day now.”
“Cause boys smell.”
“My dad shot the last one.”
“Haven’t found anyone that’s been able to handle me yet.”

…so, why don’t some of YOU have a boyfriend or girlfriend?

10.14.2008

Awkward situation

#3: Visiting a boyfriend out of state and getting broken up with mid-trip.

No one wants to be there anymore:
He wants you gone.
You want to leave.
...why didn't you just drive?

*note: this scenario did not actually happen to me, don't be afraid to comment.

10.13.2008

Probably toasted

My roommate Erika and I were walking out of Vive after a good night of salsa dancing when we were approached by an attractive Indian man with a British accent just walking down the street with his headphones in.
As he passed Erika he looked at her and said, “you look REALLY beautiful tonight”

[The following takes place in a matter of three minutes]

Erika: You look really familiar, do I know you?
V: What? (removing headphones from ears) Yeah, you totally look familiar to me too. (lie. Good one, but a lie).
Erika: Where are you from?
V: I’m Indian, I’m from fuckin’ India.
Erika: Noooo, (giggle) I mean do you live in Pasadena?
V: For like a thousand years probably [British accent is fading in and out]
V: We should go get a cocktail right now.
Erika: Oh, I don’t know about that. We are just headed home. [Erika points at Yeti who kind of can’t believe this whole interaction is taking place]
V: Ohhhhh, riiiiiight, you’ve gotta work. I’ve gotta fuckin’ work in the morning too.
Erika: Where do you work?
V: Right there at city hall. [points behind him to where the Pasadena City Hall….kind of…is]
Erika: what do you do?
V: I’m an architect. [I am now worried about the structural integrity of our new City Hall]
Erika: That’s really cool.
V: (Turns to Yeti) What do you do?
Yeti: I work for….(cut off)
V: Come one let’s just grab a fuckin’ cocktail.
Yeti: How bout you give us your number and we’ll call you some other time to grab a drink [SEE readers, I am learning to GET the number NOT give it!]
V: You won’t fuckin’ call.
Yeti: But what if we do?
V: You all say that.
Yeti: Well, just try us and give us the number.
Erika: well, since you are so adamant we won’t call, we probably will.
V: (turns his head to the sky, as if looking to the Lord) Oh, so that's how it works?
Erika: Are you sure you need a cocktail tonight? Where did you just come from?
V: I was in Hollywood one day last week.
[Erika and Yeti…exchanging confused look….]

[V Starts going through his wallet (we assume trying to look for a business card) but then pulls out his license and shows it to us.]
V: Look, this is me, I’m serious, I’m a good guy.
Yeti: Yeah, you have a nice smile.
V: Yeah, it’s a great smile.
Yeti: Look, you’re an organ donor – you’re for sure a nice guy.
V: Yeah, why would I fuckin’ keep these things when I’m gone. In fact (giggle, giggle) I feel pretty bad (giggle, giggle) for whoever gets my liver when I kick it (giggle, giggle).
[Erika and Yeti courteous/nervous laughter]
V: (looking toward Erika) Seriously, you are beautiful, where are you from?
Erika: Whittier
V: No, but like, Mexico or something?
Erika: My parents are.
V: (Turns to Yeti) You’re pretty too, where are you from?
Yeti: Umm, Illinois.
V: Ah yeah, Chicago and shit.
V: I am moving to Chicago in a year for grad school intenational relationations U of Chi. [imitates as if smoking weed].
Yeti: So you plan to study a lot?
V: Well, yeah, and blues and jazz and shit.
Yeti: See, if you give us your number now – we could call you then as well when we are back in Chicago for Christmas.
V: I don’t have any business cards.
Yeti: You could just give it to us and we could put it in our phone.
V: Um, Ok 530…that’s the area code, I used to live in San Francisco…530
Erika: You lived in San Franscico? I love it there
V: Yeah, dude, that is a fuckin’ great city!
Yeti: (turning toward Erika) Please don’t distract him – he needs to just get this out.
Erika: Oh, yeah (giggle) sorry.
V: 530…. [moments that feel like hours later we have the number]
Yeti: OK, we will give you a call sometime.
V: Really? Cause, actually, you probably shouldn't. You don’t want to know me (giggle, giggle).
Erika: giggle giggle giggle…k, walk safe!

Yeti and Erika: OK, we are SO going to call that guy!!

10.10.2008

My number

The tag line reads: "Let's keep on dreaming of a better world" - riiiiight.

10.09.2008

Craigslist

Why pay for online dating when you can just put a post up on craigslist?

When watching 90210 Tuesday night [I know, I know, I judge me too!] the hot English teacher was on a site called "I'd Date Me". I immediately became curious as to whether this site actually existed or not so my roommates and I did a websearch. It does not...but we were delighted in what we DID find...

I'd Date me =D Just Read!!

I went to a show about 2 days ago. @ Bowery. It was cool but it sucked cause everybody there had a chick to rock out with. I was like damn, I really miss those days.
I just want a girl that;
-Likes dinner and a movie -Doesnt mind my dorkiness at times
-Likes to laugh
-Go to shows and concert
-Listens to good music with (Dance Gavin Dance and The Used) and get all close
-Isnt high maintence
-Who I can text random things too like "Will you date me" and "I love you"
-Wears my sweaters
-Love to shop @ hm, urban, and Journeys
-I can hang with @ St. Marks Place
-And eat with @ BAM, Dumpling Factory, or Chipolte Mexican.

You could really learn to fall in love with me cause im that type. Really funny,cute and snuggly, chill, and laidback. I write poetry and skateboard so thats a plus. Im kinda femme tomboy. Skinny pants and dirty vans. Im no weirdo just heard other people did this so i'll give it a shot. Hey who knows!
Send me a pic and i'll send mine, we'll talk and yeah..
Ok see ya!

---------------------------------
That's right - you can post about yourself on Craigslist...then just wait for the dates to start rolling in. And if you are in New York, please email this guy - and then send me the story. He just sounds like a good time.
[I also get a kick out of the "missed connection" section. But, please, beware of some of the other sections Craigslist has allowed...not so good]

10.08.2008

A good profile...the photo

I had someone recently write in and ask me if I would write on what makes a good online dating profile. I thought this was quite an interesting idea – and having seen my fair share of AWFUL online profiles, I decided to take up the challenge. Now, remember, this is just my opinion (with some input from my girlfriends) so take it with a grain of salt.
I decided we needed to break it up into categories so here is the first of I have no idea how many.

#1 The Photo

The photo, let’s admit it, is probably the most important part of your profile. This is where the first impression comes in. If the initial “I think I could be attracted to this person” is not there – most people won’t take a whole lot of time reading the rest of what you have to say. So here are some helpful hints (and samples)…most what NOT to do.

Do NOT put up pictures of you with other women unless it is labeled “me and my mom” [and even then…I am not quite sure I am ready to meet your mom yet]. And while we are at it, photos where you have clearly cropped out a woman smashing herself very close against you or simply blurred out her face are not noble attempts to avoid this...and neither are you with WAX figurines. Just TAKE A NEW PHOTO if you don’t have any without girls in them.


































Do NOT take a photo of you half naked in the mirror with your cell phone.























Do NOT take three different photos of you that are exactly the same just three different angles with slightly different faces. This does not help me.




























Do NOT take a photo with your stuffed animal. I know you are trying to convey you are funny, but it comes of kind of weird.






























Do NOT put up group shots unless it is close enough so we can see your face and you clearly label yourself. I don’t know you well enough yet to pick you out of a crowd. Make sure it is full-size…the tinny-tiny photos are not really worth it.
















Do NOT put up pictures that are not you. It is REAL funny when you put up pictures of celebrities. If only I had actually been matched with them.























OK, that is as picky as I can think to be at the moment. Anyone else have helpful hints to add?

10.07.2008

Get to the point already

As lived and retold by my friend, Charissa. Enjoy:

---------------------------------------------------------

scene:

borders bookstore, i'm sitting on a windowsill, browsing through a book. a man approaches me. he's maybe in his late 20s, dressed like he's coming from work, attractive (but not my type of attractive. i like cuteindiehipsters...he's more business-smooth).

him: excuse me, can i ask you a question?
me: sure (great. which one is he going to ask - where are you from? where were you born? what nationality are you?)
him: well, tell me what you think about this. is it wrong if a girl starts dating her best friend's ex-boyfriend?"
me: (entirely caught off guard) i'm sorry, what? say that again?

he repeats the scenario. i respond.

him: well, let me also ask you this. my friend has this girlfriend and she never lets him see us. we don't hang out with him anymore because she doesn't let him. what should i do? do i say something? i don't want to hurt my friend's feelings.

random, right? i assume that this guy is trying to hit on me, but not entirely sure where this is actually going. or why he's asking me this question? because i'm pretty sure i do not exude "relationship expert, ask me for advice." if anything, he should be paying me since i guess am trying to make a living off of this. HA.

i answer with some generic, basic advice...blahblah. and then i wait. is...he now gonna ask for my number? or...does he want to give me some context for why he asked them? ...and nothing. he asks me about the book i'm reading and then thanks for me for my time and leaves.

the hell? so i continue to browse through my book.

five minutes later, he comes back.
him: hey, help me find a book?
me: uh, sure?
he walks over to the psych/self-help/relationship section...
me: what type of book are you looking for?
him: i don't know...something in psychology. in this section
me: is....there something more specific? why are you wanting to find a book?
him: you seem like you would know some good books, what should i read?

i'm still confused at this point. but, i'm going with it. and the conversation is friendly, flirty. simply cuz... i am a flirt. i start pointing out a bunch of books that i've read (mostly for my mft classes). and so, it comes up that i went to school for counseling, that i just graduated...blahblah.
him: so what do you do now, that you graduated?
me: look for a job.
him: oh, so you're not working now?
me: nope. i'm a lady of leisure (if that doesn't attract a boy, i don't know what will)

then, all of a sudden,
him: whats your favorite color? (HUH?)

i answer. then he asks me what my favorite animal is. and then to name a body of water. and maybe one other question, i don't remember. i oblige. THEN, he asks me to describe three reasons why each answer is my favorite.
him: three reasons, why do you like the hippopotamus?
me: uh. i...like the word itself and that the plural is hippopotami. (yeah...i'm a nerd) and did you know that a group of hippos is called a bloat? a bloat of hippopotami. i learned that by doing a crossword puzzle. i like crossword puzzles. (again, if that doesn't attract a boy...)

so we go through this long thing of me describing my answers half-assedly. cuz really? this conversation is lame. and then he proceeds to tell me what my answers say about me and how people see me.

HAHA. WHAT. was he doing? assessing me? giving me some sort of personality test? is this eharmony, in real life? will he ask me out depending on my answers? is this what this whole thing has been all along?

finally, he says he has to leave for work soon.
him: so...how.... do we continue this conversation? (and ok, THERE IT IS, what he's been working toward this entire time)
me: i don't know... the ellipses here conveys my tone of voice and facial expression of giving him the opportunity to directly ask for my contact info, or to say well let's get coffee, or SOMETHING. because i am just not just gonna give homeboy my number if he is not going to be bold and actually ask me. no games here. and i would have given it to this guy even though i was not super attracted to him (let's remember folks, will date for food).

him: oh. uh... well...maybe i'll see you here again? (uh, THAT'S what you follow up with?)
me: sure?
him:
well are you here often? i've never seen you here before
me: uh. how often do you come here? (is this a regular thing for him, scoping out the chicks at borders?)
him: maybe about twice a week...

and then there was a kind of weird awkward...big-gulps-huh?-welp-see-ya-later moment...
and we parted ways.

look. it's simple, really. sometimes you don't need to come up with some grand scheme to talk to a girl. just ask her out.

10.06.2008

Premarital Sex

Well, it is my fault I asked the question about premarital sex – so now I have to write about it. Now, I have to warn you that I come from a particular background and context so as you read on, know that I share my opinion from within that worldview and framework. This may be convicting? Perhaps. Maybe frustrating and a bit one-sided? Yes. But I hope no one feels condemned. I am simply sharing my opinion and the thoughts of others I have appreciated, giving some of the reasons behind these opinions.
Much of this post will come from the arguments of Greg Boyd (you can read them more in-depth on his blog or listen to his sermon).

As many of you know, I LOVE the show “Friends”. As I re-watched one of the episodes the other day, and Boyd pointed out in one of his blog posts, I was reminded of this topic (well, really, most episodes remind me of this topic but…nevertheless). Monica asked Richard whom she’d begun to have sex with again (after a painful break-up): “Can’t we just be friends that have sex?” “Sure,” he replied. "It’ll just be something we do together – like playing racquetball.”

Greg Boyd puts it well when he says, “I think that pretty much sums up what sex has largely become in our culture. A nice form of pleasurable recreation. It's so pervasive in our culture that to call it into question is to come across to many as moralistic, repressive, Victorian and just down-right unenlightened. But we've got to help people see that sex was designed by God to be the precious sign of the most important covenant two people can make with each other: the pledge of marriage. And, perhaps most importantly, we've got to help people see that the racquetball philosophy of sex is ugly bondage while the sign of the covenant view of sex is beautiful FREEDOM.”

I think the problem we have here boils down to two things. One, marriage is not regarded as highly as it once was. And two, sex is seen as more of a pleasure-seeking individualistic activity. Marriage was once a relationship that people aspired to - now we see many people proud of the fact that they live together, build lives and families together, and never enter into that covenant of marriage. "Just in case" I guess is what you would call today's view of relationships. We have become more and more individualistic thinking that relationships and all that they entail (i.e. sex) are to meet our desires and at the disposal of our pleasure-seeking whims.

Here are common arguments:
We have to have sex before marriage to make sure we are sexually compatible.
They married earlier in the Old Testament days so those rules and regulations are out of touch, no one was really meant to wait this long.
As long as you are in a committed relationship and love one another what is the difference? A piece of paper.

What society will not tell you is how much pain comes from sex out of context. Obviously we are talking more so about rape, prostitution, teenage sex and exploitation. But there can be serious psychological diseases, depression and emotional ramifications for those who go into sexual intercourse without having thought it through. It actually frustrates me how much society tries to deny this. I blogged about one such instance on my other blog just last month – a young woman selling her virginity to pay for grad school. It frustrates me that this is now an instance that young woman around the world can look to and point at for a reason why it is not worth saving your virginity for marriage – it is now a valuable commodity. But what this woman has done is completely devalued the connection between the physical act of sex and the emotional and spiritual.

There is an undeniable connection between the body and the spirit – we can’t just ignore that. And I think that’s something we can’t take lightly. George Hinman from Bel Air Pres. says “God designed sex not for the body, but for the soul – and sex works every time.” If you give yourself to someone in that way, even if you wait until you are sure you love him or her and are committed to him or her, what happens if it ends? You can’t take that deeply intimate joining of yourselves back. As Chap Clark says, “sex only blesses when the beloved is totally safe and secure in the knowledge that the other will be there.”

Many say that the Bible does not really give any evidence that sex outside of marriage is wrong. I’ll admit it can be a little fuzzy, it would be nice if there was a 4 John 3.6 “Don’t have sex unless you are married to someone” but that does not exist. However, there are verses that are pretty clear about the issue. Take 1 Thessalonians 4.3 for example, “Obstain from sexual immorality” (or in other versions it says fornication which, incidentally, means sex outside of marriage).

Now I understand it is one thing to tell a teenager to wait a few years – it is not going to kill them, but what if you are an adult? What if you are in a committed relationship? What if you are widowed? What if you are 60? What if you only have ONE WEEK left to live…

Boyd makes four rather compelling arguments for withholding (granted, they are more compelling if you believe in the Bible):

1. The Bible says that when you have sexual intercourse with someone you become one-flesh. (Matthew 19.5-6) And what God joins together, no one should separate. Intercourse clearly involves much more than two people getting physically intimate with each other. God himself is involved in creating a new “one” out of the two.

2. Paul in 1 Corinthians preaches about the fact that whenever a man has sex with a woman the two become one-flesh…EACH time. “Do you not know that he who unites himself with a prostitute is one with her in body? For it is said, ‘The two will become one flesh’” (1Cor. 6:16). Even when the partners intend sex to be purely recreational – as when one has sex with a prostitute – it still creates this “one flesh” reality! Something profoundly spiritual, metaphysical and foundational is going on, even when the parties are “just having fun.”

3. Intercourse is a sacred sign and seal of marriage. In the Jewish tradition a couple was not considered married until they had engaged in intercourse. In traditional Jewish weddings, the couple would go off to have sex after exchanging vows and the post-wedding celebration couldn’t begin until they returned – until the covenant was sealed with the sign. This is also why in the Old Testament, if a man had sex with a virgin outside of wedlock, he was commanded to marry her (Deut. 22:28-29). Since he’d already sealed the marriage covenant, it was believed he had an obligation to live up to the covenant.

4. And obviously we have to throw in a few statistics…so here's a few of the more obvious consequences. One out of five Americans has an STD. Almost 40% of kids in America are born out of wedlock, which contributes to poverty, crime and violence, especially among young people. Over 40% of all marriages end in divorce. There were 1.2 million abortions last year. Ironically enough, sexual dysfunction is on the rise in America. Millions have emotional and psychological scars from their promiscuous activity. I would argue there’s a connection between the massive promiscuity of our culture and the fact that Americans are more depressed, suffer more psychological disorders and see therapists more than any other country on the planet

I will admit I have my doubts in all of this as well. Marriages fall apart all the time and you seem to get just as burned as you would have been having sex in a committed relationship outside of marriage that ended up falling apart. And I know many people that have come from a very different background than me, and may not have even understood that waiting was an option. There are lots of pressures and perhaps it was presented to you as really the only logical way things are done. But I guess I can’t see the harm in waiting – I avoid hurt, possible disease, I’ve waited this long it won’t kill me to wait longer, and I won’t have the difficulty of comparison in my marriage bed having been with other guys before my husband.

I guess I’m pretty conservative in this regard – but there’s my soapbox two cents on the poll question I never should have asked. Thoughts?

10.02.2008

Crushes

Let's just be honest...crushes are really fun. And there are some of us [me? what?] that have a lot of them. I have a friend, Dianna, that did a great couple of posts on the different types of crushes that exist. I thought it was so entertaining that I had to share it with all of you. I have copied and pasted it for your enjoyment. So, please, read here or click here or here for links directly to her posts. And feel free to add a few more of your own.

Celebrity Crush: You think you know what I mean by this, but you don't. This is not having a crush on an actual celebrity...however, a crush on an actual celebrity could be included in this category I suppose. Similar to having a crush on a movie star, having a "celebrity" crush means that you have a crush on someone that you don't know anything about. You like the way they hold themselves or the way other people view them (or, let's just say it, you just think they're really hot), but you really don't know anything about them. They could be strangers, they could be acquaintances, they COULD be on TV. This includes the guy you keep running into at the grocery store or the dude that works down the hall from you. It also includes Matthew Goode. You know, guys you don't take the time to get to really know, but you dream about how cute your babies will be one day.

Backburner Crush: This is the guy you always have in the back of your mind. The guy who you default on when you don't have a more dominant crush in your life. The guy who lingers through the years. The guy you will never really pursue because you are comfortable in the consistency of your unrequited lust. And you think "maybe one day..."

Pipe Dream Crush: This is a real crush, not a pretend one like the backburner dude or the celebrity dude. However, this one is pretty sad because for some reason or another you've convinced yourself that he's out of your league, regardless of whether or not he really is. In your mind, he's unattainable. He's the "perfect guy"...too good to be true (and probably is...). This one is a little dangerous because girls tend to spiral down into the depths of self-depravity and depression because we feel like we will never live up to what this guy would ever want in a girl. Having an unattainable crush is pretty masochistic if you really think about it.

Flip Flop Crush: I like him. No I don't, his feet are too big. Yes I do, he took a really cute picture with his niece! No I don't, he got a weird haircut. Yes I do, he's totally cute. No I don't, he talks too much. Yes I do, he's friggin funny....etc.

Wingman Crush: This is the crush that you develop on your friend's interest's friend. Does it need any more explanation than that? It starts out with some general commiseration ("oh, you mean HE won't stop talking about HER either?! I thought I was the only one that felt like I was slowly being intellectually murdered with the lack of conversation...) and then while you guys are standing there awkwardly while your friends are getting their flirt on, you realize that he's actually a really cool guy.

Egypt Crush: Cuz you're in DA-NILE! GET IT?! Denial? Huh? Oh man, I crack myself up. Ok fine, that was really lame. But this one really does exist...so I'll just rename it The Denial Crush - This is the crush on the guy whom everyone knows you're in love/lust with, but you won't admit it. Perhaps it's a method of self-preservation? Guarding your heart maybe? But honey, it's time to stop fooling yourself, everyone knows.

Girl (space) Friend Crush: This is the crush you have on the boy who thinks you are his best buddy. In his mind, he's neatly placed you in the dreaded "just friends" category. (Oh her? She's just a friend.) He tells you of all of his romantic endeavors and treats you like the Love Doctor. Meanwhile, you know that none of the girls that he's pursuing would ever be as good for him as you could be.

Cradle Robber Crush: TOO YOUNG! But SOOO CUTE! What the heck? You would never consider dating him because it would just feel a little too Oedipal, but you can't help but squeal every time he's around cuz you just think he's such a cutie-pie (or fine, he might also just be really hot). If you had a little sister, you'd totally hook her up, but you'd also secretly be jealous of her. :)

Burn Crush: You have a crush on someone who is really mean to you. Like you get burned, but like leper, you don't feel it and keep putting your hand in the fire.

Bad News Bears Crush: We all have these. It's the bad boy syndrome. Why can't we ever fall for the guys who are good for us? This is the crush you have on the dude where you can count on your fingers and your toes the reasons why you should NEVER be in a relationship with him. Yet, something about him draws you in every time. Who cares if he's homeless, has three kids and is addicted to meth? He's SOOO sweet and he's got great teeth!

Phone/Email Crush: All of you in the corporate world can probably relate. This is the crush you have on that guy who you've never met in person, but you talk to him on the phone all the time and you're constantly exchanging witty pleasantries over IM. He's not quite a celebrity crush because technically, you "know" him...

10.01.2008

The I try too hard guy

We all know this guy, the guy that pushes his product a little too hard. By the end of the night all you want to say is “I realize you are God’s gift to womankind but I am a bit overwhelmed and never want to talk to you again!”

A friend of mine encountered such a man at a wedding she was at the other weekend. Let’s recap some of his best attempts:

He was applying for his MFA in Photography and mentioned three of the best schools in the area you could go to for a MFA saying “these are really the only ones I am applying for.”

My friend mentioned yoga and this man then proceeded to go into the crow and pushed up into a handstand. For those of you who do not know yoga, this means he is ridiculously strong. Ridiculous. My friend wasn’t even talking to him – he just overheard a conversation she was having.

At one point in the evening (since he was like a little puppy following her around) she offered him a cigarette – he politely declined, but of course could not just say no. Instead, he said, “I will have to decline, not that I’m a prude, it’s just I am running 20 miles tomorrow.”

She told him she was going to Amsterdam so he starts speaking to her in Dutch.

When everyone started dancing at the wedding he created space around him and all out started popping and locking.

When she said goodbye to him he said goodbye to her in Africans

He was not trying to carry a conversation with her at all; he was basically trying to tell her how great he was. He did not ask her a single question about herself although he appeared very interested in her since he was watching her all night and following her around.