Mustache March is upon us again…and I am moved to write something about it. This “holiday” was something I never saw observed until moving to California. And even now I see that fewer and fewer participants join in – but something even more unnerving is happening – PEOPLE ARE ACTUALLY ADDING MUSTACHES TO THEIR FACES ALL YEAR ROUND! And they are doing this on purpose. I don’t get this.
To help any of you men (hopefully) out there thinking about giving your girl a flip for a hairy upper lip…let me give you some feedback about a non-random sample I took on the feelings girls have about mustaches:
Yeti: "I think my great opposition to the mustache comes from my great LOVE for the beard, WHY would anyone cut off all of that other BEAUTIFUL hair leaving only the gross part? The upper lip is nothing without the rest of it."
“March 1st marks the day when cute boys with full beards become... dirty pornstars."
“This is the time of year when my guy friends turn into that creepy guy in the panel van the after-school specials told me to avoid. Yes; Tom Selleck can pull off the 'stache. You, my friend, are not Tom Selleck.”
“I physically recoil when I think back to last March when my then boyfriend tried to grow a mustache. He was so proud of the rather scraggily thing growing on his upper lip that I didn't have the heart to tell him how much I didn't like it. I think he got the idea though when I became less and less enthusiastic about kissing him. He shaved it off by the middle of March.”
My boyfriend didn’t participate in mustache march this year and I was like Yessssssss!
#5: Have you seen your boyfriend today?
#6: Are you talking about mustache march? Yeah, I have.
#5: OH, GROSS... I had completely forgotten about that. Are people still doing that?
#6: He's pretty much a lone ranger. A lot of those guys work with children now... so the mustache just isn't appropriate.
#5: [laughs] mmm, yes. Probably a little too porny.
“My boyfriend participated in Mustache March last year and when he shaved it off it was like the best day ever!”
And, since I felt I had to be FAIR…those trying to justify it did get a few good (slash mediocre) reviews:
“I love it! Mustache March is a fun tradition that the boys do and I like that they have fun with it. Besides, I often encourage facial hair. I probably like it more than I should, because I am single and therefore not dating anyone with a mustache. Which means I am not kissing them.”
“I'm such a proponent of facial hair on men that I cannot eschew it in any form, even in the questionable 'stache. I'm also a huge proponent of men who make me laugh. If they choose to do it by growing interesting things on their faces, so be it! I will laugh and love them anyway.”