You're single as...well, single

Like I said…guys pick-up lines are just getting better and better. Here’s another example that happened to a friend of mine [did you all read that? This did NOT happen to me, so although it is told in first person – cause my friend sent it to me – it is not my story…OK…let’s get to it]:

I went to a good friends wedding and was having a great time. Across the room I saw Wedding Crasher, I knew him from church growing up but had not seen him in quite some time. Wedding Crasher is HOT [like, walk into an Abercrombie they're putting him in the catalog HOT] but he was the guy who went to church camp solely for the girls, you know, the kind who would try to sneak away with someone during the campfire or the night game. Wedding Crasher is the guy who goes to weddings just to scope out the single girls.

I was dancing with the only other single and eligible girls at the wedding, and we all just rolled our eyes at Wedding Crasher before then accepting his request for a dance. I enjoyed a couple harmless dances with him before the time came for the exit of the bride and groom. And almost as if Wedding Crasher had been cued, at the time of the exit, he walked up to me…

Wedding Crasher: "So, you're single as fuck
Me: "Uh..." [cuz I suppose this is partially true]
Wedding Crasher: [slips hand around friend’s waist] "And you're looking pretty good tonight."
Me: "Ha..." [but this is unquestionably true]
Wedding Crasher: "And chances are you'll probably make out with somebody tonight.
Me: "Oh yeah?" [and by now I'm just curious...]
Wedding Crasher: "And that somebody will probably be me."

Wedding Crasher is not one for subtlety. And I like subtlety in a man...so instead of going to a random party to make out that night I found myself driving home, 2 hours in the opposite direction of that horny boy.


B-W said...

I weep that so many representatives of my gender are like this....

Anonymous said...

We talked about this one at lunch. Wow. We were just wondering if this line has actually ever worked. I mean...wow.

lizzo said...

holy freaking cow. at least there's no risk of ambiguity with this one. one million props to this girl for not reinforcing that kind of behavior.

Searching for the Yeti said...

He was bold...can't deny that. Maybe he was too hot for his own good. *sigh

Anonymous said...

i was told i need to kiss more, but i'm glad i passed on this one. :)