8.19.2008

Rejection

Let’s talk about rejection…

This is a fun topic that I am sure none of you have ever had to deal with. Still, I am going to take a moment to share with you the appropriate way to reject someone and then handle it:

To do this I will first share with you a semi-recent [bad example of a] conversation I had with a boy humbling myself to share my feelings with him. Now…this might not be word for word, I can’t remember EXACTLY what I said in this scarring conversation, I just remember it was brilliant.

Yeti: I want to like you, I mean I do like you, and I perceive your intentions and actions as leading me there. However, I remember when we first started talking you mentioned that you get in trouble for being the “nice guy” and I have had that little worry in the back of my mind. So, if I am reading you wrong I just need to know and you need to back off.

Boy: [deep inhale] I thought this was what you were going to talk to me about. [insert long awkward pause] I just don’t think this [insert hand gesture waving between the two of them] has anything to offer me.

Yeti: [speechless at this point – she HAS just learned that she has nothing to offer this man…she pretty much says nothing more and just lets the boy marinate in the awkward silence, fumbling to try and explain what he ACTUALLY MEANT for the rest of the walk home]

So the point of me sharing my pain[fully awkward story]: when a girl is vulnerable and tells you she likes you, don’t make her feel even smaller in the process. How SHOULD you respond?

Whether it is a lie or not [sometimes it's OK to lie], tell the girl that you are FLATTERED with what she has just shared with you, you are sorry if you gave her the wrong impression, and unfortunately you do not feel the same way – you enjoy her friendship immensely [OK, that word is optional, but it is nice] but are not interested in pursuing a relationship. We still need to hear the truth, but you don’t need to tell us we have nothing to offer.

And women, if a man has just told you the unfortunate yet gracious truth listed above, take it like a champ and move on. Don’t ask the dreaded “Why” question. That will only lead to uncomfortable “nothing to offer” or “use this cellulite cream” conversations. Don’t put the guy in that position. I don’t think THAT moment is when you want to learn about your bad breath. And PLEASE, never ever beg [cry, throw a fit, throw things at him, yell, stomp, hit, drive your car off a cliff...]. Ultimately, you don’t want to change yourself for him and convincing him to love you would not lead to a happily-ever-after. It might provide a temporary fix, but it would eventually all come crashing down.

And if all these roles are reversed (women rejecting men) do the same, men’s hearts are fragile too [but they also have bad breath].

5 comments:

Saturday Morning Mystic said...

That story just doesn't get any less painful each time I hear it. You've got a lot of wisdom in this post and it makes me aware of the things I am doing/saying. Thanks!

Robin said...

Kudos to your bravery, then and now. Because of you, the world may someday be a safer, happier dating place. What would you like your Super Hero name to be?

john said...

He seriously said that?! Ouch. Well, the short-term pain of that conversation may have saved you some serious gut-wrenching pain had you gotten even more emotionally involved with such a dill weed.

"nothing to offer me..." Yep, dude, it's all about you.

Sheesh.

Lindsey said...

My response (on your behalf): "There is one thing I can offer you at this moment...and that is a boot to the head."

The Gigglepuss said...

this is ultimately the reason why I don't put myself out there. Cuz people don't know how to reject kindly and I cannot kindly accept rejection. You're a brave girl...much braver than I.