7.11.2008
7.10.2008
Dating your best friends sibling
My older brother is quite the looker. His wife is a lucky gal (he’s lucky too). But when we were in middle school and even into high school I would have friends of mine want to come over and hang out at my house just so they could see my brother – they all had crushes on him. It used to get so annoying when all they wanted to do was sit and watch him play video games. Really? This is how you wanted to spend some quality time with me over the weekend?
I had a poll asking you if it was ok to date your best friends brother or sister. Most of you said yes. That is interesting to me. You must have had really good relationships with your siblings [or really bad ones] and really good relationships with your best friends [of whom never crossed you or actually tried to date your sibling]. I don’t think it is impossible, I think you could be very happy with your best friend’s sibling – but I do think there has to be a lot of intentionality and conversation that goes into a move like that. You are essentially choosing their sibling over them – saying this sibling of theirs will now become one of the most significant people in your life. It is hard to be “replaced” like that, especially when it is with a family member of yours.
I am interested to hear why most of you chose “yes”? Do you actually have an experience that makes you say yes? Do you just want to date one of you best friend’s siblings?
I had a poll asking you if it was ok to date your best friends brother or sister. Most of you said yes. That is interesting to me. You must have had really good relationships with your siblings [or really bad ones] and really good relationships with your best friends [of whom never crossed you or actually tried to date your sibling]. I don’t think it is impossible, I think you could be very happy with your best friend’s sibling – but I do think there has to be a lot of intentionality and conversation that goes into a move like that. You are essentially choosing their sibling over them – saying this sibling of theirs will now become one of the most significant people in your life. It is hard to be “replaced” like that, especially when it is with a family member of yours.
I am interested to hear why most of you chose “yes”? Do you actually have an experience that makes you say yes? Do you just want to date one of you best friend’s siblings?
7.09.2008
Random Advice
I was walking down Colorado Blvd. the other day, by myself enjoying the beautiful day, when I ran into the strangest woman. She introduced herself to me and then proceeded to walk about three blocks with me. I got some of the most depressing advice I’ve ever received in my life from her:
And then she ended this random meet and greet/advice giving session with a “God Bless.”
It’s all about money. Seriously, make all the money you can. Get on all those internet site money-making things and just work hard and invest. Cause unless you own a home and have money for things you like you’re just at the mercy of others. Oh – and another thing – once you hit about 35, unless you’re a real powerhouse rich and successful business woman the cutes wear off and you won’t be good for anything but living next door to some Puerto Ricans, all 35 stuffed in a house burglarizing you whatever chance they get. I’m serious. I’m 56 – I know. That’s not what you want to hear but it’s true.
And then she ended this random meet and greet/advice giving session with a “God Bless.”
7.08.2008
Fashion Foopa
Uuuuuuuugly....
I realize I am not a big fan of men in Speedos [I think I have only actually given the OK to one guy] but this...this just might have topped that. Jim Carey, what are you thinking? Give Jenny back her swimsuit.
Have I mentioned how much I love "Go Fug Yourself" blog? If you have never checked it out you should...the link is here or always the the right hand side of my blog under "For Your Reading Pleasure"
I realize I am not a big fan of men in Speedos [I think I have only actually given the OK to one guy] but this...this just might have topped that. Jim Carey, what are you thinking? Give Jenny back her swimsuit.
Have I mentioned how much I love "Go Fug Yourself" blog? If you have never checked it out you should...the link is here or always the the right hand side of my blog under "For Your Reading Pleasure"
7.07.2008
Disclaimer
It has come to my attention that I need to do a little disclaimer blog. Just to cover a couple of things:
1. I am not talking about YOU. That is right. Unless I mention your name (directly or via a super creative and cleverly disguised nickname) the post you are reading is not about you. If you think it is…then that is just coincidence and you are human by nature and have a tendency to fall into the same actions most of us do.
2. I am fine. Apparently not all of my posts are funny – and that makes some of you worry. Well, relationships aren’t always happy or funny and if I want to touch on all sorts of things I can’t always be positive. If it brings you any comfort at all, I do get a lot of my material from conversations I have and overhear with other women in my life. But when I write them, I tell them in first person to make them easier for you to read and relate to. All that to say, I might not be the one dealing with certain issues I address on the blog. [Don't worry, all the stories are true] And I am working on it but I don’t exactly have enough of those funny pickup lines stored up….gotta get some more guys to hit on me first ;-)
3. I am not so good at advice. I realize I write this blog about guys and girls and communication…but I really have no idea what I am talking about. Feel free to keep asking me, just know that I am making up whatever I tell you when you come to me for advice [and if you are a boy I like my advice will always be “you should probably ask me out.”]
4. Please send me stories. I have shared a few stories of the funny happenings of my friends, which I think have been fun for all of you to read. So if you have funny stories send them to me. I’ll be happy to keep you anonymous if you would like. Also, if you have a topic that could be covered send that to me as well and I’d be happy to do a post on it, like the side hug. Wait, done that one…ok, you think of something. Send it to Wanderingellimac@gmail.com
Whew! OK, I feel so much better. I am really glad we had that D.T.R.
1. I am not talking about YOU. That is right. Unless I mention your name (directly or via a super creative and cleverly disguised nickname) the post you are reading is not about you. If you think it is…then that is just coincidence and you are human by nature and have a tendency to fall into the same actions most of us do.
2. I am fine. Apparently not all of my posts are funny – and that makes some of you worry. Well, relationships aren’t always happy or funny and if I want to touch on all sorts of things I can’t always be positive. If it brings you any comfort at all, I do get a lot of my material from conversations I have and overhear with other women in my life. But when I write them, I tell them in first person to make them easier for you to read and relate to. All that to say, I might not be the one dealing with certain issues I address on the blog. [Don't worry, all the stories are true] And I am working on it but I don’t exactly have enough of those funny pickup lines stored up….gotta get some more guys to hit on me first ;-)
3. I am not so good at advice. I realize I write this blog about guys and girls and communication…but I really have no idea what I am talking about. Feel free to keep asking me, just know that I am making up whatever I tell you when you come to me for advice [and if you are a boy I like my advice will always be “you should probably ask me out.”]
4. Please send me stories. I have shared a few stories of the funny happenings of my friends, which I think have been fun for all of you to read. So if you have funny stories send them to me. I’ll be happy to keep you anonymous if you would like. Also, if you have a topic that could be covered send that to me as well and I’d be happy to do a post on it, like the side hug. Wait, done that one…ok, you think of something. Send it to Wanderingellimac@gmail.com
Whew! OK, I feel so much better. I am really glad we had that D.T.R.
7.04.2008
7.03.2008
Be Your Own Best Friend
Brilliant. This is brilliant. My friend Danielle did a post a little over a month ago that I just had to share. I can't think of a single thing to add to this post to make it better or more clear. And so, dear readers, I simply copy and paste for your enjoyment. Read, think, and then comment. Feel free to leave your comments here - or at Danielle's blog.
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Two days ago I sought the help of a trusted friend as I struggled with a decision to contact my ex. I had a seemingly legitimate reason I swear! Earlier that day I received a stupid chain text message on my phone from a number I didn't recognize. I sent a reply text and asked who it was. Turns out it was my ex's daughter. Great. Not only did the the text inform me that it was national "make out" week, it also warned me that if I did not send it to everyone in my contacts list that I would remain single for four years. I REALLY did not need to receive this message from my ex boyfriend's tween-age daughter. After I realized it was her I froze with uncertainty, not having a clue how to respond. What the heck? Should I text her back? Ignore her? What??? I ended up sending her a message that said "oh hey, didn't recognize the number, hope you are well!" To which she replied, "Ya." I left it at that. Afterwards, I contemplated letting my ex know that the whole exchange took place. I worried that somewhere down the road he'd hear that I texted her, and I really didn't want him to think that I was a crazy stalker trying to get to him through his daughter. As I began drafting the email, I made the call to my friend to get a second opinion about my plans. She emphatically insisted that I not send the email. She reminded me that I did not owe him an explanation and challenged me to think about why I was really contacting him. Her advice was very helpful and right on the money, so I ended up deleting the email, confidently knowing that whatever happens on my ex's end is of no concern to me.
Two days later, that same friend called to tell me that not only had she contacted her lowlife, scum of the earth, loser, two timing, sexist, manipulative, ex lover who she dated while he had a girlfriend, she also went out to lunch with him. This piece of crap literally asked her if she would be okay being the "other woman" again because he missed having her in his life yet did not want to hurt the current girlfriend who he plans on marrying. -Again, pig. My friend, despite being beautiful, kind, thoughtful, funny, and just plain wonderful, sincerely struggles to cut this guy off, because lets face it, being single in this oft cruel world is hard. It is so easy to fall back into the most destructive relationships because the are familiar, and they feel good in some (albeit sick and dysfunctional) ways.
After she told me, I made sure not to judge her because I have been in that boat. We usually judge ourselves harshly enough when we do stupid shit like that. I knew she was sharing her actions with me because she was unhappy about them. She didn't need me telling her how stupid she was being. She was beating herself up enough. I tried my best to encourage her to stay strong and to not get side tracked by this slight digression. But most importantly, I reminded her of the valuable advice she gave me two measely days before!
We both kind of chuckled over the whole thing because in my weak moments of stupidity I too have simultaneously given friends kick ass advice that for some reason or another I could not follow myself. WHY IS THAT? Why do we know what others should do, hell we even know what we should do, yet we can never take our own advice? I know that saying, "It's easier said than done" but that explanation doesn't cut it for me. There has to be something far deeper that is to blame for this phenomenon.
Is it possible that we can't follow our own advice because if we could we would be less inclined to depend on one another (in a good way?) Imagine if everyone followed their own advice all the time. Can you imagine how many cell phone bills would drastically go down, how many "Dear Abby" columns would cease, and how many relationship experts would be out of jobs? It would be mayhem! I think it is possible that our dependence on supportive networks, friends, family, etc is a necessary component of a healthy life, BUT where is the balance? I wonder sometimes what it would take to achieve a healthy balance between knowing when to take the advice of others, when to take our own advice, and realizing we are sabotaging ourselves when we choose "none of the above."
Through this tough love, heart to heart conversation with my friend we realized that in addition to sharing great advice with one another, we have come to understand that we really need to learn how to listen to ourselves more. I asked her last night to tell herself what to do as if she was talking to me. In other words, I told her to think of herself as her own best friend. You wouldn't make excuses for your best friend, you wouldn't overlook or minimize your best friends ignoramus of an ex, so why would you when it comes to yourself? If I could be my own BFF I would probably take much better care of myself, and I'd probably make much wiser decisions especially in regards to relationships. Just a thought.
---------------------------------------
Two days ago I sought the help of a trusted friend as I struggled with a decision to contact my ex. I had a seemingly legitimate reason I swear! Earlier that day I received a stupid chain text message on my phone from a number I didn't recognize. I sent a reply text and asked who it was. Turns out it was my ex's daughter. Great. Not only did the the text inform me that it was national "make out" week, it also warned me that if I did not send it to everyone in my contacts list that I would remain single for four years. I REALLY did not need to receive this message from my ex boyfriend's tween-age daughter. After I realized it was her I froze with uncertainty, not having a clue how to respond. What the heck? Should I text her back? Ignore her? What??? I ended up sending her a message that said "oh hey, didn't recognize the number, hope you are well!" To which she replied, "Ya." I left it at that. Afterwards, I contemplated letting my ex know that the whole exchange took place. I worried that somewhere down the road he'd hear that I texted her, and I really didn't want him to think that I was a crazy stalker trying to get to him through his daughter. As I began drafting the email, I made the call to my friend to get a second opinion about my plans. She emphatically insisted that I not send the email. She reminded me that I did not owe him an explanation and challenged me to think about why I was really contacting him. Her advice was very helpful and right on the money, so I ended up deleting the email, confidently knowing that whatever happens on my ex's end is of no concern to me.
Two days later, that same friend called to tell me that not only had she contacted her lowlife, scum of the earth, loser, two timing, sexist, manipulative, ex lover who she dated while he had a girlfriend, she also went out to lunch with him. This piece of crap literally asked her if she would be okay being the "other woman" again because he missed having her in his life yet did not want to hurt the current girlfriend who he plans on marrying. -Again, pig. My friend, despite being beautiful, kind, thoughtful, funny, and just plain wonderful, sincerely struggles to cut this guy off, because lets face it, being single in this oft cruel world is hard. It is so easy to fall back into the most destructive relationships because the are familiar, and they feel good in some (albeit sick and dysfunctional) ways.
After she told me, I made sure not to judge her because I have been in that boat. We usually judge ourselves harshly enough when we do stupid shit like that. I knew she was sharing her actions with me because she was unhappy about them. She didn't need me telling her how stupid she was being. She was beating herself up enough. I tried my best to encourage her to stay strong and to not get side tracked by this slight digression. But most importantly, I reminded her of the valuable advice she gave me two measely days before!
We both kind of chuckled over the whole thing because in my weak moments of stupidity I too have simultaneously given friends kick ass advice that for some reason or another I could not follow myself. WHY IS THAT? Why do we know what others should do, hell we even know what we should do, yet we can never take our own advice? I know that saying, "It's easier said than done" but that explanation doesn't cut it for me. There has to be something far deeper that is to blame for this phenomenon.
Is it possible that we can't follow our own advice because if we could we would be less inclined to depend on one another (in a good way?) Imagine if everyone followed their own advice all the time. Can you imagine how many cell phone bills would drastically go down, how many "Dear Abby" columns would cease, and how many relationship experts would be out of jobs? It would be mayhem! I think it is possible that our dependence on supportive networks, friends, family, etc is a necessary component of a healthy life, BUT where is the balance? I wonder sometimes what it would take to achieve a healthy balance between knowing when to take the advice of others, when to take our own advice, and realizing we are sabotaging ourselves when we choose "none of the above."
Through this tough love, heart to heart conversation with my friend we realized that in addition to sharing great advice with one another, we have come to understand that we really need to learn how to listen to ourselves more. I asked her last night to tell herself what to do as if she was talking to me. In other words, I told her to think of herself as her own best friend. You wouldn't make excuses for your best friend, you wouldn't overlook or minimize your best friends ignoramus of an ex, so why would you when it comes to yourself? If I could be my own BFF I would probably take much better care of myself, and I'd probably make much wiser decisions especially in regards to relationships. Just a thought.
7.02.2008
A Guys Apartment
Let’s admit it, it is kind of scary to go to a guy’s apartment for the first time. I mean, this tells you a lot about a guy. Is he the bachelor’s bachelor? You know, the stereotypical kind. Or does he have several gay friends, girlfriends, and a domineering mother that have all helped him make this a cozy habitat? Will you be able to breath? [You should bring febreez just in case] Are you going to find creatures? What kinds of “ex” remains will you find there? Does he sleep on the floor? Does he decorate with empty vodka bottles? [classy] Oh my gosh, what if he has a cat?!?
And then, perhaps we can get over the appearance of the actual apartment – but what happens when we catch a glimpse of his refrigerator or kitchen cabinets? [Only with his permission of course] Will there be more then just protein shakes, powders and bars in there? How old is that milk? What if he’s a vegetarian?
And I'm not even going to touch on how scary it is even thinking about having to go to the bathroom at his place for the first time. Oh Lord...just help him to have cleaned in the last three months...please...just let there be toilet paper...
All I’m saying, it can be scary. Maybe he should just come to my place.
…but I DO still sleep in bunk beds. Hmm…
And then, perhaps we can get over the appearance of the actual apartment – but what happens when we catch a glimpse of his refrigerator or kitchen cabinets? [Only with his permission of course] Will there be more then just protein shakes, powders and bars in there? How old is that milk? What if he’s a vegetarian?
And I'm not even going to touch on how scary it is even thinking about having to go to the bathroom at his place for the first time. Oh Lord...just help him to have cleaned in the last three months...please...just let there be toilet paper...
All I’m saying, it can be scary. Maybe he should just come to my place.
…but I DO still sleep in bunk beds. Hmm…
7.01.2008
The Greatest Joy in Life
I don't get it.
There is no greater joy in life then...
eHarmony?
Guess we all better join.
6.30.2008
Can Guys and Girls be Friends?
My last poll was about the ability of guys and girls to be friends without one of the two developing feelings for the other. Is it possible? Can guys and girls really just be mutual friends – can they just be platonic with no sexual tension or attraction?
My answer is no.
And I have to admit I was surprised by how close the vote was.
22% said Yes
46% said No
31% said Not at first but within time they can overcome any sort of romantic feelings
Granted almost half of you agreed with me in saying no, but I thought a lot more of you would [I mean, come on, I am always right].
I realize I can only speak from my experience, but I just don’t see how this works.
There have been too many times I have fallen for the “nice” guy that was just interested in being my friend, but I read it all wrong. His actions and intentions were friendships – but no one could be THAT nice to me without being interested in me. And I’ve been waiting so long for someone like him to come along, so how could I be satisfied with just a friendship? I try to push a little…and feel the sexual tension more…and then get hurt.
But then there is the other side. The side where I am the nice guy. I meet someone I just connect with and get along with in such a fun way. I love hanging out with him and feel comfortable around him. He hasn’t tried anything so I feel more and more comfortable being myself and not worrying he will get the wrong idea or try anything. So we hang out more and I let my guard down– and then one day it happens. The feelings come out – and then I’m the “bitch” that lead him on.
But I guess there ARE those rare cases. We can’t ignore them. I wouldn’t say they are in the “yes” category as much as the “not at first” category. There are those friends you have that you have known for quite some time that you feel so completely whole and comfortable with that you don’t really worry or think about that. But I don’t think you ever fully arrive there. I think there always could be that lingering question in the back of your mind “what if” or “maybe someday.” If not for the romantic feelings described above – for the convenience and comfort of the role they play in your life. I have a couple best guy friends in my life that I think would fall into this category. They don’t have feelings for me nor I for them in a romantic way. But I won’t say the thought of “together forever” has left my mind entirely when it comes to my relationship with them – if only for the fact that they are someone I trust, love and are completely at ease with. It is kind of nice when there is no guessing.
So that’s my take. Guys and girls weren’t really meant to be great friends – so when they try it doesn’t really work out. They just have a whole lot of sexual tension pent up between them and then forget how to talk to one another.
My answer is no.
And I have to admit I was surprised by how close the vote was.
22% said Yes
46% said No
31% said Not at first but within time they can overcome any sort of romantic feelings
Granted almost half of you agreed with me in saying no, but I thought a lot more of you would [I mean, come on, I am always right].
I realize I can only speak from my experience, but I just don’t see how this works.
There have been too many times I have fallen for the “nice” guy that was just interested in being my friend, but I read it all wrong. His actions and intentions were friendships – but no one could be THAT nice to me without being interested in me. And I’ve been waiting so long for someone like him to come along, so how could I be satisfied with just a friendship? I try to push a little…and feel the sexual tension more…and then get hurt.
But then there is the other side. The side where I am the nice guy. I meet someone I just connect with and get along with in such a fun way. I love hanging out with him and feel comfortable around him. He hasn’t tried anything so I feel more and more comfortable being myself and not worrying he will get the wrong idea or try anything. So we hang out more and I let my guard down– and then one day it happens. The feelings come out – and then I’m the “bitch” that lead him on.
But I guess there ARE those rare cases. We can’t ignore them. I wouldn’t say they are in the “yes” category as much as the “not at first” category. There are those friends you have that you have known for quite some time that you feel so completely whole and comfortable with that you don’t really worry or think about that. But I don’t think you ever fully arrive there. I think there always could be that lingering question in the back of your mind “what if” or “maybe someday.” If not for the romantic feelings described above – for the convenience and comfort of the role they play in your life. I have a couple best guy friends in my life that I think would fall into this category. They don’t have feelings for me nor I for them in a romantic way. But I won’t say the thought of “together forever” has left my mind entirely when it comes to my relationship with them – if only for the fact that they are someone I trust, love and are completely at ease with. It is kind of nice when there is no guessing.
So that’s my take. Guys and girls weren’t really meant to be great friends – so when they try it doesn’t really work out. They just have a whole lot of sexual tension pent up between them and then forget how to talk to one another.
6.27.2008
Woah Tiger
Sometimes this is what it feels like when certain guys are pursuing you...
woooooah tiger...
[thanks Kristin for providing me with this lovely graphic]
woooooah tiger...
[thanks Kristin for providing me with this lovely graphic]
6.26.2008
Problems
Time for another pick-up line. This happened to a beautiful married friend of mine as she was walking down...you guess it, Walnut street.
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I was walking and reading as I always do, but still moving at a pretty good pace. I cross the street and start approaching these two African American guys up in front of me. They are not walking at quite the speed I do, so I catch up and kinda work my way around them while at the same time continuing to read. Despite this, they try to talk to me:
Stranger: "Hi, how are you?"
Friend: "Great thanks, and you?"
Stranger: "Man, I'm bad"
Friend: "I'm sorry."
Stranger: "Can I talk to you about my problems?"
Friend: [knowing where this is going] "I'm sorry I really have to get back to the office"
Stranger: "Well, can I get your number and call you so we can talk about my problems?"
Friend: "I'm sorry, I don't think my husband would like that."
Stranger #2 : [laughs, smacks his friend on the shoulder] "Dude, her husband... [laughs some more]
Stranger 1: "OK, have a nice day."
Friend: "Thanks, you too, bye."
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Wow. Guys will say ANYTHING to try and get a girls number. Problems? Really? Like that wasn't apparent in just a few minutes of talking to you.
And these guys sure gave up a lot faster then Mr. Los Robles...wish I had run into them on the street instead of him.
-----------------------
I was walking and reading as I always do, but still moving at a pretty good pace. I cross the street and start approaching these two African American guys up in front of me. They are not walking at quite the speed I do, so I catch up and kinda work my way around them while at the same time continuing to read. Despite this, they try to talk to me:
Stranger: "Hi, how are you?"
Friend: "Great thanks, and you?"
Stranger: "Man, I'm bad"
Friend: "I'm sorry."
Stranger: "Can I talk to you about my problems?"
Friend: [knowing where this is going] "I'm sorry I really have to get back to the office"
Stranger: "Well, can I get your number and call you so we can talk about my problems?"
Friend: "I'm sorry, I don't think my husband would like that."
Stranger #2 : [laughs, smacks his friend on the shoulder] "Dude, her husband... [laughs some more]
Stranger 1: "OK, have a nice day."
Friend: "Thanks, you too, bye."
-----------------------------------------------
Wow. Guys will say ANYTHING to try and get a girls number. Problems? Really? Like that wasn't apparent in just a few minutes of talking to you.
And these guys sure gave up a lot faster then Mr. Los Robles...wish I had run into them on the street instead of him.
6.25.2008
The Side Hug
The side hug is interesting to me. I understand the reasoning behind it: boundaries. They are always good to have. But let’s break it down:
A lot of the time girls might prefer the side hug. I think this is legitimate. Because let’s be honest. Half of the time guys are just trying to cop a BC (boob crunch) and that’s just awkward [and we can tell when you are one of those guys]. Or you have the guy that tries to hold on just a liiiiiittle too long – I would prefer if you hold me from the side, thank you.
But then you have the guys that don’t seem very creepy, but refuse to ever give you anything but a side hug. I mean, seriously, what do you think is going to happen? It is just a hug – you are not my young life leader, we are just friends, I think a hug would be ok.
I guess it’s safer…but a big ‘ol bear hug is just so fun!
A lot of the time girls might prefer the side hug. I think this is legitimate. Because let’s be honest. Half of the time guys are just trying to cop a BC (boob crunch) and that’s just awkward [and we can tell when you are one of those guys]. Or you have the guy that tries to hold on just a liiiiiittle too long – I would prefer if you hold me from the side, thank you.
But then you have the guys that don’t seem very creepy, but refuse to ever give you anything but a side hug. I mean, seriously, what do you think is going to happen? It is just a hug – you are not my young life leader, we are just friends, I think a hug would be ok.
I guess it’s safer…but a big ‘ol bear hug is just so fun!
6.24.2008
6.23.2008
Ambiguity
I have been dealing with a lot of ambiguity lately. And at first I was getting annoyed, but then I pondered it a bit. Sometimes we don't like ambiguity...but sometimes it is a good thing. We just get upset or depressed when the letdown comes. Sure, maybe I am being pessimistic and the letdown doesn't always have to come. But aren't you in a much better mood when you are living in the mystery - the wonder of what it could maybe possibly be? If you don't know what will happen you can still walk around with that big goofy grin on your face. But as soon as you try to push it a little...you start getting answers. And maybe they aren't the ones you want.
But then maybe there is something to be said for getting answers. I had a girlfriend once tell me not to really push a guy because you never know – you might be pushing the guy into asking some other girl out and then that would just be a bummer for you. But that might be good...cause then you find out either way. Either he's eventually asking you out or some other girl and either way you are able to come to a conclusion…
What do you think? Would you rather know or live in the mystery?
But then maybe there is something to be said for getting answers. I had a girlfriend once tell me not to really push a guy because you never know – you might be pushing the guy into asking some other girl out and then that would just be a bummer for you. But that might be good...cause then you find out either way. Either he's eventually asking you out or some other girl and either way you are able to come to a conclusion…
What do you think? Would you rather know or live in the mystery?
6.20.2008
6.19.2008
Turnoffs
What is the biggest turnoff for a guy?
1. If he smokes
2. If he chews
3. If he cares about his car more then you
4. If he is flirty with bimbos at the bar while you are around
5. If he wears v-necks
6. If he has excessive body hair
7. If he has a psycho mother
8. If he gets drunk all the time
9. If he doesn’t know the capital of Minnesota
10. If he makes his own deodorant and it doesn't work
11. If he has a bad laugh
12. If he tells sexist jokes
13. If he checks himself out in every car window you pass as you walk down the sidewalk
14. If he eats with mouth open
15. If he can’t use chopsticks
16. If he wears board shorts to work
17. If he can’t use mental math to calculate a tip
18. If he doesn’t know how to talk to his grandparents
19. If he has a dog and doesn’t pick up its poo
20. If his myspace profile picture is still his football picture from senior year of high school
21. If he honks the horn a lot in the car
22. If he doesn’t realize clipping his toenails is a good thing
23. If he tries to correct your grammar
24. If he won’t eat McDonalds
25. If he only eats McDonalds
26. If he talks about his mom on all your dates
27. If he wears axe body spray
28. If he tattoos your name to his ass
29. If he tries to make you stop drinking coffee
30. If he still sleeps in bunk beds…
Go ahead, add some of your own.
And thanks to The Hulk for helping me with this list - you just GET me ;-)
1. If he smokes
2. If he chews
3. If he cares about his car more then you
4. If he is flirty with bimbos at the bar while you are around
5. If he wears v-necks
6. If he has excessive body hair
7. If he has a psycho mother
8. If he gets drunk all the time
9. If he doesn’t know the capital of Minnesota
10. If he makes his own deodorant and it doesn't work
11. If he has a bad laugh
12. If he tells sexist jokes
13. If he checks himself out in every car window you pass as you walk down the sidewalk
14. If he eats with mouth open
15. If he can’t use chopsticks
16. If he wears board shorts to work
17. If he can’t use mental math to calculate a tip
18. If he doesn’t know how to talk to his grandparents
19. If he has a dog and doesn’t pick up its poo
20. If his myspace profile picture is still his football picture from senior year of high school
21. If he honks the horn a lot in the car
22. If he doesn’t realize clipping his toenails is a good thing
23. If he tries to correct your grammar
24. If he won’t eat McDonalds
25. If he only eats McDonalds
26. If he talks about his mom on all your dates
27. If he wears axe body spray
28. If he tattoos your name to his ass
29. If he tries to make you stop drinking coffee
30. If he still sleeps in bunk beds…
Go ahead, add some of your own.
And thanks to The Hulk for helping me with this list - you just GET me ;-)
6.18.2008
Another V-Neck
My good friends Douglas and Erika were kind enough to capture this v-neck on the streets of Los Angeles after my post about v-necks. They are all around us people...and worse then we could have ever imagined.
Not only is his v-neck bad...he is wearing a FOX TAIL. Seriously? He had to consciously decide to stick that down the back of his pants before walking out the door in the morning. Welcome to LA.
Not only is his v-neck bad...he is wearing a FOX TAIL. Seriously? He had to consciously decide to stick that down the back of his pants before walking out the door in the morning. Welcome to LA.
6.17.2008
Exercise
So, I started exercising again last week. That’s right. I am not an unhealthy person, but I do have a difficult time getting to the gym unless I have something motivating me. January 2007 I trekked to Annapurna Base Camp with Peak Performance – that motivated me to get in the gym to train so I wouldn’t keel over and die midway through the trek. Unless I have something like that I have a hard time working out. I hate running. I think this is the reason. I don’t even enjoy it a little. I have to trick my body into cardio. I go salsa dancing and my body just thinks it is having fun – she doesn’t realize she’s also getting a good workout. That’s the way I like to exercise.
WHY did I go running three times last week and then again this week? For a boy. That’s right, I wanted to impress a boy. And I can pretty much guarantee you he doesn’t even know. And I am also confident he would not be all that impressed with my 1.2 mile run around the neighborhood that ends in my gasping and limping home. Why do we do stuff like this to ourselves? Why do we passive aggressively beg for attention?
OK…back to salsa dancing and donating $28 a month to the gym.
WHY did I go running three times last week and then again this week? For a boy. That’s right, I wanted to impress a boy. And I can pretty much guarantee you he doesn’t even know. And I am also confident he would not be all that impressed with my 1.2 mile run around the neighborhood that ends in my gasping and limping home. Why do we do stuff like this to ourselves? Why do we passive aggressively beg for attention?
OK…back to salsa dancing and donating $28 a month to the gym.
6.16.2008
Bunk Beds
The possessions people have can tell you a lot about them. That is why the more time you spend with someone the more you learn about him or her just by observing their junk.
Now, for some of you it might take a while before you learn what type of bed someone has [and maybe it should take a while? Not sure…I am not really normal]. For instance, the first time I hung out with The Bouncer, he showed me around his place [seeing a guys apartment for the first time is also a scary experience…more on that later] and the tour included his bedroom [I think he had high hopes]. I don’t know why I offered this information, but upon seeing his room and noticing that he slept on two thick mattresses on the floor I offered up the little tidbit that I still sleep in bunk beds [I hear that’s normal until at least 43??].
Now, this is not such an issue for me - but when I tell other guys I randomly meet [most often not at Fuller] it is quite a shock. I have to remind myself that where they come from that would be quite a disturbance to their evening activities...if their roommate one bunk up overheard what was going on.
So I would like to take this opportunity to thank my beloved bunk beds for helping to keep me pure and steer away improper boys with impure intentions. And give a shout out to my wonderful bunkmate Liz, who has slept four feet above me these last three years. We’ve learned nothing good happens after 10; thanks for keeping me in check Lizzo.
Now, for some of you it might take a while before you learn what type of bed someone has [and maybe it should take a while? Not sure…I am not really normal]. For instance, the first time I hung out with The Bouncer, he showed me around his place [seeing a guys apartment for the first time is also a scary experience…more on that later] and the tour included his bedroom [I think he had high hopes]. I don’t know why I offered this information, but upon seeing his room and noticing that he slept on two thick mattresses on the floor I offered up the little tidbit that I still sleep in bunk beds [I hear that’s normal until at least 43??].
Now, this is not such an issue for me - but when I tell other guys I randomly meet [most often not at Fuller] it is quite a shock. I have to remind myself that where they come from that would be quite a disturbance to their evening activities...if their roommate one bunk up overheard what was going on.
So I would like to take this opportunity to thank my beloved bunk beds for helping to keep me pure and steer away improper boys with impure intentions. And give a shout out to my wonderful bunkmate Liz, who has slept four feet above me these last three years. We’ve learned nothing good happens after 10; thanks for keeping me in check Lizzo.
6.13.2008
The Essence of Man
I am no fan of axe body spray [seriously, don't buy it, it smells disgusting], but they may have put out some pretty good ads here...
Sorry to lump you all together guys, but this has just been the case one too many times...
Sorry to lump you all together guys, but this has just been the case one too many times...
6.12.2008
Fast-Track
One of the interesting things about eHarmony was the number of Fuller students I got connected to. It was kind of depressing actually. I sit in class with half of these men – wondering why they never ask any of us women out – and then find out it is because they are trying to find women through the internet. This is why we are not being asked out…the guys are afraid to do it in person [I digress…]
I got matched with this one guy that I knew fairly well, we were not great friends but had friendly conversations every so often. Let us call him Track. Track requested “fast-track” communication with me. Now, for those of you who are not familiar with eHarmony allow me to explain…this is where you skip all of the steps Dr. Warren has so thoughtfully laid out and go straight to open communication [which is basically just writing emails]. I knew who he was immediately when we were matched [his picture gave it away] so I accepted figuring he just wanted to send a little message of “haha” and then we would close things out.
However, when I opened that first “fast-track” message up I did not find a “haha” and then some closure, what I found was an actual email, with some questions, kind of like open communication. Hmmmm. It was nothing too out there – pretty vague and ambiguous – just kind of friendly…but still.
Perhaps if I give you a bit more information about Track you will see why I think this is strange:
1. At the time he did this he lived in the same apartment complex as me. Um, how about you walk up the steps and knock on my door?
2. My phone number and email were posted in the elevator of our complex. Go ahead, grab a little notepad, head in there and write them down, and then use them.
3. I am pretty sure a couple of the times I got messages from him I ran into him right afterward at the coffee shop I see him at at least three times a week.
4. At the time we also had class two doors down from each other. Pretty sure I saw him every evening of class in the hallway. How about saying hello. Go ahead, plan ahead, and come up with some witty one-liner.
However, this is the same guy who one time told me “you are really good at awkward moments.” I think that just means I handle them well…or create them well? At any rate, I think that was his polite way of saying he feels really awkward around me. Perhaps that is why the computer was safer?
Why are we so afraid of people’s faces?
I got matched with this one guy that I knew fairly well, we were not great friends but had friendly conversations every so often. Let us call him Track. Track requested “fast-track” communication with me. Now, for those of you who are not familiar with eHarmony allow me to explain…this is where you skip all of the steps Dr. Warren has so thoughtfully laid out and go straight to open communication [which is basically just writing emails]. I knew who he was immediately when we were matched [his picture gave it away] so I accepted figuring he just wanted to send a little message of “haha” and then we would close things out.
However, when I opened that first “fast-track” message up I did not find a “haha” and then some closure, what I found was an actual email, with some questions, kind of like open communication. Hmmmm. It was nothing too out there – pretty vague and ambiguous – just kind of friendly…but still.
Perhaps if I give you a bit more information about Track you will see why I think this is strange:
1. At the time he did this he lived in the same apartment complex as me. Um, how about you walk up the steps and knock on my door?
2. My phone number and email were posted in the elevator of our complex. Go ahead, grab a little notepad, head in there and write them down, and then use them.
3. I am pretty sure a couple of the times I got messages from him I ran into him right afterward at the coffee shop I see him at at least three times a week.
4. At the time we also had class two doors down from each other. Pretty sure I saw him every evening of class in the hallway. How about saying hello. Go ahead, plan ahead, and come up with some witty one-liner.
However, this is the same guy who one time told me “you are really good at awkward moments.” I think that just means I handle them well…or create them well? At any rate, I think that was his polite way of saying he feels really awkward around me. Perhaps that is why the computer was safer?
Why are we so afraid of people’s faces?
6.11.2008
Dumb it Down
I have a nice little note to the right here that asks you all to email me if you ever have questions or comments or something you think would be fascinating for me to blog about. Here is an interesting question I got: Should we date people that we are afraid to disappoint or stick to those that who we are pretty confident we won't?
Should there be a healthy level of “this person is amazing, I don’t know how I ever got them!” or does that just eventually rip on a relationship in insecurities?
It has been pounded into my head since quite a young age “don’t settle” and it seems to me that sticking to someone you are pretty confident you won’t disappoint would be setting to some degree. Settling for someone who wouldn’t push you to be the best version of yourself. We all need a little something keeping us on our edge and helping us strive to be better then we were yesterday. I think having someone in your life can help you do that. Shoot higher. If this person is someone you are afraid to disappoint then perhaps you’ll try a little more to be exceptional and push yourself harder.
Now, this doesn’t mean changing who you are – because you can never go into a relationship doing that, or expecting that from the other half.
And this doesn't mean dating someone that makes you feel like shit because you think you will never match up to them. There has to be a balance there. Hopefully both parties feel a mutual sense of awe.
I don’t think you’ll ever truly be satisfied unless you disappoint your “other” every so often. It gives us a chance to grow. So I say shoot higher. Stretch yourself. And in finding someone who knocks your socks off perhaps you are just the person they were looking for as well.
Should there be a healthy level of “this person is amazing, I don’t know how I ever got them!” or does that just eventually rip on a relationship in insecurities?
It has been pounded into my head since quite a young age “don’t settle” and it seems to me that sticking to someone you are pretty confident you won’t disappoint would be setting to some degree. Settling for someone who wouldn’t push you to be the best version of yourself. We all need a little something keeping us on our edge and helping us strive to be better then we were yesterday. I think having someone in your life can help you do that. Shoot higher. If this person is someone you are afraid to disappoint then perhaps you’ll try a little more to be exceptional and push yourself harder.
Now, this doesn’t mean changing who you are – because you can never go into a relationship doing that, or expecting that from the other half.
And this doesn't mean dating someone that makes you feel like shit because you think you will never match up to them. There has to be a balance there. Hopefully both parties feel a mutual sense of awe.
I don’t think you’ll ever truly be satisfied unless you disappoint your “other” every so often. It gives us a chance to grow. So I say shoot higher. Stretch yourself. And in finding someone who knocks your socks off perhaps you are just the person they were looking for as well.
6.10.2008
Confirmation Bias
We all have those friends. The ones that are so head over heels for that one guy that maybe says hi to them every so often [and that is only because she “accidentally” ran into him]. Or maybe he even knows she exists and will share a meal with her in large groups, but she seems to think that indicates a happily ever after. He has never, to your keen eye; give her any sort of message that he is interested in her. You won’t say it could never happen, you’re just saying she’s kind of putting the cart before the horse. I mean, picking out wedding flowers before a guy has so much as shared interest in you is a little much [although I do think Calla Lilies were a great choice].
How does this happen? How can someone get so carried away without proper encouragement? Does she have hope that maybe something can happen in the future? Is that what drives us?
It is the confirmation bias - we see what we want to see and then convince ourselves of that. And then...we believe deep down that if this guy only TRULY knew us he would fall madly in love with us. He’s totally into me; he just doesn’t know it yet. It is a vicious cycle. And probably throw a little bit of the "it must be real" in there too. I mean the two of us have WAY too much in common not to end up together.
I don’t quite know why we do this to ourselves; I just know that most women/girls/females/human beings you meet will fall into this trap. I’m sorry but if he were really into you, you wouldn’t have to convince yourself [or talk your friends into convincing you]. Cause I think even the shy guys will buck up and say something if they were really that into you.
How does this happen? How can someone get so carried away without proper encouragement? Does she have hope that maybe something can happen in the future? Is that what drives us?
It is the confirmation bias - we see what we want to see and then convince ourselves of that. And then...we believe deep down that if this guy only TRULY knew us he would fall madly in love with us. He’s totally into me; he just doesn’t know it yet. It is a vicious cycle. And probably throw a little bit of the "it must be real" in there too. I mean the two of us have WAY too much in common not to end up together.
I don’t quite know why we do this to ourselves; I just know that most women/girls/females/human beings you meet will fall into this trap. I’m sorry but if he were really into you, you wouldn’t have to convince yourself [or talk your friends into convincing you]. Cause I think even the shy guys will buck up and say something if they were really that into you.
6.09.2008
Soul Mates
I found my last poll interesting. 81% of you said you don’t believe there is one perfect person out there for everyone. Now, unless you were simply referring to your great uncle Ned, I am going to assume you were talking about YOUR perfect match. And I am curious…if there are many possible matches – where are they all hiding? I think someone started a big game of hide and seek and I am losing. We should have made the boundaries stricter because they could be ANYWHERE! Marco…
6.06.2008
6.05.2008
The Lady Kill
I have a friend [ok…I may or may not have had a big crush on him in the past] that hits me with these phrases all the time. Hey Lady! You’re such a special lady! or Hey Pretty Lady!
What’s with the word lady? I think it is most typically used when referring to ones aunt or grandmother. It is never a good sign when you get “lady-ed” by someone. Unless it is someone’s mother or grandmother telling their son you are a nice lady they should ask out – then, for some reason, the word is taken as a compliment.
One of my roommates tried to argue this with me. She said she thought it COULD be a term of endearment – I think she was just being a good [or bad] roommate allowing me to live in the illusion of my crush.
So what should you call a female in the 20-30 range?
If lady makes us feel old and undesirable.
Chick makes us feel like an animal or ditzy piece of eye candy.
Babe makes us feel like a sidekick or someone who just looks good on your arm.
Girl makes us feel seven years old [except I think I am OK with girl]
Miss makes us feel too polite or from colonial times.
Ms makes us feel pathetic and single.
Mrs just rubs in the fact that we aren’t [unless of course you are then…just ignore this one]
Mamn makes us feel old.
Woman seems to be the ticket. But somehow it feels funny to say. “I met a nice woman.”
So, women who read this blog, what do you think?
What’s with the word lady? I think it is most typically used when referring to ones aunt or grandmother. It is never a good sign when you get “lady-ed” by someone. Unless it is someone’s mother or grandmother telling their son you are a nice lady they should ask out – then, for some reason, the word is taken as a compliment.
One of my roommates tried to argue this with me. She said she thought it COULD be a term of endearment – I think she was just being a good [or bad] roommate allowing me to live in the illusion of my crush.
So what should you call a female in the 20-30 range?
If lady makes us feel old and undesirable.
Chick makes us feel like an animal or ditzy piece of eye candy.
Babe makes us feel like a sidekick or someone who just looks good on your arm.
Girl makes us feel seven years old [except I think I am OK with girl]
Miss makes us feel too polite or from colonial times.
Ms makes us feel pathetic and single.
Mrs just rubs in the fact that we aren’t [unless of course you are then…just ignore this one]
Mamn makes us feel old.
Woman seems to be the ticket. But somehow it feels funny to say. “I met a nice woman.”
So, women who read this blog, what do you think?
6.04.2008
Xanga Stalk
My dad is the greatest. Really. He’s amazing. One flaw…[shhh, don’t tell him I told] He seems to think that I need a husband. Just read the front page of his website.
Anyway, typically this is not too much of an issue. He goes and speaks – runs into a guy round about my age – tells them he has a beautiful daughter they should think about marrying – yadda yadda yadda.
All of this was funny and did not really involve me until…Half.
My dad travels to Taiwan every so often for speaking and happened to meet Half at one of the school’s soccer games. A few weeks later I got a message on my Xanga [this was way back in the day, I had a Xanga…yes Cha, it is time to move on] from this random guy. Half seemed nice enough and was currently living in Taiwan as a middle school teacher.
His first message did not freak me out; it was simple, something to the effect of “your dad is great.” I quickly agreed.
His second message was a bit freakier, something to the effect of “he was right, he does have a beautiful daughter” and then he proceeded to try and get to know me better by asking me many personal questions. Um…no thanks. I tried to quickly shut down the conversation.
His third message he sent me pictures of himself, shirtless, after running a half marathon. Um…ok. I won’t go into an analysis of the photos now, but he should not have sent them. His message also revealed that he knew too much about me. He said such statements like “I would love to maybe move to Nepal one day.” Hmmm…
After calling and relentlessly mocking my father for getting me into this situation [I believe my words were "do you tell men I am single and desperate and looking for a digital fairy tale?"] I began ignoring Half’s emails and he eventually stopped sending them. I have since deleted my Xanga and hopefully he is not reading this now.
…And this is why I don’t believe in arranged marriages.
Anyway, typically this is not too much of an issue. He goes and speaks – runs into a guy round about my age – tells them he has a beautiful daughter they should think about marrying – yadda yadda yadda.
All of this was funny and did not really involve me until…Half.
My dad travels to Taiwan every so often for speaking and happened to meet Half at one of the school’s soccer games. A few weeks later I got a message on my Xanga [this was way back in the day, I had a Xanga…yes Cha, it is time to move on] from this random guy. Half seemed nice enough and was currently living in Taiwan as a middle school teacher.
His first message did not freak me out; it was simple, something to the effect of “your dad is great.” I quickly agreed.
His second message was a bit freakier, something to the effect of “he was right, he does have a beautiful daughter” and then he proceeded to try and get to know me better by asking me many personal questions. Um…no thanks. I tried to quickly shut down the conversation.
His third message he sent me pictures of himself, shirtless, after running a half marathon. Um…ok. I won’t go into an analysis of the photos now, but he should not have sent them. His message also revealed that he knew too much about me. He said such statements like “I would love to maybe move to Nepal one day.” Hmmm…
After calling and relentlessly mocking my father for getting me into this situation [I believe my words were "do you tell men I am single and desperate and looking for a digital fairy tale?"] I began ignoring Half’s emails and he eventually stopped sending them. I have since deleted my Xanga and hopefully he is not reading this now.
…And this is why I don’t believe in arranged marriages.
6.03.2008
Religious Affiliation
My last poll was on quite an interesting topic I think. It is one that my girlfriends and I have long debated. It is one my parents would think there is no such debate about. Would you date someone of a different faith/belief? How important is that? Sure you could go along for a while – but then push comes to shove and I think it becomes pretty important.
When some of my girlfriends and I signed up for eHarmony we were asked what religious affiliations we were open to being matched with. This is what first started the conversation. I think I checked Christian, Buddhist, Spiritual but Not Affiliated, Agnostic, and Atheist. [We wanted to make sure we got LOTS of matches!] But once we started to get into conversations with these various boys we discovered a fundamental tension – there was just something different in their priorities and perspectives on life.
There was one boy in particular that one of my girlfriends went out with. He was perfect on paper, they had great conversations on the phone and he was goOoOd-looking. His profile had him marked as spiritual but not affiliated. After only their first date the discussion about God came up and they had to hash it out a bit. She came home from the date feeling a tension. They had respected what each other thought, but there didn’t seem to be a sort of reconciliation of the two in site – at least the sort of reconciliation that would be needed for a relationship to grow. She realized from that date that they didn’t just have different beliefs; he had not really invested time in developing his own beliefs and defining who he was. He had not even really read up on his Catholic upbringing, or read into Buddhism, or picked up a Bible, or dove into any sort of religious discovery. He seemed rather apathetic about it all. Religion is so meaningful to her that it was difficult to identify with someone who cared so little for the place religion played in his life. Maybe some religion is better then nothing at all.
And the same was true for my date with the bouncer – our first time out we ended up having an hour-long conversation about spirituality. He had significant obstacles from his past that kept him from feeling like he could trust Christianity or the Church ever again. And my first time out with d* from match.com [marked down as agnostic] involved quite a lengthy conversation about his love of baseball over God and how I should never try to change him or get him to go to church. So…where do I go from there?
I am not one for being exclusive – and I think what bothers me most is the label Christian and having to actually put that on an eHarmoney profile [wait! I’m one of the good ones!], but this might be one area where we have to be a little more picky. This is the most significant part of me – it defines me – it is the reason behind my passions and aspirations. That’s a hard thing to settle on.
When some of my girlfriends and I signed up for eHarmony we were asked what religious affiliations we were open to being matched with. This is what first started the conversation. I think I checked Christian, Buddhist, Spiritual but Not Affiliated, Agnostic, and Atheist. [We wanted to make sure we got LOTS of matches!] But once we started to get into conversations with these various boys we discovered a fundamental tension – there was just something different in their priorities and perspectives on life.
There was one boy in particular that one of my girlfriends went out with. He was perfect on paper, they had great conversations on the phone and he was goOoOd-looking. His profile had him marked as spiritual but not affiliated. After only their first date the discussion about God came up and they had to hash it out a bit. She came home from the date feeling a tension. They had respected what each other thought, but there didn’t seem to be a sort of reconciliation of the two in site – at least the sort of reconciliation that would be needed for a relationship to grow. She realized from that date that they didn’t just have different beliefs; he had not really invested time in developing his own beliefs and defining who he was. He had not even really read up on his Catholic upbringing, or read into Buddhism, or picked up a Bible, or dove into any sort of religious discovery. He seemed rather apathetic about it all. Religion is so meaningful to her that it was difficult to identify with someone who cared so little for the place religion played in his life. Maybe some religion is better then nothing at all.
And the same was true for my date with the bouncer – our first time out we ended up having an hour-long conversation about spirituality. He had significant obstacles from his past that kept him from feeling like he could trust Christianity or the Church ever again. And my first time out with d* from match.com [marked down as agnostic] involved quite a lengthy conversation about his love of baseball over God and how I should never try to change him or get him to go to church. So…where do I go from there?
I am not one for being exclusive – and I think what bothers me most is the label Christian and having to actually put that on an eHarmoney profile [wait! I’m one of the good ones!], but this might be one area where we have to be a little more picky. This is the most significant part of me – it defines me – it is the reason behind my passions and aspirations. That’s a hard thing to settle on.
6.02.2008
Los Robles Part III
How about one more updated on the Los Robles Man?? Or shall we call him the worst mistake of 2008?
After getting your advice [well, some of you. I know there are more of you that read my blog then kindly voted giving me your advice on what to do…shame on you!] I decided just to ignore our dear friend. But he, unfortunately, did not ignore or forget about me.
If you would like to know the magic number of phone calls it takes to officially label you a stalker and finally get a girl to respond [albeit out of frustration] it is SEVEN. That’s right…the guy has called me SEVEN times without a hint of a response from me.
Can we say lack of social skills?
I shared a bit about calls 1,2 & 3 with you…calls 4-6 were hang ups when I did not answer. But then came call #7. And this is the message I received:
Yeti, sweetheart, this is Kevin. Are you studying hard or ignoring me or both? Thinking about you, give me a call huh?”
I decided I needed to respond in some way to that, I mean, he’s picking up SOME sort of vibe that I am ignoring him. And this WAS the seventh call. So with the help of my friend “The Hulk” [you like that ;-)] I came up with a text message reply:
“Kevin. I got your messages, you don’t need to call anymore. I admire your effort, but it’s not going to happen.”
Short and to the point. I thought it was perfect. I needed to say something, but I also had to just cut him off. The Hulk stayed with me for a bit to see if Kevin replied but he did not…we thought we were in the clear…
[45 minutes later]
“Wow, tell me y please & I will.”
I give up. I owe him no answers and I don’t even know what he expects me to say to him. Maybe something like this: Hey, Kev…why? Well, thought you’d get the hint by now. Really? 7 calls. You sweat a lot when we were talking. And your fingernails are too long. You seem a bit too old for me and your voicemails were lame. You don’t seem to have appropriate social etiquette and quite frankly I think you are a stalker.
I didn’t really send that – I just ignored his text back. And I have not heard from him yet, its been 4 days. I don’t yet feel like I am in the clear though, he’s gone four days before. We'll see.
But kids, please learn from my mistake of 2008. Don’t give your real number out to strange men that yell at you from their car window. The likelihood of them being normal is just not very high.
After getting your advice [well, some of you. I know there are more of you that read my blog then kindly voted giving me your advice on what to do…shame on you!] I decided just to ignore our dear friend. But he, unfortunately, did not ignore or forget about me.
If you would like to know the magic number of phone calls it takes to officially label you a stalker and finally get a girl to respond [albeit out of frustration] it is SEVEN. That’s right…the guy has called me SEVEN times without a hint of a response from me.
Can we say lack of social skills?
I shared a bit about calls 1,2 & 3 with you…calls 4-6 were hang ups when I did not answer. But then came call #7. And this is the message I received:
Yeti, sweetheart, this is Kevin. Are you studying hard or ignoring me or both? Thinking about you, give me a call huh?”
I decided I needed to respond in some way to that, I mean, he’s picking up SOME sort of vibe that I am ignoring him. And this WAS the seventh call. So with the help of my friend “The Hulk” [you like that ;-)] I came up with a text message reply:
“Kevin. I got your messages, you don’t need to call anymore. I admire your effort, but it’s not going to happen.”
Short and to the point. I thought it was perfect. I needed to say something, but I also had to just cut him off. The Hulk stayed with me for a bit to see if Kevin replied but he did not…we thought we were in the clear…
[45 minutes later]
“Wow, tell me y please & I will.”
I give up. I owe him no answers and I don’t even know what he expects me to say to him. Maybe something like this: Hey, Kev…why? Well, thought you’d get the hint by now. Really? 7 calls. You sweat a lot when we were talking. And your fingernails are too long. You seem a bit too old for me and your voicemails were lame. You don’t seem to have appropriate social etiquette and quite frankly I think you are a stalker.
I didn’t really send that – I just ignored his text back. And I have not heard from him yet, its been 4 days. I don’t yet feel like I am in the clear though, he’s gone four days before. We'll see.
But kids, please learn from my mistake of 2008. Don’t give your real number out to strange men that yell at you from their car window. The likelihood of them being normal is just not very high.
5.30.2008
5.29.2008
Need a Ride?
My friend Macall is beautiful. She has a stunning smile and gorgeous blond hair. She is my buddy that I often take a morning coffee break with. We work at Fuller together so you can find her walking many of the same streets I do. It was only a matter of time until I had to share a few of her “pick-up” stories. Here’s one.
She was walking down the infamous Walnut street one afternoon running errands. A car drives up, slows down beside her and the driver begins to talk to her.
As Macall looks into the car she notices a young boy is in the back of the car, we assume his son.
The driver then proceeds to offer her a ride to wherever she is going: “Where you headed? I could give you a ride, I’m just on my way to the courthouse.”
Um…right. Like we’re going to get in the car with a random man, going to the courthouse, with his kid in the car.
…you need a new pick-up line
She was walking down the infamous Walnut street one afternoon running errands. A car drives up, slows down beside her and the driver begins to talk to her.
As Macall looks into the car she notices a young boy is in the back of the car, we assume his son.
The driver then proceeds to offer her a ride to wherever she is going: “Where you headed? I could give you a ride, I’m just on my way to the courthouse.”
Um…right. Like we’re going to get in the car with a random man, going to the courthouse, with his kid in the car.
…you need a new pick-up line
5.28.2008
V-Neck Shirts
Confession: I can't handle guys in v-neck shirts.
Am I alone here? I guess I don't get the point. I get it a LITTLE more if you have lots of chest hair to show off [maybe my aversion is really to chest hair?] but still, I don't think I could ever go out with a v-neck wearing kind of guy.
Simon always wears them - and perhaps they are growing on me a bit but...I think perhaps this is WHY he ended up in the top 11 unsexiest men on the planet according to Maxim.
This one isn't as bad...but shouldn't this really be an undershirt....
Too low - too tight...and not OK if he looks better in it then I would
Bad...really bad. Take the leather off...
Am I alone here? I guess I don't get the point. I get it a LITTLE more if you have lots of chest hair to show off [maybe my aversion is really to chest hair?] but still, I don't think I could ever go out with a v-neck wearing kind of guy.
Simon always wears them - and perhaps they are growing on me a bit but...I think perhaps this is WHY he ended up in the top 11 unsexiest men on the planet according to Maxim.
This one isn't as bad...but shouldn't this really be an undershirt....
Too low - too tight...and not OK if he looks better in it then I would
Bad...really bad. Take the leather off...
5.27.2008
Back to the Quote Board
“I don’t understand why you don’t have a boyfriend, you have the greatest personality.” – Said by some guy to a female friend of mine.
“The thing is she is really emotionally unavailable. That’s probably part of the draw. Guys love the challenge.” -Female Friend
“She’s a slippery fish!” -Female Friend
“I mean, he’s turn your head hot. But then you know him and he’s not as sexy.” - Female Friend
“He’s like a stud that isn’t a stud.” - Female Friend
Yeti: He’s evolved, from a baby turtle to a….hmmm
Female Friend: Does he have to be an animal still?
Yeti: No, I don’t think so
Female Friend: Then I think he is a Prius
Yeti: Yeah, he’s evolved from cute like a baby turtle to a Prius.
“I wish I wanted to make babies with you but I don’t”- Said by a female in conversation with friends about a boy
“Maybe we can keep praying 'God, make him more attractive'” - Yeti
“You’re going out with some of Fuller’s finest tonight. Not some of the finest gentlemen, but finest looking" – Female Friend
“Don’t you find sometimes that when you talk about things you like that you just want to marry yourself? Cause you list these things you really like and you are all of them.” – Tiffany
“Someday you’ll meet a guy with balls” – Buhjuh
“The thing is she is really emotionally unavailable. That’s probably part of the draw. Guys love the challenge.” -Female Friend
“She’s a slippery fish!” -Female Friend
“I mean, he’s turn your head hot. But then you know him and he’s not as sexy.” - Female Friend
“He’s like a stud that isn’t a stud.” - Female Friend
Yeti: He’s evolved, from a baby turtle to a….hmmm
Female Friend: Does he have to be an animal still?
Yeti: No, I don’t think so
Female Friend: Then I think he is a Prius
Yeti: Yeah, he’s evolved from cute like a baby turtle to a Prius.
“I wish I wanted to make babies with you but I don’t”- Said by a female in conversation with friends about a boy
“Maybe we can keep praying 'God, make him more attractive'” - Yeti
“You’re going out with some of Fuller’s finest tonight. Not some of the finest gentlemen, but finest looking" – Female Friend
“Don’t you find sometimes that when you talk about things you like that you just want to marry yourself? Cause you list these things you really like and you are all of them.” – Tiffany
“Someday you’ll meet a guy with balls” – Buhjuh
5.23.2008
Buying Coffee
Married couples beware. You may think buying coffee is no big deal - but there are significant consequences if you get it wrong...
*Compliments of my friend Nicholas' blog
*Compliments of my friend Nicholas' blog
5.22.2008
Advice
Let me update you on the Los Robles Man [if you don't know what I am talking about or need to know how on earth a random man on my street got my phone number, please read here].
He calls on Thursday evening. I didn't pick up because it was a number I didn't recognize and I screen all my calls. The most unoriginal and boring message I have ever heard. In the midst of deciding whether I should call back or not...I don't.
He calls again [remember, I have not called back] on Saturday morning. Props to him. I do not answer because I am out for a walk with my roommate grabbing Starbucks Coffee [sorry, Scott, they don't have a Meg's here, otherwise I would be drinking that EVERYDAY!] When I get back I listen to the message and it is pretty much just as boring as the first one. I don't really know WHAT I expect him to say, but I guess since he was the guy that pulled an illegal U-turn in the middle of the street I thought he might come up with someone better than "we met yesterday, feel free to give me a call" or "give me a call on this beautiful day". Hmmm. I don't call back.
He calls again Wednesday [still haven't called or seen or texted or sent him smoke signals]. I don't pick up because I am at work. OK, now I don't know whether to give him props or start shooting myself in the foot for having given my number to a persistent psycho. Same stupid message "it's such a beautiful day, but what would make it that much more beautiful for me is if I hear back from YOU." OK, little better than the other two but still trying-too-hard-smooth-guy cheesy [am I hard to please?].
The idea of going out with the guy neither excites nor freaks me out. I am rather indifferent. But I can't decide whether I want to waste an hour on what might be meeting up with a psycho or might be pleasant conversation - it is such a gamble.
And so I ask you...
I don't need any real fatherly advice here, I understand the whole "you don't owe him anything" stuff - but I can't really go back in time and take back my real phone number [unless one of you knows how to do this - if so please email me]. So, pressing ahead...let's see how many of you can come up with a brilliant plan for me!
He calls on Thursday evening. I didn't pick up because it was a number I didn't recognize and I screen all my calls. The most unoriginal and boring message I have ever heard. In the midst of deciding whether I should call back or not...I don't.
He calls again [remember, I have not called back] on Saturday morning. Props to him. I do not answer because I am out for a walk with my roommate grabbing Starbucks Coffee [sorry, Scott, they don't have a Meg's here, otherwise I would be drinking that EVERYDAY!] When I get back I listen to the message and it is pretty much just as boring as the first one. I don't really know WHAT I expect him to say, but I guess since he was the guy that pulled an illegal U-turn in the middle of the street I thought he might come up with someone better than "we met yesterday, feel free to give me a call" or "give me a call on this beautiful day". Hmmm. I don't call back.
He calls again Wednesday [still haven't called or seen or texted or sent him smoke signals]. I don't pick up because I am at work. OK, now I don't know whether to give him props or start shooting myself in the foot for having given my number to a persistent psycho. Same stupid message "it's such a beautiful day, but what would make it that much more beautiful for me is if I hear back from YOU." OK, little better than the other two but still trying-too-hard-smooth-guy cheesy [am I hard to please?].
The idea of going out with the guy neither excites nor freaks me out. I am rather indifferent. But I can't decide whether I want to waste an hour on what might be meeting up with a psycho or might be pleasant conversation - it is such a gamble.
And so I ask you...
I don't need any real fatherly advice here, I understand the whole "you don't owe him anything" stuff - but I can't really go back in time and take back my real phone number [unless one of you knows how to do this - if so please email me]. So, pressing ahead...let's see how many of you can come up with a brilliant plan for me!
5.21.2008
The Single/Couple Relationship
Singles. Do they make married people uncomfortable? Like they get around them and they don’t really know how to act or what to say? Or is it that often the couples look at them with envy and wish they had their freedom?
That has long been a debate amongst us singles. Sure, we have couple-friends that are better at relating to us then others – there are the couples you love hanging out with and then the couples you have to pencil in on the calendar out of duty [or can only handle in large groups]. And you can even tell a noticeable change when one of your single friends becomes a “we” – they’re different around you then they used to be, especially if they are of the opposite sex [I know this is quite necessary most of the time].
I am told I will understand someday. That there are certain challenges and experiences that we as singles just can’t understand anymore that are best felt in the solidarity of a group of couples. And when the unknowing singles enter – it just creates a different atmosphere. But the divide has always made me chuckle. And my hunch is that in all these scenarios it depends on the couple: but some I think really are uncomfortable around singles and have no idea what to say – you were one of us once, is it so hard to remember?
That has long been a debate amongst us singles. Sure, we have couple-friends that are better at relating to us then others – there are the couples you love hanging out with and then the couples you have to pencil in on the calendar out of duty [or can only handle in large groups]. And you can even tell a noticeable change when one of your single friends becomes a “we” – they’re different around you then they used to be, especially if they are of the opposite sex [I know this is quite necessary most of the time].
I am told I will understand someday. That there are certain challenges and experiences that we as singles just can’t understand anymore that are best felt in the solidarity of a group of couples. And when the unknowing singles enter – it just creates a different atmosphere. But the divide has always made me chuckle. And my hunch is that in all these scenarios it depends on the couple: but some I think really are uncomfortable around singles and have no idea what to say – you were one of us once, is it so hard to remember?
5.20.2008
Why Men Withdraw
Apparently the key to a healthy relationship is creating attraction [a.k.a. sexual tension]
[ad brought to you by myspace]
Then maybe he'll button his shirt back up and get rid of the hideous necklace he bought in Hawaii.
**Update: to read an actual post on this go here
[ad brought to you by myspace]
Then maybe he'll button his shirt back up and get rid of the hideous necklace he bought in Hawaii.
**Update: to read an actual post on this go here
5.19.2008
Giving up on "me"
I am afraid of commitment – I will admit it. Maybe that is why most of these dates you have read about haven’t worked [Mr. Los Robles has now called me twice and I just…don’t want to call him back – this will make my sister happy]. I remember on the match.com date I told you about a while ago [you can read part I and part II here] my date asked me why I was on match.com and what I was looking for in a guy or out of a relationship and my first gut response was “NO! I don’t want a boyfriend! I don’t want to date anyone! I am my own person. I answer to no one but me.” [good thing I was on match.com]
There is a part of me that thinks once I enter into a relationship I give up my independence and what makes me who I truly am. I will have to compromise and answer to someone else and give up that independence that I love so much and hold on to so dearly. I am not so sure I am ready to give that up [or will ever be ready!]. I keep going out with guys – and have realized that I am just in it for the thrill of meeting new people. The high I get from knowing someone is interested in me – even momentarily. As soon as I let people get just a little too close I run away. “You can’t change me – I won’t let you!” What if they convince me not to ever go back to Nepal? What if I fall for a pastor?? Please God, No!!!!
I have amazing parents that have modeled a relationship that I still can’t believe exists. You would think that gives me faith that love like that exists in the world and I can have that too – but I think sometimes it did the opposite to me. Sometimes I think they just got lucky and that can’t happen twice. And I feel this tremendous pressure not to let them down – they could do it so shouldn’t I be able to do the same thing? What if I was to enter into a relationship and it were to fail? My mother has said to me “divorce is not an option” – and I understand that. Of course I wouldn’t want that to be the outcome of what I thought would be happily ever after but look at the divorce rate in our country! It happens more than we would like to admit. And what if I happen to be one of them? What if I let my parents down like that?
I guess I just have a ways to go on this journey. I have learned so much about myself since leaving college and can only imagine how much I will continue to grow in the years to come. Perhaps I will meet someone to grow alongside me – someone who could help me in that growth I need to achieve. Because as much as I am afraid of committing to another person and losing my independence, I think I am most afraid of truly being known.
There is a part of me that thinks once I enter into a relationship I give up my independence and what makes me who I truly am. I will have to compromise and answer to someone else and give up that independence that I love so much and hold on to so dearly. I am not so sure I am ready to give that up [or will ever be ready!]. I keep going out with guys – and have realized that I am just in it for the thrill of meeting new people. The high I get from knowing someone is interested in me – even momentarily. As soon as I let people get just a little too close I run away. “You can’t change me – I won’t let you!” What if they convince me not to ever go back to Nepal? What if I fall for a pastor?? Please God, No!!!!
I have amazing parents that have modeled a relationship that I still can’t believe exists. You would think that gives me faith that love like that exists in the world and I can have that too – but I think sometimes it did the opposite to me. Sometimes I think they just got lucky and that can’t happen twice. And I feel this tremendous pressure not to let them down – they could do it so shouldn’t I be able to do the same thing? What if I was to enter into a relationship and it were to fail? My mother has said to me “divorce is not an option” – and I understand that. Of course I wouldn’t want that to be the outcome of what I thought would be happily ever after but look at the divorce rate in our country! It happens more than we would like to admit. And what if I happen to be one of them? What if I let my parents down like that?
I guess I just have a ways to go on this journey. I have learned so much about myself since leaving college and can only imagine how much I will continue to grow in the years to come. Perhaps I will meet someone to grow alongside me – someone who could help me in that growth I need to achieve. Because as much as I am afraid of committing to another person and losing my independence, I think I am most afraid of truly being known.
5.16.2008
The Ideal Woman
There is this great “shop” along Colorado Street that always has art in the windows. It is constantly changing and I always enjoy walking along this sections of the street enjoying the new depictions artists come up with: the new ways I get to view life and take in my surroundings. We have had some pretty interesting art in the past: some beautiful, some extremely abstract – all unique in their own way. Recently a furniture store moved in to a couple of the sections where art used to be. This makes me sad. A little piece of culture is now gone. All for the sake of comfort and laziness. But there are still two panels left that contain the ever switching artists’ gift to the city of Pasadena. I want to share with you the latest one that is up right now [I had to take the picture in two sections]
This does not sit right with me. I was walking to my bank one day when I passed this – I don’t quite think it is finished. It looks to me like they are putting some mannequins up in the windows – but this was painted on one of them. And it stopped me. I had to take a picture and then think about it. I hate it I think. The idea woman has the spirit of a man? What is that all about? I like my spirit thank you very much and I don’t think I need any more man in me to make me any more ideal.
This does not sit right with me. I was walking to my bank one day when I passed this – I don’t quite think it is finished. It looks to me like they are putting some mannequins up in the windows – but this was painted on one of them. And it stopped me. I had to take a picture and then think about it. I hate it I think. The idea woman has the spirit of a man? What is that all about? I like my spirit thank you very much and I don’t think I need any more man in me to make me any more ideal.
5.15.2008
Los Robles Man
I am exhausted. It has been a draining week. Class demands are building up and the recent lack of sleep is starting to catch up with me. I leave work on Wednesday afternoon and begin my usual walk home. [Del Mar is beautiful this time of year – the purple-blossomed trees in full bloom] As I head down Los Robles Martina McBride’s “Broken Wing” came on and I just couldn’t help but sing along. It was like my own private karaoke. Right in the middle of the chorus I hear someone holler. There is an attractive black man leaning out his car window trying to talk to me. I hesitantly pull my earphones out of my ears [hey…at least he didn’t honk his horn].
Los Robles: Hey, could I pull my car over and introduce myself to you?
Me: Hahahahaha [nervous laughter] what?
Los Robles: If I pulled my car over would you let me introduce myself to you?
Me: Ok…sure.
I watch Mr. Holler pull his car over and get out to chat with me. He’s not bad looking – not bad looking at all. His name is Kevin and he thought I was beautiful and decided he had to pull an illegal U-turn to come and talk to me. How do you say no to that?
I gave him my number. He said he would call me so we could grab drinks…maybe there will be a Los Robles Man Part II?
Los Robles: Hey, could I pull my car over and introduce myself to you?
Me: Hahahahaha [nervous laughter] what?
Los Robles: If I pulled my car over would you let me introduce myself to you?
Me: Ok…sure.
I watch Mr. Holler pull his car over and get out to chat with me. He’s not bad looking – not bad looking at all. His name is Kevin and he thought I was beautiful and decided he had to pull an illegal U-turn to come and talk to me. How do you say no to that?
I gave him my number. He said he would call me so we could grab drinks…maybe there will be a Los Robles Man Part II?
5.14.2008
The Planet Panel
Going along with the “should” blog…let’s talk more about the standards [some] women have to live up to…both seen an unseen. This post is inspired by a post on Michi’s blog which you can find here. Maxim came out [not so] recently with their top five unsexiest women on the planet. Seriously? The PLANET?!? Who did we get to sit on this panel? Who gets to be this judge and how did they get to be so high and mighty? And I seem to remember hearing something about beauty being in the eye of the beholder once? Aren’t we all going to have different tastes and opinions?
You can check the list with a little commentary on why here.
5. Brittany Spears
4. Madonna
3. Sandra Oh
2. Amy Winehouse
And the number one unsexiest woman alive.....
1. Sarah Jessica Parker - What???
OK, I have serious issues with a lot of these [and the ones I don’t have issues with I just won’t go into]. But…doesn’t “sexy” embody more then just physical appearance? Sure these women have had their moments of struggle and less then idea circumstances – but is a list like this really necessary? And maybe some of this just stems from the fact that I really really love "Sex and the City" :-)
Sometimes it pays to be a nobody…no one’s putting your name on a list.
[And just in case you are interested in what guys made the list, for some reason they were a top 11, you can find that here]
You can check the list with a little commentary on why here.
5. Brittany Spears
4. Madonna
3. Sandra Oh
2. Amy Winehouse
And the number one unsexiest woman alive.....
1. Sarah Jessica Parker - What???
OK, I have serious issues with a lot of these [and the ones I don’t have issues with I just won’t go into]. But…doesn’t “sexy” embody more then just physical appearance? Sure these women have had their moments of struggle and less then idea circumstances – but is a list like this really necessary? And maybe some of this just stems from the fact that I really really love "Sex and the City" :-)
Sometimes it pays to be a nobody…no one’s putting your name on a list.
[And just in case you are interested in what guys made the list, for some reason they were a top 11, you can find that here]
5.13.2008
The Gift of Technology
Are all these improvements in technology really helping us communicate? Or are we just becoming more vague?
We text the wrong person or even if we text the right person they don’t understand what we mean.
Our emails are read wrong.
We send things off in an instant instead of really thinking about them.
We post something on someone's facebook wall and don't think of who else might be reading it.
We read things as they were not really intended because we can’t see facial expressions or hear tone of voice.
We have cheapened our communication. We think we are communicating when in fact we are just reminding people we exist and substituting relationships for superficial points of contact.
We text the wrong person or even if we text the right person they don’t understand what we mean.
Our emails are read wrong.
We send things off in an instant instead of really thinking about them.
We post something on someone's facebook wall and don't think of who else might be reading it.
We read things as they were not really intended because we can’t see facial expressions or hear tone of voice.
We have cheapened our communication. We think we are communicating when in fact we are just reminding people we exist and substituting relationships for superficial points of contact.
5.12.2008
The Should Factor
Should is a word that plagues women. We are caught under its spell and all too often don’t know how to escape.
We SHOULD get married [or should at least want to]
We SHOULD have children [or, again, should at least want to]
We SHOULD be the follower in a relationship, supporting our husband in his dreams and desires [often to the determent of our own dreams and desires]
If [when] we get married, we SHOULD take his last name
If [when] we have kids, we SHOULD quit our job to stay at home with the kids
We’re shoulding all over ourselves. [as my pastor would say]
When did we fall into this abyss of heaped on expectations and how do we pull ourselves out from under them? There is so much pressure to conform and act and certain way it is difficult to be the image of a true woman these days and stand as an anti-conformist.
We SHOULD get married [or should at least want to]
We SHOULD have children [or, again, should at least want to]
We SHOULD be the follower in a relationship, supporting our husband in his dreams and desires [often to the determent of our own dreams and desires]
If [when] we get married, we SHOULD take his last name
If [when] we have kids, we SHOULD quit our job to stay at home with the kids
We’re shoulding all over ourselves. [as my pastor would say]
When did we fall into this abyss of heaped on expectations and how do we pull ourselves out from under them? There is so much pressure to conform and act and certain way it is difficult to be the image of a true woman these days and stand as an anti-conformist.
5.09.2008
Just Press Send
A friend of mine sent me a link to the greatest ecard site ever. Enjoy.
This might represent me well :-)
And this might just be the result of that blogging...
This might represent me well :-)
And this might just be the result of that blogging...
5.08.2008
Fight or Flight
I’m not really going to try and understand the human mind here, not going to open up that door. But here’s a couple for you:
1. Ignoring a Guy or Girl to Get Your Message Across:
Who’s the genius that thinks the best way to handle an issue is to avoid or ignore someone? “I don’t really know how to respond to that question they asked me or that statement they made so I will just ignore them. They'll probably forget about it eventually, right?"
OR
“I don’t want to seem like I am leading them on when I am not interested. How about I go from calling or hanging out with them everyday to ignoring them. That should get the message across.” Yes…that will get SOME message across, maybe just not the message you wanted.
I just don’t get the logic here; this may in fact create more ambiguity.
OK…how about this one.
2. Playing it Vague and Unclear So You Have an “I-didn’t-Mean-it-That-Way” Out [I think this might fall more on guys]:
You know the type, communicating with a girl, asking her to “hang out,” [just read up on everything that qualifies for an ambiguous date here] and if she ever gets to a point of saying “I’m really not interested” they come back with “Woah there, I wasn’t even thinking that, I just wanted to be friends. Let’s not jump the gun here.” Riiiight. We’re not stupid. Just admit it or stop it.
It is like we have bread an entire species of socially inept creatures. We're afraid to be honest anymore...but maybe that's why it's working.(?)
1. Ignoring a Guy or Girl to Get Your Message Across:
Who’s the genius that thinks the best way to handle an issue is to avoid or ignore someone? “I don’t really know how to respond to that question they asked me or that statement they made so I will just ignore them. They'll probably forget about it eventually, right?"
OR
“I don’t want to seem like I am leading them on when I am not interested. How about I go from calling or hanging out with them everyday to ignoring them. That should get the message across.” Yes…that will get SOME message across, maybe just not the message you wanted.
I just don’t get the logic here; this may in fact create more ambiguity.
OK…how about this one.
2. Playing it Vague and Unclear So You Have an “I-didn’t-Mean-it-That-Way” Out [I think this might fall more on guys]:
You know the type, communicating with a girl, asking her to “hang out,” [just read up on everything that qualifies for an ambiguous date here] and if she ever gets to a point of saying “I’m really not interested” they come back with “Woah there, I wasn’t even thinking that, I just wanted to be friends. Let’s not jump the gun here.” Riiiight. We’re not stupid. Just admit it or stop it.
It is like we have bread an entire species of socially inept creatures. We're afraid to be honest anymore...but maybe that's why it's working.(?)
5.07.2008
A Book Race
Let's share a good date this time, shall we? We've focused a lot on the negative - let's [for Jeanette's unborn son] share a positive what-to-do type story. I know not all of you will get into this, but I think it is fantastic. Another date story from the wonderful Olivia. [To read the last one, go here]
------------------------------
This is one of the best dates I've ever been on, and we ended up dating for about 3 months. This would have been in 2001, before I moved to L.A. He was in medical school and we met at a coffee house one afternoon. He was very eager to hang out with me and I had a lot of fun with him, so we hung out as friends for a couple of weeks before I agreed to a date. He wanted to impress me so much on that first date that he kept the plans a secret from me. Here is what we did for a date:
He picked me up in his car (I agree, a guy should pick a girl up or offer to drive to her neighborhood) and drove me to Barnes and Noble. He walked me inside the front of the store and turned to me and said "OK. Go find your two top favorite books you've ever read. Grab one copy each. Meet me over in Starbucks in 20 minutes with those books.
Ready, set, go!!" and then he raced off to one section of the store. So I ran over to another section and began searching for books.
20 minutes later I walked over to Starbucks where he was already sitting down at a table for us. He had bought me a cup of coffee (he had paid attention to how I "take" my coffee) and 2 pastries- one for both of us. He also had two books on his lap.
So as I settled in, a bit flushed from the flurry of the book race, he said "OK, now tell me about your two favorite books and why you liked them so much. And then I will tell you about my two favorite books. And then I will buy one of your books and you can buy one of my books. And then we can read them and discuss them in a couple of weeks."
So we sat there, drinking coffee, explaining our favorite books. He bought the first Harry Potter book and I bought the book "It Takes a Worried Man: A Memoir". We both really liked reading the books and it was fun to talk about them over the coming weeks.
That was a fantastic date. :)
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Let me just end up by saying: wow. Go ahead, use this one guys. I won't tell your girlfriends/wives/significant others that you read my blog. How creative. I love it. Creativity, amazing. And secondly, brilliant on his part because he SECURED the second date. Did you see that? Genius. Plus...any guy that learns my coffee drink will be leaps ahead in wooing me ;-)
------------------------------
This is one of the best dates I've ever been on, and we ended up dating for about 3 months. This would have been in 2001, before I moved to L.A. He was in medical school and we met at a coffee house one afternoon. He was very eager to hang out with me and I had a lot of fun with him, so we hung out as friends for a couple of weeks before I agreed to a date. He wanted to impress me so much on that first date that he kept the plans a secret from me. Here is what we did for a date:
He picked me up in his car (I agree, a guy should pick a girl up or offer to drive to her neighborhood) and drove me to Barnes and Noble. He walked me inside the front of the store and turned to me and said "OK. Go find your two top favorite books you've ever read. Grab one copy each. Meet me over in Starbucks in 20 minutes with those books.
Ready, set, go!!" and then he raced off to one section of the store. So I ran over to another section and began searching for books.
20 minutes later I walked over to Starbucks where he was already sitting down at a table for us. He had bought me a cup of coffee (he had paid attention to how I "take" my coffee) and 2 pastries- one for both of us. He also had two books on his lap.
So as I settled in, a bit flushed from the flurry of the book race, he said "OK, now tell me about your two favorite books and why you liked them so much. And then I will tell you about my two favorite books. And then I will buy one of your books and you can buy one of my books. And then we can read them and discuss them in a couple of weeks."
So we sat there, drinking coffee, explaining our favorite books. He bought the first Harry Potter book and I bought the book "It Takes a Worried Man: A Memoir". We both really liked reading the books and it was fun to talk about them over the coming weeks.
That was a fantastic date. :)
-----------------------------------
Let me just end up by saying: wow. Go ahead, use this one guys. I won't tell your girlfriends/wives/significant others that you read my blog. How creative. I love it. Creativity, amazing. And secondly, brilliant on his part because he SECURED the second date. Did you see that? Genius. Plus...any guy that learns my coffee drink will be leaps ahead in wooing me ;-)
5.06.2008
The Bathroom
So…what’s with women going to the bathroom together? Are we scared we are going to be abducted? Maybe we think the mirrors in the bathroom are trick ones and we need our friends to tell us if our hair looks OK [as if they are going to tell us the truth anyway].
OK…let’s be honest. It is actually just because we need a couple minutes to get away, check in, and see where we are at
“OK, what do you think of him? Do you think it is going OK? How do we get OUT of this? How cute is that guy at the next table? What time do you think the bouncer gets off?” [just kidding…we never think about anyone but our date!]
…and can men do the same thing? Or is that weird? And why is it weird when they go to the bathroom together? Is it cause they don’t have stalls?
OK…let’s be honest. It is actually just because we need a couple minutes to get away, check in, and see where we are at
“OK, what do you think of him? Do you think it is going OK? How do we get OUT of this? How cute is that guy at the next table? What time do you think the bouncer gets off?” [just kidding…we never think about anyone but our date!]
…and can men do the same thing? Or is that weird? And why is it weird when they go to the bathroom together? Is it cause they don’t have stalls?
5.05.2008
Bold Moves
When men attempt bold gestures – break out the bold moves, it is considered romantic
[well, as long as the girl is interested…otherwise it is considered stalking, read more here].
When women do it…it is considered desperate. What’s with that?
[well, as long as the girl is interested…otherwise it is considered stalking, read more here].
When women do it…it is considered desperate. What’s with that?
5.02.2008
For my Pregnant Friends
This one is for my pregnant friends [and for those who aren't...beware, this post may make you want to be].
Who knew being pregnant could be so hot? Or that you could start wearing more two piece bikini's and cut-off jean shorts like these!
And who knew it went so well with beer [cause I am pretty sure we've always been told otherwise]
Gotta love that non-alcoholic beer.
And for the record, I do find this disturbing. Interesting marketing branch out. What?
Who knew being pregnant could be so hot? Or that you could start wearing more two piece bikini's and cut-off jean shorts like these!
And who knew it went so well with beer [cause I am pretty sure we've always been told otherwise]
Gotta love that non-alcoholic beer.
And for the record, I do find this disturbing. Interesting marketing branch out. What?
5.01.2008
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