6.10.2008

Confirmation Bias

We all have those friends. The ones that are so head over heels for that one guy that maybe says hi to them every so often [and that is only because she “accidentally” ran into him]. Or maybe he even knows she exists and will share a meal with her in large groups, but she seems to think that indicates a happily ever after. He has never, to your keen eye; give her any sort of message that he is interested in her. You won’t say it could never happen, you’re just saying she’s kind of putting the cart before the horse. I mean, picking out wedding flowers before a guy has so much as shared interest in you is a little much [although I do think Calla Lilies were a great choice].

How does this happen? How can someone get so carried away without proper encouragement? Does she have hope that maybe something can happen in the future? Is that what drives us?

It is the confirmation bias - we see what we want to see and then convince ourselves of that. And then...we believe deep down that if this guy only TRULY knew us he would fall madly in love with us. He’s totally into me; he just doesn’t know it yet. It is a vicious cycle. And probably throw a little bit of the "it must be real" in there too. I mean the two of us have WAY too much in common not to end up together.

I don’t quite know why we do this to ourselves; I just know that most women/girls/females/human beings you meet will fall into this trap. I’m sorry but if he were really into you, you wouldn’t have to convince yourself [or talk your friends into convincing you]. Cause I think even the shy guys will buck up and say something if they were really that into you.

7 comments:

john page said...

Perhaps it's because Hope springs eternal?
Ed Norton (it IS Ed that you're hot for, right?) might, one day, be driving down through Fuller-land one day and see you and yell out his window for your number. Right?

Olivia McCain said...

every girl should read the book "He's Just Not That Into You".

ever since i read that book, i never question whether a guy likes me or not. i know what a guy will do if he likes you. and if he isn't doing that...well than he's just not that into you! :)

Charlie said...

"It is the confirmation bias - we see what we want to see and then convince ourselves of that."

Well, I think this a great insight of theological reflection!!

Yeah, I know it wasn't your point, but editing and writing a paper all week has my "bias" antennae in full alert.

lizzo said...

ugh, kimberly, amen.

Kelley said...

I know too many women who do this to themselves. It's painful to watch.

the kicker is... said...

No one has piped in and mentioned the fact that this is not a one-gender issue. Men also are prone to see what they want to see, believe what they want to believe, even if the signals are opposite (I do believe you've shared a couple of these experiences with the masses, Yeti!).

In fact, just last night on the Bachelorette, Robert was in that very stage of denial (posing as unrelenting belief in the impossible).

Some of us don't just get it wrong... we get it wrong on national television :)

Nancy said...

I think the worst advice people hear as kids is "If you work hard enough you'll accomplish your dreams" or something along those lines...no matter how hard I work, there's no way I'm EVER going to become a professional volleyball player...it's just not gonna happen. Anyway, I think people have that idea in their head that if they pursue something long enough and if they dream big enough that special "someone" may eventually fall for them...this explains people who try out for American Idol and are terrible and it explains people's obsessions with celebrities.
People are naive! Bottom line. Kinda sad, but that's my opinion.