Please stop talking to me

How about another story from Charissa? She is always good for a great story. This one is rather complexing - I can't tell whether these guys were hitting on her or not - they put in an awful lot of effort for no follow through...read on. To read Cha's first story CLICK HERE.

---------------------------------
scene:
fall 2006. pasadena. peet's coffee and tea. i'm sitting outside, studying one afternoon...

this older guy, late 30/40s, caucasian, walks by me, and stops next to my table. he looks as if he is about to ask a question. thinking that maybe he wants the extra chair at my table, i look up and smile politely (mistake)... and he asks,

"what nationality are you?"

for those who don't know me: i'm chinese, but i tend to get mistaken for filipino/southeastasian/

mexican/hawaiian/etc, and often get asked these types of questions, "where are you from? were you born here? wow, you look so exotic, what are you? are you from the philipines? are you native american because you look like it, do you want to be in my native american film project?"...from complete strangers. so i'm pretty jaded when it comes to these questions and i'm sure i sounded annoyed when i answered,

"american"

he seemed to be a little caught off guard by my answer, but catches himself and says,

"oh.. like, filipino-american?"

then he proceeds to talk to me for a good ten minutes, asking me questions about my ethnicity, showing off his extensive knowledge of asian culture: he likes dim sum! goes to hawaii a lot because of work and is exposed to asian culture! loves sushi! loves asian food!

and then...he asks what i'm studying and then about mft and fuller theological seminary,

"so.. this place does more than just prepare people to be bishops?"

and then...he asks where i'm from and even after i say the bay area, still tries to see if i'm from china mainland or taiwan (like i said, i'm from the bay area).

and then...he asks how old i am and then says,

"i assume you've had many marriage proposals"

and then...he asks if i have a boyfriend (to which i respond YES, a blatant lie) and asks me about the boyfriend

and then...he asks if i've lived overseas and when i said no, he asks surprisingly,

"oh, so you were born here?" (ok seriously. why is it always assumed that i am not born in the US of A?)

and then... he asks if my favorite drink is a cosmopolitan (because... what? all young, hip women drink cosmos? a la sexandthecity? huh?)

and then... he asks where my name, "charissa" originates from (i tell him it's greek), he says,

"its greek? oh, so like greek mythology? and it means greece? like the country?"

"no, not the country, i said grace, "it means grace. g-r-a-c-e.

as he's talking to me the entire time... i never ask a question, never offer a seat... he just keeps asking question after question. finally, he leaves. just ends the convo and leaves. maybe he got the hint when i kept looking down at my book, not fully engaging in this conversation.

a little less than an hour later....
there was a man sitting at the next table over, had work and stuff he was doing... he looked late 30s/ 40s; jewish, maybe. he gets up, as if to go inside the store.. and as he walks by me, he says,

"wow, i was noticing how you flip the pen around your fingers! that is amazing!"

so yes, a habit of mine is that i tend to flip pencils/pens around my fingers. it's...not as cool as this guy is making it sound.

"yeah, i see you studying hard, and able to do that with the pen. i mean, if there was an olympic event for that, you'd win"

oh wow. that...was pretty lame. and with a sympathy laugh, "...thanks."

there is some awkward small talk.. and he starts to walk off. but, i notice that he doesn't walk far, and then he's stopped... as if he is debating something. he comes back over to me, and asks...

"so... what are you studying?

are you kidding me? so i have this conversation again...

"psychology... mft...fuller..."

he's asking me a lot of questions about school, fuller, and then he says,

"im sorry, this is weird standing over you, do you mind if i sit down... i know you're studying.. so...."

UH. before i could really answer, he pulls out the chair, sits, gets all comfortable, crossing his legs, etc... and just starts to talk.. about mft, psychology, religion. and i'm... just wondering, universe? what is happening to me today? of course, i'm polite in the conversation and after a few minutes... he seems to gets the hint that i don't really want to talk to him, as i keep looking down at my notes/book. finally, he says something about me having to study and he gets up to go back to his own table.

ok. so maybe they weren't actually hitting on me, but seriously people, what is it about me and my i-look-like-im-still-in-high-school-face and my junior-high-boy-body that attracts these older men to start conversation with me?

When we fall...we fall hard

Guys, do you sometimes you wonder what the big deal is if you go out with a girl only a couple times and then break up with her? "What's the big deal? We weren't even that serious."

Well, when we fall....we fall hard. We [fortunately] don't even have to MEET you to fall hard [take my undying love for Edward Norton as an example]. We are emotional beings - we get wrapped up in it all very easily. Now, I don't say any of this to scare you, I just want to shed some light on why we find it so hard to part from you.

Take these girls for example, I this it is a fair guess to say they have never actually met David Archuleta, [and now they never will if he has any say in it] but their undying love for him was evident and they were CRUSHED when things didn't work out:



Remember when we were that convicted? [I MAY feel a little guilty for voting for David Cook now]

When you really think about it - we girls are just really COMMITTED, loyal, invested, caring, and other really nice words that mean the same thing. When we fall for a guy we really like to put our whole selves into it.

*Thank you Cha for passing this video along

The union

OK boys, I'll let you in on a little secret - you never stood a chance [or very few of you at least]:



Thank you, Mike, for passing this along.

Ketchup

Golly! I never knew it could be so easy.

Awkward situation

#4: Being on a double date when the other couple is in a fight

Sometimes it is fun to go out on double dates, bring another couple along to spice things up - but what's REALLY great is when the other couple brings you along because they can't stand being with one another, can't figure out how to end it, and have found fighting to be their favorite pastime.

Cheater cheater

Last week I revealed to you all my deep love for country music and cowboys. Now that you know, I guess I can dazzle you with the lyrical genius of these fine musicians. Take the song "Cheater Cheater" for example. Go ahead and take a listen, not only will you be motivated to never cheat, you'll be singing right along AND if all else fails you'll have some really good names to call someone who cheats.



But seriously, this is a great song. Check out more Joey and Rory HERE.

I don’t know why you bring up a problem when you don’t want it fixed

Guys and girls handle things differently. I realize that this is probably an age-old disagreement/argument-starter/discussion – but let’s hash it out anyway, shall we?

Girls:
When we share a problem we just want to be heard. We want to know that there is someone else out there that will UNDERSTAND what we are going through and will empathize with us. When you try and jump in with an explanation of what we could do to try and remedy the situation it makes us think that you don’t really care and just want the conversation to end, you are just trying to come up with a quick fix and you don’t really understand us. Sometimes we don’t need a solution – we just need to talk about it, you know, one of those bitch and gripe sessions.

Guys:
If there is a problem, fix it. Isn’t that what you are supposed to do? WHY come to me with a problem if you don’t want me to let you know what you could possibly do about it? I am happy to listen to you complain about your brother’s ex-girlfriends mother’s daughter’s brother-in-law but then I am going to give you advice. You eventually have to come to a resolution – you can only TALK about your problems for so long.

Sometimes I think that men and women weren’t meant to ever really get married – they should just live next door to one another and have conjugal visits every now and then. KIDDING (maybe).

Almost as bad as the boys in california

Thank you to my sister, Kelley, for passing this along.

Gotta have my beer

When my friend clj told me he had an awful ad for me, I never expected this...

Save a horse ride a cowboy

For those of you who don't know, last night was an epic night in prime time television. The 42nd annual CMA's (Country Music Awards) were on. Why is this night so incredible?

Cowboys.

I have a soft spot in my heart for these simple, strong, corny and sexy men. Perhaps it is because I grew up in the great Midwest - or perhaps it is just because they are THAT wonderful. Every year as I watch the CMA's or AMA's my country accent comes out and I feel warm and gooey all over. There's something about country music that makes you feel connected, American, and thankful for your life - cause it could ALWAYS get worse. For example:



And now...here is a taste of some of the hotness from last night:

Brooks and Dunn














Brad Paisley









Jake Owen























Keith Urban























Trace Atkins












Alan Jackson






















Kenny Chesney






















George Straight



















Tim McGraw (did I mention I am married to him? long story)












Now...I realize that I just put Tim in here twice (and he wasn't even at the awards show) - but he's just THAT great.












Kid Rock (this is for you, Robin)













And I had to throw in Reba McEntire because she is amazing and I have a she-crush on her









Anybody? Any country fans?

Better late than never

I now bring to you a wonderful first date story from my best friend, Becca. Her and “Aussie” met in the LAX airport, shared a wonderful couple of hours chatting in the red carpet room, exchanged numbers and then…

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So, did I tell you about my date with the Australian boy? We had planned to meet up Thursday evening at this cute little restaurant in uptown at 6:30p. I got a text from him at 5:45p saying he had arrived a bit early and would grab a table for us.

How nice of him, only I was still at work and had not even begun to close up shop because I wasn't planning on leaving until 6:00p. So I frantically try to get my crap together so I can get out the door and not keep Aussie waiting longer than I have to (even though I know it'll take me at least a half hour to get there).

Finally I am on my way scrambling out of the building when I realize I'm the last one to leave, which has never happened to me before at my BRAND NEW JOB. This means I am responsible for setting the security alarm and locking up the building.

Well, with the limited space of storage God gave me in my memory, I cannot remember for the life of me what our security code is to set the alarm. Profanities begin pouring out of my mouth as I sit there frantically reading the instructions by the alarm trying to figure out how to set it, but I still can't remember the code. So I run back downstairs to my office and dig through all of my training packets, papers, brochures, etc. knowing that somewhere in there we talked about how to set the alarm and SURELY I had written something down.

The only instructions I can find are: "Press the button ALL ON, and enter four digit secret code" Balls! That does not help! I try calling my boss several times but I know he's at a campaign event and he won't get any of my phone calls. Plan B.

I decide I will just lock up the building without setting the alarm and just play it off the next day at work: "oh, really? There's an alarm I am supposed to set?"

Meanwhile, it's getting later and later amidst my running around, and Aussie is only looking more and more pathetic sitting alone there at our table. I go outside to lock the door and my key (which I have never had to use before) does not even go into the lock on the door. They freakin' gave me the WRONG KEY!

Now I REALLY don't know what to do! I'm sweating, just cause I'm so stressed and I'm going on this random date with this guy, who has now been waiting for me for like a half an hour (I'm typically not so good at playing hard to get!)

So I end up going back inside, locking the door from the inside, not setting the alarm, and sneaking out the back door...ultimately leaving the entire building open with no security alarm on.

As I head out to my date I leave a voicemail for my boss: "um, hey, its me. I just thought I'd let you know, I just left the office and unfortunately the building is unlocked and the security alarm isn't on...hopefully you'll be able to come and fix that. Sorry!"

Forty-Five minutes after the initial text I'm horribly parallel-parked about ten blocks from the restaurant but all nerves about a first date are gone, I am simply trying to think of how I can explain my tardiness without sounding like I just made up a really bad excuse to get out of a first date. Feel free to borrow if you like: "Turns out I'm still the new girl at work."

GREAT way to start a new job and a first date. Amazing.

People say the funniest things

“So, somebody called me an angel today. What’d you do?” - clj

"It’s better than a bud lite lime, but not better than a Miller lite" [when referring to a REALLY GOOD lager] - Hydro

"It doesn't matter where you get your appetite as long as you come home for dinner." [When referring to marriage] - Friend's mom

"It's like I was the loading dock and she was the tractor trailer" - Male

"Man, I wish I would have known. I would have paid more attention to you" [referring to a girl liking him in High School] - Male

"I hope one of them falls off the stage on top of me when we go...and I hope they choreograph something for them in Speedos" [talking about Twitch and Will on So You Think You Can Dance] - Yeti

"You should have seen how I was before I met my husband boy crazy slash just crazy." - Female

"I may be a big guy but praise God I don't have cankles." - Male

“All I’ve got going for me at the moment is a date with Latin lover and cross-blogging” - Yeti

"I caught [insert hot guys name] starring at me, but I think he just stares." - Female

"To be honest, I have no idea what his face looks like" [when referring to how much she liked his biceps] - Female

Erika: If I have children someday that’s probably how they’ll dance [when watching a young boy break dance on television]
Yeti: Are you going to train them?
Erika: Nope, I’ll just pray.

"Oh, speaking of classy, I now have a crush on a guy with a girlfriend" – Jennifer

Yeti: Oh gosh, that shirt is disgusting and should not be allowed. But I am sure he has a good heart [referring to a man wearing a plunging v-neck]
Emily: Yes, you can almost see it!

Boss: I am going to look for a boyfriend for you.
Yeti: Really? Wow. You are usually so protective.
Boss: Yes, well. I just don't want you to end up alone with lots of cats.

The code

Now you know...



Thanks, clj, for passing this along.

Men need insurance too

One of the guys

I hang out with some ridiculously good-looking boys. I mean, ask any of my girlfriends – these boys are stop-you-on-the-street attractive. But even better than that they are wonderful, godly, hilarious, deep men that I am proud to call friends.


















I have to be honest though, sometimes I get this prideful grin on my face when I am out with them because I know the looks I am getting – I know that girls are envious because they wish they were in the presence of such greatness. But then when I really stop to think about it…I don’t think I should be so prideful. These guys are actually really hurting my game. They are acting as one giant cock block.

It would be easy for anyone observing us to assume that I am with one of them, and that would be a logical assumption to make. And what guy in their right mind is going to come up and talk to me or ask for my number when I am surrounded by these fine men? You’ve got to be all sorts of bold I’ve never seen before. I think I need to stop hanging out with them so much – besides, I am “one of the guys” so some of the conversations I’m overhearing I could go my whole life without knowing ☺

How to impress a girl

Another Mingle2 delight. CLICK HERE. We can thank Griz for this one!

GO VOTE!

Where are you going and with who?

“Boundaries don’t keep other people out, they fence you in. So you can waste your life drawing lines, or you can live your life crossing them…and if you’re willing to take the chance, the view from the other side is spectacular.” – Meredith, Grey’s Anatomy.

I like this quote. As I crawl higher and higher in years I become more defined in my passions, desires and goals. But this quote got me thinking. When we are considering what we want to do with our life, a potential person to share these things with becomes something I have started to think about more.

Where do we draw the line or how much of a chance do we give someone to embrace what we are passionate about? Should we close the door because we don’t feel like someone wants to do the same thing with his or her life that we do? Or perhaps we should go for someone we feel connected to and hope that God will draw our paths together?

I can’t help but feel we tend to box ourselves in too much at times. If my life had turned out like I very much thought it would when I was in high school, let’s just say none of you would know who Carrie Underwood is but you ALL would have heard of my name and number one hits on country radio.

Life changes, paths change, desires change – and I think true connection comes down to chemistry and a foundation of values that are common when it comes to family and faith. The rest you can figure out together.

Just a little naughty

A new beverage...and some last minute costume ideas.

Office Dating

A while ago we talked about Church Dating. There was some good discussion, and out of that discussion we got on the topic of Office Dating. I am torn about office dating, but mostly I think it is a bad idea:

1. You have to see this person EVERY DAY, if it does not work out - awkward.
2. You get to see this person EVERY DAY, if it works out - awesome.





















I guess if you are interested in someone at work it can be miserable being around them all the time without at least giving it a shot...but beware the repercussions.

I don't know, it worked for Jim and Pam [who aren't real] but I think they're the exception.

**P.S..did you see I moved to a dot com? Make sure you update your bookmarks and post feeds!

A bit of poetry

I have a favorite poet, and I think more of you need to know about her. LaDonna Witmer. I read as much of her as I can get. Her writing make me feel like her and I would be best friends and share great conversations over a cup of coffee, while at the same time pretty much convince me I would never be cool enough to hold a conversation with her...I am caught somewhere in the middle. She is brilliant. Buy her books of poetry, look through her website and watch her Cinépoems. Here is a recent blog post she did that I thought was beautiful so I share it with you:
----------------------------------
And Then

They say life's a bitch and then you die, and they may not be all wrong on that point.

But in between the bitch and the death there's a whole lot of living going on. And not all of the stuff that makes living worthwhile is headline-worthy.

I used to build my life around all the And Then's:
go to school And Then summer break. graduate And Then college. graduate again And Then find a job. write a poem And Then get published. meet a boy And Then go steady. recover from breakup And Then find new boy. read great book And Then buy the sequel. go on vacation And Then plan the next trip.

You get the gist.

Always something new, something more, something better just around the corner, And Then the next corner, And Then the one just past that.

Perhaps it's age or a small measure of experience or some bit of unwarranted wisdom, but somewhere along the way from one corner to the other, I've discovered that the really good bits of living, the moments that keep you afloat when the floods come, are the ones that come just before and between the And Then's.

Not just looking forward to reading a good book, but really enjoying the one you're reading right now. Not just getting published, but actually writing, the minute decisions you make as you set the words down on the page, cross them out, and starting again. Not just going on vacation, but all the small delicious bits of planning that come before -- buying the guidebook, exploring a map, learning new Italian phrases.

Life happens in the moments in between. In the waiting. In the details. In the insignificant moments. During breakfast. At bedtime. Or when you open your eyes two minutes before your alarm goes off.

And Then isn't the point. It's a distraction. When you're always peering around the corner, looking through the next doorway, you're too impatient to appreciate the small things unfolding all around you.

So that's my platitude for today. Maybe I'll think about it a bit longer And Then I can write about it a bit more eloquently.

*wink*

-Lo, who has no idea what's coming next.

The 8 phases of dating

Thank you Charissa for this lovely little jewel.

CLICK HERE

A good profile...the writing

The actual profile is another difficult area (OK, I guess the only other area, really). So let’s see if we can give a couple tips on this one.

Do NOT say you can’t live without sex…it makes us think you aren’t serious about a relationship or are going to jump us on the first date.

If there is a question regarding what is most important to you/what you can’t live without, don’t say “friends, family, God” blah blah blah, those are kind of givens – all you are telling us is that you are the same as every other guy we’ve been matched with. What makes you stand out? Be unique. What do your friends mock you relentlessly for because you can’t live without it?

We want something that shows your personality – what makes you distinctive – why would we choose you out of the THOUSANDS of men eHarmony things we are compatible with on 29 dimensions? Like, what you’re most passionate about, how you spend your leisure time or “additional information” are great areas you can let your personality show.

We do actually care about grammar. Take the time to read through your profile and make sure everything is spelled correctly. And please do not write stream of thought.

Make sure you fill out enough sections. While the strong silent type is a draw for many of us – you’ve got to give us SOMETHING to go off of. If you only have three answers filled out, we’re not likely to bite the bait (unless you have a REEEEEEEALLY pretty face).

Bottom line: it is hard to meet people online. You’ve only got a small space to show a bit about yourself. You don’t have to be so serious right away, make it fun and show your personality.

…or just email it to me and I’ll proof it for you – that might just be easier ☺

**P.S..did you see I moved to a dot com? Make sure you update your bookmarks and post feeds!

Espresso...a first class experience

You shouldn't have to settle for less than the best when it comes to espresso. And I should know, I am an addict.

The only way to bring an end to the divisive politics in washington

I saw this on my friend Michi's blog...























I am really hopeful this could be a pairing for next season's "Dancing with the Stars"

**P.S..did you see I moved to a dot com? Make sure you update your bookmarks and post feeds!

Dot Com

I'm finally a dot com.
I feel like such a grown up.
Now I just have to work on new formatting...
all in due time.

Until then, find me at http://www.searchingfortheyeti.com

Marry to live a healthier life

First of all, I would like to thank whatever anonymous person started sending me Prevention Magazine. I have no idea WHY I am now receiving this magazine, or why anyone thought of me when considering this publication...but now you, my readers, will reap the benefits.

I've found a couple interesting articles lately:

#1: New research shows how marriage affects your health in the long run

(July 4, 2006) -- Married folks have longer, healthier lives than singles, research finds--and a new British report sheds light on why. Men cut down on fat, salt, and sugar when they move in with a partner.

Getting hitched is good for women, too--eventually. "At first, women eat more unhealthy foods and put on weight," says lead researcher Amelia Lake, RD, of the University of Newcastle upon Tyne's Human Nutrition Research Centre, who reviewed 15 studies on couples. Women gain 3 pounds on average within 3 months of saying "I do"--and 19 pounds by their 10th anniversary.

But as the years go by, couples tend to adopt each other's better habits. A University of Pittsburgh study of 3,075 men and women ages 70 to 79 finds that married couples are more active than solos, and highly active men are three times more likely to have a vigorous wife.

#2: The heart benefits from a great relationship

Give your honey a big kiss. New research shows that love guards against heart disease, women's number one killer.

The catch: Only women in happy twosomes get this better-than-a-pill protection, says San Diego State University psychologist Linda C. Gallo, PhD, who tracked the health and happiness of 493 women for 13 years. Using blood tests, Gallo found that women with the luck, skill, or emotional fortitude to have created highly satisfying marriages were simply in better health.

They exercised more, smoked less, and felt less frazzled. As a result, their cholesterol, blood pressure, blood sugar, and body weight--the big heart attack risk factors--were lower. They also felt less depressed, anxious, and stressed.

Top happy-marriage factors: time together, communication, good sex, and financial compatibility, plus shared lifestyle, personality type, and interests.

"It's clearly worth nurturing your marriage--in ways that make you feel happy--for the sake of your own health," Gallo says.

#3: Why a strong relationship equals a strong heart

As wiser men than I have observed, it's never possible to truly know the nature of another person's marriage--but as a cardiologist, that doesn't stop me from trying. Don't get me wrong. I'm not interested in gathering titillating details or conducting a field study on the laws of attraction. My radar is sensitive to the status of my patients' relationships for one reason: Marriage affects your risk of having a heart attack.

For many of us, that influence is positive. We now have a lot of evidence that intimate relationships (and to a lesser degree, friendships) buffer you against heart disease. On the whole, long-term statistics show that married people live longer than singles, suggesting that it's always better to tie the knot than to go it alone.

But is it? Some recent research showed that the marital effect is more complicated than that. (When it comes to marriage, is anything uncomplicated?) A recent study in the Annals of Behavioral Medicine found that a troubled relationship is worse for you than remaining single. Spouses who reported a lot of negative encounters with their partner had blood pressure that was on average 5 points higher than that of single people. The emotional stress of a difficult marriage typically causes adrenaline levels in the blood to spike, raising blood pressure; it can also cause blood vessels to spasm. Worse, women who keep their feelings to themselves during arguments with their husband have a four times greater risk of dying than women who do not, according to findings reported in the journal Psychosomatic Medicine.

So obviously, the quality of your marriage is a key factor in determining whether your heart will benefit from it.

In my practice, I can get a pretty good idea about how a couple is getting along if they come in together. Sometimes a little squabbling is a good sign. Typically, the wife has urged her husband, who'd rather be at work or playing golf, to make an appointment. I'll ask him if he's eating right, exercising, no longer smoking. He'll say yes, while behind him, his wife will be shaking her head no. Although they appear to be in conflict, I don't worry about them: They obviously care about each other or they wouldn't be here.

Other patients simply confide in me, or my staff, that their marriage is going poorly. I advise them to spend more time exercising, which is the best anxiety reducer I know. But the most important thing I tell them is that they should seek more social support--concentrate on seeing more of their friends and kids so they acquire the heart-protective benefits of good relationships outside their marriage.

The lesson for you? When you bolster your marriage, you invest in your heart health. And if your relationship hits an extended rough patch, tell your doctors. They may not be much good at marriage counseling, but they will help prevent your heart from breaking, literally, even more.

Arthur Agatston, MD, a preventive cardiologist and an associate professor of medicine at the University of Miami Miller School of Medicine, conducted several groundbreaking studies on heart disease and is the author of The South Beach Diet Supercharged: Faster Weight Loss and Better Health for Life. He maintains a cardiology practice and research foundation in Miami Beach, FL.

-----------------------------------

So, basically, being single can be detrimental to your health. Maybe the NCMO doesn't sound like such a bad idea now...

I'm scared

This really has nothing to do with the content of my blog but I thought it was hilarious. Some "how-to" books should never be written...















I found this photo HERE.

Oops

I am playing with the layout of by blog and in doing so completely wiped it out and had to rebuild it. Luckily I didn't lose everything (meaning my posts) but I lost all that fancy stuff on the side...oops.
Guess I need some help from someone who knows a bit more about technology :) Sorry for the hiccup (and the ones yet to come) - we'll be back on track here soon enough.

The NCMO

My friend Ipp did an amazing post on the NCMO. I have copied and pasted it here for you convenience, but you can also CLICK HERE and read his original post. Go ahead, chime in - what do YOU think about the NCMO?
--------------------------------

Pronunciation: \ nic-mo\ or \ non committal make out\
Function: verb
Etymology: English slang, deriving from Christian youth subculture.
Date: Late 1990s
1. The act of engaging in kissing or make out type actions with no expectation or hope for a future relationship.

At one time or another we have all entertained the thought of the NCMO. Some of us joke more candidly about the idea, and still there are even a select few that have utilized the NCMO. Nevertheless, there are still many questions surrounding the event. Is a NCMO truly possible?

Sure, we all have our animalistic urges for physical affection. We often pawn off the idea, but everyone needs a good hug to keep his or her sanity. When the well runs dry, to what lengths are we allowed to seek other means of quenching our thirst?

On paper the NCMO works perfectly for this occasion. However, what are the true expectations of the involved parties? Common sense will tell you that at least one of the parties [if not both] anticipates more than a one-time rendezvous. With false expectations curtailing from at least one member, awkward encounters are the least of concerns.

What about those individuals who base an entire relationship off the NCMO? They continue to engage in the non-committal make out, time and time again. The investment of feelings and emotions are bound to enter the equation at some point.

You can’t have your cake and eat it too.

There are two sides of the coin any way you flip it. Regardless of the intentions, the consequences seem to be cloudier than a smog heavy day in Los Angeles.

What are your thoughts on the NCMO?

I'm gunna get me some dixie cups

10 things i love about you

For my man friends in relationships...a little advice from Rhett and Link

Why don’t you have a boyfriend?

You know what question I really hate answering? “So, why don't you have a boyfriend?” How am I supposed to answer that? This is not some conscious decision I am making [even though Joshua Harris tried REALLY hard when I was in jr. high to convince me it should be]. I have not had 15 great offers in the past month that I have turned down because I really want the last spot in that convent. I just don't know what people expect you to say when they ask you this.
“Why don’t YOU?” (said with a sassy attitude)
“Cause I’m in love with you.”
“I do…how did you not know that?”
“I’m dating Jesus.”
“I’m pretty sure eHarmony will find me one any day now.”
“Cause boys smell.”
“My dad shot the last one.”
“Haven’t found anyone that’s been able to handle me yet.”

…so, why don’t some of YOU have a boyfriend or girlfriend?

Awkward situation

#3: Visiting a boyfriend out of state and getting broken up with mid-trip.

No one wants to be there anymore:
He wants you gone.
You want to leave.
...why didn't you just drive?

*note: this scenario did not actually happen to me, don't be afraid to comment.

Probably toasted

My roommate Erika and I were walking out of Vive after a good night of salsa dancing when we were approached by an attractive Indian man with a British accent just walking down the street with his headphones in.
As he passed Erika he looked at her and said, “you look REALLY beautiful tonight”

[The following takes place in a matter of three minutes]

Erika: You look really familiar, do I know you?
V: What? (removing headphones from ears) Yeah, you totally look familiar to me too. (lie. Good one, but a lie).
Erika: Where are you from?
V: I’m Indian, I’m from fuckin’ India.
Erika: Noooo, (giggle) I mean do you live in Pasadena?
V: For like a thousand years probably [British accent is fading in and out]
V: We should go get a cocktail right now.
Erika: Oh, I don’t know about that. We are just headed home. [Erika points at Yeti who kind of can’t believe this whole interaction is taking place]
V: Ohhhhh, riiiiiight, you’ve gotta work. I’ve gotta fuckin’ work in the morning too.
Erika: Where do you work?
V: Right there at city hall. [points behind him to where the Pasadena City Hall….kind of…is]
Erika: what do you do?
V: I’m an architect. [I am now worried about the structural integrity of our new City Hall]
Erika: That’s really cool.
V: (Turns to Yeti) What do you do?
Yeti: I work for….(cut off)
V: Come one let’s just grab a fuckin’ cocktail.
Yeti: How bout you give us your number and we’ll call you some other time to grab a drink [SEE readers, I am learning to GET the number NOT give it!]
V: You won’t fuckin’ call.
Yeti: But what if we do?
V: You all say that.
Yeti: Well, just try us and give us the number.
Erika: well, since you are so adamant we won’t call, we probably will.
V: (turns his head to the sky, as if looking to the Lord) Oh, so that's how it works?
Erika: Are you sure you need a cocktail tonight? Where did you just come from?
V: I was in Hollywood one day last week.
[Erika and Yeti…exchanging confused look….]

[V Starts going through his wallet (we assume trying to look for a business card) but then pulls out his license and shows it to us.]
V: Look, this is me, I’m serious, I’m a good guy.
Yeti: Yeah, you have a nice smile.
V: Yeah, it’s a great smile.
Yeti: Look, you’re an organ donor – you’re for sure a nice guy.
V: Yeah, why would I fuckin’ keep these things when I’m gone. In fact (giggle, giggle) I feel pretty bad (giggle, giggle) for whoever gets my liver when I kick it (giggle, giggle).
[Erika and Yeti courteous/nervous laughter]
V: (looking toward Erika) Seriously, you are beautiful, where are you from?
Erika: Whittier
V: No, but like, Mexico or something?
Erika: My parents are.
V: (Turns to Yeti) You’re pretty too, where are you from?
Yeti: Umm, Illinois.
V: Ah yeah, Chicago and shit.
V: I am moving to Chicago in a year for grad school intenational relationations U of Chi. [imitates as if smoking weed].
Yeti: So you plan to study a lot?
V: Well, yeah, and blues and jazz and shit.
Yeti: See, if you give us your number now – we could call you then as well when we are back in Chicago for Christmas.
V: I don’t have any business cards.
Yeti: You could just give it to us and we could put it in our phone.
V: Um, Ok 530…that’s the area code, I used to live in San Francisco…530
Erika: You lived in San Franscico? I love it there
V: Yeah, dude, that is a fuckin’ great city!
Yeti: (turning toward Erika) Please don’t distract him – he needs to just get this out.
Erika: Oh, yeah (giggle) sorry.
V: 530…. [moments that feel like hours later we have the number]
Yeti: OK, we will give you a call sometime.
V: Really? Cause, actually, you probably shouldn't. You don’t want to know me (giggle, giggle).
Erika: giggle giggle giggle…k, walk safe!

Yeti and Erika: OK, we are SO going to call that guy!!

My number

The tag line reads: "Let's keep on dreaming of a better world" - riiiiight.

Craigslist

Why pay for online dating when you can just put a post up on craigslist?

When watching 90210 Tuesday night [I know, I know, I judge me too!] the hot English teacher was on a site called "I'd Date Me". I immediately became curious as to whether this site actually existed or not so my roommates and I did a websearch. It does not...but we were delighted in what we DID find...

I'd Date me =D Just Read!!

I went to a show about 2 days ago. @ Bowery. It was cool but it sucked cause everybody there had a chick to rock out with. I was like damn, I really miss those days.
I just want a girl that;
-Likes dinner and a movie -Doesnt mind my dorkiness at times
-Likes to laugh
-Go to shows and concert
-Listens to good music with (Dance Gavin Dance and The Used) and get all close
-Isnt high maintence
-Who I can text random things too like "Will you date me" and "I love you"
-Wears my sweaters
-Love to shop @ hm, urban, and Journeys
-I can hang with @ St. Marks Place
-And eat with @ BAM, Dumpling Factory, or Chipolte Mexican.

You could really learn to fall in love with me cause im that type. Really funny,cute and snuggly, chill, and laidback. I write poetry and skateboard so thats a plus. Im kinda femme tomboy. Skinny pants and dirty vans. Im no weirdo just heard other people did this so i'll give it a shot. Hey who knows!
Send me a pic and i'll send mine, we'll talk and yeah..
Ok see ya!

---------------------------------
That's right - you can post about yourself on Craigslist...then just wait for the dates to start rolling in. And if you are in New York, please email this guy - and then send me the story. He just sounds like a good time.
[I also get a kick out of the "missed connection" section. But, please, beware of some of the other sections Craigslist has allowed...not so good]

A good profile...the photo

I had someone recently write in and ask me if I would write on what makes a good online dating profile. I thought this was quite an interesting idea – and having seen my fair share of AWFUL online profiles, I decided to take up the challenge. Now, remember, this is just my opinion (with some input from my girlfriends) so take it with a grain of salt.
I decided we needed to break it up into categories so here is the first of I have no idea how many.

#1 The Photo

The photo, let’s admit it, is probably the most important part of your profile. This is where the first impression comes in. If the initial “I think I could be attracted to this person” is not there – most people won’t take a whole lot of time reading the rest of what you have to say. So here are some helpful hints (and samples)…most what NOT to do.

Do NOT put up pictures of you with other women unless it is labeled “me and my mom” [and even then…I am not quite sure I am ready to meet your mom yet]. And while we are at it, photos where you have clearly cropped out a woman smashing herself very close against you or simply blurred out her face are not noble attempts to avoid this...and neither are you with WAX figurines. Just TAKE A NEW PHOTO if you don’t have any without girls in them.


































Do NOT take a photo of you half naked in the mirror with your cell phone.























Do NOT take three different photos of you that are exactly the same just three different angles with slightly different faces. This does not help me.




























Do NOT take a photo with your stuffed animal. I know you are trying to convey you are funny, but it comes of kind of weird.






























Do NOT put up group shots unless it is close enough so we can see your face and you clearly label yourself. I don’t know you well enough yet to pick you out of a crowd. Make sure it is full-size…the tinny-tiny photos are not really worth it.
















Do NOT put up pictures that are not you. It is REAL funny when you put up pictures of celebrities. If only I had actually been matched with them.























OK, that is as picky as I can think to be at the moment. Anyone else have helpful hints to add?

Get to the point already

As lived and retold by my friend, Charissa. Enjoy:

---------------------------------------------------------

scene:
borders bookstore, i'm sitting on a windowsill, browsing through a book. a man approaches me. he's maybe in his late 20s, dressed like he's coming from work, attractive (but not my type of attractive. i like cuteindiehipsters...he's more business-smooth).

him: excuse me, can i ask you a question?
me: sure (great. which one is he going to ask - where are you from? where were you born? what nationality are you?)
him: well, tell me what you think about this. is it wrong if a girl starts dating her best friend's ex-boyfriend?"
me: (entirely caught off guard) i'm sorry, what? say that again?

he repeats the scenario. i respond.

him: well, let me also ask you this. my friend has this girlfriend and she never lets him see us. we don't hang out with him anymore because she doesn't let him. what should i do? do i say something? i don't want to hurt my friend's feelings.

random, right? i assume that this guy is trying to hit on me, but not entirely sure where this is actually going. or why he's asking me this question? because i'm pretty sure i do not exude "relationship expert, ask me for advice." if anything, he should be paying me since i guess am trying to make a living off of this. HA.

i answer with some generic, basic advice...blahblah. and then i wait. is...he now gonna ask for my number? or...does he want to give me some context for why he asked them? ...and nothing. he asks me about the book i'm reading and then thanks for me for my time and leaves.

the hell? so i continue to browse through my book.

five minutes later, he comes back.
him: hey, help me find a book?
me: uh, sure?
he walks over to the psych/self-help/relationship section...
me: what type of book are you looking for?
him: i don't know...something in psychology. in this section
me: is....there something more specific? why are you wanting to find a book?
him: you seem like you would know some good books, what should i read?

i'm still confused at this point. but, i'm going with it. and the conversation is friendly, flirty. simply cuz... i am a flirt. i start pointing out a bunch of books that i've read (mostly for my mft classes). and so, it comes up that i went to school for counseling, that i just graduated...blahblah.
him: so what do you do now, that you graduated?
me: look for a job.
him: oh, so you're not working now?
me: nope. i'm a lady of leisure (if that doesn't attract a boy, i don't know what will)

then, all of a sudden,
him: whats your favorite color? (HUH?)

i answer. then he asks me what my favorite animal is. and then to name a body of water. and maybe one other question, i don't remember. i oblige. THEN, he asks me to describe three reasons why each answer is my favorite.
him: three reasons, why do you like the hippopotamus?
me: uh. i...like the word itself and that the plural is hippopotami. (yeah...i'm a nerd) and did you know that a group of hippos is called a bloat? a bloat of hippopotami. i learned that by doing a crossword puzzle. i like crossword puzzles. (again, if that doesn't attract a boy...)

so we go through this long thing of me describing my answers half-assedly. cuz really? this conversation is lame. and then he proceeds to tell me what my answers say about me and how people see me.

HAHA. WHAT. was he doing? assessing me? giving me some sort of personality test? is this eharmony, in real life? will he ask me out depending on my answers? is this what this whole thing has been all along?

finally, he says he has to leave for work soon.
him: so...how.... do we continue this conversation? (and ok, THERE IT IS, what he's been working toward this entire time)
me: i don't know... the ellipses here conveys my tone of voice and facial expression of giving him the opportunity to directly ask for my contact info, or to say well let's get coffee, or SOMETHING. because i am just not just gonna give homeboy my number if he is not going to be bold and actually ask me. no games here. and i would have given it to this guy even though i was not super attracted to him (let's remember folks, will date for food).

him: oh. uh... well...maybe i'll see you here again? (uh, THAT'S what you follow up with?)
me: sure?
him: well are you here often? i've never seen you here before
me: uh. how often do you come here? (is this a regular thing for him, scoping out the chicks at borders?)
him: maybe about twice a week...

and then there was a kind of weird awkward...big-gulps-huh?-welp-see-ya-later moment...
and we parted ways.

look. it's simple, really. sometimes you don't need to come up with some grand scheme to talk to a girl. just ask her out.

Premarital Sex

Well, it is my fault I asked the question about premarital sex – so now I have to write about it. Now, I have to warn you that I come from a particular background and context so as you read on, know that I share my opinion from within that worldview and framework. This may be convicting? Perhaps. Maybe frustrating and a bit one-sided? Yes. But I hope no one feels condemned. I am simply sharing my opinion and the thoughts of others I have appreciated, giving some of the reasons behind these opinions.
Much of this post will come from the arguments of Greg Boyd (you can read them more in-depth on his blog or listen to his sermon).

As many of you know, I LOVE the show “Friends”. As I re-watched one of the episodes the other day, and Boyd pointed out in one of his blog posts, I was reminded of this topic (well, really, most episodes remind me of this topic but…nevertheless). Monica asked Richard whom she’d begun to have sex with again (after a painful break-up): “Can’t we just be friends that have sex?” “Sure,” he replied. "It’ll just be something we do together – like playing racquetball.”

Greg Boyd puts it well when he says, “I think that pretty much sums up what sex has largely become in our culture. A nice form of pleasurable recreation. It's so pervasive in our culture that to call it into question is to come across to many as moralistic, repressive, Victorian and just down-right unenlightened. But we've got to help people see that sex was designed by God to be the precious sign of the most important covenant two people can make with each other: the pledge of marriage. And, perhaps most importantly, we've got to help people see that the racquetball philosophy of sex is ugly bondage while the sign of the covenant view of sex is beautiful FREEDOM.”

I think the problem we have here boils down to two things. One, marriage is not regarded as highly as it once was. And two, sex is seen as more of a pleasure-seeking individualistic activity. Marriage was once a relationship that people aspired to - now we see many people proud of the fact that they live together, build lives and families together, and never enter into that covenant of marriage. "Just in case" I guess is what you would call today's view of relationships. We have become more and more individualistic thinking that relationships and all that they entail (i.e. sex) are to meet our desires and at the disposal of our pleasure-seeking whims.

Here are common arguments:
We have to have sex before marriage to make sure we are sexually compatible.
They married earlier in the Old Testament days so those rules and regulations are out of touch, no one was really meant to wait this long.
As long as you are in a committed relationship and love one another what is the difference? A piece of paper.

What society will not tell you is how much pain comes from sex out of context. Obviously we are talking more so about rape, prostitution, teenage sex and exploitation. But there can be serious psychological diseases, depression and emotional ramifications for those who go into sexual intercourse without having thought it through. It actually frustrates me how much society tries to deny this. I blogged about one such instance on my other blog just last month – a young woman selling her virginity to pay for grad school. It frustrates me that this is now an instance that young woman around the world can look to and point at for a reason why it is not worth saving your virginity for marriage – it is now a valuable commodity. But what this woman has done is completely devalued the connection between the physical act of sex and the emotional and spiritual.

There is an undeniable connection between the body and the spirit – we can’t just ignore that. And I think that’s something we can’t take lightly. George Hinman from Bel Air Pres. says “God designed sex not for the body, but for the soul – and sex works every time.” If you give yourself to someone in that way, even if you wait until you are sure you love him or her and are committed to him or her, what happens if it ends? You can’t take that deeply intimate joining of yourselves back. As Chap Clark says, “sex only blesses when the beloved is totally safe and secure in the knowledge that the other will be there.”

Many say that the Bible does not really give any evidence that sex outside of marriage is wrong. I’ll admit it can be a little fuzzy, it would be nice if there was a 4 John 3.6 “Don’t have sex unless you are married to someone” but that does not exist. However, there are verses that are pretty clear about the issue. Take 1 Thessalonians 4.3 for example, “Obstain from sexual immorality” (or in other versions it says fornication which, incidentally, means sex outside of marriage).

Now I understand it is one thing to tell a teenager to wait a few years – it is not going to kill them, but what if you are an adult? What if you are in a committed relationship? What if you are widowed? What if you are 60? What if you only have ONE WEEK left to live…

Boyd makes four rather compelling arguments for withholding (granted, they are more compelling if you believe in the Bible):

1. The Bible says that when you have sexual intercourse with someone you become one-flesh. (Matthew 19.5-6) And what God joins together, no one should separate. Intercourse clearly involves much more than two people getting physically intimate with each other. God himself is involved in creating a new “one” out of the two.

2. Paul in 1 Corinthians preaches about the fact that whenever a man has sex with a woman the two become one-flesh…EACH time. “Do you not know that he who unites himself with a prostitute is one with her in body? For it is said, ‘The two will become one flesh’” (1Cor. 6:16). Even when the partners intend sex to be purely recreational – as when one has sex with a prostitute – it still creates this “one flesh” reality! Something profoundly spiritual, metaphysical and foundational is going on, even when the parties are “just having fun.”

3. Intercourse is a sacred sign and seal of marriage. In the Jewish tradition a couple was not considered married until they had engaged in intercourse. In traditional Jewish weddings, the couple would go off to have sex after exchanging vows and the post-wedding celebration couldn’t begin until they returned – until the covenant was sealed with the sign. This is also why in the Old Testament, if a man had sex with a virgin outside of wedlock, he was commanded to marry her (Deut. 22:28-29). Since he’d already sealed the marriage covenant, it was believed he had an obligation to live up to the covenant.

4. And obviously we have to throw in a few statistics…so here's a few of the more obvious consequences. One out of five Americans has an STD. Almost 40% of kids in America are born out of wedlock, which contributes to poverty, crime and violence, especially among young people. Over 40% of all marriages end in divorce. There were 1.2 million abortions last year. Ironically enough, sexual dysfunction is on the rise in America. Millions have emotional and psychological scars from their promiscuous activity. I would argue there’s a connection between the massive promiscuity of our culture and the fact that Americans are more depressed, suffer more psychological disorders and see therapists more than any other country on the planet

I will admit I have my doubts in all of this as well. Marriages fall apart all the time and you seem to get just as burned as you would have been having sex in a committed relationship outside of marriage that ended up falling apart. And I know many people that have come from a very different background than me, and may not have even understood that waiting was an option. There are lots of pressures and perhaps it was presented to you as really the only logical way things are done. But I guess I can’t see the harm in waiting – I avoid hurt, possible disease, I’ve waited this long it won’t kill me to wait longer, and I won’t have the difficulty of comparison in my marriage bed having been with other guys before my husband.

I guess I’m pretty conservative in this regard – but there’s my soapbox two cents on the poll question I never should have asked. Thoughts?

Why do women live longer than men?

Saw this on my friend Alan's blog. Love it.