Send In the Kid

I went to The Pig yesterday for the usual Sunday morning coffee. As I was sitting at the bar area reading a little boy, that could not have been older then 5, walked right up to me:

Boy: What’s your name?
[I have to admit, for some reason…I almost fake named him, but then I thought…he’s five, I can’t fake name a five-year-old!]
Yeti: My name is Yeti.
Boy: Ohhhhh
Yeti: What’s your name?
Boy: ;akeiralk;sdf;kl
[I could not understand it for the life of me even though he repeated it a couple of times]
Yeti: What are you going to get to drink?
Boy: I’m getting hot chocolate.
Yeti: That is a really good choice
Boy: I know. I love it.
Yeti: Are you going to get whipped cream?
Boy: Oh yes! I get vanilla.

I just smile at the boy. He was really quite adorable. And then I look up. His dad is standing just a few paces behind him – just smiling. The oh-that-son-of-mine type of smile. He comes up to his son and tells him to go and look in the back room cause it is real spooky and cool back there. So the boy runs off…

Dad: Haah, he’s such a friendly kid.
Yeti: Oh yes, he is just adorable
Dad: Oh, thank you. So, you said your name was Yeti? What is that you are reading?

What? Um? Ah…er…HOW did that just happen? I was talking to a cute little kid and now an upper 30’s early 40’s-ish guy is chopping it up with me. I just didn’t see that coming. Very smooth. Send in the kid.

Boy Talk

Do you ever wonder if boys weekends away are anything like girls? My bet is no. I don’t think they gossip and giggle and talk about girls as much as we girls gossip and giggle and talk about boys. But I also don’t think they’re as apathetic as we think – I just think it looks different. Sometimes I’d like to be a fly on the wall, and then I decide, WHY would I do that to myself? Some things are better left a mystery…

My BMI

I joined the gym. I pretty much just give them $28 a month. But sometimes I go in for a visit – you know…just so they don’t think I died.
When I first joined they set me up with one free session with a trainer. Justus. [He should be a gladiator…not really, but he has a good name for it]. Anyway, it took a couple of tries to set the appointment up and get a time that worked [I think I had to cancel the first one for some reason]. Over the phone he always sounded like he had just lit up and was getting high. But…nice guy.
So, I show up and am greeted very kindly. Nice guy. He says we have to fill out some paperwork and figure out my BMI and all that stuff before he takes me around for a workout. Fine. So he starts asking me questions and measuring things. Well, he gets to my chest measurement and gets semi-awkward but not too bad. He looks at me and says, “can you please hold this over your nipple line?” Um…sure. After taking the measurement he then says, “was that weird? I never know how to ask that? How should I say that? Are you offended?” Haah! OK, moving on.
He is now done with all the measurements he has to take and moves on to calculations. He then hits me with it – the big number – my BMI. Not as bad as I thought. I was pretty sure I was going to get “lump on a log,” but I didn’t. He told me what I got was good, healthy. “You don’t really want to get too low cause then it can mess up things like…you know…like…monthly…you know.” I just looked at him and said “You can say NIPPLE but you can’t say PERIOD!?!” He got a little awkward when I said that – but pushed through it with blushed cheeks and a smile.
The rest of the session I gave him a pretty hard time. He’d try to push me on some piece of equipment “give me five more!” and I would just look at him, smile, and say “You’re kidding, right? I can’t do five more. How about you do five of them for me so I can see how good YOU do them?”
He didn’t really know how to take me, but it was a fun session. And I always got a cute wave every time I came in after that.

Spooning

There is this line in “Sex and the City” when Carrie is talking about how long its been since she’s had sex and says, “I need to feel the weight of a man’s body on me.” Well, my roommates and I have had discussions about this on several occasions. We don’t quite mean it like Carrie – we’re a little less promiscuous then her – but sometimes you gotta love a good cuddle or a warm embrace. Carrie also had another one of my favorite quotes on that show when she said “and just when I thought it couldn’t get any better, he spooned me!” – amen to that. I love spooning.

There was a boy when I first moved to LA that I fell for hook-line-and-sinker. To put it mildly, he was HOTT. And he made me laugh and he was cool and well…let’s just say I had a crush.
One evening I had had a little too much to drink [which probably meant one and a half PBR’s…I never drank until moving to CA so I am a reeeeeeal lightweight]. So I decided to crash on his couch for a couple hours until I could drive home. Better safe then sorry, right?

Retro: Yeti, do you need me to cuddle with you to keep you warm?
Yeti: Yes! [I know he’s kidding…but I mind as well just try…]

Well, he actually goes and grabs a sleeping bag and comes to lay down next to me. Too make a long story short – we end up SPOONING all night. Nothing happened, just spooning – but it was WONDERFUL. Every girl needs a good spoon every now and then. And I may have stayed a little longer then I needed to…

It's a Secret

There was an interesting boy I went out with for a bit when I first moved to CA. He went to Fuller but I first met him at the church I was attending at the time. We met at an informational lunch because we were both looking to work with the college students at the church – it must be real. From there we began to hang out a bit more. It wasn’t until about 6 months later though that things really started clicking. He pursued me to hang out a bit more, would call me more and text me quite often.
Then…the night I was stupid happened [unfortunately, this is only one example of a night I was stupid. But, alas, read on.] Remember how I am bad at texting? Well…I should have learned from this incident but apparently I did not. I had just been talking to a male friend of mine about this boy and how I could not really feel him out. I thought maybe he was interested but sometimes he talked to me about other girls…what? Why would he do that? And apparently sometimes boys do that to “feel a girl out” – I don’t get it. But…ok. Right after I got off the phone with this friend the boy called me! We chatted a bit and it was nice. So I decided to fill this friend in – I sent him a text
“Speak of the devil guess who just called? But he told me he is going to meet that girl this weekend. Why would he tell me that? I think I am falling into the friend zone.”
I waited…I waited…nothing. Usually this friend answers back really fast. So I check my sent messages to see if it went through. Well, apparently since this boy I had a crush on was on my mind…I SENT IT TO HIM! Oops!
Now…to this day he still claims he never got it. I don’t believe him. How could he have gotten every single other text I have ever sent him and not this ONE? Fishy.
Anyway, my apologizing [when apparently there was nothing to apologize for] lead to a conversation late one Thursday night at Lucky Baldwins. And he decided he wanted to give dating a try…but keep it a SECRET.
I can’t really explain to you how he still got me to “date” him for a few weeks when this was the line he hit me with. I am really not a stupid girl – but then again…
I don’t really think you can say we ever dated when he didn’t want anyone to know. And if his roommate ever called when we were out he would say, “I’m out with a buddy.” Hmmm. Needless to say that didn’t last too long. He told me I was really flirty with other guys and it drove him crazy and he didn’t feel like he could trust me. I’m not going to say if he was right or wrong – I’m just going to say if you want to keep the fact that we are dating a secret…I’m gunna play the part ☺

Making a Statement

So I went to hang out with this guy the other night - and this was the t-shirt he was wearing.








I appreciate the confidence but....really?

Stalking

My roommate Liz and I had an interesting conversation a while ago about stalking. [Now…we were not talking about the legal definition of stalking – just that boy that won’t stop calling or showing up everywhere you are…you know, the one that walks 22 blocks to buy the aviator sunglasses just because you have them]

Liz came to a stunning conclusion, and I concurred: there is a fine line. [helpful, I know]

It really all boils down to attraction. All is takes is your feelings for someone to determine whether they are creepy [stalkerish] or not in their actions toward you.

If you think a guy is cute and you are attracted to him + asking you out and appearing randomly outside all your class = not creepy or stalkerish and thoughtful.

If you don't like a guy and “have no desire to hold or be held by him” + showing up everywhere you are and getting your number when overhears someone giving it to someone else = creepy and leave-me-the-heck-alone.

This can apply to anything. Take dinner for example:
A guy you are attracted to: Oh my gosh, maybe he wants something more. WHAT a I going to wear??
A guy you are good friends with: Fun! I love hanging out. We’ve needed time to catch up.
A guy you find creepy: What’s a good excuse? What’s a good excuse? Run away now he’s coming!!

Ah the thin line of attraction…

The Stylist

I went and visited my hair salon this last weekend. This is always one of my favorite times. My stylist is amazing. I love him. He is very gay and very hilarious. Time flies when I am in that chair and we are chatting. Unfortunately I do not get to visit him all that often. He is expensive and I am a poor graduate student. So really I only see him about once every three or four months.

As he and his assistant are working on my hair he asked me about any new and exciting adventures in my life. I told him I had been in Nepal with my dad and that after graduate school I want to move there. Just take off for a few years and go explore and experience Nepal some more. He thought this was the most fantastic idea and then proceeded to tell me he had done that after school. He went to Italy for a year and a half, much to his mother’s dismay. He then told me [in much to great of detail] about the yearlong affair he had with this dreamy Italian man.

Assistant: But you’re married now.
Stephen: That’s right. I’m married. [sigh] To the same man for 14 years.
Yeti: 14 years! Wow! That is quite an accomplishment. Congratulations!
Stephen: You bet your ass. That’s like 75 straight years. It’s harder for us gay people.

Oh how I love that man. I wish you all could meet him. If you’re looking for a new place to go get your hair cut let me know – I know this guy…

Stephen was so proud of the finished product he called me South Pasadena's Next Top Model. Well...I'm not gonna argue.

The Ambiguous Date

It is getting harder and harder to date these days. It is getting easier to be non-committal, which is kind of nice on one hand, but there is a whole lot of confusion that comes with that.

There are the guys that call you up and ask if you want to meet up for a drink or coffee later that evening. Sure. You get excited. You, perhaps, put some extra deodorant on. When you show up little did you know he had texted 14 of his other closest friends [maybe he is just so interested in dating you he already wanted his family and friends to meet you??] How were you supposed to know you were unwillingly showing up for an episode of elimidate? OK, this could have been fine – you just weren’t prepared…

Then there is the guy that asks you out for a drink or coffee [I’m seeing an easy-escape theme] and when you arrive it is actually just the two of you. Yes. Good first step. But when “bill-time” comes you get the "oh…I totally forgot my wallet. I am so sorry. I'll get it next time." Riiiiiight.

Then there is the guy that calls you up and asks you out – perhaps not just to coffee – and it’s even just the two of you…but you begin to see another theme developing. Multi-tasker. What’s with the multi-tasker? I don’t want all our dates to be your work events. Yes, pre-screening that movie was great and I really enjoyed talking to people about it for three hours afterwards. No, no, don’t worry – the artichoke dip held me over. And no, I don’t want to go to another work party [ok, the open bar did help a little].

The problem these days is guys are so sweet and unclear. The sweet part gets you to go out with them but then they like to leave you hanging in the ambiguous zone. I haven’t quite figured out why they like to do this. Are they afraid? And what are they afraid of? You? Commitment? Do they want to keep you wanting more?

Or are they just plain oblivious? I am more inclined to think this is really what is going on. But then I just don’t want to let them off the hook this easy. Stop taking me out, stop smiling at me so much and stop being so sweet if you don’t want to back it up. There are plenty of random girls to do this to.

Besides, I want to be the mayor of ambiguous town and how can I do that if YOU are vying for the position…

I don't understand how I am still single...

If a picture is worth a thousand words...

the first two this one says has to be "marriage material".

**If you like my T-shirt and want one of your own you can buy it here

Good Quotes as of Late

“Cause when you stalk them you know all about them” – Female Friend
[Yes, I guess you are TECHNICALLY right. When you stalk someone you do know more about them. This was said when perusing cute boys Myspace accounts.]

“We’ve gotta break it down while we’re in Europe.” – Chris
“Why? Girls like a group of hot guys.” – Yeti
“No, twos. You send them out in twos; it’s biblical. A group is intimidating.” – Chris

“He can land that.” – Chris
[I guess I never realized girls were flying mechanical contraptions.]

“I am so going to marry him someday. I know I say that about a lot of guys – but I really mean it about him.” - Yeti
“You can only say that about one. Or two.” - Erika
“Excuse me?” -Yeti
“One might die.” – Erika
[I guess it’s always good to have a back-up. Gotta love those “Plan B’s”]

“I don’t really find him that good-looking.” - Yeti
“You don’t think he is attractive? Then you are partially blind.” – Erika
[No, I am not going to tell you who we were talking about, but I think it is good roommates have different tastes - less fighting ☺]

Do, Date or Dump?
[Have you heard of that game? I’ll have to explain it in another post. Anyway…some of us girls we playing the game and then chatting about it afterwards…here were a couple of quotes from that…]

“Oh, do, with the beard you do” – Female Friend
[there were no arguments to this one]

“I think if guys were playing this game I would want to be the girl they do. I mean, we’re not out here walking for our personalities” – Female Friend

“A guy doesn’t really need to include ‘I don’t have many friends’ in his profile. It’s not a good sign.” – Female Friend

“I’m covered under God, right?” – Male walking out of bar with the car keys after drinking
[Hmm…not so sure I want your “God grace is enough for me” theology coming out right about now]

“Why do guys have to do that? Be all sweet and unclear?” – Female Friend.
[Yes, you are right my friend. All too often the boys are sweet with nothing behind those deadly actions]

“I adore ** he’s just so young – but that doesn’t mean a good woman couldn’t grow him up.” – Female Friend

But this is different...

So, remember the barista? Well I went in again when he was working [don't know how I figured out he was there...] and I was:

1. Greeted BY NAME [not my full name, just Yeti, but that's the only part of my name he knows...]
2. Greeted WITH A SMILE [sure, he's a smiley guy, but I am pretty sure it was EXTRA big this time]
3. He REMEMBERED my drink [friends, I am what they like to call picky. There are 3 things on top of just what kind of drink I want that he had to remember...he remembered them all!]

All I'm saying is...It Must Be Real, no one just DOES their job that well.

I Didn't Mean It Like That

The other day I was talking to a married male friend [MMF] of mine…the conversation went as follows:

Yeti: "So, I am going to try to ask this question without sounding like I am hitting on you" [first of all, grrrrrrreat way to start a conversation and the asking of a question.]

MMF: [nervous laughter] "OK, how about I just assume you're never hitting on me."

Yeti: "Yes! That's good – cause I am not. [holding on to whatever dignity is left] OK, anyway. Do you have a brother?" [Yeti now realizes that among friends this is not that strange of a question and she did not really need to start it with the 'hitting on you' opener]

MMF: "Nope. It's just me"

You think I would be satisfied with that answer. A quick OK. Maybe even a smile. Walk away. But, no.

Yeti: "Have any clones of yourself anywhere?"

Yeah…I should always remember not to qualify things before I start talking and then to just STOP talking.

It Must Be Real

It was the summer of 2001 that I first learned this great concept. I, of course, always knew it. It is ingrained in every woman. But we don't realize this is what we are doing when we are doing it. I learned several great lessons that summer [and not all of them were about boys!]. "Trips to Italy," "Tossing the lettuce," etc. Muffy [now goes by Meredith] was so educational and inspirational.

It Must Be Real is the trap women fall into when they are delusional [which, I hate to admit, is much of the time] about a boy. We can't see straight so suddenly everything we see becomes a sign that we should be together – this boy is perfect – he can do no wrong – and God has created us exactly for each other, we are quite sure of it.

Let me give you a few examples:

"Oh my gosh…he wore his Northface fleece today and so did I….IT MUST BE REAL!"
"Oh my gosh…he likes the show Everest: Beyond the Limit and I've been to Nepal…IT MUST BE REAL!"
"Oh my gosh…he's eating purple grapes and my favorite color is purple…IT MUST BE REAL!"
"Oh my gosh…he showed up for the free screening of Trade, that must mean he cares about the sexually exploited just like I do…IT MUST BE REAL"
"Oh my gosh…he works in a coffee shop and I am addicted to coffee…IT MUST BE REAL!"
[Note: I certainly have never though any of the above mentioned things…these are merely hypothetical examples]

OK…so some of those are pretty ridiculous, but girls actually do that. If you both happen to be wearing sweater vests on the exact some day you can bet there are wedding bells in your future. Who else could be so perfectly knitted to her heart in such a fantastically unique way?

Girl Rules

What’s with those “girlfriend rules”? We have all these funny idea of who can date whom and who can be friends with whom.

Yeti: "He’s cute T, go for it!"
Tracy: "Yeah, but I think he has a girlfriend"
Jennifer: "Oh, she’s just a speed bump. You know, a proceed with caution sign."

Well, as much as we like Jennifer’s advice, that’s not the way it works if it’s within friends. Even after a couple has broken up. Or even if they didn’t ever really date but just went out a couple of times – there are still these unpublished RULES that govern the appropriateness of our relationships with those around us after they have taken interest in a friend of ours.

I get it – but I don’t get it. If a guy doesn’t like me why should I force every other girl in my life not to be with him? “If he doesn’t want to be with me he doesn’t get to be with ANYONE!” It’s like we think if we just wait a LITTLE longer maybe he’ll change his mind. I realize he’s asking my friend out – but I STILL think if he REALLY knew me he would change his mind…

Blind Dates

What is it with married people so desperately wanting to get their single friends married? Is there like a club you all have? You get points toward a Nintendo Wii if you get enough other people hooked up in marriage?

Lately I have felt like there is something about me – some look on my face – that says “single and desperate and looking for love”. I cannot tell you HOW MANY people lately have told me they have someone they can set me up with. I don’t need to be set up [yes, actually I do. I need all the help I can get, but I am not going to admit that to them] especially if they live in a whole different state. Come on!!

A friend of mine told me I am looking at this the wrong way. I should think of it as the person saying: “I have found this truly amazing person who is…oh my gosh…single! I want them to meet this other amazing person I know of because I think they are both really amazing.” Blah blah blah…something like that.

Call it what you want – I hate blind dates. Ask my friend Michael who hooked me up on one last year – apparently I am not to kind on them either. I don’t really hide my true feelings all that well [thus, this blog]. I’ll tell you about that whole episode later.

So maybe I have a skewed view – thanks for all the help friends…but I don’t want to meet that super nice guy you know.

Flirting vs. Friendly

How do you let the barista at the coffee shop behind the counter know you're interested in him? I can't tell yet if he's picking up what I'm putting down. There is only so much laughing-at-his-stupid-jokes or asking-the-surface-questions or trying-to-graze-his-hand-as-he-passes-you-the-drink you can do. Especially when all those damn customers come up behind you. Umm – HELLO!!! Hating on my game. I realize I am already addicted to coffee so trying to go several more times a day is not helping…

The K.I.S.S Principle

I was chatting with my friend "hugs" the other day. To be honest, I don't really remember what we were talking about. I think it might have been about a class presentation. But I know that it brought about the K.I.S.S Principle (Keep It Simple Stupid). A teacher of his in high school had first taught him that phrase and it had stuck with him ever sense.

As the conversation proceeded [or I should say wrapped up] this is what happened:
Yeti: We should grab coffee sometime
Hugs: That would be great
Yeti: Did I just ask you out?
Hugs: Naw, you're just making it happen. We'll chat about life and love and beauty and all that matters in the world.
Yeti: Yeah, and we'll KISS. [Yeti turns a shade slightly pinker then she naturally is] Errr….
Hugs: Whatever comes naturally [wink]

Always add PRINCIPLE after the word KISS, it's very important! Or just say the whole phrase…it really doesn’t take that much longer.

Innocent Words?

There are way to many ambiguous words today. Too much for a helpless girl to read into…

Friend: one might not think this one can be confusing. But try this on for size “you are such an amazing friend. Seriously, one of the best.” While he uses the word friend his undertones say L-O-V-E-R

You are so special to me: this SHOULD mean I really want to be with you but I am afraid of messing this up: what it ACTUALLY means is do you think you could hook me up with your roommate?

Sweetheart: this SHOULD mean I want to be dating you: what it ACTUALLY means is thanks for fulfilling my emotional needs.

Hey Babe: this SHOULD mean I wish you were mine: what it ACTUALLY means is I had bacon for breakfast

Miss You: this SHOULD mean I can’t live without you, there is a void in my life: what it ACTUALLY means is I couldn’t think of another tag-line for my email.

I was thinking about you: this SHOULD mean I-want-you-I-need-you-oh-baby-oh-baby: what it ACTUALLY means is I just watched a rerun of I Love Lucy

Call Me: this SHOULD mean I can’t wait to talk to you and want you to feel like you can contact me anytime: what it ACTUALLY means is we ain’t ever going to talk again unless I stop screening my calls.

Lady: this SHOULD mean I really respect you and think you are a fantastic person I could actually see myself having a future with: what it ACTUALLY means is you remind me a lot of my grandmother.

Let’s Hang Out Sometime: this SHOULD mean I really enjoy your company: what it ACTUALLY means is I’ll probably be busy.

E-Card

A good friend of mine sent me this card – apparently she thought of me when she saw it. I choose to be flattered…

Check it out here

Is it bad that I really want to pass this on to that guy that makes my toes tingle? Help him out a bit? OK...I wouldn't really. And I am not quite sure how I would react if some guy sent this to me.

T-Shirt

I was walking through old town yesterday afternoon when an old friend was in town. We passed a guy on the street. He was kind of cute – looked pretty stylish. As I passed him I gave him a little smile. Then I read his t-shirt…
"Smile at me if you are gay"
Oh no! I didn't read your t-shirt before smiling at you. I didn't really mean to smile. I mean, I did, but I didn't. I didn't mean to smile at you once I read your shirt. It had nothing to do with your shirt!!!
OK…I feel better.

Yeti Needs

So, by now you have probably heard of this little game…little trick…of putting your name and then the word “needs” into a google search. It is quite revealing. I now no longer feel like I need to pay for therapy (just kidding roomies!)

These were some of my top hits

Yeti needs moon tea [yes…tea does sound nice]
Yeti needs a piece of mind [just one will do, thank you]
Yeti needs to return to the Victorian era
Yeti needs to completely restore her homeland [ok…good luck to me]
Yeti needs a bad boy, not a saint [ha...that one is painfully true!]
Yeti needs a bath
Yeti needs to revive herself [probably with a bath]
Yeti needs another mocha [how well google knows me!]
Yeti needs more airtime [I DO love attention]
Yeti needs to drink more to avoid kidney problems [do the mochas count?]
Yeti needs to buy drinks and cookies
Yeti needs to get into a bikini [woah…lost me there]
Yeti needs an ass whoopin’ [some might agree with this one]
Yeti needs to go to la-la-land [live there]
Yeti needs prayer to get her babies back in her arms
Yeti needs new shoes [always]
Yeti needs sex [I am in no place to argue with google]
Yeti needs an adoptive family who will love her unconditionally
Yeti needs to prove that she is not gay in order to adopt her baby [how in the WORLD am I going to do that?]
Yetei needs to worry about leaving a legacy [pretty sure I’ve done that…maybe I should focus on leaving a GOOD one]
Yeti needs her to babysit, but she should ask ahead of time
Yeti needs those notes, but they’re not a crutch
Yeti needs the first day after a promotion
Yeti needs to know her boss, her friends and the atmosphere very well before bypassing everyone
Yeti needs to lose some weight [well, thank you for your honesty google]
Yeti needs to go to the gym if she wants to stay an A-list movie star [HEY! at least I have a membership!]

And my favorite one…
Yeti needs to reinforce that Andy and his talent is needed for team success [wow, Andy, I am so sorry I have not been doing this enough…you AND your talent are NEEDED for our team’s success!]

So…what do you think? Have any you would like to add to the list? What do YOU need?

Profile Questions

I was on one online site filling out the initial profile questions when I came upon this one:
“How important is sex to you”
I don’t remember all of the options, I just remember I chose the one that said:
“I am still a virgin”
Hmmm, I guess I just put it on out there.
...I kind of wonder if some of them think I am kidding?