So many reasons why this guy is not married

It physically hurts me to watch the video.

1. the guy is dumb.
2. he is actually calling out for his "mama". this, of course, is not strange. becuase why would he be calling out for a girlfriend or a wife? he wouldn't have one. he spends all of his time playing video games. for such long increments of time, in fact, that he gets disoriented and throws things at the screen.
3. he thinks hitting the top of the television is going to bring the picture back into clarity....



boys......can't live with 'em - can't kill 'em.

Nanny....er

A friend of mine brought my attention to the following craigslist ad [craigslist has the BEST ADS!!]:

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Nanny plus needed to perform basic motherly and wifely duties for young father and his 9 year old daughter :)

Must be single (no issues), nice looking and in good shape to keep up with hiking, camping etc....

Must be willing to join me and my daughter at Disneyland, movies, dinners out etc....

Must have transportation and live within 10 miles of Los Angeles county.

Please send current photo with short resume.

Thank you for your interest :)

Brad

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um....brad....that's creepy. Either look for a nanny or look for a girlfriend - but this is one area where it's not considered efficient to kill two birds with one stone.

Seriously an ad. I'm not kidding. He's willing to pay $10. Look here.

The funny things people say

I have a could funny quotes to share with you - that also make me slightly concerned about the depth and topic of conversations I have with people in my life:

Yeti: "we're going to fight a lot when we get married when we're 40 and both still single."
Boy: "I know. Our biggest fight will probably be where we are living. I wonder if a long distance marriage will work. I bet we could just do skype sex and weekend rendezvous."

Yeti: "even Spider thinks you should get a facebook to join the community."
Bee: "I'm glad for Spider. Still not sure I would call it community. That was a stretch for me. Facebook can't watch my kids or drink a beer with me while I watch a game or visit me in prison or at the hospital. ;). Although, I'm sure ole Zuckerman will appreciate one more soul in his cache!"

Yeti: Are you listening to that link I sent you yet? I am falling in love with this man. There are just TOO MANY GOOD ARTISTS! I am going to go poor buying music. And going to concerts. And my heart is going to run out of love for bearded men. Not really. My heart has an unlimited supply of love for bearded men.

paaaaarty

i think i'm becoming cool. i've always been the girl that's in bed before 10 because, well, i like sleep. and i get cranky.
but this week. i've been a party animal.
i went camping with the girls on friday in san luis obisbo. gorgeous.
i went to a gaelic storm concert on saturday night with an awesome girlfriend. bagpipes are good for my soul.
i watched football all day sunday.
i went to a mumford and sons concert on monday night and didn't even throw myself at them. restraint? yes, thank you.
and then i went to the king charles concert at the viper room on tuesday night. becuase he is awesome and has gorgeous hair and i don't even mind his mustache.

now i am going to go slip into a coma. becuase this weekend the landladies are having a halloween paaaaaarty. what to dress up as.....what to dress up as.....

write me a song

I think that the most romantic thing a guy could ever do for you is to write you a song. [or a song about you] But you can't ever tell a guy that cause that makes you sound pretty self-centered: "hey, i think i'm pretty neat so i think you should write a song all about how awesome you think i am and how i make your stomach feel like it's all tied up in knots....and if that's NOT how you feel about me, we should probably break up!"

anyway. thought i'd throw that up here to help other girls out. and then nonchalantly point my blog out to some guy and be like "oh, i totally forgot what i posted on october 15th, 2010...could you remind me?"

spelling

I realize I am not the best speller in the world. In fact, I misspell things all the time. But if you misspell obvious words, I'm going to judge you and probably not want to date you. I didn't say it was fair....but intertaining? really?

quotes

i have a very funny friend - and her status updates on facebook always crack me up. i keep trying to convince her that she should start a blog, but she won't listen to me. something about three kids and blah blah blah. seriously, i don't know if i will ever have kids - i don't know how you mothers out there do it. it is exhausting!! you are heroes.

anyway, i thought i would share some of her status updates with you so that you can laugh to (you know, until i can convince her to start that blog...)
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If I had known I was going to have acne for my entire post-puberty life, I would have enjoyed it a bit more in high school. At least then I didn't have wrinkles.

There's just something about new furniture that makes me gigglier than a toddler watching Barney. Wow, my examples have really taken a turn for the rated-G. Must find corruption.

Either I wear sweatpants way too much or my daughters' expectations are really, really low when I come downstairs in jeans and they exclaim gleefully, "Mommy, you look so fancy!"

For the record, it's best to put your pants back on BEFORE you go to retrieve something from your car in the garage in case you forgot that the garage door was up and your neighbor's kids are outside playing in the street.

I'd like to give the whole world a Sharpie and some duct tape. Only magic can happen.

I came upon a roll of toilet paper in the church bathroom this morning that had no beginning or end, kind of like God. I know that it's not as significant spiritually as, say, finding Jesus' picture in a potato, but there's gotta be a sermon in there somewhere.

New rule in our house: No going potty, wiping and then using that same toilet paper to wipe your hair. Please, make this a rule in your house, too, before it's too late. I suffer so you don't have to. That's the kind of selfless person I am.

is finding inspirational quotes to be more annoying than inspirational. I don't want inspiration. I want a margarita.

just read a list of salads that are full of fat and calories that people, in an attempt to be healthy, are apparently obliviously ordering from restaurants not knowing the hidden dangers. Taco Bell's beef fiesta taco salad was on the list. Really? This is breaking news? They come in fried tortilla bowls. I think the healthy jig is up right there.

realizes she might not be the most qualified swimming instructor when her daughter tells people, "I'm not a good swimmer, but I'm a great sinker!"

While shopping at Target today, a woman asked me which wipe warmer I used for my baby. I told her I didn't use one. She looked shocked and asked if I felt bad putting cold wipes on the baby. I told her that he bites when he nurses, so we're pretty much even. She looked even more shocked and said, "They bite when... they nurse?" I wished her all the best.

doesn't understand this whole over-specified coffee-drink thing. How many drinks did you have to buy before you found a combination you liked? Why not make it at home if you're that afraid? I love my high-maintenance coffee-drink-ordering-friends, but if your order takes more than one breath to place, then you shoul...dn't be drinking coffee-based drinks in the first place. You're already too high-strung.

Someone just stormed into my room and said, "You PROMISED me no one dies in Pinocchio, and now Pinocchio's dead!" Someone is going to owe me an apology very shortly.

If you can't park your Hummer on the first, second, or third try, then you need to get yourself a smaller car and get your gas-guzzling self out of my impatient way!

What is a Justin Bieber?

If you're going to have a bumper sticker on the back of your car that says, "The only reason I'm speeding is because I really have to poop," then it would behoove you to at least go the speed limit. If you go 15 under, then I really can't take your bowel situation seriously, and that's the real tragedy.

If I wasn't happily married to the love of my life right now, I'd most likely be putting all my time and effort into pursuing and marrying Trader Joe.

has spent 3/4 of my son’s college fund trying to find a bottle he'll actually accept, to no avail. Of course, if he doesn't master the bottle thing, then he's probably not getting into college anyway...

Goals

Another high school friend of mine got married.
My roommate just got engaged
And even more friends of mine are talking about marriage. [trust me, i really like that they talk to me about it....i'm not jealous]
Three more high school friends are pregnant.
And one I just reconnected with has had THREE children already.

So, I think it's time to set some high and lofty goals for myself.

1. find a guy with a beard.
2. go on a date.

baby steps people.

Apply Within

This is not my ad....but I swear it could be:

Emotionally Unavailable Woman Seeking Emotionally Unavailable Man

Apply within.