Drummers

It's time I confess something to you all...I have a disease. And it's called drummers. Seriously, I don't know what's wrong with me - I've looked into it. And I don't think there's a cure. But every guy I fall for is a freaking DRUMMER. And most of the time I don't even know it beforehand, after casually talking for a while he'll be like "oh, yeah, did I mention I'm a drummer?" It's not even funny anymore. And franky, some of them aren't even very good at it - but ALL OF THEM WILL BE DRUMMERS. My subconscious will know if a boy has a sense of rhythm and likes to hit things (not, like, people....you know what I mean)

I think it started in High School. The first boy I really liked, left me (didn't really LEAVE me...but he moved away) to go be a drummer in a band. Maybe that's what started it all. From then on all drummers became the unattainable - the inconsistent unreachable. I'm more of a chaser than a commit-er. And drummers are good to chase. Plus they make really great faces when they play - and I like laughing.

Shirtless

I honestly don't think my neighbor's own shirts.

I mean, maybe I should be the kind, generous neighbor that goes out and buys them some. Maybe they don't know where to get them? Or they can't afford them? It is really hot outside....will this behavior continue when CA cools down? I'm sure one or all of them are just allergic to cotton.

All of this shirtlessness would be FINE if they were ugly. Or didn't lift weights in their sleep. Every time I see them (yes, all of them...or maybe especially one in particular) I have to consciously remind myself to KEEP BREATHING and DON'T FALL OVER. It's a lot harder then it sounds.

Seriously. Someone just buy this guy a shirt. Or all of them. Or tell them that doing laundry or walking their dog or sitting out on the front lawn or walking out the front door to look up and down the street shouldn't really work up that much of a sweat that they need to take it off.

Love Fight

Note to self: Never go skydiving with someone who is in love with the same man you are.

Belgian Love Rival

Also....probably not the best way to win a guy. I am guessing guys aren't into girls who murder people. Well, most guys.

marriage

For some reason the other night I got really stressed because I felt like EVERYONE IN THE ENTIRE WORLD IS MARRIED OR GETTING MARRIED!! I woke up like really concerned about it. So I made a list of all of my friends that are still single (like, REALLY single, not even dating anyone) - and the good news is that I came up with a little over 50. I am pretty sure I could have come up with more if I had really tried to think about it - but I didn't want to depress myself just in case it became really hard.

I even included previous boyfriends who have OBVIOUSLY not been lucky enough to find someone as great as me to settle down with ever since we broke up.

So, I feel much better now. Apparently the ENTIRE world is not married....just most of it.

spammed

I received this email message from a friend the other day - pretty sure she's been hacked - otherwise she forgot my name AND thinks that I got a Master's degree is something waaaaaaaaaaaaay different than theology...

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Hey Thea,

My co-worker was diagnosed with shingles. crazy, huh! is there anything he can put on the sores to make them less painful or itchy? should he take aspirin or something for the pain?

he has an HMO and he worries if he goes to his doctor that they'll just send him to a dermatologist or something. so i thought i would ask your thoughts

Thank you,

O

Turning left

I was riding my bike home after work being a very responsible citizen, abiding by the rules of the rode and even using by hand signals:























I was about to turn LEFT (so I looked much like the above picture....except not a male)

A car that was coming the opposite direction (that I was waiting for before I turned into my neighborhood) put their hand out the window right before they passed me and gave me a HIGH FIVE!

Hilarious. And bizarre.

Luckily I am so coordinated it did not knock me off my bike!

reaching out

I've spent a lot of time thinking about this sign. Too long, actually - because someone passed it along to me a little over a year ago. But I can't for the life of me figure out what it could really pertain to.

This was found outside the library at a small Christian college in Southern California.




















Now, there are several conclusions we could draw:

1. This is an activity for missionaries. It is hard to find a date - you are a loser that wants to go live in a hut overseas somewhere and eat bugs. The school is going to bring together other people like you and help you get to know one another so you can find a partner to marry and move overseas with.

2. The students at this Christian school are SO BUSY with their studies that they do not have time to traditionally date (and let's face it, that can be pretty scary anyway, and Joshua Harris would not even approve) so some missionaries got together to put on a social where the kids on campus could meet each other - quickly - and still have time to get back to the library before it closes.

3. The Christian liberal arts college has started admitting people of other faiths - and the Bible classes they offer aren't doing the trick of "converting" them like they thought they would. So, they've decided the sweet smiles of the other Christian kids on campus might do the trick. So what better way to convert someone than to date them, right? Also the best way to learn a new language!
"Want to be converted? Come to our missionary speed dating!"
OR
"Want to make a difference in your world without having to travel to another country? Come convert heathens right in your own campus library. Bring $20 or a bottle of wine....er....grape juice."

Okay, that's all I've got - what else could it mean???

The secret behind doing well in a triathalon

This story was submitted to me by a reader....enjoy!

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So, when I was in my younger 20's I told myself I was going to do a triathlon. It never happened, so I added to my resolution the phrase "by the time I am 30." As I was nearing in on my 30th birthday reality set in, that it was now time. I commenced training and signed up for my triathlon.

I awoke early in the morning, road my bike to the triathlon and searched for my area in the "Clydesdale" section of the transition area. (This is where you store your bike, and swimming equipment.) I was waiting around nervously, and began to talk to other competitors. Out of nowhere, one of the men next to me said, "take a look at that!" For the first time that morning, I realized that our transition row was next to the 25-29 year old women.

The gentleman proceeded to tell me that he was a 6'2", 260-pound biking machine. We were starting on his weakest area, which was the run. He let me know that his strategy was to follow, "that piece of ass" he just showed me. I asked what if that slowed him down instead of helped him finish with a better time. A new guy chimed in, "a good piece of ass makes it worth it." He said he loved being in the transition area because then he knew the exact age of the women he was "trolling." Classy.

As we step up to the starting line, I find our hero lined up behind his new stalkee, and didn't see him again until after the race was done. Presumably he finished a few seconds behind our victim. Now you know the secret lives of the "Clydesdale" division.

WORD VERIFICATION

I have had to add word verification to my blog. Although not COMPLETELY annoying, it is kind of tedious to have to figure out what those ghostly letters are and then copy them into the box below. I get rather annoyed having to do it on every blog I want to comment on.

But here's the deal. I feel super popular when I get about 39 comments a day all coming through my inbox for me to approve. But then I get immediately sad when NOT EVEN ONE of those comments is real. They all want to tell me about where to get a great pizza or find a good magic show. Ridiculous.

So, in an effort to both cut down on spam and boost my self esteem - I am going to make all of you real people out there type letters. It should really only effect one or two of you [sorry mom].

Tattoos

TO THIS DAY...I cannot walk into my tattoo parlor without getting extremely nervous, butterflies in my stomach, nauseous. I don't get it. I got my first tattoo four years ago and have since accumulated a total of three. I am by no means a self-canvas...but I shouldn't be afraid of the place when I know the guys in there fairly well and they recognize me when I walk in.

But I just feel so out of place still. I think I always will unless I can someday bring myself to get something a bit larger....or with color....or a picture.

Alas, that is today's confession.

Oh...and I got another tattoo :)

Justin Bieber

This was a conversation I had at my birthday party......we were about to get our dance on and someone had requested "Baby" by Justin Bieber. Did I mention that this mini-exchange took place with an 8 year old boy...

Yeti: "You LOVE Justin Bieber, don't you?"
8 year old Boy: "Noooooo, I just love his music."

Wow. Well, there you have it. a boy that can separate the artist from his music. If only girls were so smart.

Bike Helmets

I don't get hit on as much anymore these days. I think I have figured out why. I bike to work now.

Apparently it is either hard to catch me (cause, you know, I'm so FAST on my bike)!

...or the more likely reason....bike helmets are just apparently not all that attractive. I think it is really hard for the male mind to picture what the female under a helmet COULD look like. So they just don't trouble their mind to figure out if they're hot or not. The helmet is too much of a distraction.

I like biking to work.

Don't live here

I am looking for a new apartment. I don't want to...but circumstances may force me to move sometime within the next month.

I was taking a walk around a beautiful neighborhood on Monday with one of my besties, Lizzo, looking for "rent" signs. We came across one that looked like a pretty nice building. I called the number that was on the sign while Lizzo walked into the complex a bit to see if she could peak into some windows and get a better idea what it looked like. Just then a neighbor walked out of her front door.

Neighbor: "Excuse me, are you looking at the apartment that's for rent?"
Lizzo: "Yeah, we just saw the for lease sign and thought we would check it out."
Neighbor: "Oh no! You already signed the lease?"
Lizzo: "No, we just SAW the for lease sign. This is our first time over here."
Neighbor: "Oh good. Well, I probably shouldn't say anything. I could get fucked for this, but the landlords are like slumlords. They are terrible. They don't fix anything, and cheat you, and they totally shafted that guy when he moved out. I just thought I would warn you. DON'T MOVE HERE."
Lizzo: "Oh...um....okay. Thanks."

I guess it's good to meet the neighbors.

Rough Talk

A married friend of mine is standing outside a local community college waiting for her husband to pick her up. Some guy rolls up next to her in his car.

Random guy: "Hey baby, what you doin' tonight?"

Girl: "Waiting for my husband to pick me up."

Random guy: [brief pause] "Fuck you then, Bitch."

Yeti Airlines

Please, for your next trip....consider flying with me.

Judging interest

A good way to figure out if a guy is interested in you or not:

Casually figure out a way to meet some of his friends - if they say "oh, YOU'RE Yeti? blah blah blah"

That's either a really good sign or a really bad sign.

So....I guess you still won't really know if he's interested - but at LEAST you'll know he's talking about you.

You're welcome for the helpful advice.

I could not love Zach Galifianakis MORE

Between Two Ferns with Zach Galifianakis: Steve Carell from Between Two Ferns