What do you do when someone walks up to you and tells you that they think they look like you-or that someone else has told them that. But you think they're really UGLY? (this actually happened to me once!)
Do you think that's how all these celebrities feel when they see their photos plastered everywhere?
Other than Katie Holmes, of course, who can't believe she was lucky enough to resemble me.
1.31.2010
1.29.2010
love coupons
So, I used to get these coupons for 50% or 60% or wearedesperateformoneycomeback% off eHarmony several times a year. I haven’t gotten on in…a really long time. I am beginning to think that even eHarmony has lost faith in me ever finding a companion.
Do you think they look at some accounts and just say “wow, she’s super picky and has already tried us 3 times so we should probably not waste the stamp and just focus on the ones that stand a chance at love.”
Come on eHarmony, maybe some of us are deficient in love, but that doesn’t mean we don’t like being harassed by your junk mail. I even logged in and double-checked my address to be sure it wasn’t a matter of the coupons getting lost in the mail.
Then again, come to think of it, it could have been that blog I wrote a while ago that eHarmony Jack decided to comment on and then got scared away by my other readers. I think I’ve been black listed….
Sorry eHarmony Jack, you can start sending me my coupons again.
1.27.2010
The Master Cleanse
It is true, I decided to try The Master Cleanse. I have heard so much about it, I thought it would be good for me to get out all the crap I knew had been building up in my system these last 20-something years. Wanna hear how it went?
Day 0: Ran out of time so I didn't make it to the store in time to grab all the supplies I needed to make that "tasty" lemonade.
Day 1: Didn't really realize it was going to be day 1, I just happened to have a little extra time in the morning and my roommates hadn't brewed any coffee so
7:30am: I decided to run to the store to pick up some lemons and maple syrup.
7:45am: Make lemonade [-ish] drink. I make a whole pitcher cause I am really bad with the ounce measurement and way overshot how much I needed to make. "That's okay" I tell myself "even though they say not to make it ahead of time, I am sure it won't kill me."
9:00am: I hate myself.
10:30am: co-worker offers to get me some coffee, like an out of body experience I hear myself saying no even though all I want to do is say YES, PLEASE, ALL OF THE COFFEE IN THE SHOP, BRING IT TO ME! I did get a mint tea. I think that's allowed.
12:00pm: surprisingly, my appetite has subsided for a bit. Although I choke every time I take a sip of that cayenne pepper drink [that's what it should be renamed], I keep drinking because I figure if my stomach feels something hit it it might not hate me.
2:00pm: I have a serious headache and all I want to do is lay down and go to sleep forever. I eat some trail mix [was that not in the directions?]
6:00pm: get home from class, want to die, eat some toast, go to bed at 7:00p.
Day 2: Well, I couldn't even make it ONE DAY so how about I just throw all of this stupid "lemonade" out and eat food like a normal person??
Done and done.
Day 0: Ran out of time so I didn't make it to the store in time to grab all the supplies I needed to make that "tasty" lemonade.
Day 1: Didn't really realize it was going to be day 1, I just happened to have a little extra time in the morning and my roommates hadn't brewed any coffee so
7:30am: I decided to run to the store to pick up some lemons and maple syrup.
7:45am: Make lemonade [-ish] drink. I make a whole pitcher cause I am really bad with the ounce measurement and way overshot how much I needed to make. "That's okay" I tell myself "even though they say not to make it ahead of time, I am sure it won't kill me."
9:00am: I hate myself.
10:30am: co-worker offers to get me some coffee, like an out of body experience I hear myself saying no even though all I want to do is say YES, PLEASE, ALL OF THE COFFEE IN THE SHOP, BRING IT TO ME! I did get a mint tea. I think that's allowed.
12:00pm: surprisingly, my appetite has subsided for a bit. Although I choke every time I take a sip of that cayenne pepper drink [that's what it should be renamed], I keep drinking because I figure if my stomach feels something hit it it might not hate me.
2:00pm: I have a serious headache and all I want to do is lay down and go to sleep forever. I eat some trail mix [was that not in the directions?]
6:00pm: get home from class, want to die, eat some toast, go to bed at 7:00p.
Day 2: Well, I couldn't even make it ONE DAY so how about I just throw all of this stupid "lemonade" out and eat food like a normal person??
Done and done.
1.24.2010
10 Tips for writing an attractive women overseas
Here is a link to an article by Don Diebel giving advice to men on how to write to women in other countries [NOT America, because we are all snobs].
Here are a couple of my favorites:
3. Don't be concerned if you are not handsome. These women are more interested in what you are like on the inside. They value character, stability, honesty, and love of family much more than your looks.
7. Don't pass on beautiful single women that may be twenty years younger than you. They are not concerned about the age issue like here in America. They judge you by your heart and if you are a good person and not because you are a little older than her.
Go HERE for the whole article. Priceless.
**Thank you This Front Porch for passing this on to me.
Here are a couple of my favorites:
3. Don't be concerned if you are not handsome. These women are more interested in what you are like on the inside. They value character, stability, honesty, and love of family much more than your looks.
7. Don't pass on beautiful single women that may be twenty years younger than you. They are not concerned about the age issue like here in America. They judge you by your heart and if you are a good person and not because you are a little older than her.
Go HERE for the whole article. Priceless.
**Thank you This Front Porch for passing this on to me.
1.19.2010
1.18.2010
Just another saturday
My beloved Lizzo and I were having our bi-weekly coffee date at Peets. We had found a perfect table outside, had our beverages of choice as well as our Noah’s Bagles. Could Saturday mornings BE any better?
Right as we were in the middle of our discussion about prostitutes and gay men a woman approached our table…
Woman: Excuse me, will you be here for a little bit?
Us: Sure, yeah.
Woman: Great, that’s my son right there [pointing to the left of her] would you mind watching him while I just run inside real quick.
Us: Sure, no problem!
It wasn’t until after she walked away that we realized how STRAGE this was. At first we thought nothing of it because we come from a community that has all sorts of children that we watch and play with on a regular basis. But this woman knows NOTHING about us – and our conversation before she approached us wasn’t even anything that would instill confidence in her about our character.
I began looking around the table and at our clothes for what gave us away: “WE ARE TOTALLY SANE AND TRUSTWORTHY WOMEN – TRUST US WITH YOUR CHILDREN!” I couldn’t find anything.
What felt like 45 minutes later (actual time = 4 minutes) I turned to Liz and said “hypothetical question, what if the mom never comes back?” I mean, we’ve heard of these things happening before. And what kind of person just trusts two random strangers?
Not 1 minute later the little boy began to have a melt down. As he began screaming and crawling toward the automatic doors of the “Fresh and Easy” we decided we needed to do something.
Liz went inside to get the mother and I went to take care of the kid.
As I went toward the kid I realized the mother had never told me his name. So as he continued to scram as I got closer and closer – I took notice of the crowd of people now watching me as I walked closer to this boy as I said “Hey buddy, we’ll go find your mommy, I promise, just come with me!” How creepy is that?? The only thing I could have said to make it creepier would have been “want some candy!!”
As he crawled closer to the door (screaming) I decided I had to pick him up [the door was going to smash him, people]. This was doubly awkward since most people thought I was kidnapping him. Luckily right as I had picked him up his mother came walking up toward us.
The worst part of it all is that when Liz went to go tell her that her son was having a melt down all she said was “Oh geez, I KNEW this would happen, sorry!” What? If you knew your kid would get super scared when he couldn’t find you WHY would you leave him with strangers that don’t even know his name?
My point: next time I am just going to ask her for her credit card…
1.13.2010
possibility
a friend sent me this quote, i send it to you:
"may today there be peace within. may you trust that you are exactly where you are meant to be. may you not forget the infinite possibilities that are born of faith in yourself and others. may you use the gifts that you have received, and pass on the love that has been given to you. may you be content with yourself just the way you are. let this knowledge settle into your bones, and allow your soul the freedom to sing, dance, praise and love. it is there for each and every one of us."
"may today there be peace within. may you trust that you are exactly where you are meant to be. may you not forget the infinite possibilities that are born of faith in yourself and others. may you use the gifts that you have received, and pass on the love that has been given to you. may you be content with yourself just the way you are. let this knowledge settle into your bones, and allow your soul the freedom to sing, dance, praise and love. it is there for each and every one of us."
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)