2.11.2009

Starbucks chauch

Here is a delicious submission from one of my readers....take, eat, and enjoy:

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Let me set the scene: I was in my new favorite Starbucks (it is now my favorite because of my people experiences here. I was actually shushed here not that long before this incident). A normal young man placed his order and was waiting at the end of the bar. As I was placing my order (extra hot white mocha, no whip) this guy (he is known up here in my circles as the Starbucks Chauch (SC)- a chauch is a guy who thinks he is still a frat boy even though he is no longer in college. This particular one I am sure was in his mid to late 30s) comes in and gets in line behind me. So I give the Till-girl my order and go and wait. So I am waiting for my drink and SC begins to totally flirt with Till-girl. Ew.

So then he comes to wait for his drink. Mine gets called. "Extra hot white mocha, no whip. Sweet for me, bad news for coffee girl. So, I reach for my drink, and as I was reaching, SC says " Excuse me. . . " I thought he was talking to me, so I am holding my drink, my arm on the counter. . . But he wasn't talking to me, he was talking to Coffee-Barista-girl, who by the way looked really awkward. Then he says "Excuse me, you said extra hot, I thought you were talking to me."

I am still holding my drink looking at him, and I could feel all the thoughts I had at that moment form words that became etched onto my face. I looked at poor Coffee-Barista-girl and she was so uncomfortable and had no idea what to say. Unfortunately SC was so caught up in his own wit that I don't think he saw my face. I am sure if he wasn't so consumed with himself, he would have heard what the Coffee-Barista-girl would have wanted to say - through the look on my face. I think he left thinking he was so charming, so witty, so, so, so , so whatever. . .

I wondered if he was just trying to be funny, but the funny thing is. . . I think he was dead serious about himself.

He didn't even really have a cool car - I think he had one of those old sunfires. For crying out loud if you are going to embrace the fullness of chauch-hood and make a comment like he did, one should at least drive a car (or borrow one) that is as pretentious as you are. Sunfires are the kind of car a parent buys a thier 16 yr old. They are cheap and easy to care for, relatively cost effective. I hope he said thank you when his parents handed him the keys.

And this is one of the reasons why I choose to frequent this Starbucks.

11 comments:

JD said...

ahahhahah! I linked this from my don't pick me up blog. Which is funny because it's not your story... so I just posted a post about another post about another email onto my blog.

So yeah... no one has tried to pick me up lately.

Ipp said...

Is that how you spell "chauch?" I never knew... thanks!

Jeffery said...

Thank you for publishing something about the phenomenon of "chauch"ness.

Although I always thought it was spelled "chach", and I've only really experienced chauches in snowboarding contexts, particularly in contrast of steeze.

Dating Without Pants said...

Does any girl ever get impressed by this bullshit? Holy crap, I'd just start laughing hysterically and very loudly if I was there. I'd also punch him in his face. What a douche.

RemixCulture said...

My 17 year old cousin just got a sunfire lol

Jami said...

Oh man, what I would give to have been there.

insomniaclolita said...

EWWWWWWWWWWW. I cant help giving out snarky comments to people like that.

[F]oxymoron said...

That guy is the kind of guy that reaffirms my belief in stupidity.

douglas said...

great story.

has that kind of a line every worked? ever? as a guy i'd like to know that i made the right decision to never talk that way. but sometimes i worry...oh, my gosh...have i been wrong all these years?... could i have wooed my wife oh so much earlier had i had the gumption to be so witty?...what would my life have looked like?...would things be so much different then that are?...would i be rich? would I HAVE A SUNFIRE???...could I????? oh, it pains me to think of the lost potential...is there a club somewhere of 'excuse me, i', so hot' men laughing at all the poor fools like us?

oh wait, let me look at my amazing wife and my three amazing children for a minute. what the HELL was i thinking!!! i should start a club of all of us humble blessed guys who somehow made it through without lines like that. whew, that was a close call with an almost loss of identity.

thanks starbucks guy. keep at it. someday, somewhere, something might come your way. if not, at least you have your coffee!

Single in Vancouver said...

I swear I dated this guy! In fact so much so that I just sent him the link so he can read the story.

He drove a Sunfire too!

Yeti said...

Single in Vancouver...the funny thing is, this story DID take place in Canada.