The negatives

I was once talking to my father about how my evangelical upbringing ruined dating for me. I feel guilty and manipulative if I date someone I am not certain I want to marry someday. But the only reason I am uncertain is because of all the negatives I pick at. Why do the negatives always stand out so much more than the positives?

My father proceeded to tell me to take a blank sheet of paper and make a list of all of the weaknesses the boy had. Then on the other side of the paper I was to make a list of all the weaknesses I would RATHER him have.

This was actually quite a helpful exercise. Because there are no other weakness you would rather them have – and no one is going to be perfect. Maybe I have it pretty good if the only weakness is telling dumb jokes and liking different music than I do (OF COURSE there are more…but I am not going to share those with YOU).

And don’t try and make a list about yourself – because you’ll just get overwhelmed with where you fall short and add “crazy” to your significant other’s list because you can’t understand why they decided to date you!

1 comment:

lizzo said...

wow, that's a brilliant exercise. i'm going to use that with my clients who complain about their partners. seriously.