magic cologne

Do they make this for women??

Bright moment #274

I went to the Dia de los Muertos celebration in Hollywood this weekend. It was awesome. Here is a picture my friend took:

Now on to my brilliant moment.

First to set the scene. We went to one booth that had a wall set up where you could put your head through a hole and take a picture so you have a fake body. Does that make sense? Anyway, when my friend and I went to take our picture we didn’t know if we were going to have to pay or make a donation to snap a photo so I pulled a dollar out and put it in my pocket just in case. Turns out it didn’t cost anything.

Fast-forward a couple hours.

I really had to go to the bathroom. There were some porto’s (as I call them) set up throughout the cemetery for our hygienic relief. As I walked into the porto it was already off to a rocky start – pitch black, trying to juggle my lit cell phone, squatting so as to NOT TOUCH ANYTHING.

It was right about this time, with my cell phone under my chin, holding the door so I don’t fall into the toilet, that I discovered there was no toilet paper. Luckily I remembered that I had my grocery list from earlier that day in my pocket. I pulled that out, somewhat-successfully, wiped and called it quits.

It was not until about an hour later that I reached into my pocket for that dollar bill that I found my grocery list…and realized that I had in fact mistaken the two in my horrendous dark toilet excursion.

Do you KNOW how dirty dollar bills are? I feel itchy.

I already don't like dogs

I feel like this is very unnatural. This dog is almost as big as a horse. And it looks like a human. I think the feet are what freak me out most.
I bet this is a family Christmas card...I would not hang it on my fridge.















Found here.

Couple more thoughts:
I hope he is obedient - because if this thing tries to run away from you, you aren't going to be stopping it.
And I hope he is potty trained because if that thing accidentally goes in your house what a MESS.

just a thought

you know those tunnels you have to drive through on the highway...the ones you always held your breath in as a kid? well, there are lights that line those tunnels so you can see when you drive through them at night.

i was just thinking...i would hate to be the person that has the job of changing those lights when they burn out.

Definitely toasted

So, do you remember “Probably Toasted?” My roommate and I ran into him a looooooooong time ago so here is the link in case you need a refresher.

Well, we called him.

OMG (and I don’t use that jr. high phrase often) best. decision. ever.

He, of course, did not remember us at all. But he likes girls so he agreed to meet up with us for drinks the next day. When we arrived he was already there looking all cute in his tweed jacket and shaggier than we’d remembered. We met at a local bar in town to have a couple of drinks. He was a great friend of the bar tender, which was weird at first, but then not so weird after he finished consuming 6 bourbons on the rocks.

After finishing up at the bar we decided to go over to a local happy hour for some taco’s. He didn’t want to eat anything – he just got two more beers and a margarita. LOTS of drinks – but LOTS of fun as well.

He apparently had a good time (and was able to remember something) because he decided to give us a call again later that week. One of the friends we met at the happy hour was a rapper and he invited us to join him at J’s concert. We met him there and that’s when the fun got started:

This boy honest believes he is in a real life episode of elimidate. All throughout the evening he would sneak away with each of us individually and ask if we wanted to go out on a date one-on-one sometime. Phrases like “I just don’t want to have to choose, you’re both so great!” would dribble from his mouth.

Yeti: “That’s so cute you think you have a choice. Neither of us actually want to date you. We just want to be friends and hang out with you.”

Toasted: “Wow, that’s such great news, cause E* is freaking hot, but I just really feel like you and I have this great connection and I can really talk to you. So I don’t know how I would choose.” [I love that I’m the “smart” one…I didn’t want to be the hot one anyway!]

Five minutes later I walk over to where him and E* are standing and I hear him whispering in her ear asking her out on a date.

Toasted: Wanna go out sometime? But don’t tell your roommate, I think she’d be jealous and get mad.

E: I am pretty sure she would not care.

Toasted: Great, then sneak my number out of her phone and give me a call sometime.

We decided it was time for us to leave. Toasted was….toasted, and we were getting tired.

2:00am rolls around and my phone starts to buzz indicating a text message

Toasted: Can I get E*’s number from you?

Non-threatening ways to ask out girls.

Someone wrote in and asked me if I would share some non-threatening ways to ask girls out.




















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Sorry. You’re on your own. I think I’m nice, but if asking us girls out is anything like asking a boy out it doesn’t matter how nice they are. You should feel threatened.

If you’re “just friends” you wouldn’t have to say you’re “just friends”

Why does that have to be a qualifier? There must be something to raise the question in the first place. Maybe you are just friends, but you certainly are having to defend it quite a bit. And if history teaches us anything it is that guys do NOT need anymore “friends” in their lives, especially of the female persuasion. They have those really close ones that are like sisters to them, way too over-protective giving them all the girl-advice they could ever need.

It really goes back to the debate of can guys and girls really ever be friends? They really can’t, so just stop fooling yourself. At least say, “we’re doing our best to just be friends, but with all this sexual tension it’s crazy hard and there might be a benefit thrown in there every once and a while. Just taking it one day at a time.” PLEASE one of you try that and let me know how it goes…

Unless the other person you have to say “we’re just friends” to is someone that slightly repulses you. Then it might be best to just say “I’m moving to Yemen.”

I just want to do you

If you aren't watching Modern Family yet...you need to be

Quote of the day

"Guys, I just gave my number to a guy in a helmet!"

I'm a MAN

Difficult Professions

They always say dentists and different health care professionals have one of the highest suicide rates. But I would think debt collectors have a higher one. Cause some people actually LIKE their dentist but no one likes their debt collector. You never hear about the debt collectors...

Alone

I can't eat in a restaurant by myself.

I can't go to concerts by myself.

I can't go to a bar by myself.

I can't go to a dance club by myself.

I can't take a vacation by myself.

I can't

Wisdom from Seinfeld

"To me the thing about marriage is I can't believe how often it happens. I mean, I like the idea of it but I can't believe THAT MANY people are meeting people that they want to see every single day every day every day every day. That should happen three or four times, you know, in a century."

Grilling out

In the words of my friend JK, "sometimes you just gotta work with what you got"