The Master Cleanse

It is true, I decided to try The Master Cleanse. I have heard so much about it, I thought it would be good for me to get out all the crap I knew had been building up in my system these last 20-something years. Wanna hear how it went?

Day 0: Ran out of time so I didn't make it to the store in time to grab all the supplies I needed to make that "tasty" lemonade.

Day 1: Didn't really realize it was going to be day 1, I just happened to have a little extra time in the morning and my roommates hadn't brewed any coffee so

7:30am: I decided to run to the store to pick up some lemons and maple syrup.

7:45am: Make lemonade [-ish] drink. I make a whole pitcher cause I am really bad with the ounce measurement and way overshot how much I needed to make. "That's okay" I tell myself "even though they say not to make it ahead of time, I am sure it won't kill me."

9:00am: I hate myself.

10:30am: co-worker offers to get me some coffee, like an out of body experience I hear myself saying no even though all I want to do is say YES, PLEASE, ALL OF THE COFFEE IN THE SHOP, BRING IT TO ME! I did get a mint tea. I think that's allowed.

12:00pm: surprisingly, my appetite has subsided for a bit. Although I choke every time I take a sip of that cayenne pepper drink [that's what it should be renamed], I keep drinking because I figure if my stomach feels something hit it it might not hate me.

2:00pm: I have a serious headache and all I want to do is lay down and go to sleep forever. I eat some trail mix [was that not in the directions?]

6:00pm: get home from class, want to die, eat some toast, go to bed at 7:00p.

Day 2: Well, I couldn't even make it ONE DAY so how about I just throw all of this stupid "lemonade" out and eat food like a normal person??

Done and done.