Bone Marrow Anyone?

So, I went out with a beau for about four something months and then we broke up.

So now I am back online.

And boy do I know how to pick ‘em. Seriously – it is a spiritual gift. I might start offering my service to others. 

Date last week:

Met Eric (*not his real name!) on okCupid. He’s super cute, really nice and insanely intense and weird. 

We met at a wine bar near USC. It had a really cool vibe and delicious food. The conversation flowed like sandpaper on a piece of rough wood. I brought out every bit of extrovert there was in me.

Throughout the meal he would every so often reach over and pinch my nose. PINCH. Like he thought he was so cute and tender. *PINCH. 

Weird.

I have real long hair at the moment and was wearing it down all nice and shiny and straight. Maybe it was getting in the food or maybe I played with it too much…regardless he kept reaching over to put it behind my ear. But I didn’t want it behind my ear so I would tell him to STOP IT and then move it back again. Then he would put it back again and swipe it behind my shoulder. It was a very frustrating game that I was losing and I didn’t even want to be playing.

Then he asked to see the tattoo I have on my hand and began caressing it gently and weirdly. I felt like turning into my mother at that moment and saying: LOOK BUT DO NOT TOUCH!

And the last straw (before it got even more awkward) was when he tried to start feeding me….BONE MARROW. That’s right. He ordered us bone marrow which was pretty weird to begin with but I ate it because I am adventurous and a good sport. It was not terrible, but it was weird. But I could not handle it when he started feeding it too me. I grabbed the piece of bread dipped in the innards of a dead cow and fed it to myself thankyouverymuch….

We asked for the check – left the restaurant and walked awkwardly down the street. He stopped and asked if I would like to come over to his place.

Um…no.

I began to thank him for the evening because for me it was clearly over. As I went in to politely give him a hug I had to do a little dance with my head to avoid his lips. He pulled me back by my shoulders and said “may I?” 

Yeti: “no…I don’t think so”

Eric: “okay…but…we’ll just try”

Yeti: “um…no. no we won’t”

It was awkward. I walked away laughing. Three days later he texted me apologizing for pushing me and asked me out again – I said no thank you because I didn’t see it going anywhere and he replied “sorry if I didn’t make it clear but I am looking for a relationship”

So now I’m confused – but at least he hasn’t called again. 

Also, I don’t ever want to eat bone marrow again.

stupidity

dating is really fun. and i even think it helps you get to know yourself better.. but the funny thing is this: when you start dating a really nice guy, you feel really stupid. let me explain.

i have started dating a really nice guy. and when i started dating him it made me think about all of my previous relationships in retrospect, and i just started feeling stupid. to think about the boys that i have dated before - all of the mind games and the mystery i thought i had to keep and the questioning about how compatible we might be...to think about how many bands i suffered through and faked an interest in, how many times i pretend to like ice cream, the political conversations I barely made it through in an attempt to sound intelligent or like I cared, and the amount of times i justified weird habits like pretending i didn't bug me that there was spongebob paraphernalia all over the house or vampire fangs were cool and living with your parents is normal...

with this guy it is just so easy. it makes sense. he is so clear and straight forward and fun. we have actual SHARED interests. i realized that relationships don't have to be complicated. they can feel right and just click. it might all come crashing down in flames...who am i to say - i've never gotten it right before. but at least it's not miserable in the meantime and I'm not eating ice cream or cuddling on the couch with spongebob square pants.

reaching out

I've spent a lot of time thinking about this sign. Too long, actually - because someone passed it along to me a little over a year ago. But I can't for the life of me figure out what it could really pertain to.

This was found outside the library at a small Christian college in Southern California.




















Now, there are several conclusions we could draw:

1. This is an activity for missionaries. It is hard to find a date - you are a loser that wants to go live in a hut overseas somewhere and eat bugs. The school is going to bring together other people like you and help you get to know one another so you can find a partner to marry and move overseas with.

2. The students at this Christian school are SO BUSY with their studies that they do not have time to traditionally date (and let's face it, that can be pretty scary anyway, and Joshua Harris would not even approve) so some missionaries got together to put on a social where the kids on campus could meet each other - quickly - and still have time to get back to the library before it closes.

3. The Christian liberal arts college has started admitting people of other faiths - and the Bible classes they offer aren't doing the trick of "converting" them like they thought they would. So, they've decided the sweet smiles of the other Christian kids on campus might do the trick. So what better way to convert someone than to date them, right? Also the best way to learn a new language!
"Want to be converted? Come to our missionary speed dating!"
OR
"Want to make a difference in your world without having to travel to another country? Come convert heathens right in your own campus library. Bring $20 or a bottle of wine....er....grape juice."

Okay, that's all I've got - what else could it mean???

#Firstdaterules

Apparently first date rules are a hot topic on twitter right now. Just so you aren't all out of the loop I've copied a few here for you (in text and pictures)...don't be making the same mistakes these foolish people have!






















"Don't chill with me one night and my friend the next...YES!"
"Don't have stanky breath"
"you better bring bacc-up money cuz if you wacc, ah nucca definitely not payin' 4 you"
"Wutever you do,don't fart... Save it for the 2nd date. Or at least wen she's not looking."























"dont put on 50 pounds of make up"
"please dont bring your homies with you & then ask me do u have any friends like this is Match.com"
"please come prepared financially don't come on a date with $5 expecting me 2 pay 4 the tab lol the guys pays 4 the 1st date."
"clear your last calls or recent call incase she ask to use your phone"






















"please don't touch my food... I don't know you well enough."
"don't tell me about your family problems "
"dnt tryna ask me y I been single so long."
"Make Sure u Shower & Shave cuz No Way am I hanging Out w a Hairy ass Musty Man!"

Beginning to Date

I wish they had showed us THIS video instead of that sex ed stuff when i was in junior high...I am frankly glad I watched it now. I think I'll have some better luck come the next date I go on...I'll also be more aware of his faults when it come to etiquette and be able to kindly point those out [and then email him this video so he can see what I am taking about].



Or go HERE to watch it online (in case my blog cuts half of it off)

Thanks to Bleeker's Portico for passing this along.

apparently i'm a geek

But I am okay with that. A friend passed on to me an article about 10 Ways to a Geeky Girls Heart. Honestly, I always had an inkling that I was geeky, but this really solidified it - although I think they're being a little fast a loose with the word. I think just HUMAN BEINGS like this type of stuff. But I'm no real expert so I won't push the issue. I think what really won me over was the gourmet root beer in #6. Have a read...let me know what you think - are YOU a geek?
-------------------

1. Plan a board game night. Consider the girl’s interests, and round up a few board games that are compatible. Then let her choose which ones to play. Make sure you find ones that work well with two players.

2. Be able to make situationally appropriate science jokes. It’s always especially fun when you and your girl are the only ones in the room who get the joke.

3. Plan a trip to somewhere new and stimulating. On a small budget, go to a museum or nature preserve. If the budget allows, think bigger or more unusual. Go somewhere that generates discussion (though not argument). You’re creating memories that you’ll always be able to share.

4. Design a treasure hunt. Forget the conventional or impersonal gifts. Designing a treasure hunt for your girl with a special note or gift at the end is one way of showing that you care enough to put in a lot of effort. You can make the hunt short or long, easy or hard. If you have known your geeky girl for long enough, use that history for some clue ideas. If the geeky girl is the type that likes to figure things out, she’ll love this idea.

5. Be able to have interesting conversations on any topic. This doesn’t mean that you have to be an expert in everything, but be willing to discuss unusual topics. Know nothing about fossils? Be willing to have her teach you what she knows, and ask relevant questions. If you try to learn something new each day, you’ll always have something new to talk about.

6. Learn to cook a variety of dishes. Some people are able to make one dish that is always a hit, but if you’re going to go on more than one date, or have a long term relationship, knowing how to cook a variety of dishes is important, even if your girl likes to cook also. Staples like spaghetti and meatballs or macaroni and cheese are great for later, but at this point, try for something a little more complicated. You get bonus points for pairing the meal with an appropriate wine or other fancy beverage (sparkling apple cider, sparkling white grape juice or gourmet root beer work very well for the non-drinkers).

7. Give unusual flowers. If your geeky girl loves flowers anyway, don’t go for the conventional roses. Choose something unusual or personal. Choose by color, by source or find something related to your history together.

8. Learn about what she enjoys. Consider her interests. You love shoot-em-up video games, she likes puzzle games. Give her games a try some of the time. She’ll give you points for the attempt. This also holds true for movies, books, restaurants and other activities. Chances are that she’ll reciprocate and try out some of your interests. You both may learn to like some new things.

9. Be able to honestly express how you feel. Showing how you feel is very important, but it is equally important to say the words. Geeky girls are often more introspective than average, and can often articulate how they feel or what they want. It is important to be able to reciprocate.

10. Leave a little mystery. While geeky girls love to learn all about your interesting personality, it always helps to leave a little bit of mystery to keep them wanting more. Just make sure it’s not suspicious mystery; that could backfire.

Read the full article HERE

Definitely toasted

So, do you remember “Probably Toasted?” My roommate and I ran into him a looooooooong time ago so here is the link in case you need a refresher.

Well, we called him.

OMG (and I don’t use that jr. high phrase often) best. decision. ever.

He, of course, did not remember us at all. But he likes girls so he agreed to meet up with us for drinks the next day. When we arrived he was already there looking all cute in his tweed jacket and shaggier than we’d remembered. We met at a local bar in town to have a couple of drinks. He was a great friend of the bar tender, which was weird at first, but then not so weird after he finished consuming 6 bourbons on the rocks.

After finishing up at the bar we decided to go over to a local happy hour for some taco’s. He didn’t want to eat anything – he just got two more beers and a margarita. LOTS of drinks – but LOTS of fun as well.

He apparently had a good time (and was able to remember something) because he decided to give us a call again later that week. One of the friends we met at the happy hour was a rapper and he invited us to join him at J’s concert. We met him there and that’s when the fun got started:

This boy honest believes he is in a real life episode of elimidate. All throughout the evening he would sneak away with each of us individually and ask if we wanted to go out on a date one-on-one sometime. Phrases like “I just don’t want to have to choose, you’re both so great!” would dribble from his mouth.

Yeti: “That’s so cute you think you have a choice. Neither of us actually want to date you. We just want to be friends and hang out with you.”

Toasted: “Wow, that’s such great news, cause E* is freaking hot, but I just really feel like you and I have this great connection and I can really talk to you. So I don’t know how I would choose.” [I love that I’m the “smart” one…I didn’t want to be the hot one anyway!]

Five minutes later I walk over to where him and E* are standing and I hear him whispering in her ear asking her out on a date.

Toasted: Wanna go out sometime? But don’t tell your roommate, I think she’d be jealous and get mad.

E: I am pretty sure she would not care.

Toasted: Great, then sneak my number out of her phone and give me a call sometime.

We decided it was time for us to leave. Toasted was….toasted, and we were getting tired.

2:00am rolls around and my phone starts to buzz indicating a text message

Toasted: Can I get E*’s number from you?

Beer Me

I met a Mexican guy salsa dancing. We shall call him my "Latin Lover." He is wonderful, ADORABLE and I couldn’t resist going on at least one date. What can I say? I love the attention!

We met up at a local Mexican restaurant in town for appetizers and margaritas. He was looking cute with his little vest and overwhelming cologne. About half way through the meal a woman came around to the table asking if we would like our picture taken…he insisted [$15 is a GREAT deal for a photo!]. It is now prominently displayed on my bookshelf (right next to the Please-Date-Me Card…I think I am trying to build a salsa shrine).

During our time at the restaurant he tried to get to know me a bit more by asking me what I enjoyed doing for fun and what I was studying in school. One of the courses I was taking was called “Intercultural Attachment.” To that he replied:

“this is perfect, you can practice right now, interculturally attach to ME!”

Ooooookay buddy. Good try. [it only worked a little]

A bit later in the evening he invited me to join him at his parent’s house for a family baby shower they were having for his sister. He then invited me to Vegas for the weekend with his brothers. [I don’t know WHEN he and I started dating, but he’s a very nice boyfriend…]

The date ended pretty well. He gave me a kiss – but I really feel no chemicals. He won’t give it up though. He is a pretty persistent dude. And the problem is I don’t understand half of what he tries to communicate to me. I have to have my roommate translate most of the text messages he writes to me.

He found out during the date that I really like beer so a few days after our date I hear a knock at my front door, but when I got up and answered it no one was there. I find a box with my name written all over it and inside is a variety of Sam Adams sample beer. Mmmmm…this might be worth a few more dates! Beer-grams? So much better than those crappy things we used to put in each other’s lockers at Valentines in jr. high.

Dating in a recession

Have any of you taken a chance to read the tasty goodness of my virtual friend and fellow blogger, [F]oxymoron? If not, you must dip in to this well of goodness.

He is witty and hilarious.

For starters, I give to you his post on Recession Dating found HERE.

Click, laugh, enjoy.

Sometimes it is best not to follow my example

Confession: I am not a nice person.

I talk a big game. But when push comes to shove – I have a hard time always putting my money where my mouth is.

I tell all of you that you should speak your mind, not do something you don’t want to do, just shoot straight, tell it like it is, blah blah blah. Apparently I freeze in the moment.

Allow me to share with you one of my worst moments so you can say mean things about me and make this boy feel better about himself.

There is a wonderful man that was beginning to show interest in me. We got off to a rocky start. I had offended him deeply in some way – I can’t remember HOW at this moment, but I remember he was mad and we had to go out to a 24-hour diner for greasy food to talk it out.

Everything seemed fine for us after that bitch session. He began calling me a bit more, emailing me, texting me…at first I didn’t see anything in it (other than I am still trying to rebuild this bridge between us) but then I began to wonder.

I came to a point where I decided that I had to say something along the lines of “I don’t think you are the future father of my children, just an FYI” only in a nicer way…just in case.

He asked me if I wanted to grab lunch one day and I decided that would be the PERFECT opportunity. Well, actually I didn’t know if that was right or wrong. Can you tell someone you are not interested in them when they have just asked you out? Nevertheless, I didn’t see any other options in the near future and I didn’t want to send it in a text so I had to jump on the opportunity. I decided that I would try and make it as un-date-like as I could:

I would pay
I would try to spill on myself
I would tell stupid jokes
I would talk about my mother…(KIDDING MOM!)

Only…none of that worked. There is only SO MUCH insisting on paying you can do until you just emasculate the guy. He paid. And then he kept the (pleasant) conversation going so I never got to my ONE agenda item during lunch. I decided I had to do it on the walk back to the office.

But then he got an emergency call. Perfect.

So now I just went on a date with him when I was trying to let him know I was not interested in going on a date with him.

But the really bad part comes next:

He calls me up a few days later to ask me out. He catches me off guard (although I can’t claim that COMPLETELY because of the entire story I just told you). I think the off guard part came from the fact that he called me on my work line…really?

Anyway, I believe our conversation went something like this.

Poor Guy: So, I know from reading your blog that you like it when guys are direct. So I would like to know if you would go on a date with me?
Yeti: Um….uh…..uh…[trying to leave her open space desk and run for an office with a door] uh….um….sure? I guess….we could….give that a try?
Poor Guy: Great! I was thinking we could go to this really cool concert venue in downtown. There are several concerts that look good to me so how about I send you the schedule for the [gives dates for one month from now] and you pick one that sounds good to you.
Yeti: um….okay?

I immediately leave the office I found and walk over to one of my co-workers (who is wise, and kind, and like a brother to me). I CAN’T BELIEVE I JUST SAID YES WHEN I REALLY WANTED TO SAY NO! I proclaim to him.

CoWorker: You have to call him back and say no. Right now.
Yeti: I can’t do THAT!!
[boring and redundant argument goes on longer…co-worker wins]

THIS is the part, my friends, I am not proud of. 20 minutes after I accept the date with this poor guy I call him back.

*ring* *ring* {VOICEMAIL}
That’s right…I left a voicemail…I didn’t have time to morally debate if that was okay. His message was really short!

“Hey, Poor Guy, it’s Yeti. Listen, I thought about it some more and I wanted to say thank you so much for your invitation but my answer is no.”

That’s it. That’s the message he had to listen to (and then hopefully immediately DELETED).

You can’t break off a date on a VOICEMAIL!! What was I thinking?

I am sorry, poor guy. If you still read my blog, I hope people give you some sympathetic loving comment support on here. I am a mean person.

Dates in pairs

Dates come in pairs. Has anyone else noticed this? It is not just me, I am sure of this. We never get dates, we are on a dry streak…and then we get two. We can’t ever just focus on one – we have to deal with the drama, guilt and anxiety of multiple guys at once. I don’t understand HOW this always happens, but it does.

And sometimes it is SO HARD TO CHOOSE.

Worst first date story

This is probably the funniest date story ever, first date or not!!! We have all had bad dates but this takes the cake.

Jay Leno went into the audience to find the most embarrassing first date that a woman ever had. The winner described her worst first date experience.

There was absolutely no question as to why her tale took the prize!

She said it was midwinter...Snowing and quite cold... and the guy had taken her skiing in the mountains outside Salt Lake City, Utah.

It was a day trip (no overnight). They were strangers, after all, and had never met before. The outing was fun but relatively uneventful until they were headed home late that afternoon.

They were driving back down the mountain, when she gradually began to realize that she should not have had that extra latte. They were about an hour away from anywhere with a rest room and in the middle of nowhere! Her companion suggested she try to hold it, which she did for a while. Unfortunately, because of the heavy snow and slow going, there came a point where she told him that he had better stop and let her go beside the road, or it would be the front seat of his car.

They stopped and she quickly crawled out beside the car, yanked her pants down and started. In the deep snow she didn't have good footing, so she let her butt rest against the rear fender to steady herself. Her companion stood on the side of the car watching for traffic and indeed was a real gentleman and refrained from peeking. All she could think about was the relief she felt despite the rather embarrassing nature of the situation.

Upon finishing however, she soon became aware of another sensation. As she bent to pull up her pants, the young lady discovered her buttocks were firmly glued against the car's fender. Thoughts of tongues frozen to poles immediately came to mind as she attempted to disengage her flesh from the icy metal. It was quickly apparent that she had a brand new problem, due to the extreme cold.

Horrified by her plight and yet aware of the humor of the moment, she answered her date's concerns about' what is taking so long' with a reply that indeed, she was 'freezing her butt off' and in need of some assistance! He came around the car as she tried to cover herself with her sweater and then, as she looked imploringly into his eyes, he burst out laughing. She too, got the giggles and when they finally managed to compose themselves, they assessed her dilemma. Obviously, as hysterical as the situation was, they also were faced with a real problem.

Both agreed it would take something hot to free her chilly cheeks from the grip of the icy metal! Thinking about what had gotten her into the predicament in the first place, both quickly realized that there was only one way to get her free. So, as she looked the other way, her first time date proceeded to unzip his pants and pee her butt off the fender.

As the audience screamed in laughter, she took the Tonight Show prize hands down. Or perhaps that should be 'pants down. 'And you thought your first date was embarrassing. Jay Leno's comment...'This gives a whole new meaning to being pissed off.'

Oh and how did the first date turn out? He became her husband and was sitting next to her on the Leno show.

Tea time

So espresso and I ended up going out [despite the Orange Peel fiasco]. We met at a tea shop half way between our houses. It was a nice little spot. It was really fun to experience him out of the usual element I see him in. I enjoyed having a bit more casual conversation that was not interrupted by fellow customers ordering drinks.

We ordered our tea, sat in the courtyard and chatted about anything, everything and nothing...for SIX hours. Are you kidding me? I can't even talk to my parents for six hours and they are my favorite people in the world. But somehow we managed. With only one ever-flowing pot of tea, our conversation never stopped and we lost track of time.

Somewhere in middle we had to leave our comfy table to go and move our cars. In Hollywood you can only stay in the same spot for so long...meters and all. We decided to come back to the same place after moving our vehicles because the three hours of conversation up to that point had not been enough. When he arrived back to the table he promptly let me know he had gotten a parking ticket. Oops. Hope it was worth it.

And so I left giddy. Hungry...but giddy. One pot of tea, six hours of conversation and no food. It was a great date - but if any of you do this I recommend ordering a pizza.

A gift for getting rid of them

So, I got some mixed reviews from my "date I got on a date." One comment I got (*cough* DWP *cough*) was that this guy must not have been into it and it must have been a really bad date. Well, loyal readers, let me set you straight. Just because I have a gift for getting rid of them doesn't mean they pick up on the signals indicating the horridness of the date...

The following is the message I received that evening when I got home:

Yeti,
It was good to meet you and I enjoyed learning about your passions and interests. I had wanted to see if you would like to meet up again sometime when we left, but your beauty got me all tongue tied and I wasn't able to say what I had wanted to say.
I hope you had fun going all the places you were going in Hollywood. It would be fun to see you again and I hope you have a joyous week.
Peace
Dreads

See? I just have a gift. Maybe boys also need to learn a little more about picking up on signals. 

**More to come on what happened with the barista**

How i got a date on a date

I had an eHarmony date with a guy I was [to be brutally honest] not interested in at all. I don’t really know why I agreed to go on the date. I was not looking forward to it much but I decided to go anyway. I am glad I did.

We planned to meet up in Hollywood because it was half way between the two of us. I suggested a coffee shop that I frequently go to.

I arrived there a bit early just to grab a table. When I arrived the cute barista I hadn’t seen in several months was working. We chopped it up again like old times. He ended up giving me my drink for free. And I told him I was there for a “meeting.”

When my date arrived I knew at once it was a mistake to meet up with him – we were not going to be a connection. We had coffee for about an hour and then I had another meeting to get to [this time it was actually a meeting] but as I got ready to leave I told him I had to go to the restroom in hopes that he would leave and I could talk to cute barista boy again before leaving.

It worked.

We chopped it up a bit more and ended up exchanging information. And that’s how eHarmony KIND of worked for me even though I didn’t actually end up dating any of the matches THEY gave me.

99 [almost good and realistic] date ideas

Here you are my creatively challenged friends. Date ideas. Scratch your heads no more. When planning a date for you and that special someone...consult this post and worry no more.

1. Fly to Canada. Possibly jump in a lake.
2. Cook dinner.
3. Go to a bookstore: I choose the book you have to read and you choose what I read - and drink coffee.
4. Go to the beach.
5. Break into a bakery and bake a cake.
6. Climb a tree and order food to be delivered to the tree.
7. Go to a happy hour
8. Help me with my homework (insert other project if you are not as lucky as me to be in school right now).
9. Make a spreadsheet for something pointless.
10. Go ride the ferris wheel in santa monica
11. Pan handle.
12. Make prank calls.
13. Drive to Vegas. Play one hand of blackjack.
14. Go to the Dresden.
15. Go to the Edison.
16. Go to a kareoke bar and sing "Eye of the Tiger"
17. Get a manicure and pedicure.
18. Watch a movie you own that you've never watched
19. Watch a season of F.R.I.E.N.D.S
20. Drink tea for 6 hours without eating anything.
21. Go to Venice beach and take pictures of the freakish people
22. Eat Indian food.
23. Play Wii Tennis/Bowling
24. Go dancing
25. Download free applications onto your iPhone (if neither of you have an iPhone please disregard this suggestion)
26. Play Phase 10.
27. Eat cookie dough.
28. Write poetry
29. Dye our hair.
30. Cut our hair.
31. Repaint your room.
32. Watch Planet Earth.
33. Watch samurai movies.
34. Drink boxed wine.
35. Make pancakes.
36. Hand out Obama pamphlets.
37. Start an online company.
38. Sell all your books on Amazon.
39. Re-watch all the presidential debates.
40. Try to achieve an adrenaline high by getting birds to chase us.
41. Write up a subpoena for an obnoxious neighbor (anonymously).
42. See how many drinks it takes until you vomit.
43. Listen to Christmas music and make cookies.
44. Go grocery shopping.
45. Catch a bad comedy show (I am just assuming it will be bad...we could be pleasantly surprised)
46. Have a long drawn out conversation about our feelings.
47. Buy a CD and sing along while driving up the PCH.
48. Go to Compton.
49. Wash my car.
50. Call our moms.
51. Start a fight club.
52. Eating tour [insert your city] progressive dinner style (a. drinks b. appetizers c. main course d. dessert e. coffee).
53. Buy sponge bob paraphernalia.
54. Go trick-or-treating and see how much candy we can get.
55. Make it a theme night: musical - we must sing everything; British - must talk in an accent.
56. Fly a kite.
57. Go skydiving.
58. Buy new shoes.
59. Drive to Mexico and do tequila shots.
60. Take music lessons. I'll play the mandolin and you play the banjo - we'll become a bluegrass band.
61. Go to the Observatory.
62. Pack and picnic.
63. Be a DD for some drunken friends.
64. Build-A-Bear.
65. Fly to Paris for dinner (this is only if you are paying).
66. Hang out with my roommates.
67. Go listen to live music.
68. Translate parts of the Bible from Hebrew or Greek.
69. Roast marshmallows for smoars over the stove.
70. Look through old yearbooks.
71. Go mini-putting.
72. Make a mixed-tape.
73. Read to children at the hospital.
74. Have a food fight.
75. Make a homemade pizza.
76. Construct an igloo in your living room.
77. Take a night hike.
78. Play 20 Questions.
79. Watch the episode of 90210 I missed.
80. Take a picture of you using every kitchen appliance your grandma never thought you would.
81. Walk a neighbor's dog.
82. Watch the SciFi Channel.
83. Try to run over some cats. (sorry, Erika)
84. Watch old episodes of American Gladiators online.
85. Sample different cheeses.
86. Buy each other gifts at the 99c store.
87. Try our hand at graffiti art.
88. Skateboard with the punk kids outside the Paseo.
89. Make out.
90. Make a video to up on YouTube.
91. Go get ice cream.
92. Test-drive really nice and expensive cars.
93. Pretend we just got engaged and see how many free drinks we can get at bars.
94. Go ride a mechanical bull.
95. Build a fort.
96. Go to a play or musical.
97. Workout at the gym.
98. Just stare and gaze into each other's eyes.
99. Play pictionary.

What are YOUR great date ideas? [realistic or not, you know, whatever]

Better late than never

I now bring to you a wonderful first date story from my best friend, Becca. Her and “Aussie” met in the LAX airport, shared a wonderful couple of hours chatting in the red carpet room, exchanged numbers and then…

-----------------------------
So, did I tell you about my date with the Australian boy? We had planned to meet up Thursday evening at this cute little restaurant in uptown at 6:30p. I got a text from him at 5:45p saying he had arrived a bit early and would grab a table for us.

How nice of him, only I was still at work and had not even begun to close up shop because I wasn't planning on leaving until 6:00p. So I frantically try to get my crap together so I can get out the door and not keep Aussie waiting longer than I have to (even though I know it'll take me at least a half hour to get there).

Finally I am on my way scrambling out of the building when I realize I'm the last one to leave, which has never happened to me before at my BRAND NEW JOB. This means I am responsible for setting the security alarm and locking up the building.

Well, with the limited space of storage God gave me in my memory, I cannot remember for the life of me what our security code is to set the alarm. Profanities begin pouring out of my mouth as I sit there frantically reading the instructions by the alarm trying to figure out how to set it, but I still can't remember the code. So I run back downstairs to my office and dig through all of my training packets, papers, brochures, etc. knowing that somewhere in there we talked about how to set the alarm and SURELY I had written something down.

The only instructions I can find are: "Press the button ALL ON, and enter four digit secret code" Balls! That does not help! I try calling my boss several times but I know he's at a campaign event and he won't get any of my phone calls. Plan B.

I decide I will just lock up the building without setting the alarm and just play it off the next day at work: "oh, really? There's an alarm I am supposed to set?"

Meanwhile, it's getting later and later amidst my running around, and Aussie is only looking more and more pathetic sitting alone there at our table. I go outside to lock the door and my key (which I have never had to use before) does not even go into the lock on the door. They freakin' gave me the WRONG KEY!

Now I REALLY don't know what to do! I'm sweating, just cause I'm so stressed and I'm going on this random date with this guy, who has now been waiting for me for like a half an hour (I'm typically not so good at playing hard to get!)

So I end up going back inside, locking the door from the inside, not setting the alarm, and sneaking out the back door...ultimately leaving the entire building open with no security alarm on.

As I head out to my date I leave a voicemail for my boss: "um, hey, its me. I just thought I'd let you know, I just left the office and unfortunately the building is unlocked and the security alarm isn't on...hopefully you'll be able to come and fix that. Sorry!"

Forty-Five minutes after the initial text I'm horribly parallel-parked about ten blocks from the restaurant but all nerves about a first date are gone, I am simply trying to think of how I can explain my tardiness without sounding like I just made up a really bad excuse to get out of a first date. Feel free to borrow if you like: "Turns out I'm still the new girl at work."

GREAT way to start a new job and a first date. Amazing.

Office Dating

A while ago we talked about Church Dating. There was some good discussion, and out of that discussion we got on the topic of Office Dating. I am torn about office dating, but mostly I think it is a bad idea:

1. You have to see this person EVERY DAY, if it does not work out - awkward.
2. You get to see this person EVERY DAY, if it works out - awesome.





















I guess if you are interested in someone at work it can be miserable being around them all the time without at least giving it a shot...but beware the repercussions.

I don't know, it worked for Jim and Pam [who aren't real] but I think they're the exception.

**P.S..did you see I moved to a dot com? Make sure you update your bookmarks and post feeds!

The dreaded dragon

A friend of mine was out the other day on an obligatory, “I live in California so when you visit I have to be your faux tour guide.” (if you’re from the mid-west you’ll understand). After dinner at a local restaurant the waitress continued to flirt, coaxing him into dessert and at least ten more minutes in her presence. Everyone thought she was good-looking and seemed to have a pretty fun and easy-going personality. By the urging of his out-of-town guest he initiated with this woman. He wrote his number on a napkin (pretty weak he admits) hoping the pathetic attempt to win her over might somehow dissuade any dates, but this dragon already had its claws in him.

The girl called him the very next day, witty in her response that she was "just calling the long list of numbers she got from the night before." Impressed, they planned a time to go out and grab some tea. They had pretty good conversation and ended up back at his place to hang out for a bit longer. Brief conversation and a little music the night was going pretty swell for both parties.

When sleep began to take over and his eyelids got heavy, he took a quick trip to restroom. When he came back he found the girl in his bedroom, unpacking several small items into his room.

Dragon: "So, where do I sleep, the right or the left?"
Chapman: "um…the right or the left, at your house?"

She proceeded to remove a night bag and a large book.

Dragon: "This is what we can read to each other at nights"
Chapman: "Um, no, cause you AREN'T staying here."

Chapman then excuses himself to go check something for his roommate, currently traveling for work. When he returns to the bedroom he finds that his current guest has taken off her shirt, bra and MOST of her rings and laid herself out across his bed. Why not all jewelry you might ask? Well to his both shock and intrigue a glimmer of light caught his eye, but when he looked for the source of the reflection, all he found were two pierced nipples with remarkably polished rings through each. To continue to unravel the mystery that can sometimes lie beneath the surface of clothes, she had a crazy-ass tattoo of a dragon beginning from the inner thigh of her left leg (that's the tail) up across her back around her neck to finish with it, the dragon, eating her right breast.

Taken-aback the current presentation of art across his bed he immediately found a blanket and covered her naked body and called a cab… okay, maybe that was my advice to him—Chapman proceeded to as he puts it, “Appreciate the art that someone had worked a lifetime on.” and made-out with his new found friend for several hours. [I guess…boys will be boys?]

After convincing her she still was not spending the night and neither was her book, she packed up her things and he drove her home… but somehow the book was missed and did end up spending the night.

Two more dates followed, each with similar results yet each with increasingly crazier conversations about her past lives (yes, lives) of being a warrior that enjoyed killing for conquest and the possibility of maybe having been a dragon [yeah, we didn't get it either]. Chapman decided things just weren’t working out. But, deciding he must do the decent thing he arranges to meet up with her one more time to let her know that he doesn't think it will work out between the two of them.

He made the mistake of agreeing to meet at a bar unfamiliar to him. He enters the bar to find it weighted with a ratio of two girls to around fifty BIG BIKER dudes. Immediately out of place in his work attire everyone turns recognizing the new comer, and to his surprise, why he was there. Dragon proceeds to introduce him to ALL her friends, not one under two hundred pounds, each with tattoos that put her mild full back/leg/breast tattoo to shame.

He then takes her to a quiet section of the bar to rip that band-aid off quick and painless. When he removed the BOOK from his back pocket Dragon saw what was coming and took a preemptive strike. With four shots of tequila already in the tank, she let out these dreaded words, “Was I not everything to you? And now you hurt me like this!”

Every head in the bar turned in unison, even the bartender tried to urge my friend, with his eyes, to run. But unafraid or just plain stupid, Chapman tried with a few words to bring reason back into the chaos that was ready to explode. She listened for approximately forty seconds until an earthquake detectable only to those with several ounces of alcohol pumping through their veins could feel. She suddenly fell flat on her face. The bar started to tremble with the weight of fifty men standing and bar stools sliding across the floor.

With hands up to show he had no part in her dance with gravity, my friend quickly realized this looked even worse and grabbed the immobilized women, propping her up against the dart board. Shutting his eyes and bracing for the impact of a pool stick, fist, or bottle, he waited. Slowly opening his eyes, he turned to see that the bar seemed more impressed that she had knocked herself out two seconds beforehand and was now conscious and screaming at Chapman again.

Chapman took the opportunity to physically run as fast as his leather sole shoes could carry him, out the door, across the street and down several blocks… even though his car was only a block from the bar.

Catching his breath, retrieving his car and making it home, without his dignity, he went to sleep.

The next morning he wakes to 10 text messages calling him every name in every book [remember: only three dates, no “I love you’s” exchanged, and certainly no sex or even third-base… he wants this said so you really understand his story]

He goes to work without response. By lunch, another dozen text messages have come in, asking for forgiveness, explaining that she doesn’t even remember the night, let alone what she may have said.

He remains unresponsive. That night he wakes to a text message every thirty minutes, each progressively more insane, “You were wrong about me, DEAD wrong.”

Realizing for the first time that his house and room were known to her, for the first time since a full-blown stalker in 10th grade did he fear for his life.

The proceeding NINE days he received a total of 144 text messages until finally either her phone broke or she found a new home for her book…

Needless to say, this incident showed my friend two things; 1 – never break-up with someone in an unfamiliar location! 2 – If your out-of-town guests ever urge you into asking someone out, DON’T, they will board a plane and fly far, far away and you will be stuck reading 144 text messages fearing for your life.

I can’t be trusted alone

It’s true when left to my own devices I am, quite frankly, a loser. The last date I had was a rotic [romantic without the man, get it? Not roMANtic, but rotic? I digress].

It was a Friday night and I had no plans so I decided to stay in. I had a steak in the fridge and thought it might be a good time to grill it up. I don’t have a grill so that part of the plan fell threw, but I decided to cook it up anyway. I threw together a creative [disgusting] concoction and threw it all in the oven.

While I waited for that to cook I popped open a bottle of wine (it was white) and threw in a romantic comedy, I believe the winner of the night was “You’ve Got Mail!”

I was enjoying my evening home alone. Delicious steak, bottle of wine, good movie…and even some chocolate chip cookies my roommate’s boyfriend had made and dropped off when they stopped in for a quick minute.

The fault of my evening came at TWO points.

Point ONE: I decided it would be a REALLY good idea to have a cigarette. I had only ever had one in my life and tonight seemed like a GREAT time to have my second one. We happened to have some in the house because of a party we had had the weekend before so I grabbed one and headed out to the patio. After a miserable 10 minutes of choking and coughing I came in satisfied [ah, yes, that is why I don’t smoke].

Point TWO: I actually finished the entire bottle of wine…BY MYSELF. That’s what you do on a date, right? Drink a nice bottle of wine? Only this bottle of wine was two-buck Chuck and I was on a date with myself.

Needless to say I crawled to bed not feeling so good. The mixture of ingredients I had put on my steak tasted weird, I drank a whole bottle of wine myself and the cigarette had just muddled them all together in a sickening way.

[2:00am Yeti's immediate roommate comes home from whatever evening activity she has been apart of. She silently enters room and begins quietly navigating around. Suddenly, Yeti's sits up in bed, moans slightly, and then vomits profusely all over the carpet next to her bed.]

Liz: Holy Crap!! Are you ok?

Now, I will confess, I do not remember much about the evening from this point on. I remember sitting in front of the toilet for a while to puke a couple more times while my ever so loving and gracious roommate cleaned up my vomit from the carpet. Apparently Liz and I had a whole conversation; she tells me I asked about her evening, told her some fun facts about Will Smith and then crawled myself back into bed.

And that, my friends, is what happens when I am left alone on a Friday night.
Please…someone find me a boyfriend.