Sadly, we live in a world where cheating is a pretty common occurrence. Olivia posted a story that talked about this idea last week and it got me thinking. We want openness and honesty in a relationship, but could we really bring ourselves to trust and be in a relationship with someone that has cheated before?
As Olivia pointed out in her post, I don’t really understand the concept. Maybe I am misunderstanding it all, but I don't understand men or women who allow themselves to be 'the other.’ Why would you want to fool around with someone who is already in a relationship? Do you feel like they care about you more? Is there a thrill that is there for you? As Olivia put it, “for me, the fact the guy was willing to cheat would be a turn-off!”…AMEN!
So, what about you? Would you be willing to date someone you know has cheated in the past? Or would you be willing to start up a relationship with someone who has yet to break it off with their current boy/girlfriend?
Could you actually trust this person enough to be in a relationship – or would you always be watching your back, suspicious of everything and every relationship they have?
But on the other hand is there room for grace and forgiveness? And where do we draw the line…
5 comments:
When talking about someone cheating in the past and whether or not it would be ok to date them, I think that would completely depend on when the cheating occurred and who they are now. If I knew a woman cheated on her boyfriend when she was 16 or 17 and now she is 21 or 22 and she is definitely different I do not see any reason to not trust her. It would also depend on the level of communication I have with her. If she tells me about her cheating in the past and it seems to me that she is has been completely honest, why not trust her?
I used to believe that "once a cheater, always a cheater." But I don't think that holds. I think it should be evaluated on a case by case basis. Every relationship is a risk, the point to consider is whether or not this has added to that risk.
It's funny. I was just having a conversation with a friend about this the other day. I don't get the whole concept of "trusting a cheater." What makes you immune to be the one cheated on later. It seems like that is a character flaw more than something that just happens, except in the rare, rare instance where someone went crazy, but still. So, yeah just don't get it when we so devalue ourselves to are with someone we know to be cheating.
I cheated on my boyfriend when I was 15 by falling into peer pressure. I regret it more than any of the other foolish things i did in high school. But what's done is done and I can never take back the pain I inflicted on my boyfriend at the time. I was lucky enough to be able to ask my sweet freshman year boyfriend for forgiveness later in high school, but there was little hope for true reconcilation. I hope no future boyfriend will hold that experience against me. I learned my lesson and I am now 10 years cheating free!
i think people have enormous capacity to screw with each other... and at times i am so amazed when i see that they have enormous capacity to forgive and be reconciled to one another. obviously every situation is different and i wouldn't want to make a blanket statement that the betrayed should just forgive and move on, but i wouldn't want to rule out healing and learning to trust again. cautiously and wisely... but still trusting.
jennifer
so in a slightly different vain--I've been in several situations in which I become friends with a guy, hanging out, having conversations, etc., only to find out months in that he is in a serious dating/engaged relationship. Each time I've been angry that I didn't know and when I confronted the guys, none of them understood what the problem was. While its not exactly cheating, its not honest either. Should we have to ask someone whether or not they're dating when we start a friendship with a member of the opposite sex?
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