"Women are meant to be loved, not understood" - O. Wilde
5.05.2008
Bold Moves
When men attempt bold gestures – break out the bold moves, it is considered romantic [well, as long as the girl is interested…otherwise it is considered stalking, read more here]. When women do it…it is considered desperate. What’s with that?
8 comments:
Anonymous
said...
I need some male response to this one! What's the deal?
Hmm ... I'd say it's culturally-informed. In many ways, we're still a patriarchal society that's taking its sweet time to shift: see, for example, how we're STILL (unfortunately) trying to move out of the mindset of men=workers/women=housewives, or how it's still not the norm for women to ask men out. So while I get to choose who I ask out and when, one of my friends--a girl--has been asked out six or seven times in the last two/three months, largely by people she's not even interested in.
Not sure if there's anything to do about it, apart from wait for the cultural tide to catch up ...?
eh, well, because that's just kinda how it is. You're bumping up against a whole lot of years of cultural training and norms that says: guys act this way, and girls act this way. It's becoming not so rigid anymore, but it's still there, which is why there are still glass ceilings, still fewer females than males in leadership positions, and double standards for women. Not saying I agree with any of it, but there it is.
Definitely something to what Jus said, but there are some guys out there who enjoy bold women (I know cause I'm one of em). What you said works in reverse though - a woman making a bold move (for these sorts of guys) can be considered romantic if there is interest there.
nothing shouts STALKER more than "No, I am not a stalker."
if ever i feel bold i will approach a guy but in a casual way. Like, "Hey do you know if they have Hacker Pschorr on tap here?" or "Do you know the name of this opening band?"
something that is a relevant/feasible question to ask and could strike up a conversation.
and if the guy is digging me even in the slightest, he will answer my question and then follow it up with something more like "They're called The White Rabbits; I saw them open for Spoon last January. Have you heard them before?"
and then we talk.
for me, this approach strikes the best balance between bold but not desperate.
And, having had a girl strike up a conversation with him, the guy would then spend the next three days hyper analyzing everything she said to deduce if she liked him or not, since her initial interaction left him confused as to her actual intentions.
8 comments:
I need some male response to this one! What's the deal?
Hmm ... I'd say it's culturally-informed. In many ways, we're still a patriarchal society that's taking its sweet time to shift: see, for example, how we're STILL (unfortunately) trying to move out of the mindset of men=workers/women=housewives, or how it's still not the norm for women to ask men out. So while I get to choose who I ask out and when, one of my friends--a girl--has been asked out six or seven times in the last two/three months, largely by people she's not even interested in.
Not sure if there's anything to do about it, apart from wait for the cultural tide to catch up ...?
eh, well, because that's just kinda how it is. You're bumping up against a whole lot of years of cultural training and norms that says: guys act this way, and girls act this way.
It's becoming not so rigid anymore, but it's still there, which is why there are still glass ceilings, still fewer females than males in leadership positions, and double standards for women.
Not saying I agree with any of it, but there it is.
Definitely something to what Jus said, but there are some guys out there who enjoy bold women (I know cause I'm one of em). What you said works in reverse though - a woman making a bold move (for these sorts of guys) can be considered romantic if there is interest there.
I really think it depends on the guy ... :)
nothing shouts STALKER more than "No, I am not a stalker."
if ever i feel bold i will approach a guy but in a casual way. Like, "Hey do you know if they have Hacker Pschorr on tap here?" or "Do you know the name of this opening band?"
something that is a relevant/feasible question to ask and could strike up a conversation.
and if the guy is digging me even in the slightest, he will answer my question and then follow it up with something more like "They're called The White Rabbits; I saw them open for Spoon last January. Have you heard them before?"
and then we talk.
for me, this approach strikes the best balance between bold but not desperate.
And, having had a girl strike up a conversation with him, the guy would then spend the next three days hyper analyzing everything she said to deduce if she liked him or not, since her initial interaction left him confused as to her actual intentions.
Just kidding! :)
Bold moves are AWESOME.
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