Yeti joke

Found HERE.

Tip #47

If you try going out with a guy a couple times and things don't really work out - don't then move on to dating his roommate and see how things work out there.

dreaming of you

I am having a debate with a few guys in my office today:

I had a strange dream last night. And the main character of the dream was a boy that works in my same building. This boy and I have had a few conversations...not too many...but I know he can joke around and has a decent sense of humor. But really, besides a few hello's and "how about that shredder, pretty nice, eh?" I don't really know him at all and wouldn't be surprised if he forgot my name.

I am quite surprised that my subconscious found him important enough to build a scenario around. Here's what happened:

We were at a school and he really needed to get into a classroom. He was late for class and the professor would lock the door once class began. The only way to get in was if you knew someone with a key. Apparently, I have keys.

He kept calling and calling and calling and calling me - but I never answered my phone so he left a voicemail AND a text after every call (annoying!). Only it wasn't my fault. I was in the middle of my American Idol audition and I was KILLING it. Only it was taking forever because there were 25 judges instead of the normal three - and they were all taking about 10 minutes to give me feedback about my singing. But Ellen was really loving me. She wanted to leave Portia for me even...I was THAT good.

So once I finished my audition (I made it by the way) I tried to find this boy so I could let him into his classroom, but he was playing hide-n-seek in this big auditorium. When I yelled out his name he would not answer because he did not believe that I was trying to help him - he thought I was trying to trick him and make him lose the game by giving away his hiding spot.

And then I woke up.

So the debate: I think the dream was kind of funny. I want to tell him. And all the guys I work with say that's the worst idea ever. Cause apparently that would mean I want to marry him. Cause OBVIOUSLY a girl's subconscious would not think about you if she just wanted to be friends. What do you think?

snoring

Do you think it would be rude to ask someone if they snore on a first date? Because I am a really light sleeper and it might be better just to cut my losses up front...

Today I...

Turned the heat on for the first time.

Lit some candles around the house so it smelled all pretty

Baked a coffee cake

Cleaned my coffee maker (using vinegar and everything!)

Wrote some pages of a research paper

Watched “Everest: Beyond the Limit: Season 1”

AND "Paris, Je T'aime"

Went for a run

Practiced my musical instrument

Wore sweat pants

I would say today has been a pretty successful day.

I heart you online

My friend Kristin has made me aware of a dynamic duo that sings delightfully hilarious songs that one can't help but sing along to.

I heart you online is an adorable song that holds a special place in my facebook-addicted heart:



But I also think their song "Love Cake" is one of the cutest things I have ever heard. I very well might try to sing it to a boy and see if I can get him to date me. I mean, logically speaking, what guy would NOT date you if you bake him cake and sing him an adorable song in perfect harmony about it...

DEER!

My sister hit a deer with her car and then called me because she had no idea what to do

...is it bad that I think that's funny?

Google Voice Fun

I had dinner with some good friends the other night. And it felt a little like we were in junior high playing telephone again because we were all taking turns to call and leave me voicemails.

I just added GOOGLE VOICE to my phone. And it is amazing. Well...for the most part. I have this little defect to my mostly perfect nature which is, I HATE LISTENING TO VOICEMAILS. Seriously, they will sit in my inbox for weeks on end before I get around to listening to them. Now with google voice I get an email in by inbox with a transcript of the voice message that was left for me. AMAZING!

However, this magical device does have its downfall. It does not transcribe singing, it has a real hard time with Australian, Scottish or Texan accents...and, frankly, it just doesn't have a very broad vocabulary.

Here is the translation of a couple messages left for me:

Yeah, Hi Jill, it's Jimmy, Hope you're doing well. I've been thinking a lot about automatically lately and also about scooper naked. Just wanted to talk to you a text.

Pine Knob, it's just me. Man, I'm just thankful can get him your ad.I'm not sure whether it was cutting or not, buddy.

I don't even remember what the original's were...but it was not that.

Go ahead and get yourself google voice...it provides HOURS of entertainment.

My blog, My child

I have a friend who tells me my blog is like entering a relationship with a child. I have baggage [NOT that I am trying to say to any of you with children that they are baggage]. I am carrying something with me that some guy has to decide if he can handle, be committed to, not freak out about...

There have been many male figures interwoven throughout this blog, we don't know who the father is. It has become protective of me...sometimes it doesn't like all these new guys. Multiple men it has to yell “you’re not my father” to.

There are the guys that try to be the father figure - "I can handle the blog” he says. He wants to become a good model for the blog, find himself a regular figure in its life - the blog doesn't scare him away.

And then there are those who run and hide. They aren’t ready for that commitment. Aren’t ready to meet by blog or don’t feel like they have what it takes to date me after hearing about it…

I am really happy when my blog likes a guy...I know this could potentially really be something. I am not just thinking about me anymore...I am concerned about my blog. And frankly, all of you. If I get a boyfriend my blog will not be as good for all of you [not that I’m so good at keeping up at it right now!]. My identity as a writer will be different - I will not be the single girl in LA.

So when is the right time to let a guy know? Hi, I need to let you know I have a two year old...blog. And how will I know he’s the Yeti??

Facebook guidance

So, I have not been particularly annoyed with the little guidance, ploys and hints given to me by facebook recently on the right hand side of my screen...

"write on matt's wall"

"send jennifer a message"

"suggest some friends for harka"

UNTIL

facebook had the audacity to suggest that i POKE a boy i dated for a bit in college. a boy that just got married just a couple months ago no less.

facebook...who do you think you are? i don't really think it is appropriate for me to be POKING "West" especially given the currently circumstances. Please don't place me in awkward situations like that. You bring back all sorts of old memories of when I used to poke him. but the tickle fights are over, that's not my place anymore - some else is poking him now.

you know, i think i liked it better when you didn't try to meddle in my relationships. they're complicated enough as it is.

magic cologne

Do they make this for women??

Bright moment #274

I went to the Dia de los Muertos celebration in Hollywood this weekend. It was awesome. Here is a picture my friend took:

Now on to my brilliant moment.

First to set the scene. We went to one booth that had a wall set up where you could put your head through a hole and take a picture so you have a fake body. Does that make sense? Anyway, when my friend and I went to take our picture we didn’t know if we were going to have to pay or make a donation to snap a photo so I pulled a dollar out and put it in my pocket just in case. Turns out it didn’t cost anything.

Fast-forward a couple hours.

I really had to go to the bathroom. There were some porto’s (as I call them) set up throughout the cemetery for our hygienic relief. As I walked into the porto it was already off to a rocky start – pitch black, trying to juggle my lit cell phone, squatting so as to NOT TOUCH ANYTHING.

It was right about this time, with my cell phone under my chin, holding the door so I don’t fall into the toilet, that I discovered there was no toilet paper. Luckily I remembered that I had my grocery list from earlier that day in my pocket. I pulled that out, somewhat-successfully, wiped and called it quits.

It was not until about an hour later that I reached into my pocket for that dollar bill that I found my grocery list…and realized that I had in fact mistaken the two in my horrendous dark toilet excursion.

Do you KNOW how dirty dollar bills are? I feel itchy.

I already don't like dogs

I feel like this is very unnatural. This dog is almost as big as a horse. And it looks like a human. I think the feet are what freak me out most.
I bet this is a family Christmas card...I would not hang it on my fridge.















Found here.

Couple more thoughts:
I hope he is obedient - because if this thing tries to run away from you, you aren't going to be stopping it.
And I hope he is potty trained because if that thing accidentally goes in your house what a MESS.

just a thought

you know those tunnels you have to drive through on the highway...the ones you always held your breath in as a kid? well, there are lights that line those tunnels so you can see when you drive through them at night.

i was just thinking...i would hate to be the person that has the job of changing those lights when they burn out.

Definitely toasted

So, do you remember “Probably Toasted?” My roommate and I ran into him a looooooooong time ago so here is the link in case you need a refresher.

Well, we called him.

OMG (and I don’t use that jr. high phrase often) best. decision. ever.

He, of course, did not remember us at all. But he likes girls so he agreed to meet up with us for drinks the next day. When we arrived he was already there looking all cute in his tweed jacket and shaggier than we’d remembered. We met at a local bar in town to have a couple of drinks. He was a great friend of the bar tender, which was weird at first, but then not so weird after he finished consuming 6 bourbons on the rocks.

After finishing up at the bar we decided to go over to a local happy hour for some taco’s. He didn’t want to eat anything – he just got two more beers and a margarita. LOTS of drinks – but LOTS of fun as well.

He apparently had a good time (and was able to remember something) because he decided to give us a call again later that week. One of the friends we met at the happy hour was a rapper and he invited us to join him at J’s concert. We met him there and that’s when the fun got started:

This boy honest believes he is in a real life episode of elimidate. All throughout the evening he would sneak away with each of us individually and ask if we wanted to go out on a date one-on-one sometime. Phrases like “I just don’t want to have to choose, you’re both so great!” would dribble from his mouth.

Yeti: “That’s so cute you think you have a choice. Neither of us actually want to date you. We just want to be friends and hang out with you.”

Toasted: “Wow, that’s such great news, cause E* is freaking hot, but I just really feel like you and I have this great connection and I can really talk to you. So I don’t know how I would choose.” [I love that I’m the “smart” one…I didn’t want to be the hot one anyway!]

Five minutes later I walk over to where him and E* are standing and I hear him whispering in her ear asking her out on a date.

Toasted: Wanna go out sometime? But don’t tell your roommate, I think she’d be jealous and get mad.

E: I am pretty sure she would not care.

Toasted: Great, then sneak my number out of her phone and give me a call sometime.

We decided it was time for us to leave. Toasted was….toasted, and we were getting tired.

2:00am rolls around and my phone starts to buzz indicating a text message

Toasted: Can I get E*’s number from you?

Non-threatening ways to ask out girls.

Someone wrote in and asked me if I would share some non-threatening ways to ask girls out.




















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Sorry. You’re on your own. I think I’m nice, but if asking us girls out is anything like asking a boy out it doesn’t matter how nice they are. You should feel threatened.

If you’re “just friends” you wouldn’t have to say you’re “just friends”

Why does that have to be a qualifier? There must be something to raise the question in the first place. Maybe you are just friends, but you certainly are having to defend it quite a bit. And if history teaches us anything it is that guys do NOT need anymore “friends” in their lives, especially of the female persuasion. They have those really close ones that are like sisters to them, way too over-protective giving them all the girl-advice they could ever need.

It really goes back to the debate of can guys and girls really ever be friends? They really can’t, so just stop fooling yourself. At least say, “we’re doing our best to just be friends, but with all this sexual tension it’s crazy hard and there might be a benefit thrown in there every once and a while. Just taking it one day at a time.” PLEASE one of you try that and let me know how it goes…

Unless the other person you have to say “we’re just friends” to is someone that slightly repulses you. Then it might be best to just say “I’m moving to Yemen.”

I just want to do you

If you aren't watching Modern Family yet...you need to be

Quote of the day

"Guys, I just gave my number to a guy in a helmet!"

I'm a MAN