googled

when you google my name and then press "images" more pictures of STEAK than people come up. I'm kinda really proud/happy about that.

just play it COOL

‪The beginning of relationships are so fun and confusing and frustrating and exciting and terrifying and annoying and more words that I can’t think of right now.

You know when you get to that point where you are both timidly sure that you like each other but you’re still trying to “play it cool”? What does that even mean? Why do we do that? You just end up feeling like you’re playing mind games. [If I wait 6 more hours to text him back, he’ll think I was really busy and that he wasn’t on my mind and that I don’t really care about him that much and it’s not big deal and I don’t really need him and I’m not that clingy and I don’t over think things and I’m really easy-going]

I, personally, don’t know how to play it cool and be calm. I just don’t.

Part of that, I think, is projected on me by a relationship that ended badly and abruptly by a guy that completely freaked out when I simply said “I’m willing to give this a shot” – I am not quite sure if he heard me say “I want to marry you and have lots of babies”? But at any rate – he ended things and never called me again. A mutual friend of ours told me that I apparently "let my cards show" too soon and I needed to have more mystery.

???

But I seriously don't know how to do that. If I like someone, I like them. And I want to hang out with them and talk to them. So I don't understand why it is bad if I call or text them. Isn’t it mystery enough if I’ll be wearing sweat pants or actually put on a respectable outfit the next time they see me? What about if the next meal I cook them will be edible? What about how freaky my friends are going to be (*cough* SDGT *cough*) – there are plenty of other mysteries. We don’t need to go around giving people unnecessary ulcers about whether we’re interested in them or not.

best blog ever

Um....did I just find my new favorite blog of ALL TIME. ever? BEST. BLOG. EVER. beards.

i hate muscles

Girls do the funniest things.

For example, SOME girl I know, likes this new boy. So what does she do? Starts exercising again. You know, so she can be in good shape for all these hikes he talks about wanting to go on.

One problem, this plan has sort of backfired. You see, I (I mean, SHE) can't walk - and my arms don't work anymore. So, not only am I probably not anymore physically fit than I was one week ago, I now look like a grandma when I walk, I can't lift anything heavier than a sheet of paper and when he asks me why I am limping I'm going to have to come up with some excuse like--cold weather makes my hip hurt! Guys like girls that age prematurely, right?? You know, the ones that grunt with excruciating effort when they try to lift their arms to greet them with a hug?

He's one lucky guy....

Eric and BJ should not read this post

I told you a while back about a semi-creepy but mainly harmless co-worker that sometimes says suggestive if-i-were-younger-I’d-want-to-date-you comments to me. He’s actually been really good lately, hasn’t really said much to me. Only honked his horn or playfully gotten mad if I have forgotten to say hello to him as I have walked by. But the other day as I was walking to my car for lunch he asked me if I liked candles. “Of course!” was my reply because I always have them stocked in my house and burn them anytime I am at home. So he asked me to wait in the parking lot while he ran back to his office. He came back with several boxes of decorative candles. He handed them over to me and wished me a Merry Early Christmas. But made me sit there and open every box and then comment on how much I loved them and then smell each one. Only…they are really awkward looking and smelling candles. It was some of my best acting (you know, other than Date #4 in the previous post). Maybe I should not have accepted them – but that would have been rude, right? Or maybe I should have lied and said “No, I hate candles, how awkward is it when things MELT! Ew!” But, I didn’t and then when he was opening every box for me so I could adore them I just didn’t know what to do. So, now I have a bunch of pinecone candles in my house complete with santa and reindeer candle holder….and I have no idea what to do with them.

dating so far

So....update. you meet some unique personalities online.

I don't want to sound like I'm going overboard here, but I may have had four dates with four different guys this week... [side note: i am a bit overwhelmed]

Date #1: super interesting guy. works in the film industry. we went to a local pub and ended up chatting for about 4 hours. he made me laugh and the only thing that gave me pause was the fact that he admitted owning more props then he could fit in his garage [including, and i quote, "two chainsaws, one clean one and one with fake blood!"]. hmmmm.... at the end of the date he said "well, that was fun. i'm going to be really busy for the next week or two but it'd be fun to go out again" noooooot really expecting to hear from him again.

Date #2: cutest date ever. he called me up on saturday afternoon and asked me if i wanted to go to the dog park to play with him and his pup. he came to pick me up with starbucks in hand (for someone with an addiction this is heavenly). we went to the dog park and played around with his puppy for about an hour: throwing the frisbee, running around, chatting and laughing. Afterward we went to lunch at this fantastic rib place where he ordered this huge entree plate for us to share and then let me take home the left overs because he remembered I lived with boys. so not only do i love him, my roommates do as well. He has already called again for a second date :)

Date #3: well, it had to go wrong somewhere. imagine one of the most awkward loud talkers you've ever met in a really quiet hipster coffee shop. that was this man. he was afraid of silence. and he kept making statements like "i hate sports, but i love theater!"

Date #4: worst of all. he is a lawyer and has an inability to stop asking awkward and incriminating questions. he kept asking me how many other dates i had been on and how many more i had lined up....and then claimed it was just because he wanted to know when i would be free again in the future. he asked if i had ever dated an asian before. he told me i looked way better than my photos. he tried out a couple of pick-up lines on me. he remembered EVERYTHING about my profile and was offended that i didn't remember everything about his. throughout the evening he asked me out for the future several times: want to go rock climbing sometime? we should go skiing in big bear. have you been to the irving spectrum, we should go. you would love the americana we'll go to that soon. so what are we going to do for our next date? next time we go out i'll bring you pho, i make it the best.....AGH!!! i started running out of excuses and i'm a pretty good actress. perhaps my favorite part was when he asked me what talents i had, so i shared....then he said "yeah, i don't have any talents...but i do write poetry sometimes. like...what's your last name? i'll find something that rhymes with that and write you a poem real fast."

It has been interesting to say he least. But two good dates out of four is not bad - and one that could actually be promising is miraculous!

by the way...if any of you want to be hooked up with a lawyer i've got a number i could give you.

Cinepoem

I shared a poem I love with you in August - Tyranny of the Mirror by Ladonna Witmer. Here it is as a cinepoem. The struggle we all bare.

sometimes i think my gchat conversations could change the world

3:10 PM J: is today a holiday? where's the maillady?

3:11 PM the femail lady

3:12 PM me: no idea.

we got mail here

it is def. not a holiday

17 minutes

3:30 PM J: weirrrrd

3:31 PM me: i can't WAIT for lunch on thursday!!

J: i know! finally. . . it's been so long

me: truth!

did you go to yoga today?

3:32 PM J: nope im going in an hour. . . i didnt sleep till 5 am last night so i couldnt wake up for that

3:33 PM me: whoa!!

that's late

i went to bed at 9!

J: nice

i tried going at 11

did you get all caught up

me: on sleep? no, probably never. i could sleep for the rest of my life and love it

3:34 PM also, i could marry the sun.

J: sex would hurt though

me: probably even hugging

J: probably even coming within millions of miles of each other

hey dude

This guy I have been interested in and chatting with for a bit finally asked me out. I was beginning to suspect that all he ever wanted to do was send messages and chat online and it was getting a little daunting…I knew all it would take is ignoring him for a couple of days.

We really like him, on paper

Just one thing though, not sure what to think about the fact that he makes the subject of every message he sends me "hey dude". That’s weird, right?

I can't tell if he wants to be my friend or date me.

Or if he just forgets my name

Or if he is just a victim of the Joshua Harris/John Eldredge era and doesn't know how to talk to a girl he wants to ask out.

what to do with all this free time...

So, i just graduated. with two master's degrees. i know, i am super smart, try not to be intimidated. i obviously mean this for people who have never met me, because if you have - well, then you know i pretty much just faked it through most of those degrees :)

anyway, now that i am done i thought to myself "self, you have a lot of free time. you should maybe go one some dates cause you have not done that in a while"

so i decided to give online dating another try.

then i was quickly reminded of why online dating is so weird.

day #4 of online dating and i receive this message:

"Is it really you in the pictures? Or did you just post the pics of a pretty girl in order to attract and kill guys like me? You have to tell me if you're a creepy guy at a computer in someone's basement, ok?"

um....YOU'RE the creepy one. delete. i'll be sure to keep you posted on all upcoming adventures.

bieber

i'm not going to lie - i wish i had excuse to go to a justin bieber concert and not look creepy/pathetic. i've had two friends who have gone this summer because they got to take their daughter. what a great excuse! daughter! i don't have a 9 year old. i'd have to follow one around so when people look at me weird like "aren't you too old to be yelling 'I'LL NEVER KISS AND TELL JUSTIN" i could just lead over to some unsuspecting kid and say "i think our seats are this way sweetie" - but then her actual parents might get creeped out.

lucky parents.

So many reasons why this guy is not married

It physically hurts me to watch the video.

1. the guy is dumb.
2. he is actually calling out for his "mama". this, of course, is not strange. becuase why would he be calling out for a girlfriend or a wife? he wouldn't have one. he spends all of his time playing video games. for such long increments of time, in fact, that he gets disoriented and throws things at the screen.
3. he thinks hitting the top of the television is going to bring the picture back into clarity....



boys......can't live with 'em - can't kill 'em.

Nanny....er

A friend of mine brought my attention to the following craigslist ad [craigslist has the BEST ADS!!]:

--------------------
Nanny plus needed to perform basic motherly and wifely duties for young father and his 9 year old daughter :)

Must be single (no issues), nice looking and in good shape to keep up with hiking, camping etc....

Must be willing to join me and my daughter at Disneyland, movies, dinners out etc....

Must have transportation and live within 10 miles of Los Angeles county.

Please send current photo with short resume.

Thank you for your interest :)

Brad

-------------------------
um....brad....that's creepy. Either look for a nanny or look for a girlfriend - but this is one area where it's not considered efficient to kill two birds with one stone.

Seriously an ad. I'm not kidding. He's willing to pay $10. Look here.

The funny things people say

I have a could funny quotes to share with you - that also make me slightly concerned about the depth and topic of conversations I have with people in my life:

Yeti: "we're going to fight a lot when we get married when we're 40 and both still single."
Boy: "I know. Our biggest fight will probably be where we are living. I wonder if a long distance marriage will work. I bet we could just do skype sex and weekend rendezvous."

Yeti: "even Spider thinks you should get a facebook to join the community."
Bee: "I'm glad for Spider. Still not sure I would call it community. That was a stretch for me. Facebook can't watch my kids or drink a beer with me while I watch a game or visit me in prison or at the hospital. ;). Although, I'm sure ole Zuckerman will appreciate one more soul in his cache!"

Yeti: Are you listening to that link I sent you yet? I am falling in love with this man. There are just TOO MANY GOOD ARTISTS! I am going to go poor buying music. And going to concerts. And my heart is going to run out of love for bearded men. Not really. My heart has an unlimited supply of love for bearded men.

paaaaarty

i think i'm becoming cool. i've always been the girl that's in bed before 10 because, well, i like sleep. and i get cranky.
but this week. i've been a party animal.
i went camping with the girls on friday in san luis obisbo. gorgeous.
i went to a gaelic storm concert on saturday night with an awesome girlfriend. bagpipes are good for my soul.
i watched football all day sunday.
i went to a mumford and sons concert on monday night and didn't even throw myself at them. restraint? yes, thank you.
and then i went to the king charles concert at the viper room on tuesday night. becuase he is awesome and has gorgeous hair and i don't even mind his mustache.

now i am going to go slip into a coma. becuase this weekend the landladies are having a halloween paaaaaarty. what to dress up as.....what to dress up as.....

write me a song

I think that the most romantic thing a guy could ever do for you is to write you a song. [or a song about you] But you can't ever tell a guy that cause that makes you sound pretty self-centered: "hey, i think i'm pretty neat so i think you should write a song all about how awesome you think i am and how i make your stomach feel like it's all tied up in knots....and if that's NOT how you feel about me, we should probably break up!"

anyway. thought i'd throw that up here to help other girls out. and then nonchalantly point my blog out to some guy and be like "oh, i totally forgot what i posted on october 15th, 2010...could you remind me?"

spelling

I realize I am not the best speller in the world. In fact, I misspell things all the time. But if you misspell obvious words, I'm going to judge you and probably not want to date you. I didn't say it was fair....but intertaining? really?

quotes

i have a very funny friend - and her status updates on facebook always crack me up. i keep trying to convince her that she should start a blog, but she won't listen to me. something about three kids and blah blah blah. seriously, i don't know if i will ever have kids - i don't know how you mothers out there do it. it is exhausting!! you are heroes.

anyway, i thought i would share some of her status updates with you so that you can laugh to (you know, until i can convince her to start that blog...)
------------------

If I had known I was going to have acne for my entire post-puberty life, I would have enjoyed it a bit more in high school. At least then I didn't have wrinkles.

There's just something about new furniture that makes me gigglier than a toddler watching Barney. Wow, my examples have really taken a turn for the rated-G. Must find corruption.

Either I wear sweatpants way too much or my daughters' expectations are really, really low when I come downstairs in jeans and they exclaim gleefully, "Mommy, you look so fancy!"

For the record, it's best to put your pants back on BEFORE you go to retrieve something from your car in the garage in case you forgot that the garage door was up and your neighbor's kids are outside playing in the street.

I'd like to give the whole world a Sharpie and some duct tape. Only magic can happen.

I came upon a roll of toilet paper in the church bathroom this morning that had no beginning or end, kind of like God. I know that it's not as significant spiritually as, say, finding Jesus' picture in a potato, but there's gotta be a sermon in there somewhere.

New rule in our house: No going potty, wiping and then using that same toilet paper to wipe your hair. Please, make this a rule in your house, too, before it's too late. I suffer so you don't have to. That's the kind of selfless person I am.

is finding inspirational quotes to be more annoying than inspirational. I don't want inspiration. I want a margarita.

just read a list of salads that are full of fat and calories that people, in an attempt to be healthy, are apparently obliviously ordering from restaurants not knowing the hidden dangers. Taco Bell's beef fiesta taco salad was on the list. Really? This is breaking news? They come in fried tortilla bowls. I think the healthy jig is up right there.

realizes she might not be the most qualified swimming instructor when her daughter tells people, "I'm not a good swimmer, but I'm a great sinker!"

While shopping at Target today, a woman asked me which wipe warmer I used for my baby. I told her I didn't use one. She looked shocked and asked if I felt bad putting cold wipes on the baby. I told her that he bites when he nurses, so we're pretty much even. She looked even more shocked and said, "They bite when... they nurse?" I wished her all the best.

doesn't understand this whole over-specified coffee-drink thing. How many drinks did you have to buy before you found a combination you liked? Why not make it at home if you're that afraid? I love my high-maintenance coffee-drink-ordering-friends, but if your order takes more than one breath to place, then you shoul...dn't be drinking coffee-based drinks in the first place. You're already too high-strung.

Someone just stormed into my room and said, "You PROMISED me no one dies in Pinocchio, and now Pinocchio's dead!" Someone is going to owe me an apology very shortly.

If you can't park your Hummer on the first, second, or third try, then you need to get yourself a smaller car and get your gas-guzzling self out of my impatient way!

What is a Justin Bieber?

If you're going to have a bumper sticker on the back of your car that says, "The only reason I'm speeding is because I really have to poop," then it would behoove you to at least go the speed limit. If you go 15 under, then I really can't take your bowel situation seriously, and that's the real tragedy.

If I wasn't happily married to the love of my life right now, I'd most likely be putting all my time and effort into pursuing and marrying Trader Joe.

has spent 3/4 of my son’s college fund trying to find a bottle he'll actually accept, to no avail. Of course, if he doesn't master the bottle thing, then he's probably not getting into college anyway...

Goals

Another high school friend of mine got married.
My roommate just got engaged
And even more friends of mine are talking about marriage. [trust me, i really like that they talk to me about it....i'm not jealous]
Three more high school friends are pregnant.
And one I just reconnected with has had THREE children already.

So, I think it's time to set some high and lofty goals for myself.

1. find a guy with a beard.
2. go on a date.

baby steps people.

Apply Within

This is not my ad....but I swear it could be:

Emotionally Unavailable Woman Seeking Emotionally Unavailable Man

Apply within.