WORD VERIFICATION

I have had to add word verification to my blog. Although not COMPLETELY annoying, it is kind of tedious to have to figure out what those ghostly letters are and then copy them into the box below. I get rather annoyed having to do it on every blog I want to comment on.

But here's the deal. I feel super popular when I get about 39 comments a day all coming through my inbox for me to approve. But then I get immediately sad when NOT EVEN ONE of those comments is real. They all want to tell me about where to get a great pizza or find a good magic show. Ridiculous.

So, in an effort to both cut down on spam and boost my self esteem - I am going to make all of you real people out there type letters. It should really only effect one or two of you [sorry mom].

Tattoos

TO THIS DAY...I cannot walk into my tattoo parlor without getting extremely nervous, butterflies in my stomach, nauseous. I don't get it. I got my first tattoo four years ago and have since accumulated a total of three. I am by no means a self-canvas...but I shouldn't be afraid of the place when I know the guys in there fairly well and they recognize me when I walk in.

But I just feel so out of place still. I think I always will unless I can someday bring myself to get something a bit larger....or with color....or a picture.

Alas, that is today's confession.

Oh...and I got another tattoo :)

Justin Bieber

This was a conversation I had at my birthday party......we were about to get our dance on and someone had requested "Baby" by Justin Bieber. Did I mention that this mini-exchange took place with an 8 year old boy...

Yeti: "You LOVE Justin Bieber, don't you?"
8 year old Boy: "Noooooo, I just love his music."

Wow. Well, there you have it. a boy that can separate the artist from his music. If only girls were so smart.

Bike Helmets

I don't get hit on as much anymore these days. I think I have figured out why. I bike to work now.

Apparently it is either hard to catch me (cause, you know, I'm so FAST on my bike)!

...or the more likely reason....bike helmets are just apparently not all that attractive. I think it is really hard for the male mind to picture what the female under a helmet COULD look like. So they just don't trouble their mind to figure out if they're hot or not. The helmet is too much of a distraction.

I like biking to work.

Don't live here

I am looking for a new apartment. I don't want to...but circumstances may force me to move sometime within the next month.

I was taking a walk around a beautiful neighborhood on Monday with one of my besties, Lizzo, looking for "rent" signs. We came across one that looked like a pretty nice building. I called the number that was on the sign while Lizzo walked into the complex a bit to see if she could peak into some windows and get a better idea what it looked like. Just then a neighbor walked out of her front door.

Neighbor: "Excuse me, are you looking at the apartment that's for rent?"
Lizzo: "Yeah, we just saw the for lease sign and thought we would check it out."
Neighbor: "Oh no! You already signed the lease?"
Lizzo: "No, we just SAW the for lease sign. This is our first time over here."
Neighbor: "Oh good. Well, I probably shouldn't say anything. I could get fucked for this, but the landlords are like slumlords. They are terrible. They don't fix anything, and cheat you, and they totally shafted that guy when he moved out. I just thought I would warn you. DON'T MOVE HERE."
Lizzo: "Oh...um....okay. Thanks."

I guess it's good to meet the neighbors.

Rough Talk

A married friend of mine is standing outside a local community college waiting for her husband to pick her up. Some guy rolls up next to her in his car.

Random guy: "Hey baby, what you doin' tonight?"

Girl: "Waiting for my husband to pick me up."

Random guy: [brief pause] "Fuck you then, Bitch."

Yeti Airlines

Please, for your next trip....consider flying with me.

Judging interest

A good way to figure out if a guy is interested in you or not:

Casually figure out a way to meet some of his friends - if they say "oh, YOU'RE Yeti? blah blah blah"

That's either a really good sign or a really bad sign.

So....I guess you still won't really know if he's interested - but at LEAST you'll know he's talking about you.

You're welcome for the helpful advice.

I could not love Zach Galifianakis MORE

Between Two Ferns with Zach Galifianakis: Steve Carell from Between Two Ferns

Marmie

i like that no matter how long it's been
no matter how much our opinions start to differ
no matter how old i get
no matter how far apart we live

when something in life goes wrong.

...i always call my mom.

:)

How to Prevent Sexual Assault

1. Don’t put drugs in people’s drinks in order to control their behavior.

2. When you see someone walking by themselves, leave them alone!

3. If you pull over to help someone with car problems, remember not to assault them!

4. NEVER open an unlocked door or window uninvited.

5. If you are in an elevator and someone else gets in, DON’T ASSAULT THEM!

6. Remember, people go to laundry to do their laundry, do not attempt to molest someone who is alone in a laundry room.

7. USE THE BUDDY SYSTEM! If you are not able to stop yourself from assaulting people, ask a friend to stay with you while you are in public.

8. Always be honest with people! Don’t pretend to be a caring friend in order to gain the trust of someone you want to assault. Consider telling them you plan to assault them. If you don’t communicate your intentions, the other person may take that as a sign that you do not plan to rape them.

9. Don’t forget: you can’t have sex with someone unless they are awake!

10. Carry a whistle! If you are worried you might assault someone "on accident" you can hand it to the person you are with, so they can blow it if you do.

And, ALWAYS REMEMBER: if you didn’t ask permission and then respect the answer the first time, you are committing a crime- no matter how "into it" others appear to be.

--Author Unknown.

unjust

you want to know why guys tend to feel all the pressure during dating? why they [typically] have to be the ones to initiate and ask a girl out?

BECAUSE THEY CAN FREAKING TAKE THEIR SHIRTS OFF WHENEVER THEY WANT.

man it is hot outside. and that is just unfair.

The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo

I just finished reading "The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo" - holyfreakingcow that is an amazing book! I can't decide if I want to watch the movie because I can only imagine how hard it will be to watch given how graphic, perverted and insane some of those scenes were.

But my point...

In honor of all the buzz around these books - and the new Hollywood version that is going to begin filming again, I thought I would re-post the story about our very own girl with the dragon tattoo. You might remember her from the Fall of 2008 - she got a lot of good reactions out of you readers. And those of you who jumped onto this blog after that time - we wouldn't want you to miss out!

Enjoy!!

THE GIRL WITH THE DRAGON TATTOO

marriage advice

Saw this little gem on my facebook earlier today....








I do not want to marry anyone that is friends with or related to that bottom guy....

listen to what i mean, not what i say

sometimes i am really good at saying things i don't mean.

...and then i am always surprised when people listen to me.

me

found HERE.

more poetry

a bit of poetry, by one of my heroes ladonna witmer.

she puts into words the very rhythms of my heart. if you love poetry at all, please buy her poetry book "The Secrets of Falling" - I've read it about 6789876543234567890 times - and it changes me a bit more every time.

The Tyranny of the Mirror

earth suit
Sometimes I forget how to lie
to myself
how to steely stare down
my mirror eye
and convince my reflection
she is good enough,
she is smart enough,
and goddammit, people
like her.

Some days I forget that what I see
doesn’t matter.
That what is housed invisibly within,
floating somewhere between bones and skin,
is more everlasting than its cage.

thick around the middle
I think about my body
every day.
Make lists
of unsatisfactory parts.
Measuring
with no joy
the increasing distance
between hands
spaced on either side
of my waist.

I remember when
muffin tops
were just delicious
and bore no correlation
to shame.

grande y bonita
For weeks now, the Mexican man
behind the counter at the Shell station
has been flirting.

He woos me with free fountain sodas
and appreciative stares.

Finally today he asks if I have a boyfriend
and shakes his head in dismay
when I reply.

“When I come to America, I dream
of meeting girl like you,”
he says, looking up to meet my eyes.
“Strong. Big. Beautiful.”

I blush and pay for my Diet Coke
and all the way home, wonder if “big”
can be construed to mean “tall.”

skinny jeans
The “Diet for Dummies”
costs $40 to download
and I pay the price
without blinking,
print out the menu
that reads “broiled halibut”
and “carrot sticks,”
dream of slimming body image
solutions while couching
in sweat pants, munching
white cheddar Cheez-Its.

cell memory
Just because you wear new skin
than you did 2,556 days ago
does not mean the old you
has been forgotten.

Cell memory gets passed down
from regeneration to regeneration.
The new cells are born with collective
knowledge and an inferiority complex.

What you focus on the most is remembered,
is held within muscles,
whispered from vein to vein.
Even the smallest of cells knows
exactly how much you hate yourself.

seven years of bad luck
Somehow the tyranny of the mirror
remains through the ages unbroken,
undiminished by intelligence
weight loss
and the compliments of lovers.

Seven years ago I thought I was fat,
posing for pictures with a cheek-pinching
smile, stomach sucked
concave. Now I see

what that girl never could,
that she was traffic-stopping,
jaw-dropping, heart-popping
gorgeous.

But standing sideways before the glass,
I think that seven years is a long time –
things grow. sag. wrinkle.
To find this woman beautiful,
I will need seven more.

*****

-Lo, whose bikini days are behind her.

cape

i should wear a cape more often.

Batman

"I went and saw The Dark Knight with this guy from church. I thought we were really hitting it off. Turns out we weren't."

Travel

"Still, despite all this, traveling is the great true love of my life. I have always felt, ever since I was sixteen years old and first went to Russia with my saved-up babysitting money, that to travel is worth any cost or sacrifice. I am loyal and constant in my love for travel, as I have not always been loyal and constant in my other loves. I feel about travel the way a happy new mother feels about her impossible, colicky, restless newborn baby - I just don't care what it puts me through. because I adore it. Because it's mind. Because it looks exactly like me. It can barf all over me if it wants to - I just don't care."

- Elizabeth Gilbert, Eat, Pray Love.

Experiencing Culture

as i have said before, I am in Mexico right now. i thought i would share what i did today.

for lunch i ate at mcdonalds.

i got a cinnabon as a snack to enjoy at home while watching episodes of F.R.I.E.N.D.S

after dinner we are going to watch "killers" at the theater in the mall.

it is just SO great to be able to experience such authentic mexican culture....

perm

i just saw a commercial that made me want to try a perm again.

what decade am i living in??

also, i am pretty sure all i need to do is look at those photos from when i was 9 to remember what a bad idea that was the first go around.

birth control

i am currently residing in an orphanage in mexico. with 35 precious perfectly behaved children.

THIS is what a call birth control people.

you thinking about babies? unprotected sex? come spend some time here...

found him!

i may have just fallen in love with the accordion play in a mariachi band.

drugs

"i could never marry tom cruise, cause i really like taking medication"

Besos

I've never understood the concept of making "kissing" noises when pulling up next to a car of attractive ladies.

Mi amiga Katie and I were driving back from escuela for siesta today. We had our windows down as we pulled up to a stop light. the men in the truck next to us all started leaning out the window and making kissing noises. we were able to avoid eye contact with them but their incessant noises were totally distracting to the conversation we were having.

i'm just curious if this method of picking up ladies has ever worked before. do ladies ever look out their window and say "wow, thanks, wanna grab a drink?"

resorting to facebook

As I recounted in my last post, I went out salsa dancing here in Mexico. It was quite different than the salsa scene in LA, that's for sure.

After dancing a few songs I came back to my table to find a strange man I did not know sitting in the chair next to mine. He started chatting with me - what a nice boy.

This was toward the end of our conversation:

Stranger: So, do you have an email address or facebook that I could write you at?
Yeti: Um....ah...I....uh....I have a facebook.
Stranger: Oh, that's good. I have one of those and I could look you up on there.
Yeti: Okay, that'll work.
Stranger: What is your name?
Yeti: [gives stranger my name....not excited about it, but I guess my email has my name too]
Stranger: Okay, I will go home tonight and find you and give you a friend request. My name is Alejandro [add 4 more names] so look for me.
Yeti: oooooooookay, will do. um....okay....bye?

I guess we owe it to facebook for giving us a way out of giving a guy our phone number or email address. Sure....he knows our last name, but at least he doesn't have immediate access to us.

mean face

I have, for a long time now, been in a debate with myself about whether I have a nice face or not. I don't mean good-looking - that's OBVIOUS - I just mean whether I look like a friendly and inviting person or not.

I am under the assumption that I am not. I have evidence to both back this up and disprove it.

Back it up: Salsa Dancing.

Every time I go out salsa dancing (for example, last night in Mexico) I rarely get asked to dance unless I know other people that are there. I think the guys look at me and think I look intimidating and mean (although, it also could have to do with the fact that I hate to wear make-up and dresses......) At any rate, the fact that I have a mean face makes it so I don't get asked to dance,

Disproof: Anytime I walk down a sidewalk

I generally don't mind looking like a mean person because it gets random strangers to leave me alone - especially of the male persuasion. However, I swear that more often than not I get stopped on the street when I am simply minding my own business to either be asked a question or get hit on. This I do not understand. I am trying to look mean and yet these men still talk to me?

Anyway, the verdict is still out.

the case for a husband

Yeti: "you girls have to help me keep coming up with my case for a husband posts. i came up with like two and then they sort of fell through. i am having a hard time coming up with any more"

Specca: "yeah, that's probably because guys are stupid and they don't call us back."

the kindle

Katie: "sometimes I wish I had a kindle - cause I brought like 10 books down here with me and they're so bulky to carry!"
Yeti: "you know, I don't like the kindle. I can't read on one of those things. But, I also just LOVE the feel of an actual book in my hands - actually flipping the pages, the thickness, being able to underline things."
Katie: "yeah, I get that."
Specca: "what is a kindle?"
Katie: "you've been living down here in Mexico too long."
Yeti: "seriously! are you KIDDING me? you don't even know what a kindle is?"
Specca: "i am serious - I hear kindle and i think of a fire....kindling."

in style

in style magazine is a joke.

first, i will admit that i hate it when someone tries to tell me how to dress. so i look like a boy sometimes and hate to wear dresses - i don't think i'm the first girl to ever feel this way. maybe the magazine was not such a good choice to pick up in the first place since STYLE is in the title. but ulta gave it to me for free....and i like free things.

BUT. the worst part of the magazine is their cover all about "how to look your best at affordable prices" or some baloney like that.

i don't really think i can remember seeing more than one or two things in that magazine under $100 or $200. WHAT AVERAGE WOMAN DO YOU KNOW FREQUENTLY BUYS T-SHIRTS OVER $100??? and don't even get me started on how much the shoes cost. then again, i get all by shoes second hand or buy them at DSW.

ridiculous. i'm not an episode of sex and the city.

you are of no use to me.

i don't care what the celebrities are wearing unless you can tell me where to find it at goodwill....

stalking

i may or may not have just spent the last half hour on the computer stalking a boy i just met. gotta find out if he's psycho [i do realize that by attempting to find out if he's psycho - i am, in fact, proving that i am psycho] it's a lose lose.

UNLESS you believe that stalking is the highest form of flattery, like i do.

and you just remember correctly what he's told you and what you learned from the internet.

which brings us to:

awkward situation #7
taking the time to stalk a boy, and then bringing something up in conversation that he in fact did not tell you about himself but you learned about him on the internet. oops.

World Cup

When people ask me if I am watching the World Cup I think that is a ridiculous question.

1. you have a good excuse to drink at 7 in the morning.

2. cute boys.



































do i really need a #3?

...now i just need to decide who to cheer for.

Doesn't matter if you put a ring on it

Hello weird man that's too friendly and can't take social cues.

Insert Yeti at an outdoor BBQ. She is wearing a ring on her left ring finger because she can and she doesn't need to explain it to all of you. Sure, it is an unassuming ring, but it's not hard to see...






















Boy walks up to Yeti...

Boy: So, you go to school here?
Yeti: Yeah. I work with the party boy
Boy: Cool. Cool. So, do you live around here?
Yeti: Yeah, I live right by [insert obvious landmark]
Boy: Oh wow, so not too far from me at all. So, are you..........really married?
Yeti: Um....guess not.
Boy: Cool. [said as walking away from me]

A girl can't even get a guy to leave her alone by wearing a ring. Sigh.

Boys will be girls

Thank you to LIZZO for sharing this with me. My friends and I really do act like this - not an exaggeration at all.

bagpipe show

i play bagpipes, you all know this.

there is this little hill that i go up to to practice. it is off a little hiking trail and away from all the people so that
1. i do not bug people (i know it is hard to believe, but not everyone likes the sound of bagpipes)
2. people do not bug me.

this plan was working so well for months and months until just last week.

i was in the middle of my rehersal when this father and son came up the hill....yelling:

father: we're here! we're here! we heard the call and we came to fight!!
yeti: uhh...haah...uhh. what?
father: those are amazing. wow. are you just up here practicing? what's going on? how long have you played? are those yours? what are you playing?
yeti: what?
father: you know, when he was young [points to son] whenever he went down for a nap we used to say "piper down!!" isn't that hilarious?
yeti: what?

i try to just continue playing. hoping that they will move along on their hike. but they did not.
after every song i played they clapped - whether i finished it or not. it was the most awkward thing ever! who claps when someone is just practicing an instrument? and just sits down next to them for a half hour, especially after this little conversation:

father: so, why do you come all the way out here?
yeti: mainly to get away from people
father: ahhh, nice. good idea

and yet...he stays.

i finally give up, pack up the pipes and head on home. they were very disappointed to see me go and clapped me whole walk down the hill. i am really not that good so they must have awful taste in music. i don't mind...it was just awkward.

i told my piping instructor what had happened and he said the key is to just KEEP PLAYING and ever stop - thus never giving them the space to clap or comment. brilliant idea, only...i'm not that good and don't have that kind of lung capacity. so, something to aspire to, i guess.

you called me a what?

i love "the office" i really do, it's hilarious. and pam might even be one of my favorite characters.

but i really hate it when people call me a receptionist.

i know a lot of you don't know me so before i go on with this story, for the record, i am NOT a receptionist. i work in higher education with a doctoral program.

student walks into the office with his wife. he's just graduated so he is really excited wanting to show her the campus and all the people he's interacted with over the last 7 years.

student: hey honey, this is yeti, she's the receptionist. BUT, she still knows everything around here.
wife: well, i'd imagine, any good receptionist would!
yeti: [don't punch them, don't punch them, don't punch them]
wife: say, you should get a picture with yeti! since she's been so good at answering all your questions.

oh joy, just what i want to do. take a picture with some man i barely remember that just insulted me. so, hopefully some of you are friends with him on facebook and can look for that caption "the nice receptionist where i went to school"

WHAT ARE YOU DOING WITH YOUR LIFE???

just because i graduated doesn't mean you need to ask me what i am going to do with my life...if i knew i'd be doing it. and once i know i'll just start doing it so you don't need to keep asking.
side note: finding a sugar daddy is a lot harder than i thought it was going to be....

Explaining by Absence

So, I have not been here, writing or anything in quite a while.But that is because I had the worst class of my LIFE this last quarter. Seriously, terrible. I think the professor actually hates students, which then makes one wonder why they ever decided to teach them in the first place...and to top that all off he decided to assign us EIGHT (8!!) papers.

But, enough complaining, because the point of all of this is I AM DONE WITH GRADUATE SCHOOL. I turned my last paper in this morning. I get to walk across the big stage where the Dean says my name declaring I AM A MASTER. I'm not a master of anything helpful or anything that will make you money in this world...but a MASTER nonetheless.

What am I going to do with my life? you ask. Not quite sure of that yet. Right now I am going to focus on figuring out what the heck just happened to me these last five years, taking a deep breath and finding my wings again. And then hopefully I'll just move overseas somewhere exotic.

Hopefully I'll even jump on here a bit more often to bring you with me along this journey (even the steps that don't involve ridiculous boys)

The negatives

I was once talking to my father about how my evangelical upbringing ruined dating for me. I feel guilty and manipulative if I date someone I am not certain I want to marry someday. But the only reason I am uncertain is because of all the negatives I pick at. Why do the negatives always stand out so much more than the positives?

My father proceeded to tell me to take a blank sheet of paper and make a list of all of the weaknesses the boy had. Then on the other side of the paper I was to make a list of all the weaknesses I would RATHER him have.

This was actually quite a helpful exercise. Because there are no other weakness you would rather them have – and no one is going to be perfect. Maybe I have it pretty good if the only weakness is telling dumb jokes and liking different music than I do (OF COURSE there are more…but I am not going to share those with YOU).

And don’t try and make a list about yourself – because you’ll just get overwhelmed with where you fall short and add “crazy” to your significant other’s list because you can’t understand why they decided to date you!

Time and Money

have i ever told you all how much i hate dating? seriously. i often dream about just waking up married one day. dating is torture. it is awkward, takes a lot of time and is often stressful (maybe i have not been dating the most amazing men ever....)

anyway, a friend of mine sent me this article that says the average woman dates 24 men before she finds the right one...and also spends around $3000!! this article stresses me out because i am pretty sure i am on number 3 or something so i have forever to go....

In the study, 7 percent of women surveyed went on 41 to 60 dates before finding someone to share their life with.
And 1 percent of women said they had been on 61 to 80 dates before finding someone suitable.
The research also revealed that despite the amount spent on each date, a third of women have left halfway through after realizing they had met "Mr. Wrong."
One in four women will meet a man just once before deciding whether or not he is "the one," according to the research.
Thirty-five percent will give a man two dates, and 16 percent make their decision after three dates.

check out the full article HERE.

Reader Question

Here is the reader question of the day:

What happens when you go out with a guy (or girl) who is really great, but a terrible kisser... do you decide to try to teach him how to be a good kisser or do you just not go out with him again??

Die Roadrunner

Beware what you text

THIS JUST IN....news alert!! The BBC has come out with a report on how dangerous it is to send "sexy texts" - and you thought you had it difficult. Read the news story below:

Dubai jails Indian pair for 'sexy texts'

Steamy text messages have resulted in a three-month jail sentence for a Indian man and an Indian woman in Dubai.

Judges ruled that they had planned to "commit sin", a reference to an extramarital affair - which is illegal in the United Arab Emirates.

The unnamed pair, aged 47 and 42, were working as cabin crew for Dubai's Emirates airline.

Their "sexy texts" first surfaced last year, in a divorce lawsuit by the woman's estranged husband.

Crimes of passion

The Indian pair were originally sentenced to six months in jail, followed by deportation.

But an appeals court reduced the term and gave them the option to remain in the country.

The court said there was not enough evidence to determine whether the man and the woman had actually had an affair, which could have brought a harsher sentence.

This is the latest in a series of cases where foreigners have been found to have broken Dubai's conservative laws.

Earlier this week, a British couple said they would appeal a one-month jail sentence for exchanging a passionate kiss in a restaurant.

In 2008, two Britons were sentenced to three months in jail for what authorities described as sex on the beach. The sentences were later suspended.

E-U-C...crap

errands

continuing the case for a husband. and i guess since we went back to ground zero I have to start over at one again so...here we go:

#1: someone to run out and get you more medicine and lunch when you're not feeling well.

Dignity please, isle 4

I got this email, a while ago. and it STILL makes no sense to me. but it makes me sad because i think a lot of girls are like this. please women, have some self-respect. if you read this and relate to it, something in your life needs to change.
-------------------

MY secret is I love #### and I believe we should be together. Which may have been obvious, as I'm sure as much as I try not to get all "sparkle-eyed" around him, I SO DO. He is a nice guy, does like me quite a bit and doesn't mind hanging out with me...but on the other hand he makes NO secret of the fact that he thinks I am completely unsuitable for him, does not like many things about me, and will NEVER introduce me to his family. I appreciate honesty as much as the next girl but...OUCH.
Now I'm a strong girl and also quite awesome and I deserve someone who thinks better of me than THAT, so breaking up with him seemed the right choice. And I DID...until I saw him again, on which occasion I forgave him everything. Because duh, I LOVE HIM. But also, duh, HIS OPINIONS OF ME ARE THE SAME. Now I don't want to be miserable, nor have him dump me when he finds a 'real girlfriend', so I have GOT to be stronger, break up as friends, and not go to him no matter how much I want to!
I hate the thought that I won't be with him, but don't tell him that. He and I talk often because, really, we are awesome together and I love to encourage and support him. I would say he is definitely my friend and though right now I have no interest in being with anyone else, maybe in time I can move on and then he and I can see each other as just friends.

Fantasy League

HOW did the Yeti not win in the fantasy league?!?!

if i had a nickel for every time i went out with a guy in the mafia

i can't decide which is worse - when a guy doesn't call or when he makes up lavish stories about why he can never see you again. i think i like the stories - helps me know he's put some effort into getting rid of me.
this phenomenal story was submitted to me by an anonymous yeti reader. please read and share in her pain.
---------------

i went out with this guy who i knew "a bit". seemed very nice, very normal, polite.. etc... a bit young, but hey. prior to "going out", we text at least a few times a day. everything on the date goes fine, no problems, but the two days after our texts come to a complete stop. okay, not "our" texts, because i still continued to text him as per our normal banter until i realized he wasn't responding. after three days of absolute silence a two-way text conversation finally starts:

A- hey sorry, my phone has been off.

E- oh really? the boy who is in love with his blackberry?? heehe. suuuuure... :P

A- no, really... i've been in a bit of a mess.

E- what kind of mess?

A- well, some deep shit.... mafia shit... so i turn my phone off most of the time...

E- hm... what did you do?

A- nothing.... it's just a misunderstanding... but yeah. i call you in a few days.

E-okay.

mafia shit might just be amongst the best excuses ever for being blown off...

back to ground zero

In response to my case for a husband:

Fish: http://www.amazon.com/Easy-Reach-Lotion-Applicator-A13058/dp/B000300VS8

Yeti: Wow! that's awesome.

Fish: its only $10. and you don’t have to marry anyone

Yeti: that is a really valid rebuttal. i might have to retract #1 already

And...back to ground zero.

the case for a husband

i will slowly be building the case for a husband (or partner)...one argument at a time. i don't want to overwhelm myself.

#1. someone to put lotion on your back.

when is a message TOO creepy

The following is a message a friend of mine got from a guy on OK Cupid. Did I mention it was the FIRST message she got from this guy. So...some guy just saw her profile...and then decided to write THIS. I really don't understand.

-------------
when is it too deep...when ur caring for someone...lets say that person is a 3 yr old patient and ur a nurse or doctor....rite off the bat....our society mades mds more a loof....and rn more compassionate....why is just the system and the work load....

I know sometimes there are times within seconds that two spirts of individuals connect.....it could be in a life and death situation....

but sometimes you may watch an individual for a while or at least I have watched that individual to decied which side I will put them in.....the good pile or the bad pile.....either way who am i?????well I am not certainly god....

but i do think there is use for this judgemental behavior....example....let say your in a titanic situation...but you have a choice to get on a boat with 5 kind people and 2 mean ppl....verses 2 kind ppl and 5 mean ppl....who... u dont know but have been observing for a week while on the cruz....which boat would u pick....

anyways....have a safe trip.....hi....bye...

monday afternoon conversation

these are the important gchat conversation i have.

Yeti: we should only work half days

Specca: totally agree.

and people shouldn't be so annoying to work with at times so that it is easier

Yeti: totally agree

and we should get naps in the middle of the day

Specca: mmm-hmmm

making it really only a quarter of a day working

Yeti: and food should come out of the wall automatically when i push a button and say: "prime rib please"

Specca: and "margarita on the rocks please…no salt"

wrong number

so, i may have hit a new low. not really sure (or ready to admit it).

there is a cute boy that i went to college with who has recently moved closer to me. we connected on facebook briefly (I LOVE FACEBOOK!) and i sent him a message letting him know what city i lived in and that we should get together sometime...proceeding to leave my phone number.

this boy and i were never really close in college, and i have not talked to him in about 5 years, so for all i know he could be a freak...but apparently i was really hoping he would call becaaaaaause....

wednesday i get a call from a number that i don't recognize but it is the area code of his hometown (INTERSTING!) i can't answer because i am at work and i wouldn't anyway.

so i wait for a voicemail to come through.

nothing.

Grrrrrrrrr.

this is the point i realized that i wanted it to be him: i proceeded to send the phone number to my friend jennifer asking her to call it pretending she got a wrong number or thought it was a deli or something so we could see who it belonged to.

wanna know who it was? TARGET PHARMACY!!

worst letdown ever. but jennifer had a good laugh.

#Firstdaterules

Apparently first date rules are a hot topic on twitter right now. Just so you aren't all out of the loop I've copied a few here for you (in text and pictures)...don't be making the same mistakes these foolish people have!






















"Don't chill with me one night and my friend the next...YES!"
"Don't have stanky breath"
"you better bring bacc-up money cuz if you wacc, ah nucca definitely not payin' 4 you"
"Wutever you do,don't fart... Save it for the 2nd date. Or at least wen she's not looking."























"dont put on 50 pounds of make up"
"please dont bring your homies with you & then ask me do u have any friends like this is Match.com"
"please come prepared financially don't come on a date with $5 expecting me 2 pay 4 the tab lol the guys pays 4 the 1st date."
"clear your last calls or recent call incase she ask to use your phone"






















"please don't touch my food... I don't know you well enough."
"don't tell me about your family problems "
"dnt tryna ask me y I been single so long."
"Make Sure u Shower & Shave cuz No Way am I hanging Out w a Hairy ass Musty Man!"

Sweden wants to give you some advice

Sweden knows how to do PSA's. Someone I know found this while looking for something else on YouTube...trust me, a harmless search...nevertheless, a priceless find. And so I pass this little piece of wisdom you should already know on to you.

[Also, warning, not suitable for work...probably...most places a human being would work]

THIS is why i still go to church

compliment/random comment of the day. after the church service sunday the lady behind me taps me on the shoulder and says:

"excuse me, but your hair looks like a pantene pro-v commercial. i mean, it's so shiny. i looked around at other girls in here and none of them look like yours."

















i don't even USE pantene pro-v. and i hadn't even washed my hair that day, imagine if i had!! actually, best i hadn't - i would have totally distracted her from the LORD.

your man doesn't smell like THIS guy

how is old spice advertising so ridiculously hilarious. and right. i need a man that doesn't smell like a woman, i think that's been my problem all along...

The case for an older woman

Fascinating article from OK Cupid encouraging men on dating sites to consider going for older women. I mean, I agree...women only get better as we get older. We're like a fine wine. Men on the other hand...I don't know - moldy cheese? I digress.

And while we are on the topic, an 18 or 19 year old shouldn't even be allowed on a dating site...that's just ridiculous. GO TO YOUR PROM!

Nevertheless, read and decide for yourself.

Thanks [F]oxymoron, for pointing this article out.

Beginning to Date

I wish they had showed us THIS video instead of that sex ed stuff when i was in junior high...I am frankly glad I watched it now. I think I'll have some better luck come the next date I go on...I'll also be more aware of his faults when it come to etiquette and be able to kindly point those out [and then email him this video so he can see what I am taking about].



Or go HERE to watch it online (in case my blog cuts half of it off)

Thanks to Bleeker's Portico for passing this along.

style

PLEASE tell me these pants are coming back in style. I might still have the pretty purple ones I wore in my 2nd grade class photo. I cannot even express to you how much I love it when styles come around that coincide with my comfort. When I can wear something that makes me feel like I am still in my pajamas - that's a style train I'm willing to jump on!


























This photo taken by my housemate at a wrap party we went to for a television show he was working on.

apparently i'm a geek

But I am okay with that. A friend passed on to me an article about 10 Ways to a Geeky Girls Heart. Honestly, I always had an inkling that I was geeky, but this really solidified it - although I think they're being a little fast a loose with the word. I think just HUMAN BEINGS like this type of stuff. But I'm no real expert so I won't push the issue. I think what really won me over was the gourmet root beer in #6. Have a read...let me know what you think - are YOU a geek?
-------------------

1. Plan a board game night. Consider the girl’s interests, and round up a few board games that are compatible. Then let her choose which ones to play. Make sure you find ones that work well with two players.

2. Be able to make situationally appropriate science jokes. It’s always especially fun when you and your girl are the only ones in the room who get the joke.

3. Plan a trip to somewhere new and stimulating. On a small budget, go to a museum or nature preserve. If the budget allows, think bigger or more unusual. Go somewhere that generates discussion (though not argument). You’re creating memories that you’ll always be able to share.

4. Design a treasure hunt. Forget the conventional or impersonal gifts. Designing a treasure hunt for your girl with a special note or gift at the end is one way of showing that you care enough to put in a lot of effort. You can make the hunt short or long, easy or hard. If you have known your geeky girl for long enough, use that history for some clue ideas. If the geeky girl is the type that likes to figure things out, she’ll love this idea.

5. Be able to have interesting conversations on any topic. This doesn’t mean that you have to be an expert in everything, but be willing to discuss unusual topics. Know nothing about fossils? Be willing to have her teach you what she knows, and ask relevant questions. If you try to learn something new each day, you’ll always have something new to talk about.

6. Learn to cook a variety of dishes. Some people are able to make one dish that is always a hit, but if you’re going to go on more than one date, or have a long term relationship, knowing how to cook a variety of dishes is important, even if your girl likes to cook also. Staples like spaghetti and meatballs or macaroni and cheese are great for later, but at this point, try for something a little more complicated. You get bonus points for pairing the meal with an appropriate wine or other fancy beverage (sparkling apple cider, sparkling white grape juice or gourmet root beer work very well for the non-drinkers).

7. Give unusual flowers. If your geeky girl loves flowers anyway, don’t go for the conventional roses. Choose something unusual or personal. Choose by color, by source or find something related to your history together.

8. Learn about what she enjoys. Consider her interests. You love shoot-em-up video games, she likes puzzle games. Give her games a try some of the time. She’ll give you points for the attempt. This also holds true for movies, books, restaurants and other activities. Chances are that she’ll reciprocate and try out some of your interests. You both may learn to like some new things.

9. Be able to honestly express how you feel. Showing how you feel is very important, but it is equally important to say the words. Geeky girls are often more introspective than average, and can often articulate how they feel or what they want. It is important to be able to reciprocate.

10. Leave a little mystery. While geeky girls love to learn all about your interesting personality, it always helps to leave a little bit of mystery to keep them wanting more. Just make sure it’s not suspicious mystery; that could backfire.

Read the full article HERE

why women withdrawl

I wrote a post a while ago about why men withdraw. [Brilliant, if I do say so myself]. And Gershom's Journal decided to post a little rebuttal himself claiming that men aren't the only culprits of pulling away. Here are some of this thoughts.

--------------------
Apparently, women would like to know why men withdraw or become distant or whatever. Well … I’m almost certain that it works the other way as well. Whether it’s because of the gradually-diminishing distance between perceived gender roles in Western society, or maybe just because we’re all human beings and we’re sometimes more similar than we think, women withdraw, too.

It’s a reality that can bemuse and bewilder, frustrate and foil. I know because I’ve spoken to friends who’ve had similar experiences to me: one moment, life couldn’t be more perfect and she couldn’t be more interested; the next moment (or the next week), you’re the last person in the world that she wants to see or hear or be around or know.

Maybe she has her own issues to work through. Maybe she likes you, but not quite that much (yet); (and maybe you need to give her time and space to work that out, or maybe you need to just give her time and space … for ever). Maybe she’s just coming out of a relationship and she’s not ready for another one. Maybe she just got really burned and is scared of getting hurt again. Maybe you’re not her type. Maybe she doesn’t know what her type is. Maybe she thinks she knows what her type is, and it isn’t you, but you think her type is really stupid. Maybe she’s just not that into you.

Or, on the flipside, maybe she has a history of doing this kind of thing and you need to steer clear of her. Maybe you’d be better off without someone who withdraws and doesn’t communicate why. Generally speaking, I’d agree that women are better communicators than men. But there are always exceptions. (I tend to meet all the exceptions. Which is awesome.)

READ THE REST HERE.

sanchez heartbeat

i don't think enough people have been giving credit this THIS superbowl commercial:



it was as if mark was talking right to ME. he really cared about MY heart. i am a girl that loves football so he likes me more than at least several million other girls. and i bet that if he met me in person...he would ACTUALLY say that to me and mean it, not just from inside my TV and because CBS is paying him to.

i have a heartbeat - mark has a heartbeat.
i like football - he plays football.
i watched the superbowl - i saw his face during the superbowl.
my last name starts with an "s" - his last name starts with an "s"
i have brown hair - he has brown hair

i mean, come on people - IT MUST BE REAL...do i need anymore solid evidence?

monday morning wake-up

is it hard for anyone else to wake up on monday mornings? i mean, harder than any other morning?

my alarm goes off and my subconscious says, "yeti, WHY would you get out of this bed made of bacon when you can play spin the bottle with edward norton all day while julia child bakes you cookies filled with $100 bills?"

WHY?

I'm a little drunk and i need you now

THIS song is why I delete boys numbers from my phone right when things end. I don't want this song to ever be something I can relate to....



You should delete numbers right away too. Don't be making calls you'll regret after that __th shot of whiskey.

eyebrows

i am in the process of growing out my eyebrows. i know, that sounds disgusting, let me explain.

i want a unibrow, like this.














[that is real picture of me, by the way]

okay, KIDDING! [about wanting a unibrow]

for a very long time, since a tragically bad waxing, i have had uneven eyebrows. and there is nothing you can do to fix this problem except go through the painful process of growing them out in a hairy ugly mess or wax them to an unnaturally short stubby length.

and so i suffer. i just wanted someone to feel bad for me. with all the real crap going on in the world, i thought we could all use something trivial to care about for a second...

you're welcome.

and for those of you who know me...don't come look at my face. maybe i should get bangs!

Doppleganger

What do you do when someone walks up to you and tells you that they think they look like you-or that someone else has told them that. But you think they're really UGLY? (this actually happened to me once!)

Do you think that's how all these celebrities feel when they see their photos plastered everywhere?

Other than Katie Holmes, of course, who can't believe she was lucky enough to resemble me.

love coupons

So, I used to get these coupons for 50% or 60% or wearedesperateformoneycomeback% off eHarmony several times a year. I haven’t gotten on in…a really long time. I am beginning to think that even eHarmony has lost faith in me ever finding a companion.

Do you think they look at some accounts and just say “wow, she’s super picky and has already tried us 3 times so we should probably not waste the stamp and just focus on the ones that stand a chance at love.”

Come on eHarmony, maybe some of us are deficient in love, but that doesn’t mean we don’t like being harassed by your junk mail. I even logged in and double-checked my address to be sure it wasn’t a matter of the coupons getting lost in the mail.

Then again, come to think of it, it could have been that blog I wrote a while ago that eHarmony Jack decided to comment on and then got scared away by my other readers. I think I’ve been black listed….

Sorry eHarmony Jack, you can start sending me my coupons again.

The Master Cleanse

It is true, I decided to try The Master Cleanse. I have heard so much about it, I thought it would be good for me to get out all the crap I knew had been building up in my system these last 20-something years. Wanna hear how it went?

Day 0: Ran out of time so I didn't make it to the store in time to grab all the supplies I needed to make that "tasty" lemonade.

Day 1: Didn't really realize it was going to be day 1, I just happened to have a little extra time in the morning and my roommates hadn't brewed any coffee so

7:30am: I decided to run to the store to pick up some lemons and maple syrup.

7:45am: Make lemonade [-ish] drink. I make a whole pitcher cause I am really bad with the ounce measurement and way overshot how much I needed to make. "That's okay" I tell myself "even though they say not to make it ahead of time, I am sure it won't kill me."

9:00am: I hate myself.

10:30am: co-worker offers to get me some coffee, like an out of body experience I hear myself saying no even though all I want to do is say YES, PLEASE, ALL OF THE COFFEE IN THE SHOP, BRING IT TO ME! I did get a mint tea. I think that's allowed.

12:00pm: surprisingly, my appetite has subsided for a bit. Although I choke every time I take a sip of that cayenne pepper drink [that's what it should be renamed], I keep drinking because I figure if my stomach feels something hit it it might not hate me.

2:00pm: I have a serious headache and all I want to do is lay down and go to sleep forever. I eat some trail mix [was that not in the directions?]

6:00pm: get home from class, want to die, eat some toast, go to bed at 7:00p.

Day 2: Well, I couldn't even make it ONE DAY so how about I just throw all of this stupid "lemonade" out and eat food like a normal person??

Done and done.

10 Tips for writing an attractive women overseas

Here is a link to an article by Don Diebel giving advice to men on how to write to women in other countries [NOT America, because we are all snobs].

Here are a couple of my favorites:

3. Don't be concerned if you are not handsome. These women are more interested in what you are like on the inside. They value character, stability, honesty, and love of family much more than your looks.

7. Don't pass on beautiful single women that may be twenty years younger than you. They are not concerned about the age issue like here in America. They judge you by your heart and if you are a good person and not because you are a little older than her.

Go HERE for the whole article. Priceless.

**Thank you This Front Porch for passing this on to me.

what???

um...if this is true it is disturbing



























found on LIZZO

Just another saturday

My beloved Lizzo and I were having our bi-weekly coffee date at Peets. We had found a perfect table outside, had our beverages of choice as well as our Noah’s Bagles. Could Saturday mornings BE any better?

Right as we were in the middle of our discussion about prostitutes and gay men a woman approached our table…

Woman: Excuse me, will you be here for a little bit?

Us: Sure, yeah.

Woman: Great, that’s my son right there [pointing to the left of her] would you mind watching him while I just run inside real quick.

Us: Sure, no problem!

It wasn’t until after she walked away that we realized how STRAGE this was. At first we thought nothing of it because we come from a community that has all sorts of children that we watch and play with on a regular basis. But this woman knows NOTHING about us – and our conversation before she approached us wasn’t even anything that would instill confidence in her about our character.

I began looking around the table and at our clothes for what gave us away: “WE ARE TOTALLY SANE AND TRUSTWORTHY WOMEN – TRUST US WITH YOUR CHILDREN!” I couldn’t find anything.

What felt like 45 minutes later (actual time = 4 minutes) I turned to Liz and said “hypothetical question, what if the mom never comes back?” I mean, we’ve heard of these things happening before. And what kind of person just trusts two random strangers?

Not 1 minute later the little boy began to have a melt down. As he began screaming and crawling toward the automatic doors of the “Fresh and Easy” we decided we needed to do something.

Liz went inside to get the mother and I went to take care of the kid.

As I went toward the kid I realized the mother had never told me his name. So as he continued to scram as I got closer and closer – I took notice of the crowd of people now watching me as I walked closer to this boy as I said “Hey buddy, we’ll go find your mommy, I promise, just come with me!” How creepy is that?? The only thing I could have said to make it creepier would have been “want some candy!!”

As he crawled closer to the door (screaming) I decided I had to pick him up [the door was going to smash him, people]. This was doubly awkward since most people thought I was kidnapping him. Luckily right as I had picked him up his mother came walking up toward us.

The worst part of it all is that when Liz went to go tell her that her son was having a melt down all she said was “Oh geez, I KNEW this would happen, sorry!” What? If you knew your kid would get super scared when he couldn’t find you WHY would you leave him with strangers that don’t even know his name?

My point: next time I am just going to ask her for her credit card…

possibility

a friend sent me this quote, i send it to you:

"may today there be peace within. may you trust that you are exactly where you are meant to be. may you not forget the infinite possibilities that are born of faith in yourself and others. may you use the gifts that you have received, and pass on the love that has been given to you. may you be content with yourself just the way you are. let this knowledge settle into your bones, and allow your soul the freedom to sing, dance, praise and love. it is there for each and every one of us."